A. One day a woman was telling her friend that she had called her husband at work to tell him she had been in a fender bender with their new car.
1. Her friend asked her if her husband got mad.
2. The wife said, “Well, he didn’t say much, but his boss later told me that the smoke alarm went off in his office.”
B. Speaking of a smoke alarm going off, I read a story about a man in California, back in 1995, who had a cockroach problem in his apartment.
1. He tried everything, but couldn’t seem to get rid of the nasty creatures.
2. He heard about a product known as the “bug bomb” it was an aerosol that you simply pressed a button on the container and left for a couple of hours, and then your home would be bug free.
3. Being desperate and frustrated with the problem and wanting to be sure he got rid of those roaches once and for all, he bought not 1 can, or 2 cans, or even 10 cans, rather he bought 25 cans and left them spraying in his apartment.
4. What he failed to take into account was how flammable the bug poison was and as the 25 cans released the spray in such concentration, the pilot light on his stove ignited the fumes.
5. The explosion that resulted blew the doors and windows out and set the apartment ablaze.
6. The blast caused over $10,000 damage to the apartment building, and what about the cockroaches? They were seen crawling through the rubble.
7. When asked why he used so many cans, he said, “I really wanted to kill them all, and I thought if I used a lot more, it would last a lot longer.”
8. The label said not to use more than 2 cans at a time.
C. You know, if we are not careful, our anger can lead to some very explosive situations.
1. And like the man in that story, many times we think that more will be better, the bigger our explosion the more strongly we will make our point.
2. Our angry outbursts can be what is called “over kill” – like using a bazooka as a flyswatter.
3. Confucius said, “Don't use a cannon to kill a mosquito.”
D. This reminds me of something that took place in the life of David, who was to be the 2nd king of Israel.
1. During the time that David and his troops were on the run from King Saul, they found themselves near a rich man named Nabal.
2. The Bible says that Nabal “was a very rich man with three thousand sheep and one thousand goats…and that he was a harsh man and evil in his dealings. (1 Samuel 25:2-3)
3. Nabal was married to Abigail who the Bible describes as intelligent and beautiful.
4. Being on the run, David and his men were short on supplies, and so they began to offer protection to Nabal’s shepherds out in the field, being a wall around them day and night, but they took nothing from the shepherds or the flock.
5. David sent some of his men to Nabal to tell him how they had been serving Nabal and to ask for some food as compensation for their work.
6. All Nabal sent back to David was insults, so David told his men to strap on their swords.
7. When one of Nabal’s servants told Abigail about the deadly situation that was brewing, she acted quickly and with humility she went to David carrying more than adequate compensation, and she also spoke with prophetic insight about David’s conscience and future.
8. So how did David respond? David praised God for using Abigail to keep him from an angry outburst that would have resulted in needless bloodshed.
9. And if you know the rest of the story you know that God dealt with Nabal and David ended up with Abigail as his wife.
E. As many others have observed over the years, anger is only one letter away from danger.
1. Anger is an emotion that can cause a lot of harm and get people into a lot of trouble, but anger in and of itself isn’t bad.
2. One of the ways we know that anger isn’t always bad or wrong is because the Bible tells us that God gets angry.
3. We may be very familiar with Numbers 14:18 which says: “The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in faithful love, forgiving iniquity and rebellion.”
4. But we may not be as familiar with Psalm 7:11 which says: “God is a righteous judge and a God who shows his wrath every day.”
a. King James Version: “God is angry with the wicked every day.”
5. Over and over in the OT, we read that God was angry with the people of Israel and that “the anger of the Lord burned against them.”
6. But God’s anger wasn’t confined to the Old Testament, in Mark 3:5 we read that Jesus was angry.
a. There was Jesus, in the synagogue on the Sabbath, and he noticed a man with a paralyzed hand – probably planted there by the Pharisees to see what Jesus would do.
b. Would He heal the man on the Sabbath, and thus break the law as they understood it?
c. The Bible says: After looking around at them with anger, he was grieved at the hardness of their hearts and told the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out, and his hand was restored.
7. Just to make sure we see that the entire Godhead, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, all experienced anger or were involved with anger, let me mention a situation in the Old Testament where injustice was occurring to God’s people, and “When Saul heard these words, the Spirit of God suddenly came powerfully on him, and his anger burned furiously.” (1 Sam. 11:6)
a. The Spirit of God ignited Saul’s anger.
F. So, if God is perfect and is without sin, then we must understand that anger itself isn’t sinful.
1. That’s why Paul wrote: “Be angry and do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26)
2. Anger is not a sin, but what we do with it may become sinful.
3. We are all going to get angry at times, and it not the emotion of anger that’s the problem but what we do with it.
4. The problem comes when we act on those feelings in a sinful way.
G. So, let’s be reminded about something I have been saying throughout this sermon series on emotions: Emotions are a gift from God and God has given us the capacity to feel in order that our lives might be enriched.
1. The emotion of anger is part of the emotional structure God built into us for our good.
2. God has made us with the capacity for anger and we cannot, and need not, prevent those emotions from occurring within us.
3. God has created us with the ability to be angry for a reason.
4. As we have already pointed out in this series, the inability to feel pain is a dangerous condition, and so would be case if we couldn’t feel anger.
5. When violated by others, we should feel anger.
6. When we see someone else being harmed or treated unjustly, we need to feel anger.
7. We need to become angry when we see corruption and injustice.
8. We need to be angry as we see evil harming others in all kinds of crimes, murders, and rapes.
9. Things like abortion, child abuse, alcoholism and the like should all bring about our indignation.
10. The devil is busy taking many people to hell with him, and that should anger us.
11. But these feelings of anger need to be controlled and channeled in the right direction.
H. The problem with anger comes when it’s not dealt with in healthy ways, and therefore results in sinful words or actions.
1. Often times when we picture a person with an anger issue, we imagine someone screaming and yelling with arms flailing in the air as they explode, and this is sometimes the case.
a. And tragically, sometimes angry people throw things or throw punches.
2. What we sometimes overlook is that there are more subtle ways that anger can be a problem.
3. The truth is that a person can be perpetually angry and have issues without being prone to outbursts.
4. These individuals don’t always know how to acknowledge or identify what they’re feeling or how to express it.
5. Anger can remain bottled up inside and manifest itself in different, more subtle ways that are equally as harmful – physically, emotionally, and relationally.
I. What are some of the signs that a person may have underlying anger issues? What are signs that they are not using anger in healthy and helpful ways?
1. A person may get aggressive – if you get physically or emotionally aggressive when you’re upset, you may have anger issues.
a. This may involve punching walls, placing your hands on someone who angered you, verbally abusing or screaming at an individual, or taking measures to “get even.”
2. A person may become passive-aggressive – they might not show their anger in the form of a blow-up or shouting, but they may become sarcastic, mean, or bitter towards the other person.
a. They might turn a cold shoulder and shut the other person out.
3. A person might stay angry for days – they might not be able to let go of their anger and dwell on it for days or weeks, refusing to forgive the person who “wronged” them or allow resolution.
4. A person might get angry quickly and often – they get angry at the “drop of a hat” and find that they spend more time feeling anger than they feel any other emotion.
5. A person might blame others – they blame others for their anger and repeatedly tell them that if they’d just stop a certain behavior then they would get angry.
6. Do any of these signs of an anger problem resonate with you? If so, then you are not alone – embracing and employing anger in healthy ways is something all of us must learn.
J. So, when we find ourselves experiencing anger, how do we embrace it and employ it properly?
1. Allow me to suggest four things to do with anger.
K. First, we need to Recognize It.
1. On the dashboard of our emotions, we must pay attention to the anger light when it comes on.
2. When angry feelings arise, we need to call them what they are. “I am angry.”
3. We need to be in touch with our feelings and take ownership and responsibility for them.
4. It will do us no good to deny, ignore, or suppress our anger.
5. When we bury our anger, we bury it alive, and sooner or later it will arise from the grave.
6. I heard about a deacons’ meeting where one of the men pounded his fist on the table and glared at those around it in obvious anger.
a. When confronted about it, he said, “What do you mean? I’m not angry!”
7. It will be impossible to deal appropriately with our anger if we deny its presence.
L. Second, we need to Restrain It.
1. Proverbs 29:22 tell us: An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered one increases rebellion (commits many sins – NIV).
2. Proverbs 29:11 tells us: A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check.
3. Proverbs 16:32 tells us: Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s emotions, than capturing a city.
4. These Scriptures don’t mean that the wise bury their anger and don’t deal with it, but it does mean that the wise control their anger and control how they employ it.
5. When we restrain our anger, we keep it under control and within limits.
6. “But I can’t control my anger,” someone might say, but the truth is we can.
a. Even people who have the greatest problems with anger don’t always explode when angry.
b. Most angry people don’t lose it completely with their boss. They exercise control.
c. Have you ever found yourself engaged in a heated discussion with your voice getting louder and louder, but then when the telephone rings you control your temper and sweetly say, “Hello”?
d. Or maybe you have had a fuss on the way to church, but then it is amazing how anger is brought under control when you get out of the car and walk into the church building.
e. So, to say we can’t control our anger is not true. We can and we do.
7. The problem is that we have gotten into the habit of losing control of our anger in certain settings and with certain people, like our spouse and our kids.
a. So, in reality it is not that we can’t control our anger, it is that we won’t and don’t.
8. Therefore, knowing how dangerous and destructive unrestrained anger can be, an important early step is restraining anger and keeping it under control.
M. Third, we need to Re-evaluate It.
1. James 1:19-20 says: My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.
2. When we feel anger arising in us it is an invitation to investigate our hearts.
3. Anger is usually not the real problem, but is just a reaction to a problem.
a. Cain was angry, but underneath that anger was resentment that his brother’s offering was more acceptable to God than his.
b. King Saul was angry with David and tried to kill him. But underneath the anger was insecurity that his position might be threatened.
c. In the story of the Prodigal Son, the older brother became angry, but underneath that anger was the perceived unfairness of his father and resentment toward his brother.
d. The critics of Jesus were often angry with Jesus, but underneath their anger was a lot of misunderstanding, fear, and pride.
4. Emotionally healthy people strive toward self-awareness and look for the true source of anger.
a. Are they angry someone cut them off in traffic or is the anger from feeling disrespected?
b. Are they angry their spouse was late for dinner or that it made them feel unimportant?
5. Emotionally healthy people explore their feelings to see if they’re misplacing blame, or if their harboring an untrue belief about themselves or others.
6. If we find ourselves in a constant state of rage or are always blowing up or losing our cool, then it means that something else is going on inside of us.
7. Finding the source of our anger will help us to know how to embrace and employ the anger.
8. Aristotle said, “Anyone can become angry, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”
N. Fourth and finally, once we recognize our anger, restrain it, and re-evaluate it, then we need to resolve and release it.
1. Colossians 3:8 says: But now, put away all the following: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and filthy language from your mouth.
2. When we embrace and employ anger God’s way, we feel it, understand it, and then find a good use for it to bring about needed change in a way that no one is harmed, and then it is released.
3. Once the anger has been used in a proper way, we get rid of it from our body, heart and mind.
4. But if we allow anger to hang around, it becomes a tool of the devil.
5. That’s what Paul meant when he wrote: Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the devil an opportunity. (Eph. 4:26-27)
6. We notice that Paul doesn’t give the devil credit for making us angry, but he says if we let anger hang around then it gives the devil a foothold, and the devil will take advantage of it.
O. In the life of Nehemiah, the Bible provides a beautiful example of how to embrace and employ the emotion of anger (Nehemiah 5).
1. Nehemiah had left a fine position in the court of King Artaxerxes to go to Jerusalem to supervise the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem.
2. Unfortunately, some of the Jews who had also returned to Jerusalem had been exploiting their own countrymen by taking both fields and daughters from those who owed them money.
3. The Bible says that when Nehemiah discovered what was going on, he “became extremely angry when I heard their outcry and these complaints.” (Neh. 5:6)
a. This is certainly something that should make a person angry when they discover it.
b. But notice Nehemiah’s first step – he recognized that he was angry.
4. And then he immediately restrained his anger.
a. He didn’t blow up about it or run ahead and do something about it.
5. The Bible says, “After seriously considering the matter…” (Neh. 5:7)
a. New Living Translation: “After thinking it over…”
b. New King James: “After serious thought…”
6. Nehemiah restrained his anger while he re-evaluated what caused his anger and what to do about it.
a. He didn’t fly off the handle and do or say the first thing that came to his mind.
7. But then once he had this thoughts and emotions in order he recognized that something had to be done, that he couldn’t just stand idly by while widows and children were enslaved and their property was seized by mortgage holders.
8. Nehemiah then proceeded to resolve and release his anger.
a. At the earliest opportunity, he confronted the leadership and suggested a plan of action.
9. The Bible says: After seriously considering the matter, I accused the nobles and officials, saying to them, “Each of you is charging his countrymen interest.” So I called a large assembly against them and said, “We have done our best to buy back our Jewish countrymen who were sold to foreigners, but now you sell your own countrymen, and we have to buy them back.” They remained silent and could not say a word. Then I said, “What you are doing isn’t right. Shouldn’t you walk in the fear of our God and not invite the reproach of our foreign enemies? Even I, as well as my brothers and my servants, have been lending them money and grain. Please, let’s stop charging this interest. Return their fields, vineyards, olive groves, and houses to them immediately, along with the percentage of the money, grain, new wine, and fresh oil that you have been assessing them.” (Neh. 5:7-11)
10. How did those people confronted by Nehemiah respond?
a. The Bible says: They responded, “We will return these things and require nothing more from them. We will do as you say.” (Neh. 5:12)
P. We shouldn’t expect that every time we embrace and employ our anger in the most appropriate ways that the resolution will be as good and neat as in the example of Nehemiah.
1. But I guarantee that the outcome will most often be better than if we simply explode with anger against the situation, like trying to kill the mosquito with a cannon, or a fly with a bazooka.
2. With God’s help, we can embrace and employ our anger in a way that blesses everyone.
3. With God’s help, we can recognize our anger, restrain it, re-evaluate it, and then resolve and release it.
4. In this way, anger can be a window into our hearts leading to positive results, and not a door for the devil to control and destroy us.
5. God gave us the emotion of anger for our good, let’s not allow the devil to use it for our destruction.
Resources:
• Managing Your Emotions, Erwin Lutzer, Christian Herald Books, 1981
• The Danger of Anger, https://sermons.faithlife.com/sermons/120723-the-danger-of-anger
• Anger Management: How to Deal with Anger God’s Way, Dr. Kevin Boil, https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/articles/anger-managementhow-to-deal-with-anger-gods-way
• Anger Makeover, Sermon by David Owens
