Following the pastoral prayer, the minister of music prepared to lead the people in a hymn of praise. As the pastor reflected upon the worship service and the sermon he was to preach his mind drifted to the text for his sermon. It was the first passage of scripture he had heard read from the Bible. Because of the confusion it had caused in his life, he had refused to preach from this text.
After 40 years of preaching, he wondered if he was yet ready to preach on the text. What did he hope would happen as he preached? He began to think about the people who had gathered.
He realized, for the first time, he did not know many of the people, though he had pastored this congregation for 15 years. Oh sure, he knew most of them by name and many details about their lives, but he did not really know them. What were their real spiritual needs? How well did they really understand the Christian faith?
The church and community had changed since he began his pastorate. There was a lot of unrest in the community. Many in the church were unhappy and restless. Spiritual issues were abundant.
What would the people sitting before him receive on this day? Was the outcome of this service his responsibility? Would his sermon be too offensive, dry and dull, or would it speak to people? A very pressing and disturbing question entered the mind of the pastor: "Why are you here?"
The old pastor remembered a young man, Josh, who at the age of twenty-nine had walked into church one Sunday morning. A social worker had told Josh about her church and had been encouraging him to attend. She had told him he needed the fellowship. On that morning, he knew he needed more than fellowship.
Josh had been awakened on that Sunday morning to the sound of rats scurrying about the attic. Josh sat on the edge of his bed and looked around the room. A little metal kitchen cabinet stood over in the corner. Sitting next to it was a stove that was unused because there was not enough money for gas or food. Two empty chairs sat at the small rusting dinette set. The couch had come from a garage sale--the owners had given it to him to haul away. Somehow, he had managed to hang on to the old handmade rocker that his grandfather had made for his mom.
As he heard a faint cough from the other side of the room, he glanced over at the bed where his dying mother lay. There was no money to take her back to the doctor, much less buy any medicine. How would he bury her when she died?
As a heavy cloud of pity and depression crept into the room, he began to dress and slipped out the front door, the only door. The run-down shanty sat alone just outside of the growing city, with its prospering industries.
Josh no longer paid attention to the nice cars he had once admired as he walked across the railroad track and followed the road into town. No one seemed to notice him as he walked into the suburb that reflected a lifestyle he had never experienced.
Josh painfully looked at the children playing in the yards along the streets. The aroma of grilled food filled the air and he heard the splashing of water as people began to celebrate the goodness of life. He continued down the street where he had once dreamed of living and raising a family. He knew that the hope of giving his mother a nice room to call her own would never be a reality. Josh paid no attention to the young couples as they walked, washed their cars, played with their children, and laughed with joy.
As Josh entered the church, he became fully conscious of himself. Seemingly, every head turned his way--with very inquisitive looks. Worship had already started, and he stood embarrassed because he did not know what to do. The people waited for him to do something. He felt like the congregation disapproved each thought and action as he awkwardly looked around.
While reaching for the door to flee, a frail but elegantly dressed man ushered him into the balcony. As he looked at the visitor's card that quickly appeared in his hands he trembled. He struggled to complete it--he wondered if the woman with the hat, who sat next to him, would notice he could not spell the name of the street where he lived. Perhaps the young boy who peered over the back of the seat would not notice where he lived. The boy moved away quickly.
The strangeness of the church was confusing. With drooping shoulders and a heavy sadness in his heart, tears filled Josh's eyes as the offertory plate moved down the pew. He could only look in shame and disbelief. He had never seen that much money.
The pastor walked to the podium after a young woman with a beautiful voice had sung. The pastor read from a book that he called the "Word of God." His words were sharp and clear. The words cut deep into Josh's heart.
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now, I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord. I Samuel 3:1-11, 20, 21
Josh's thoughts turned to his mother. She had once told him how she and his father had attended a little church. Long before he was born, they had stopped attending--something about people being hypocrites, whatever that meant. He barely remembered going into the church where his father's funeral had been held.
Josh listened to the preacher talk about the importance of families having a relationship with Jesus and the church. He wondered if his life would have been different if his parents had taken him to church. The preacher talked about parents who say they do not want to force their faith upon their children.
With an angry look upon his face, the preacher furiously warned parents about the danger of not teaching their children about God's love and his plan for their lives. "To neglect to provide spiritual guidance and proper instruction," the preacher continued, "is to fail as a responsible Christian parent." The preacher quickly informed them that without Christian homes children would be hopelessly doomed.
Josh sought to understand what the preacher was talking about in his message. Had his mom and dad failed him? If they had continued to take him to church, would life be different? Was he doomed?
He missed much of what the preacher said about Samuel, the main character of the text, because he was too consumed with thoughts about his life. Instead of growing up in the church as young Samuel had, he had grown up on the streets. Would life be different, if his mom would have dedicated him to God? What happens when parents dedicate their children?
Josh's thoughts returned to the worship service as he heard the preacher read further.
The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening." I Samuel 3:1-11, 20, 21
For the first time in his life, he began to think about God. He could only wonder, does God really talk to you? Will God really help you? Was there really a God that loved you, regardless of who you are?
Josh remembered the banker who had spoken earlier in the service. The man had told how God helped him to go to college and become the president of his bank. Josh had a hard time believing that God loved him enough to give him that kind of success. It all sounded so fantastic.
He wondered if God would help him find a job and buy the medicine his mother needed. Would God heal his mother? He wanted a wife so much; would God help him find a wife like the young woman who sang? Perhaps they could dedicate their child to God, as Samuel was dedicated.
It all seemed too much. Yet, as he sat there, he became aware of a peculiar feeling that began to fall upon him. What was happening? What did the preacher mean when he said God called everyone just as he called Samuel?
Josh stood with his head drooped forward as he heard people around him singing.
Jesus is calling the weary to rest -- calling today, calling today; Bring Him your burden and you shall be blest --
He will not turn you away.
Calling today, Calling today,
Jesus is calling, is tenderly calling today . . .
The preacher had said that everyone needed to have a personal relationship with God. Josh did not know how to relate to God, but he knew he did not have a personal relationship with Him.
The preacher appeared to be a trustworthy person. He had told the people he was their friend and wanted to help them come to know God. He had no reason to doubt the preacher. With the realization that life was already hopeless, what did he have to lose?
Josh suddenly became aware that he had walked to the front of the church. The preacher greeted him by taking his hand and pulling him down to his knees in front of the church and began praying that Jesus would "wash him clean with his blood, forgive him of his sin and . . ."
When asked if he was sorrowful for his sins he could only acknowledge his sin by weeping. Was it not right that he takes the blame for living as he did? He was broken and crying and could not pray the "sinner's prayer" at the end of the tract that had mysteriously replaced the preacher's Bible. He nodded his head yes when the preacher asked if he could pray "the prayer" for him.
As Josh stood beside the pastor, he was overwhelmed with the celebrative atmosphere about him, baptism, church membership, right hand of Christian fellowship, people crying as they shook his hand.
He walked home alone, consciously aware of nothing around him except the weight of his life which seemed inescapable.
His mother appeared to be sleeping when he walked into the quiet and lonely room.
Though it had only been for a short fleeting moment, the emotional lift had been a good feeling. He could barely fathom the banker and the beautiful girl had shaken his hand. The sterile eyes of the smiling doctor had given him a reassuring look. The plump owner of the grocery store had given a jolly laugh and welcomed him into the Kingdom of God. The lawyer had told him that God's Word would always be his inerrant and infallible guide to truth. The minister of music had stopped singing "Victory in Jesus" long enough to say, "God will give you a new song."
The stark reality of approaching death again invaded the room along with the realization that life would not change unless something supernatural took place. It drove Josh to the floor. He covered his head with a tattered pillow; he buried his head into the musty mattress to muffle his heart-wrenching sobs. He did not want his mother to hear. He longed for a life as described by the preacher.
Remembering the words of the preacher, he began to mumble and babble as if he were drunk. In the pursuing moments, he poured forth all the anger, hurt, rejection, depression, desperation, and fears that had followed him throughout every sober moment of his life. At times, nothing could bring relief. As he contemplated suicide, he asked God to help him, to guide him, as the preacher had said God would do for his children. He needed someone to care, someone to listen, someone to assist him, someone to offer guidance. He was so weary; he could carry the burden no longer.
Josh thought of God speaking to young Samuel. When he could no longer utter intelligible words, his heart ached and longed for a word of hope and encouragement from God there was silence. Silence? Was he not good enough for God to come into his house? Was God too busy helping those whom he had blessed with so much? Had he failed to sing and worship in a manner that was pleasing to God? Had he failed to do everything that one must do before God will listen and respond? Had his mother and dad sinned in such a way that God now would not listen to him? Josh was overwhelmed with all the unanswered questions that flooded his mind.
"God," he cried out, "please, listen to me. Be my friend. I need you to love me and help me. Please, speak to me." Silence! He rose from his knees and walked over to his mother's bed. She did not move.
Josh, the old pastor, suddenly focused again on the worship service he was leading. He recalled the sermon he was to preach as the director of the women's mission organization read the final passage of his text. He had intentionally and the exact verses the preacher had chosen many years ago.
It was a long time, twenty years in all . . . and all the people mourned and sought after the lord. And Samuel said to the whole house of Israel, "if you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts . . ." 1 Samuel 7:1-6
Josh, the old pastor, remembered how difficult it had been for him to keep going after his mother had died. People had so easily talked about God speaking to them that he had been tempted to believe they were either lying or that he had missed something. However, after he started to read from his Bible, he kept believing in God and hoping that he would someday be able to hear God speak to him, as God spoke to Samuel
It was at a restaurant that he had met his wife. She was not the beautiful woman who sang in church. She was a person who had known what it was like to have a Christian mother, one who taught her how to pray. Her dad was an alcoholic who had constantly beaten her and molested her as a child.
Josh looked at her, her closed eyes and her face looked like she was standing in the presence of Jesus himself. She was so beautiful; she had taught him so much. Together they had learned how to listen to God and relate to him in a personal way.
It had not been easy. He had searched and searched before finding peace within himself. Hearing and understanding God's will have been incredibly difficult and frustrating during his spiritual journey.
Josh and Samuel's life had started out differently. His mother had not dedicated him to God and had not taken him to church. To his knowledge, she had never prayed as Samuel's mother, Hannah. Hearing God was not as easy for him as it had been for Samuel. Josh wondered why many people often made it sound so easy to hear God. This over simplification had made it so difficult for him. He had often wondered if he had missed something.
He realized, however, that even though his story was much different from Samuel's, there was one parallel. As he reflected upon the past, he could see that even when he did not have proper guidance, when he had more questions than answers about God, when no one seemed to care, when no one had helped him understand the Christian faith, he had made a conscious and deliberate decision to be faithful to God.
Josh, the pastor, stood before the people. He opened his Bible. He bowed his head. As he paused, before praying, he asked himself, "What do I want to see happen in this worship service? What am I hoping God will say to us today?"
As he prayed, he asked God to help parents understand the meaning and importance of dedicating their children to God. He wanted parents to understand how to lead their children to relate to God and to be able to listen to the heavenly Father's guidance. He prayed that Christians would commit themselves to God's service, to be able to discern his call, and not to become caught up in superficial and easy-sounding promises of a more "spirit filled" Christianity. These so often ended in disappointment. As he prayed, he also realized that each person, just as Samuel, had the responsibility to choose how he or she would relate to God. He could love them and preach for them, but he knew he could not decide for them. He prayed that each person might make a commitment to be faithful and seek God's will.
As he prayed, he became keenly aware of the presence of God. He knew that God was present and wanted to speak to His people. He would wait lovingly and patiently to see how the congregation would respond. The words came slowly and passionately from his lips as he prayed that each person would covenant together with him, so they could experience God in a new and refreshing way.
Josh prayed, "Dear Jesus, help me as I minister in this community. Allow me to teach others how to hear You speak. Help me to respond in ways that will be pleasing to You. Help us to see You are willing to come into our lives. In our inability to appropriately communicate the magnificent and incomprehensible truths of the Gospel, help us to understand how You want to come into our lives."
Josh waited in anticipation. Prayerfully, he hoped those who were struggling and searching would share with him their questions, doubts, fears, and anxieties, for he understood. He wanted to share with them how they could know and relate to God. God had granted him the privilege to help others as they too yearned for a caring and loving relationship with God.
