FCA Connect meeting “Lead Pastors” - May 11, 2021
Topic: Leadership pain – the school of personal growth and ministry growth!
Introduction:
I heard a song a few weeks back listening to IHOP Kansas City and praying and a spontaneous song broke out that said “Pain is the school to growth – growth is the lesson of pain” – But this is why it’s called “Growing pains.” I laughed as I was praying and listening to this song – I thought how true and then reflected on this leadership discussion I was leading for the FCA today.
I wonder how many FCA pastors have been dealing with leadership pain factors this last year – even currently or something from the past?
I remember graduating from Bible College and being ready to save the world and not realizing the pain of leadership in front of me. I did not know “You’ll grow only to the threshold of your pain.”
My first church was in Mn a small town of about 250 people. The first year and a ½ the church grew – we started a Royal Rangers/Missionettes program which had around 40 kids in it (prior they only had a few kids in their kids programs), I approached the public school about releasing to us grades k-6th grade to us on Fridays for Release time for 2 hours – they agreed we had over a 60-70 kids – we were teaching the kids Bible and things were off to a great start. But then leadership pain hit at about 1 ½ year mark – at the time I did not understand that pain could and would lead to spiritual growth and ministry growth. I did not realize pain came with leading.
As I was leading my first church – seeing so much fruit – others on the leadership team saw my flaws – so a meeting was called by an Elder and Deacon his wife (both on the board) and I came into the meeting thinking they are going to tell how great everything is going – but instead they produced a yellow legal pad filled with over 100 things that were wrong with my leadership and my pastoral ministry! I was blown away – stunned – in shock– as I was starring at the yellow pad filled with my faults numbered 1-100 – I was thinking this is not how leadership is supposed to go! This hurts!
Here were some of my faults if you were wondering: I was criticized for having the heat to warm in the parsonage – I was criticized for not appeasing all the people in the church by making them happy – For example: I was not posting in the paper when I preached on tithing so those who disagreed with it could stay home. I was wrong for not telling the newspaper all the people we had over at our house for dinner – I was to Holy Spirit minded and offending people who do not believe in the Holy Spirit – I was too busy doing the other young ministries and not focusing enough on the older people! The list went on and on – so I looked at the leadership and I quit.
Over the next few month’s as I transitioned out these leaders quit the church and split it in ½ focusing over the doctrine of the Holy Spirit and they even started their own church in a town of 250? I ended heading to a Bible Camp and about 15 years later the church closed. The pastor they brought in to start their church whose name was we will say “Mike” too – he called me at Bible Camp one day to say Mike – “I am having a problem with a few of your former leaders!” – He said, “They came in with a yellow legal pad with over a 100 things wrong with my leadership – it really hurt!” – I empathized with him and shared my story of leadership pain with him – I also smiled inside but the pain was real – so I shared with him how this pain will lead you to spiritual growth and even ministry growth – I told him pain comes with leadership. This couple - who split the church and the other church but eventually moved to another city after his wife came down with Cancer – He called me about 5 years later to apologize to me for what they had done – he hoped his apology would help his wife be healed!
When pain overwhelms us how do we respond to it or even look at it? 2020 was a year of pain for many people – many ministries, pastors, ministers, missionaries and families. For some Christians there is a common myth out there that we should be immune to pain and suffering. They actually believe God should shield them from pain! So when pain comes some blame God – blame others or actually become numb to the pain and then they withdraw.
Discussion based on the Book: “Leadership Pain” by Samuel Chand
Thoughts to discuss on Leadership Pain:
Chand states, “Do you want to be a better leader? Raise the threshold of your pain. Do you want your church to grow? Do you want your business to reach higher goals? Reluctance to face pain is your greatest limitation. There is no growth without change, no change without loss, and no loss without pain.” Chand, Samuel R. Leadership Pain (p. 15). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
Key lesson to learn: “You’ll grow only to the threshold of your pain.”
Chand also states, “I’ve known many leaders whose potential hit a ceiling and stopped when they refused to break through their pain threshold. Some completely bailed out, but most settled for something less—often far less—than the grand design God had for them.” Chand, Samuel R. . Leadership Pain (p. 19). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
The sobering statistics: The Fuller, Barna, and Pastoral Care research groups published these conclusions about the external challenges for pastors:
• 40% report serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month. • 66% of church members expect a minister and family to live at a higher moral standard than themselves. • The profession of “Pastor” is near the bottom of a survey of the most-respected professions, just above “car salesman.”
Their research also showed that many pastors lived looking over their shoulders because they realize their jobs are tenuous:
• Over 4,000 churches closed in America last year (2014). • Over 1,700 pastors left the ministry every month last year (2014). • Over 1,300 pastors were terminated by the local church each month during the past year, many without cause. • Over 3,500 people a day left the church last year (2014).
In another study of pastors, Richard Krejcir reported:
• 78% were forced to resign from a church at least once. • 63% had been fired from their pastoral position at least twice.
In a more detailed analysis of the causes of termination, Krejcir found:
• 52% identified the primary reason was organizational and control issues, for example, conflict with an elder, a key lay person, or a faction in the church. • 24% said the primary reason for dismissal was that the church was suffering from a significant degree of conflict when they arrived, and the pastor’s approach failed to resolve it. • 14% identified the primary reason was resistance to their leadership, vision, teaching, or to change, or their leadership was “too strong” or expected change “too fast.” • 8% said they failed to make a personal connection with the leaders and people of the church, sometimes because they were very loyal to the previous pastor and refused to accept anyone as a replacement. From Chand, Samuel R. Leadership Pain (p. 37-38). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
More reality checks of ministry failure: A major study found:
• 90% of pastors work between 55 to 75 hours per week.
• 80% believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families. Many pastors’ children do not attend church now because of what the church has done to their parents. • 33% believe the ministry is a hazard to their families. • 75% report they’ve experienced a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry. • 90% feel they are inadequately trained to cope with the ministry demands. • 50% feel unable to meet the demands of the job. • 70% say they have a lower self-image now than when they first started. • 70% do not have someone they consider a close friend.
• 33% confess having been involved in inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in the church. • 50% have considered leaving the ministry in the last months. • 94% of their families feel the pressures of the pastor’s ministry.
In addition, this study found:
• 1,500 pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, burnout, or contention in their churches. • 50% of the marriages of pastors end in divorce. • 80% of those who enter the ministry will leave it within five years.
• 70% of pastors chronically struggle with depression.
Dr. Richard J. Krejcir of the Francis A. Schaeffer Institute of Church Leadership Development conducted a study of 1,050 pastors attending two conferences. He discovered:
• 100% had a close associate or seminary friend who had left the ministry because of burnout, conflict in their church, or a moral failure. • 90% stated they are frequently fatigued and worn out on a weekly and even daily basis. • 71% stated they were burned out and battled depression beyond fatigue on a weekly and even a daily basis. • 89% considered leaving the ministry at one time, and 57% said they would leave if they
had a better place to go—including secular work. • 77% felt they did not have a good marriage. • 75% felt they were unqualified and/or poorly trained by their seminaries to lead and manage the church or to counsel others. This left them disheartened in their ability to pastor. • 38% were divorced or currently in the divorce process. • 30% had either been in an ongoing affair or a one-time sexual encounter with a parishioner. • 23% said they felt happy and content on a regular basis with who they are in Christ, in their church, and in their home.
Sadly, the trend line isn’t encouraging. These studies show significant increases in the incidence of stress-related problems in the ministry. From Chand, Samuel R. Leadership Pain (p. 68-69). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
Leadership lessons on pain and how to grow through it:
1. See pain as your greatest teacher. Don’t avoid it. Don’t minimize it. And don’t numb yourself to it. Pain never just goes away (Chand, pg. 19).
a. Example Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane Matthew 26:36-46.
2. Let your vision drive you. Keep the vision fresh and strong. Don’t let your mind be consumed by your immediate pain and obvious limitations. When you interpret your pain as bigger—more important, more threatening, more comprehensive—than your vision, you’ll redefine your vision down to the threshold of your pain (pg. 19).
a. Proverbs 29:18: NASB “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is one who keeps the Law.”
3. Have a rigorous personal development plan. If you have a plan to grow spiritually, relationally, and professionally, you’ll incorporate difficulties (pain) into the learning process (pg. 19).
a. 2 Timothy 2:15: NIV “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.”
4. Without a fresh perspective about pain, a compelling vision, and a clear plan, every heartache has the potential to stop you in your tracks (pg. 20).
a. Galatians 6:9: NIV “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Questions which we all need to explore as it relates to Leadership growth and pain:
1. Do you agree or disagree with this statement: “Leadership is a magnet for Pain!” Explain your answer.
2. Can you think of a time when you let your pain reinterpret (and lower) your vision? Describe a time when this happened? How do you wish you had responded?
3. Do you agree with Chand’s premise, “You’ll grow only to the threshold of your pain.” Explain why you agree or disagree.
4. What do you think of this statement, “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
5. What do you think of this quote, “Never trust a leader who doesn’t walk with a limp.” Dr. J. Robert Clinton
6. AW Tozer stated, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply” Do you agree with this statement?
7. In light of Jesus’ suffering, what does it mean to be transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory.” (2 Cor. 3:18)
