Take a moment and think of where you have felt the strongest sense of belonging? Was it because of the location. . . or the people. . . or about the memories. . . or maybe it was the safety. . . or the familiarity? Maybe it is at home in your country, with your people and your culture. Maybe it is with a cherished friend who always speaks truth but always accompanies it with grace. Maybe it was with a group of people with whom you had many shared experiences. Maybe you think of several places, or maybe no place at all.
In Christ we find the place of belonging that we all long for, the place of perfect truth, endless grace and unconditional love. For all who believe in Jesus Christ, this is how our story will end, in heaven, in the presence of God, where we belong. This is the end of the story, but we have to know the beginning of the story to appreciate the end.
Belonging has been God’s plan for us from the beginning.
In Genesis 1 we read the Creation story. We read how God created our world and “it was good.” All was good, except for one thing. In Genesis chapter 2 God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone. We do not know if Adam was actually lonely or was even familiar with the concept of loneliness. He was in perfect relationship with God. Adam lacked nothing, but Adam was alone. So, God created the first woman, Eve (Genesis 2:18).
For God’s purposes in this world Adam needed a companion. God’s purposes would not be possible through one person living a life of solitude. In these verses we see that belonging to one another would be an essential part of God’s plan on earth. And so it began, God, Adam and Eve in perfect communion and belonging.
In Genesis 3 we then read of Adam and eve´s rebellion against God. Immediately, in the verses following, they realized their shame and their nakedness and sought to hide from the One who had created them. Belonging was lost. Life was no longer a journey of belonging, love, and trust. It was now a path of survival. It was necessary to hide, blame, defend and not let anyone close enough to harm you.
Adam and Eve acted as if God didn’t know and as if God could not find them. Somehow they thought that their hiding would make everything better. They were more willing to endure the pain of the separation that their sin had caused, than being exposed for who they really were. We often do the same. We ignore or justify our sin hoping to somehow avoid the consequences of it all.
Like Adam and Eve we run and we hide from God, but He already knows everything about us. In 1 Corinthians 13:12 Paul, talking of heaven, writes, “then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” Luke 6:15 says, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts.” Hebrews 4:13 states, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give an account.”
We can run and hide from it, refuse to believe it, or rebel against it, but the fact is that all of our sins and imperfections are already, fully known by God. That is the bad news that leads us to the good news.
We fear because surely this righteous God will reject and punish us as our sin deserves, but in the midst of God knowing everything about us, scripture writes these two key verses. Romans 5:8 states, “God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” Romans 8:1 tells us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Only in Christ can the sin and guilt be removed. In Him we can truly be ourselves, be found guilty, be forgiven, be made new and be truly loved in spite of who we are. Christ is the key to belonging. We no longer have to make the choice between being known or being loved. In Him we are fully known, fully forgiven and completely loved.
For us to experience loving belonging in our human relationships we need to first experience God's unconditional love for us. You cannot consistently demonstrate this kind of unconditional love toward someone else if you yourself have never experienced being loved in this way. As we are tethered securely to the intimate love of God we are then able to reach out and make ourselves vulnerable with others in a way that will make true belonging possible. It is definitely a risk and at times there will be pain, but if our foundation is in Christ it gives us the security to open our hearts, expose our faults, and risk being fully known by another.
Our only other option is to live a life of emotional isolation.
Glynn Wolfe died alone in Los Angeles at the age of 88. No one came to claim his body; the city paid to have him buried in an unmarked grave. This is sad, but not unusual. It happens all too often in large cities where people tend to live disconnected lives.
Glynn's situation was unique, however, because he was no ordinary man. He held a world record. The Guinness Book listed him as the Most Married Man, with 29 marriages to his credit. This means 29 times he was asked, "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife…forsaking all others do you pledge yourself only to her, so long as you both shall live?" Twenty-nine times Glynn Wolfe said, "I do," but it never quite worked out that way.
He left behind several children, grand-children, great grand-children, a number of living ex-wives, and innumerable ex-in-laws—and still, he died alone. He spent his entire adult life looking for that sense of belonging that he apparently never found—and he died alone.
Mr. Wolfe is not alone in his search for belonging. Many of us are surrounded by people every day, but still long for deep relationships where we really connect with others. Where we know and are known at the deepest level. It’s just so difficult for us. At times even marriages are made up of two people who share the same bed but little else.
Regardless of time or place in history, sin has always driven mankind away from each other. It has always threatened belonging at the heart level. In our present day it is just heightened. The society in the west champions individualism. Covid-19 drives us even further into isolation.
Philip Zimbardo, a psychologist from Stanford University, wrote these words in his article for Psychology Today magazine: "I know of no more potent killer than isolationism. There is no more destructive influence on physical and mental health than the isolation of you from me and us from them. It has been shown to be a central agent in the etiology of depression, paranoia, murder, schizophrenia, rape, suicide, and a mass and a wide variety of disease states".
Many Christians live in isolation and loneliness, but they don´t have to. The “belonging” that was lost because of our sin has been regained through Christ when we repented of our sin and believed. As Christians we have been reconciled to God. We are now part of the body of Christ and the family of God.
One might describe it as “factual belonging” versus “felt belonging.” The fact is that, in the life of every Christian, “belonging” has been restored. We are fully known, fully loved and fully embraced by our heavenly father. We now also belong to the family of God that is made up of all who follow Christ. As Galatians 3:26-28 tells us,
“for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
God has brought those who were far away and alienated from God, near to God. He has made those who did not belong, now full citizens in Christ. He has taken the lost and now adopted them into His eternal family, with all the rights and privileges that that entails. All of us who have received Jesus Christ and believed in Him are now children of God. We have the same Father, the same Savior and the same Spirit living in us. Regardless of our skin color, cultural background, economic situation, level of education, first language or country of origin we are brothers and sisters in Christ. We are held together not by human bloodlines, but by the blood of Jesus Christ.
So now, our earthly identities are to become secondary and our identity in Christ is to become primary. As we walk daily with Christ this identity as a child of God should begin to move to the forefront. As it does, we should live and love more and more like a child of God.
While this “factual belonging” sounds good, for many in the church there is not a sense of “felt belonging.” Francis Chan describes the problem with this story.
He tells of a young man who left a violent gang in their city to follow Christ, be baptized, and join the church. After about a year the young man stopped coming to church. One of the church leaders saw the young man and asked him what happened. The young man said, “When you join a gang, after you have survived the initiation you become family. 24/7, no matter what, you are there for each other. I thought the same would be true in the church once I got baptized, but I see that it is not. You see each other on Sundays and maybe Wednesdays, but besides that there is no sense of belonging or family, everyone just takes care of themselves.”
That story is convicting. Would it not be great to be a church that lived out 1 Corinthians 12:26? “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” We have been given everything we need in Christ to belong, but somehow, we continue to live with the same mindset as the world.
This idea of loving community, to many, sounds too good to be true. That is because most of us are more familiar with the betrayal of the world than the safety of being amongst the true people of God. So, we take care of ourselves. That is unfortunate. To share life with others does have its risks, but they are far outweighed by the benefits.
Maybe you are a Christian who is saying, “But I would rather live my Christian life alone. . . I don’t need to live my life in community with other Christians.” Maybe you disagree with the idea of needing one another, but that is not what our Creator God says about the human life.
In scripture we see that life was always intended to be lived in community. . . together. It is only in community that we can become who we were created to be. When we live in relationship with others our character is challenged and sharpened to become more like Christ. Our faults are exposed, and our strengths are shared. Think about the characteristics of Christ. Love, generosity, servanthood, patience, forgiveness, and mercy. None of those can be developed and expressed if a person is living life by themselves. That was one of the weaknesses of living in a monastery centuries ago. The monks had decided that the only way to be like Christ was to live in isolation and be separated from the world, when really the opposite was true. It is when we live in the world that we are truly shaped to be like Christ. We were created to be a blessing to others as Christ is a blessing to us. It is only when we intentionally live alongside others that we truly begin to live the life to which God has called us. Many of the commands of scripture are only possible as we share life with others.
As scripture instructs us, love one another. Be devoted to one another. Bear one another’s burdens. Be hospitable to one another. Serve one another. Build up one another. Comfort one another. Encourage one another. Forgive one another. Confess sin one to another.
Belonging to one another is scary. It means that people know more about the details of your life. They know about your faults and the blemishes in your character. They see how you treat your spouse, how you raise your children, how you live your private life. It demands being authentic, caring for each other, being available, becoming vulnerable. Who wants all of that? In our individualized lives where we don’t know our neighbors, and have no desire to, we would much rather get home in the evening close the door, turn on the television or computer and pass our evening being entertained or surfing the web. No responsibility for others.
This is the life of choice for many. We have built walls around ourselves where others are held at a safe distance and where we can maneuver and manipulate life in a comfortable manner. Predictable, safe, secure, but not as God intended. God’s plan includes imperfect, risky relationships with people. And God has given what we need to not only survive in relationships, but to thrive.
If we bring ourselves back to the gospel at the beginning of every day we are humbled by our sin, our sinfulness and our brokenness. Pride is swept away and we have no need to think more highly of ourselves. As Jesus instructs us to do in Matthew 7, we first take note of the log of sin in our own eye before we judge the speck in someone else’s eye. As we once again have been reminded of the “bad news” we then are lifted up with the “good news.” We have been forgiven. We are loved. We have been adopted. We are secure. Christ is in us and we are in Him. We no longer have to earn love or perform for the approval of man. We can stand strong, even in the most humiliating and debilitating circumstances because it cannot steal our strength, our joy, our hope or our peace. All of these now come from within. We are in Christ. Our Father treasures us, cares for us, provides for us and loves us. We are secure. . . So, we no longer need to devour each other, or put others down to raise ourselves up, or brag about what we have done so everyone knows, or be broken if we don’t succeed in some earthly endeavor. Our lives are built upon the rock and though storms may come and floods may rise we are held firm on the foundation of Christ.
Because our needs are met in Him, we can now quit using people and just love them as Christ has loved us. That is the beauty of the gospel. Our love relationship with God spreads throughout all of our relationships for His glory and our good.
Look at these examples to see how the gospel affects how we relate with others.
• If we are not already mindful of our sin and the forgiveness that we have received through Christ then we will judge others for their faults and be tempted to walk away in self-righteousness and disgust. Result, short-lived friendships.
• If we are not secure in Christ’s all-knowing, unconditional love for us then we will lack the courage to be transparent and authentic with others. We will still be searching for approval and be afraid of judgment and humiliation. We will only say or do what makes them happy. Result, superficial friendships with no belonging or trust.
• If we are not secure in Christ and the value and grace that He has already given us, we will not be able to accept other’s words of tough love which help to make us better people. Instead of “hearing words of truth and love” we will defensively hear them as “words of condemnation.” Result, we will be defensive, and others will cease to speak truth to us. We will be offended easily and leave friendships that cause us discomfort.
• If we do not believe in the transforming power of Jesus Christ, if we do not believe that through Christ people can be changed, then we will not have the perseverance to work through problem times that could result in good relationships.
In the safety of God’s grace we can thrive in the best and worst of relationships to gradually refine our character. We can relate with others on a deeper level that will bring richness to our lives and actually bear the image of God to others.
It is only in the vertical love relationship with God that we are prepared for the rigors of the horizontal love of neighbor. It is only in our nakedness before God that we learn how to be transparent before man. It is only as our life finds its resting place in the unconditional love of Christ that we can selflessly love others, speaking truth in love and giving grace undeserved. Only then do we begin to experience belonging as God intended.
God has called us to love others as Christ has loved us. Ask God to give you a bigger vision for the relationships in your life and in our church. Know that for there to be a sense of belonging there must be a sense of safety, honesty, generosity, sacrifice, and selflessness. There must be humility, authenticity, truth and grace. There must be time spent together. We must be a people who share our stories. We must be able to speak truth and receive correction. To give grace and receive it when we have erred.
Let me encourage you to be the first ones to reach out to others. I know that we are in the midst of Covid, but make a call. Send a message. Have a video conversation. Join a prayer group. Meet a need. Maybe you need to take public steps of belonging and be baptized or join the church. We are the body of Christ. As we abide in Christ He will prepare our hearts for the risks and riches that are found in true belonging.
Join us next week as we learn more about abiding in Christ.
Discussion Questions
1) What about this message was interesting to you?
2) Where or with whom have you found the greatest sense of belonging? Why do you answer in this way?
3) Why do you think most people are drawn to superficial relationships?
4) How many people truly know you, where you are struggling, and what your weaknesses are? Why have you chosen to share with them?
5) How can the truth of the gospel help us build a sense of belonging with others?
6) Would you say our church offers a strong sense of belonging to its members?
7) What can we do to grow the sense of belonging in our church?
8) What do you think God wants you to remember from this lesson?
9) With this in mind what do you think you need to do in response?
10) How can we pray for you?
