A. Abe Lemons was head basketball coach at the University of Texas for six years starting in 1976.
1. Lemons turned the Texas Longhorn basketball program around, but when DeLoss Dodds took over as the athletic director they soon were butting heads, and at the end of the 1982 season, Dodds fired him.
2. Lemons was once asked if he was bitter at Deloss Dodds for firing him, and he replied, “Not at all, but I plan to buy a glass-bottomed car so I can watch the look on his face when I run over him.” – sounds a little bitter, wouldn’t you say?
B. A writer named Anne Peterson tells the story of a woman named Jenny.
1. Jenny was 92 years old when she died, but for the 50 years that Anne knew Jenny, Jenny told the story over and over of a time her sister would not give her the dollar she needed to buy a pair of shoes.
2. Her passionate retelling of the story made it seem like the offense had happened just days ago.
3. Jenny retold the story so many times that Anne had memorized every detail.
4. One message came through loud and clear - Jenny would never forgive her sister for withholding that dollar from her.
5. Just like a magnet, the retelling of the story pulled Jenny back into all her hurt and bitterness.
C. Have you ever been wronged by someone, and then found yourself seething with feelings of anger and bitterness?
1. In our broken world filled with sin, this is not an uncommon experience.
2. Maybe a family member or friend has betrayed your trust and left you feeling wounded.
3. Maybe someone misunderstood your words and assumed the worst, slandering your reputation.
4. As we ponder the ways we’ve been hurt, we can easily allow bitterness consume our souls.
D. Bitterness starts out small.
1. An offense burrows its way into our hearts.
2. We replay it in our minds, creating deep ruts that are hard to get out of.
3. We retell our hurts to any available listener and we enlist support, pushing us further into our resentment.
4. We interpret the offense as intentional and our offender as full of spite.
5. We look for other reasons, both real or imagined, to dislike our villain.
6. With each new piece of information, we form another layer of bitterness.
7. Bitterness becomes like a slow poison or cancer destroying us from the inside out.
8. We fool ourselves into thinking no one will know or notice, but anger and resentment have a way of seeping into everything.
a. Bitterness is like a beach ball that we try to submerge in the water, but no matter how valiant our efforts, it pops up with all its vitality, splashing everyone around.
9. The book of Hebrews warns us about allowing bitterness to take root: “Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.” (Hebrews 12:15).
E. Today, as we continue our sermon series on emotions, I want us to explore feelings of bitterness.
1. God has created us with the ability to feel the emotion of bitterness.
2. Wikipedia says that bitterness (or resentment) is a complex, multilayered emotion that has been described as a mixture of disappointment and disgust, anger and fear.
3. Inherent in resentment and bitterness is a perception of unfairness and it is a generalized defense against unfair situations and abusive relationships.
4. Bitterness and anger are connected and similar, but bitterness is a more long-term consistent feeling of anger, rather than the short-fuse, explosive kind of anger.
5. There are numrous reasons why a person might be sure they deserve to spend the rest of their lives being bitter and resentful, but would it be worth it? Would it be helpful? Not a chance!
6. So, God has given us the ability to feel anger and resentment so that we can be aware of injustice and other kinds of personal injury.
7. When we are injured and harmed, we should feel the pain and bitterness of it, allow that pain and bitterness to lead us to do what we can to protect ourselves and bring resolution and healing.
F. Let’s use our imagination and think of taking a sip of a bitter drink or sucking on a wedge of lemon or lime - that’s the sensation of distaste and revulsion the emotion of bitterness should cause in us.
1. But God doesn’t want us to allow the bitterness and sourness to grow and fester.
2. Let’s do what the old saying suggests: “If life gives you lemons, then make lemonade.”
3. God wants us to bring life’s lemons to Him, so that God can sweeten them and make us more holy and good.
4. Rather than being bitter, God wants to help us to be better.
5. Let’s look at a few examples from the lives of people in the Bible who experienced bitterness, but who allowed God to help them move from bitter to better.
G. First, let’s consider the example of Naomi – her story is found in the book of Ruth.
1. Naomi and her husband, Elimelech were faithful Jewish followers of Jehovah.
2. Elimelech and Naomi were from Bethlehem and were blessed with two sons.
3. A severe famine fell upon the land of Judah, and to survive, Elimelech took Naomi and their sons and moved to the foreign country of Moab where food was more plentiful.
4. While in Moab, their two sons each married a Moabite woman, Ruth and Orpah.
5. Then great tragedy fell upon Naomi as her husband and two sons all died.
6. Knowing that she could not provide for herself and her two daughters-in-law, Naomi told her daughters-in-law that she was going to return to her homeland, but that the young ladies should stay in their own country and find new husbands – they were young, afterall.
7. Orpah decided to do as Naomi suggested, but Ruth refused to leave Naomi, and so the two of them returned to Bethlehem.
8. Naomi had been gone for 10 years, and when she arrived the women of Bethlehem exclaimed, “Can this be Naomi?”
9. But Naomi replied to them, “Don’t call me Naomi (which means “joy” or “bliss”). Call me Mara (which means “bitter”), for the Almighty has made me very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has opposed me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?” (Ruth 1:20-21)
H. It’s obvious that Naomi was feeling a lot of bitterness, and we can certainly understand why.
1. But did you notice whom it was that Naomi was feeling bitterness toward? God Almighty.
2. It is not unusual for our bitterness to be directed toward God.
3. God certainly understands when this is the case, and He welcomes us to come to Him with our bitterness, even when it is aimed at God.
4. If you know the rest of this amazing story, then you know that God led Ruth to the field of Boaz, who ends up being a distant relative and has a right to become a family redeemer.
5. Boaz takes Ruth as his wife, and God grants her the ability to conceive and give birth to a son.
6. Naomi’s friends prophesy to her: “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you without a family redeemer today. May his name become well known in Israel. He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age. Indeed, your daughter-in-law, who loves you and is better to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” (Ruth 4:14-15)
7. Boaz and Ruth named their baby boy Obed, who later became the father of Jesse, who was the father of King David, through whose decedents was born the Christ.
8. How’s that for an example of someone allowing God to move them from bitter to better?
I. The second example I want us to consider today is the example of Joseph.
1. If you know anything about the story of Joseph then you know that he experienced unimaginable betrayal.
a. Joseph knew what it was like to be hurt by those closest to him.
b. Joseph was the favored son, and everyone knew it.
c. Jealousy consumed Joseph’s brothers as they saw the beautiful and colorful coat given to him by their father.
d. To make things worse, Joseph told them about the dreams he had in which his brothers’ would one day bow down to him.
e. Obviously, telling them about the dreams was not the smartest move on Joseph’s part and only served to enrage his brothers even more.
2. Joseph’s indignant brothers planned to kill Joseph by throwing him in a pit and saying an animal devoured him.
a. But then an opportunity arose to sell him into slavery and so they did.
3. So, if anyone had a right to feel bitter, angry, and betrayed, it was Joseph.
a. He had been stripped, thrown into a pit and left to die, but then was removed and sold into slavery—all this by his very own brothers.
b. Of all the relationships in the world, our familial ones should be the strongest and safest.
4. But you know the rest of the story.
a. In the midst of horrific betrayal and pain, the Lord was with Joseph.
b. In the telling of the story from a children’s read-aloud story Bible this phrase is used repeatedly: “Was Joseph happy? No. But God was with Joseph.”
c. As you know, the Lord caused Joseph to gain favor in the eyes of Potiphar, and then with the prison warden, and finally with Pharaoh, as he interpreted his dreams and predicted the seven-years of plenty and the seven years of want.
d. Eventually Pharaoh made Joseph ruler over all of Egypt.
5. Then it was during the famine that Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt in search of food.
a. Here was Joseph’s chance to get even: He could have made them grovel. He could have made them starve. He could have locked them in prison for the rest of their lives, but Joseph did none of these things.
b. He did put them through a little test to see if they had learned from their mistake and to see if their father was still alive.
c. But instead of punishing them for their evil deeds, Joseph extended grace upon grace.
d. He didn’t want them to feel guilty for sending him to Egypt, but instead assured them it was God’s plan, “And now don’t be grieved or angry with yourselves for selling me here, because God sent me ahead of you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5).
e. Three times Joseph mentions the phrase “God sent me.”
6. Joseph is an excellent example of trusting the sovereignty of God in the face of trials.
a. He didn’t allow bitterness or anger to consume him, and so he was able to freely forgive his brothers.
b. Not only did he want to free them from any feelings of condemnation, he went on to provide food and land for his entire family (Gen. 45:11).
c. His love and forgiveness were demonstrated in an outpouring of generosity.
d. Then after their father died, Joseph’s brothers feared now that their father was dead, Joseph would enact his revenge on them.
e. The Bible says: But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result—the survival of many people. Therefore don’t be afraid. I will take care of you and your children.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Gen. 50:19-21)
J. In numerous ways, the life of Joseph foreshadows the life of Christ – consider some of the parallels.
1. Both men were falsely accused and humiliated before others, yet both were exalted in the end—Joseph becoming ruler in Egypt, and Jesus being resurrected from the dead.
2. And just as Joseph trusted the sovereignty of God in the midst of betrayal, so Jesus willingly stepped forward to be arrested by the Jews and taken to the cross.
3. Jesus knew the pain and suffering that would come and willingly accepted it for the joy set before him (Hebrews 12:1-2).
K. But, ultimately we see how Jesus is so much greater than Joseph.
1. Just as God used the evil things done to Joseph to physically rescue his people, God used the evil things done to Jesus to eternally rescue his people.
2. Jesus didn’t just save his people from starvation, but from the eternal punishment of hell.
3. Just as Joseph was punished for wrongs he did not commit, our Savior suffered and died on the cross, not because of wrongs He had done, but because He was dying for the sins of His people.
4. And now, all of us who put our trust in Jesus have been given the Holy Spirit to help us fight bitterness so that we can be better rather than bitter.
5. When we’re faced with the temptation to allow feelings of bitterness to take hold, I want to suggest four things we can do.
L. First, I want to encourage us to bring our wounds to God for healing.
1. We must stop picking the scab, so to speak.
2. When we pick the scab, we make the problem bigger and worse.
3. The result of bitterness is that our hearts become uglier than the original wound.
4. Psalm 147:3 says that God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.
5. So let’s bring our wounds to God for healing.
M. Second, I want to encourage us to trust the sovereignty of God.
1. Whatever trial we have faced or will face, God is aware and is allowing it.
2. The promotion at work not granted, the empty arms that long for a child, the words or actions that hurt so much - God sees and hears and knows it all.
3. And nothing that happens in our lives is wasted – God can work through it all.
4. Let’s cling to the fact that God has a purpose for our good and His glory in the midst of our suffering as Paul declares in Romans 8:28.
N. Third, I want to encourage us to extend God’s grace to others through forgiveness.
1. Instead of giving someone a taste of their own medicine through revenge, and instead of harboring bitterness and resentment, let’s live out the gospel of grace by extending forgiveness.
2. Just as Christ has freely forgiven us, so we need to forgive those who have sinned against us.
3. This is a command that comes up often in Scripture:
a. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to pray: “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12).
b. And then two verses later Jesus repeats the idea in case we missed it: “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.” (Mt. 6:14-15)
c. In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul wrote: Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
4. Jesus has given us a great example of this kind of forgiveness.
a. As Jesus hung on the cross, He said: “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
b. So much of the time the people we need to forgive ultimately don’t know what they are doing – they are wounded people who hurt others out of their pain and sinfulness.
c. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
d. He is so right: we are all broken, sinful, foolish people who need so much grace and we need to extend to people the grace we have received from God and from others.
O. Fourth, I want to suggest that we seek to show love toward our enemies.
1. By doing so, we learn to act instead of react - to initiate rather than retaliate.
2. Jesus commands us and enables us to “love our enemies, to do good to those who hate us, to bless those who curse us, and to pray for those who mistreat us.” (Lk. 6:27-28)
3. The aim isn’t just to survive the pain of our bitterness, but to conquer it.
4. When we return grace and love, it may not change them, but it will change us.
5. Offering grace and love will cost a lot, but withholding it will cost us even more.
6. Praying for those who have hurt us and who are our enemies is very helpful, because it is hard to continue to be bitter and unforgiving toward someone you are praying for.
7. As we pray for those who have hurt us, God can heal our wounds and melt away the bitterness we had been holding on to.
P. Allow me end with a story from the life of Corrie Ten Boom.
1. The Ten Booms were a Christian family living in Holland during WWII.
2. They hid and housed Jews and other political activists during the Nazi takeover of Europe.
3. It is estimated that they saved the lives of 800 people.
4. Their assistance to these people was discovered and the whole family was arrested.
5. Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsie were kept in prison the longest, spenting 10 months in 3 different prisons, the last was the infamous Ravensbruck Concentration Camp near Berlin.
6. In spite of their deplorable treatment and conditions during their imprisonment, they shared the gospel with the other women in the prisons.
7. One of the indignities they suffered in prison was the daily disrobing they were required to do in front of gawking guards.
8. Corrie survived her imprisonment, but Betsie died in prison at the age of only 59 years-old.
9. Corrie concluded that her life was a gift from God and that she needed to share what she and her sister learned during their prison suffering.
9. So at the age of 53, she began a ministry that took her to 60 countries over the next 33 years.
10. Her message was: “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still. And God will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies.”
11. One day after she had finished speaking to a group, a man approached who looked familiar.
12. Then she remembered that he was one of the guards who had caused her great suffering.
13. He said, “You mentioned Ravensbruck in your presentation. I was a guard there. I have become a Christian, and I know that God has forgiven me for the evil things I did, but I would like to ask for your forgiveness, too.”
13. Corrie wrote, “His hand was thrust out to shake mine and I who had preached so often the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man. Was I going to ask for more? ‘Jesus,’ I prayed, ‘forgive me and help me forgive him.’ I tried to smile. I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. So again I breathed a silent prayer, ‘Lord Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness.’ As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder, along my arm, and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him. While into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. So, I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness nor our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on his. And when he tells us to love our enemies, he gives along with the command the love itself.”
T. God wants to help us move from bitter to better.
1. God tells us to let go of bitterness and He enables us to do so.
2. We must be willing and we must invite His love and strength to do it.
3. Is there someone in your life who you are having trouble forgiving?
4. If so, I want to encourage you to be silently praying, “Dear God, In Jesus name give me the ability to forgive ___________.” (You fill in the blank)
5. God has given us the ability to feel the emotion of bitterness so we can understand and work through the pain and disappointments of life, but God doesn’t want bitterness to take root in us.
6. If we’re not careful to fight bitterness, we’ll soon be consumed by the poison that leaves us in the pit of despair.
7. True freedom and joy are found by embracing the gospel of grace and extending it to the very people we’re least inclined to love and forgive.
8. The cure for bitterness is not found in getting even, but in giving grace—just as God in Christ has done for us.
Resources:
• Managing Your Emotions, Erwin Lutzer, Christian Herald Books, 1981
• Article: Verses to Sweeten Your Life and Help You Overcome Bitterness, by Adriana Robinson, https://unlockingthebible.org/2018/06/cure-for-bitterness/
• Article: How to Deal with Bitterness and Resentment, by Anne Peterson, https://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/spiritualformation/bitterness-resentment.html
• Bitterness Makeover, Sermon by David Owens
