Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A day set aside in America for lovers. Valentine’s Day causes us to think of romance… Lovers in Paris… Marriage Proposals on bended knees… Of writing “Will You Marry Me?” on the Jumbotron of a large stadium somewhere… And who can think of Valentine’s Day without romantic music? From Marvin Gaye to Barry White.
We continue through our series in the letter marked as 1 Corinthians. And as we look at this letter, we arrive to a discussion on marriage. And over the next several weeks, we’ll see how the Bible addresses the practical questions of relationships in our day. Details are provided in today’s worship guide. We’ll examine the Permanency of Marriage – what are God’s rules on divorce? What happens when I am married to an unbeliever? What does the Bible say to singles? How about those who are single and are looking for someone to marry? This will be a great series to invite unchurched friends to in the days ahead.
We’re offering a couple of resources to assist you on the subject of marriage in addition to this series. The Book of the Month is What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage by Paul Tripp, a terrific Christian counselor. You’ll also be hearing more about a couples retreat our church is hosting entitled Let’s Get Real on April 15-16 of this year. My goal this morning to talk candidly about a very important subject matter, the subject of sex. My aim is to do with sensitivity and tactfulness. In contrast to what seems to be happening in some churches across our country, I want to do without embarrassing you, my wife, or myself.
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (1 Corinthians 7:1-7).
Paul is responding to questions he received from the church in Corinth. As he is replying to specific questions, this part of the Bible is a little like listening to one side of a telephone conversation. We hear the response but can only guess at what was said on the other end of the line.
1. When Sex is Right
In this discussion on marriage, the Bible begins by commending singleness. The city of Corinth was bombarded with sexually explicit messages. Much like we are today. In response to this over-binging on sex, some well-meaning Christians were choosing celibacy for life.
I see this in verse one: “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman”(1 Corinthians 7:1). He repeats the thought in verse eight: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8).
It is good to be single. We’ll delve into this in greater depth in the weeks to come, but simply put… Paul’s reason to say “Single is good” is different that your reason to say, “Single is good.” Paul cherished his singleness because it placed him in a unique position – utterly disposed to Christ: “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (1 Corinthians 7:7).
Today, singleness is cherished because you don’t want anyone cramping your style. Yet, because singleness is not God’s design for everyone… “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Sex is designed to be with one person. In the context of marriage, sex is God’s gift to humans. I want you to see this clearly because the Bible lays down specific guidelines on the subject of sex. Just a few verses earlier in 1 Corinthians 6:18, the Bible has this to say about sex outside of marriage: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Now, contrast this against verse two: “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Marriage is the gas pedal for sexual intimacy… … while singleness is the brake. The Bible clearly commands all unmarried people to celibacy.
Allow me to show you where the Bible places the brake and then I want to tell you where the Bible tells you to hit the gas pedal. Generally speaking, the brake is found in 1 Corinthians 6 while the gas pedal is found in 1 Corinthians 7.
1.1 Hit the Brake Because God Destroys the Sexually Immoral
“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body” (1 Corinthians 6:13).
Today, we often think that if there is two consenting adults and there is no rape and no abuse, they should be free to have sex. There’s no crime when an adult man and an adult women get together. Who is it to judge such a thing? The unmarried boyfriend leans in to whisper in his girlfriend’s ear, “He’s not talking about us.” “We’re committed to one another. We’re married in God’s eyes.” No, I’m hear to tell you on the authority of Scripture, that God’s eyes are a blazing fire. We have such a habit in our day of skipping over verses that offend us. We have such a habit in our day of explaining away verses that are problematic. If you are tracking with me on Sunday mornings, we just finished 1 Corinthians 10. In the middle of this section on idolatry, Paul throws in this verse:
“We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day” (1 Corinthians 10:8). The Corinthian people were saying, “We have natural biological urges. When you are hungry, you eat. When you are thirsty, you drink. And when you have sexual desires, you have sex.” Nobody says, “Oh my goodness you ate! You’re going to hell for that!” Notice the contrast between the gas pedal and the brake pedal in the following verse: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4).
1.2 Hit the Brake Because You’re Out of Control
“’All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be enslaved by anything” (1 Corinthians 6:12). When you are having sexual relations outside of marriage, you’re out of control. You’re mastered and enslaved by it. Those of you who are porn addicts, you’re not free. Those of you who can’t stop sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re not free. Those of you who can’t stop going from one troubled relationship to another, you’re not free. You’re stuck in a rut of sin – habitual pattern of death – and you might fly under the banner of “I’m free, and I’m liberated, and I get to have sex with whomever I want, and I get to do as I please.”
The Center for Disease Control reports that casual sex is linked to psychological pathologies such as depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts. And Paul is saying, “No. In fact, you’re a slave.” Those who are free have self-control. Those who are free can say “no.”
1.3 Hit the Brake Because You Belong to God
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
If you are a believer, you are God’s. You were made by God and for God. God owns your body. God commands you to put the brakes on the following acts:
Homosexuality…
Fornication…
Adultery…
Swinging…
Friends with benefits…
Bisexuality…
Rape…
Prostitution…
Pedophilia…
Sinful lust…
and Incest.
But there is also a time to hit the gas…
1.4 When You Are Married, Press the Pedal to the Metal
God designed sex. And He condemns sinful sex, not sex: “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). The pleasure found in sex is not embarrassing for the Bible as God devoted one book inside the Bible to the celebration of marital love and sex: The Song of Solomon. While the movies portray marital sex as routine and ordinary, the Bible considers the lifetime sexual union between one man and one woman as both sacred and profoundly pleasurable.
Listen to the words of Proverbs: “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.?16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets??17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.?18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth…” (Proverbs 5:15-18). Nevertheless, much of what passes as ok within sexual relations in our day is sinful.
2. When Your Body is His/Hers
“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).
The Bible clearly commands husbands and wives to offer sexual relations to each other. While marriage is more than sex, marriage does include sex, or what verse three calls “conjugal rights.” God tells us that sex within marriage is to be honored, even enjoyed. To enjoy this aspect of marriage, you need to understand that when you say, “I do,” you give him/her the right to your body. When she says, “I want you to shave. I don’t like your beard.” Then, you invest in Gillette.
When it comes to two married people and the discussion of sex, there seems to be at least three areas that deserve our attention.
2.1 The Frequency of Sexual Intercourse
“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
There needs to be constant conversations in your marriage about how frequently you engage in sexual relations. This is an important aspect for marital satisfaction.
2.2. Physical Attraction
A husband and wife should remain physically attractive to each other. This is a sensitive and complex area. It is sensitive because there are many things about ourselves that we cannot change and others that are hard to change. It is complex because the inner union of two people can cause them to see beauty in each other that others cannot see. None of us can compete with the sex symbols of our day. And we shouldn't try. There are some of us, in fact, who put far too much emphasis on exterior appearances. But surely the biblical way is a balance between a nervous self-consciousness about every wrinkle and pound and gray hair on the one side, and on the other side a thoughtless negligence that gives no attention to the way our partner would like us to dress or eat or bathe or act in public.
2.3. The Overall Relationship
When there is anger and resentment and hurt feelings, we don’t want to touch one another. Men, you need to learn humility. We must seek forgiveness from one another and repent of our relational and sexual sins. My aim is to make our church a pace-setting church not only in the area of missions but also for the sake of marriage and family ministries. My aim to encourage and support sturdy marriages in and throughout the River Valley. We do not breath the air of a day that exists to bring encouragement and support for life-long marriages. The cultural forces tell us we are fools to stay in a troubled marriage. The church must redouble its efforts to create a place where another message is heard.
3. Thwarting Satan’s Designs
“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
Again, the Bible clearly commands husbands and wives to offer sexual relations to each other. The husband and the wife are to do this in order to significantly weaken the temptation for adultery. Satan uses sexual desire and he is having a field day with Americans.
The goal is that the lawn of your marriage should be so green that everyone else’s looks brown by comparison.
Lucinda, a Christian, decided her husband wasn’t romantic enough. A decent, hardworking, church-going guy, he just didn’t live up to the Prince Charming images of Hollywood. She got involved with another man, eventually marrying him. Years later, after bringing unspeakable grief to her family and herself, she came back to Christ. “I wish I had my first husband back,” she admitted. “But not it’s too late.” Yes, God has forgiven Lucinda an still has plans for her. And yet… she has paid a fearful price.
To avoid being the next Lucida, marriages need to pay attention to the three “T’s”
Time – some time with one another
Talk – which also means listening
Tenderness – tender words, affection, and touch
Many you familiar with college football know Chris Spielman, the outstanding linebacker of Ohio State University. Winner of the Lombardi Award for the best college lineman or linebacker and two time All-American. What you may not know is that Christ married his wife, Stefanie and they had four children, Madison, Noah, Macy, and Audrey. In May of 1998 she discovered she had breast cancer. She was only 31. Chris immediately put his career on hold to be at Stephanie’s side. He studied and researched her disease as he established a strict vitamin regimen (much like football training). When her hair began to fall out in chunks, he shaved his for her. Before her death at 42 years of age, the two raised more than $6 million for breast cancer research.
