A. Once upon a time there were three friends who were stranded on a desert island.
1. They found a magic lantern containing a genie who granted them each one wish.
2. The first guy wished he was off the island and back home – Poof it was granted.
3. The second guy wished for the same – Poof it was granted.
4. The third guy, finding himself alone and feeling lonely said: “I wish my friends were back here with me” – And poof it was granted.
B. Have you ever found yourself alone and feeling lonely and just wished you had some friends with you?
1. Today, as we continue our sermon series on emotions, I want us to talk about the emotion of loneliness.
2. Feelings of loneliness can be very strong and overwhelming.
3. Feelings of loneliness are a universal experience and almost everyone feels lonely at one time or another.
C. A few weeks ago, when we were talking about the emotion of love, I mentioned that most of the songs published throughout history have been about love.
1. Well, the emotion of loneliness must be high on the list of other subjects most written about.
2. The Wikipedia page titled “Songs about loneliness” had an alphabetical list of 308 songs.
3. Here are a few that I recognized:
a. I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry, by Hank Williams – I used that as the title of this sermon.
b. All By Myself, by Eric Carmen.
c. This is for all the lonely people, by America.
d. Elenor Rigby – Ah look at all the lonely people.
e. One is the loneliest number, by Three Dog Night
f. Don’t let me be lonely tonight, by James Taylor
g. Owner of a Lonely Heart, by Yes
h. Lonely Days, Lonely Nights, by the Bee Gees
i. How about some Elvis? –
1. Are You Lonesome Tonight?
2. Hearbreak Hotel:
Well, since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell
Down at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel
Well I get so lonely, baby, I get so lonely, I get so lonely I could die
4. And perhaps one of the saddest songs ever written – Alone Again Naturally, by Gilbert O’Sullivan.
a. It was released the same month and year that my father’s died – May 1972, and I remember it coming on the radio over and over again, even when we were at the graveside.
b. The song included the words:
Looking back over the years, And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died, Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old, My mother, God rest her soul
Couldn't understand why the only man, She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start, With a heart so badly broken…Alone again, Naturally.
5. Okay, so do I have everyone feeling sad and lonely enough this morning?
a. Hang in there with me, what God has to offer us today is much brighter and positive.
b. But before we explore what the Bible says about loneliness, let’s work toward a definition of loneliness.
D. What is loneliness?
1. Vocabulary.com defines loneliness with this simple sentence: “Loneliness is the state of being alone and feeling sad about it.”
2. What is interesting about loneliness is that it is an emotion, but it is also a state of mind.
3. We can feel lonely for a number of reasons.
a. Feelings of loneliness may come from being left out, abandoned or rejected.
b. Feelings of loneliness may come after a change in circumstances; perhaps we have suffered a loss and are grieving, or we have moved to a new town, or have just retired, or the kids have left home.
4. But it is not always our circumstances that cause our feelings of loneliness.
a. We can feel lonely in any circumstance, at any age, and even when surrounded by people.
b. Henry David Thoreau said, “A city is a place where hundreds of people are lonely together.”
c. Sometimes crowds only enhance our feelings of loneliness – that can even occur when the church gathers, some people can even feel lonely in church.
5. Loneliness is the distressing experience that occurs when a person’s social relationships are perceived by that person to be less in quantity, and especially in quality, than desired.
6. Therefore, loneliness is the feeling of being isolated from meaningful human connections, which can come from physical isolation, from feeling out of place, misunderstood, or left out.
7. Because feelings of loneliness are so subjective and are often caused by perceptions, rather than reality, we need to realize that it is a battle of the mind.
a. While we may need to make changes to our circumstances or relationships, we may also need to make changes in our thinking.
b. And often, when we are feeling lonely, we can fill our minds with negative thoughts; like: everybody else has the satisfying relationships that I don’t have, or nobody likes me, or no one else has ever felt this way, or things will never change and I will be lonely forever.
c. This is certainly one of the ways our enemy uses our emotions and thinking against us.
8. Loneliness has been an experience and a challenge for human beings since the beginning of creation, but as our society becomes more and more dependent on technology and social media, social isolation and loneliness are on the rise.
E. As with all the emotions we have been studying during our sermon series, we have to keep in mind that our emotions are given to us by God for a purpose and for our wellbeing.
1. You might wonder what possible purpose could the heartache of loneliness serve, well there are several.
2. The emotion of loneliness might alert us to the need to build more meaningful relationships, and to make the necessary changes to bring that about.
3. Without that emotion, would we ever marry, or engage in friendships, or endure the numerous problems that are a natural part of maintaining meaningful relationships? Perhaps not.
4. But even more significantly, feelings of loneliness can lead us to have a stronger and deeper relationship with God, who is really the only One who can meet all of our needs.
5. Let’s turn our attention to some biblical characters who found themselves in lonely situations so that we can learn from their experiences.
F. Let’s start at the very beginning – the creation of Adam and Eve.
1. One of the first issues that God deals with in his Creation is loneliness.
2. In Genesis 2:18, we see God declaring that there is a human need: “It’s not good for the man [Adam] to be alone…”
3. And why did God think it was not good for him to be alone?
4. Perhaps we can find some answers in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.
5. We are designed to live in relationship with God and with one another and perhaps that is why loneliness hits us the way it does.
6. As you know, God solved the problem of Adam being alone by providing him with a helper.
7. Tragically, after the fall Adam and Eve had a new loneliness to deal with: a spiritual loneliness as they were now separated from God.
8. The devil loves to separate us from God, he loves to separate us from each other, and he loves to fill our heads with thoughts of isolation and rejection, because he knows that loneliness can keep us from living the life God has planned for us.
G. The next person who experienced loneliness that I want us to consider is Hagar.
1. Hagar was an Egyptian slave owned by Abraham’s wife Sarah.
2. And when Sarah was not able to conceive and give a descendant to Abraham, she suggested that Abraham take Hagar as a wife and try to have offspring through her.
a. The plan worked perfectly, Hagar immediately became pregnant, which brought great emotional toll on Sarah, who took her emotional pain out on both Abraham and Hagar.
b. When Hagar could take the mistreatment no longer, she ran away into the wilderness.
3. The Lord sent an angel to find Hagar in the wilderness and to have a conversation with her.
a. The Lord’s message to Hagar was that she should return and submit herself to Sarah.
b. The Lord’s promise to Hagar was that God would give her more offspring than could be counted, and that she should name her first born Ishmael which means “God hears” for the Lord haf heard her cry of affliction.
c. In response, Hagar named the Lord who spoke to her El-roi which means “the God who sees me.”
d. Hagar obeyed the Lord, and returned to Abraham and Sarah and gave birth to Ishmael.
4. Everything moved along as well as it could between Abraham, Sarah, Hagar and Ishmael for the next 14 years until God finally opened Sarah’s womb and she gave birth to Isaac – the child of promise.
a. Sarah witnessed Ishmael mocking Isaac on the feast day when Isaac was weaned, and that was all she could take.
b. Sarah told Abraham to send away “the slave and her son,” and this obviously distressed Abraham, because “the slave and her son” was his wife and his son.
c. But God gave permission to Abraham to send them away, promising that He would bless Hagar and Ishmael.
d. The next day Abraham gave Hagar and Ishmael some bread and water and sent them away.
5. Hagar and Ishmael wandered in the wilderness and when the water ran out, she put Ishmael in a shaddy spot, and moved out of earshot and wept loudly to the Lord saying, “I can’t bear to watch the boy die.”
a. The Bible says that God heard the boy crying, and I’m sure the Lord heard Hagar’s weeping as well.
b. The Lord told her not to be afraid, promised to bless them, and then showed her where to find water.
6. Here’s the amazing and wonderful thing to me about this story.
a. Hagar was a lonely woman in a very bad situation.
b. She was a jobless, homeless, single mom with a dying son.
c. But God saw her broken and lonely state and did something about it.
d. God came to her and helped her and blessed her.
7. How comforting to know that in our loneliness, God sees us and draws near to us and provides for us.
H. I would love to be able to give as much time to the story of Jacob that it deserves, but I can’t, so let me try to summarize his story, so we can see a pattern developing.
1. Just like Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah had trouble having offspring.
a. Isaac prayed for Rebekah and God blessed her with twins, but with a twist – the two boys battled against each other starting in the womb.
b. God revealed to Rebekah that the older would serve the younger.
2. The twins were born, and Esau and Jacob were polar opposites.
a. Isaac’s favorite was Esau, but Rebekah’s favorite was Jacob.
b. Esau eventually sold his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of stew.
c. Then, with his mother’s help, Jacob stole Esau’s blessing from his aged and blind father.
d. Esau threatened to kill Jacob so Jacob was forced to flee from his brother.
3. It was in Genesis 28, while Jacob was on the run and all alone that he encountered the Lord.
a. It was while he was all alone in the wilderness, using a stone for a pillow, that God spoke to Jacob in a dream.
b. Jacob saw the original “stairway to heaven” with angels ascending and descending.
c. God reminded Jacob of the covenant he made with Abraham (Jacob’s grandfather) and carried on to Isaac (his father) and God would continue that covenant with Jacob.
d. God promised to be with Jacob and watch over him wherever he would go.
e. Wouldn’t you like to have a dream like that!!
4. Jacob awoke and declared that God was in that place and called the place Bethel, house of God.
a. Jacob took the stone that he had used as a pillow and dedicated it as a pillar to the Lord.
5. How comforting it is to know that when Jacob was most afraid about his future and most alone, that God came to him and reassured him with His promised presence!
I. A similar thing happened to the prophet Elijah.
1. He had single-handedly stood for the Lord against the 450 prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel.
2. After winning both the contest and the hearts of God’s people, he had the prophets executed.
3. Queen Jezebel then ordered Elijah’s execution so Elijah ran for his life.
a. He traveled 100 miles to Beersheba and then another day’s journey into the wilderness, and then sat down all alone under a broom tree and asked God to take his life.
4. Elijah was exhausted, depressed, and felt utterly alone.
a. But God ministered to Elijah’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs.
b. God gave Elijah an encounter with the Lord where there was a mighty wind, an earthquake, fire, and then a soft whisper.
c. God reminded Elijah he was not alone, that the Lord had 7000 in Israel who had not bowed to Baal.
d. Then God sent him to anoint a new king over Israel and to appoint an apprentice prophet to take his place.
e. 1 Kings 19 ends with the words: “[Elisha] left, followed Elijah, and served him.” (19:21)
5. How comforting and encouraging is it to know that when Elijah was at his lowest and loneliest point that God went to him and ministered to him and provided what Elijah needed!
J. Do you see the pattern emerging and do you see the lesson to be learned?
1. When we are at our lowest and loneliest points is when God makes sure that we know thatHe is with us.
2. That was the case for the apostle Paul, he wrote: At my first defense, no one stood by me, but everyone deserted me. May it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me. (2 Tim. 4:16-17)
3. That was the case for Jesus, He said: Indeed, an hour is coming, and has come, when each of you will be scattered to his own home, and you will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me. (John 16:32)
K. As I bring this sermon to a close, I want to help us receive God’s provision for loneliness.
1. Ultimately, God’s provision for the lonely is a spiritual family.
2. That spiritual family is comprised of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and the bride of Christ, the church.
3. David wrote: Sing to God! Sing praises to his name. Exalt him who rides on the clouds—his name is the Lord—and celebrate before him. God in his holy dwelling is a father of the fatherless and a champion of widows. God provides homes for those who are deserted. (68:4-6)
a. The NIV and NLT say: “God (sets) places the lonely in families.”
b. God indeed is our Father and has adopted us into His forever family.
c. And it is in that forever family that we have our needs met and our loneliness addressed.
4. It has been said that people have three basic psychological and spiritual needs.
a. They need someone to love and share intimately with.
b. They need someone who knows and understands how they feel, and cares how they feel.
c. They need someone who needs them and wants them.
5 In God and in God’s family we find all these needs being met.
a. In God and in God’s family, we have someone(s) to love and share intimately with.
b. In God and in God’s family, we have someone(s) who knows and cares how we feel.
c. In God and in God’s family, we have someone(s) who need us and want us.
6. And even if God’s family on earth fails us, and it sometimes will, we have our heavenly Father, Brother, and Holy Spirit who will never fail us.
a. God knows us, wants us, and loves us – every one of us is precious to Him.
b. When no one else understands us, God does, and if everyone else fails us, He will not.
7. Over and over again, God tells us in His Word that He will always be with us.
a. Deut. 31:6: Be strong and courageous; don’t be terrified or afraid of them. For the Lord your God is the one who will go with you; he will not leave you or abandon you.
b. Isaiah 41:10: Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand.
c. Hebrews 13:5: Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.
d. Matthew 28:20, Jesus said: “And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
e. Jesus promised: And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever. (John 14:16)
8. So where is God when any of us are feeling lonely? He is with us and is in us.
a. So, whenever we are feeling lonely, we can reach out to God and we can reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ.
b. And if we suspect that someone is feeling lonely, we can reach out to them and let them know that we are there for them.
c. In these ways, the emotion of loneliness can serve us well to lead us to deeper relationships with God and with God’s family.
L. Let me conclude by saying that Asaph’s experience can be ours: Yet I am always with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me up in glory. Who do I have in heaven but you? And I desire nothing on earth but you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever…But as for me, God’s presence is my good. (Ps. 73:23-26, 28).
1. We can know and experience that God is with us and is holding our hand.
2. We can desire God above anyone and anything else, and God will be our portion forever.
3. And the greatest good in our lives can be the presence of God with us – we are never alone!
Resources:
• Managing Your Emotions, Erwin Lutzer, Christian Herald Books, 1981
• Loneliness Has a Purpose, Mary Lamia, Ph.D., https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201108/loneliness-has-purpose
• What Does the Bible Say about Loneliness? Karen Hopkins, https://karenhopkins.online/what-does-the-bible-say-about-loneliness/
• The Gift of Loneliness, Shana Schutte, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/the-gift-of-loneliness/
• Victory Over Loneliness, Adrian Rogers, https://www.oneplace.com/ministries/love-worth-finding/read/articles/victory-over-loneliness-17412.html
