You Asked For It: How do you forgive Yourself
John 18:14-18, 25-27, John 21:15-19
Pastor Jefferson M Williams
Chenoa Baptist Church
11-15-2020
Even for That?
I was the first person to notice her. We were gathered at her apartment to play games. She slid off the couch in slow motion and crumpled into a ball on the floor and began to sob. Sandy’s body lurched and heaved as tears fell on the floor.
I was a dumb college boy. I didn’t know what to do so I simply sat down beside her. I was soon joined by several other friends who sat with her and prayed as she cried.
Finally, she took a deep breath and said, “I know God has forgiven me of my sins. I get that part.” She was a brand new Christian, having come to faith through our college ministry less than two weeks before.
She took a deep breath and continued, “But how could He ever forgive me for…?” She peeled back her soul and revealed her deepest, darkest secret shame. I had known her for years and had no idea.
The room became deathly still as her question hung in the air.
In the past month, I’ve had three different people ask me how they can learn to forgive themselves. Even in the midst of a pandemic and a contentious election, their hearts were hurting and they were looking for peace.. They were living with a backpack full of shame and guilt and it kept them from running their race with freedom and joy.
Do you you have sin that haunts you? Have you ever asked the question how do you forgive yourself? It’s not a new question. In fact, the Apostle Peter had to learn this the hard way.
Turn with me to John 18.
Prayer
[Slide] Peter’s Declaration
In the upper room, at what we we call the Last Supper, Jesus predicted that one of the disciples would betray Him and that He was “going away.”
These men had left everything to follow Jesus. They had gone all in! And now, instead of ushering in the Kingdom and restoring Israel to its former glory, Jesus is talking about leaving.
[Slide} “My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.
Simon Peter asked him, “Lord, where are you going?”
Jesus replied, “Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.”
Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”
Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!” (John 13:33,36-38)
Peter was stunned into silence. Bold, brash Peter who had his foot in his mouth a lot of the time. In his pride and bravado, he couldn’t see how what Jesus was saying was possible.
He could never deny Jesus. Ever! How would that even happen? No, he would die for Him.
Peter couldn’t have been more wrong.
[Slide] The Disciples Abandon Jesus
After leaving the upper room, Jesus and the disciples went to a little garden grove called Gethsemane. It was there that Jesus poured out His anguish before the Father in prayer while the disciples kept falling asleep.
Soon the garden was flooded with light as a group of people come looking for Jesus. The disciples couldn’t believe their eyes. This mob was led by none other than Judas:
[Slide] “Now Judas, who betrayed him, knew the place, because Jesus had often met there with his disciples. So Judas came to the garden, guiding a detachment of soldiers and some officials from the chief priests and the Pharisees. They were carrying torches, lanterns and weapons.
Jesus, knowing all that was going to happen to him, went out and asked them, “Who is it you want?”
“Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied.
“I am he,” Jesus said. (And Judas the traitor was standing there with them.) When Jesus said, “I am he,” they drew back and fell to the ground.” (John 18:2-6)
What Jesus had predicted had come true. Judas was a traitor who betrayed Jesus with a kiss. (Matthew 26:49) One of their own had betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.
Peter was enraged and pulled out his sword and started swinging wildly, cutting off the ear of a man named Malchus, a servant of the high priest.
Dr. Luke tells us that Jesus “touched the man’s ear and healed him.” (Luke 22:51)
They arrested Jesus and as they led him out of the garden,“all the disciples deserted him and fled.” (Matthew 26:56)
Mark adds:
"A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind.” (Mark 14:51)
His disciples are on the run. But this didn’t take Jesus by surprise:
[Slide] Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written:
“‘I will strike the shepherd,? and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’
But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” (Matthew 26:31-32)
Jesus was taken to the high priest’s house. That’s where we pick it up in John 18.
[Slide] Peter’s Denials
All four Gospels tell the story of Peter denying Jesus. We will be camping out in John 18.
[Slide] “Simon Peter and another disciple were following Jesus. Because this disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the high priest’s courtyard, but Peter had to wait outside at the door. The other disciple, who was known to the high priest, came back, spoke to the servant girl on duty there and brought Peter in.” (John 18:15-16)
Not all the disciples had run away. Peter and John, the “other” disciple, followed Jesus at a distance.
John was known to the high priest, the word implies a close friend, so he was allowed in with Jesus to the high priest’s courtyard.
John pulled a few strings and came back and told the servant girl on duty at the door that his friend would be allowed to come in.
So while Jesus is being interrogated in the chambers of the house, Peter and John stood around a charcoal fire to keep warm on this cold spring night.
The servant girl at the door examines Peter and asks a question that seems to expect a negative answer:
“You aren’t one of this man’s disciples too, are you?”
Peter replies with a terse, “I am not!”
John Calvin wrote:
“He had boasted that he would prove to be an invincible fighter and triumphant unto death. Now at the voice of one maid, and without any threatening, he is confounded and drops his weapons.”
Matthew and Mark record that Peter said “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about.” (Mark 14:68)
Which is a political answer without answering the question.
Peter moved into the shadows of the courtyard.
In the glow of the firelight, the servant girl and others asked him again,
“You aren’t one of his disciples too, are you?”
Matthew adds:
“Surely you are one of the them; your accent gives you away.” (Matthew 26:73)
In Mark,
“Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” (Mark 14:70)
Because of Peter’s Galilean accent, he would have stuck out like a person from Alabama trying to order clam chowder in Boston.
Again, Peter denied being a follower of Jesus.
Strike two.
A relative of Malchus, who had been with him in the garden challenged him,
"Didn’t I see you in the garden? You cut off my cousin’s ear!”
Peter denied it. Matthew and Mark tells us that he began to call down curses on himself.
He probably said something like, “May God strike me down if I’m lying.”
John tells us that at that precise moment, the rooster began to crow. This would make it between 3:00 am and 5:00 am.
Luke tells us that at this exact second, “Jesus turned and looked straight at Peter.” (Luke 22:61)
Matthew, Mark, and Luke record:
Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken to Him: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times” (Mark 14:72)
Luke writes that after hearing the rooster crow, he “went outside and wept bitterly.” (Luke 22:62)
Jesus stood up to His interrogators and denies nothing. Peter cowers before a servant girl and denies everything.
Forgiving Yourself
Several weeks ago, I posed this question on Facebook:
Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves?
Here are some of the responses:
“Maybe we are ashamed of our actions…and we feel worthless and not worthy of forgiveness. Defeated.”
“I think it’s hard to forgive ourselves because the guilt of how our actions hurt someone keep coming to the surface. If we forgive ourselves, we feel as though we’re dismissing the hurt we caused, and that person still might be feeling.”
“We don’t believe we deserve it. And if God can’t forgive what we have done. Satan makes us believe that core belief of “I’m unworthy.”
Because we are so disappointed in ourselves when we have the Holy Spirit in us and still sin.
Because some of us think what we have done is unforgivable.
As I prepared this sermon, I came across videos and articles that promised three easy steps to forgiving yourself. I promise that I’m not going to try that.
Forgiveness is a decision and a process that we walk through and it takes time and perspective to grow in these areas.
[Slide] False guilt/Shame vs. Godly Sorrow
When I was a sophomore in high school, I had a friend named Jim who was a senior. He kind of took me under his wing and was very kind to me when he didn’t have to be.
He was funny, musically talented, and had a beard, which made him automatically cool.
One night, he went out on his deck, wrapped a pistol in a towel to muzzle the sound, and shot himself.
For years I felt guilty. Could I have done something? Could I have said something?
This is false guilt. Jim was a troubled soul and I was in no responsible for his death.
Many of us feel false guilt or known by another name, shame (Should have already mastered everything).
Many people have deep shame and guilt over their parents divorce. Many others experience deep shame and guilt over abuse that was perpetrated on them as children.
Instead of living in freedom and joy, Christians carry their backpacks of false guilt and shame.
This kind of guilt can even effect us physically. People who carry a lot of guilt around are more likely to suffer heart attacks, have high blood pressure, and depression.
Craig Groeschel often reminds his church that “shame is the devil’s play ground.”
Paul wrote I Corinthians to rebuke this church over its division, conflict, and open sin.
In his second letter, he acknowledged that his words probably stung:
[Slide]Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (2 Cor 7:8-10)
Worldly sorrow and shame tells us that we are bad.
There is a worldly sorrow that satan uses to paint us into a corner. Satan wants to remind us of our shame, guilt, sin, regret.
This is the sorrow that Judas felt. After betraying Jesus, he tried to return the money the leaders paid him but they wouldn’t take it:
“When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”
“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.” So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. (Matthew 27:3-5)
You can imagine satan whispering in his ear:
“Well, you have blown it completely. You are a complete failure. Jesus did nothing but love you and you betrayed him with a kiss! Wow! That’s even low for me!
The other disciples know. Everyone knows. You are ruined. There is no future for you. You know what must be done. You are not worthy to live.
And Matthew tells us, “Then he went away and hanged himself.” (Matt 27:5)
Satan probably had the same conversation with Peter:
“Hey Pete, remember that time you said that if everyone else abandoned Jesus, you will be willing to die for Him? Do you remember? HA! I remember. What a dope you are. Your whole life is a clown show.
You didn’t just deny Him once but, let me see, three times! Wow! You said you had His back and then you turned your back on Him.
What did you feel when that rooster crowed and Jesus looked right at you? Come on Peter, what did you feel? I want you to remember that feeling for the rest of your life.
You have no future. Your ministry is shot. The disciples will all know. You are finished. You know what needs to be to done.”
Peter denied Jesus. Judas betrayed Jesus. Judas killed himself. Peter went on to write two of the books in the
Bible and preached the very first sermon where three thousand people came to faith in Christ.
What made the difference?
Turn with me to John 21.
[Slide] Peter’s Restoration
After the crucifixion, Peter went back to doing the only thing he knew how to do - fishing.
Jesus showed up on the beach and when Peter recognized Him, he climbed out of the boat and waded to shore.
[slide] “When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” [Slide]
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.” (John 21:15-17)
Think about what Jesus could have said to Peter:
I told you so.
I’m so angry at you. I’m going to remove you from the team.
You deserve to go to hell.
Jesus sat by a fire and asked Peter three times if he loved Him, once for each denial. It was a restoration breakfast.
Peter sighed deeply and finally said, “Lord You know all things. You know I love you.”
Jesus wasn’t focused on Peter’s past but his future when He commissioned him to “Feed His sheep,” in other words, “Do my will.”
Peter didn’t say, “Well Jesus that really nice that You would want to restore me but I really don’t feel that I’m worthy so I’ll just say no thanks.”
Peter would go on to be one of the most powerful evangelists the world had ever known.
Judas couldn’t humble himself and repent and asked for restoration. His pride wouldn’t let him.
But Peter was shattered by his denials and repented with bitter tears.
Satan wants to remind you of your past, that sin, that decision, that hurt. He wants you to dwell on it. He wants you bitter.
He wants you to run away from God with your head hung low in shame.
He wants keep you from praying but wants you talking to yourself - “I said that I would never do it again and I did again. I’m broken. I’m worthless. How could God love a mess like me?
The next time satan tries to remind of your past, remind him of his future!
How do we learn to forgive ourselves? I think it is all a matter of understanding some important important Christian concepts.
Turn with me to I John 1:9.
What is forgiveness?
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:9)
Let’s walk through this verse slowly and I think we will be able to understand forgiveness more clearly.
* First it begins with “if.” It’s conditional promise. If you do something, then something else will happen.
Confess - this word means to “to say the same thing as another, to agree with.”
What are we to confess? Our “sins.” He already knows all about your sin. We just need to agree with Him about our sin and repent, which means “a change of heart that leads to a change of direction.”
G.K. Chesterton wrote:
“According to a modern critic, it is morbid to confess your sins. I should say that the morbid thing is not to confess them. The morbid thing is to conceal your sins and let them eat your heart out…”
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. (Prov 28:13)
The word sin is actually an archery term. It means to miss the mark.
How many of us miss the mark?
“For all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory…” (Romans 3:23)
God’s standard is perfection and we can never hop high enough for His holiness.
We are sinners by nature. We inherited our sin nature from our first parents who drove the bus of humanity off the sin cliff by eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
But we are also sinners in behavior.
In the verse right before we are studying right now, John writes,
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (I John 1:8)
God is perfectly holy. Our sins separate us from God.
“But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.” (Isaiah 59:2)
We were separated from God because of our sins and there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.
We simply can’t be good enough. We never hit the bullseye. We were helpless, hopeless, and hell bound.
“Is faithful and just”
God is trustworthy. If He makes a promise, you can take that to the bank.
A lot a people say that the God that they follow is a God of love and He would never judge anyone and send them to hell.
But God is just. Sin must be paid for and God doesn’t take Mastercard.
He demands prefect blood because without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins.
That’s what the whole Old Testament sacrificial system is all about. When the people would sin, they would take an animal to the Temple where it would be slaughtered in their place.
The prophets told the people time and time again that there was coming One who would be the “perfect spotless lamb” that would take away the sins once and for all.
Sin has to be paid for and we are spiritually bankrupt. God has every right to sentence us to hell because of our rebellion against Him.
“and will forgive us our sins.”
So, let’s put this together. If we will agree with God about our sins, He can be trusted to be just and He will forgive our sins. How?
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly… But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:6,8)
Jesus, the second Person of the Trinity came to earth and lived a perfect life. He hit the bullseye of God’s rules every single time. And because of that, Jesus could be our representative.
He traded His perfect righteousness for our sin:
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (I Cor 5:21)
When He looks at you, He see you covered in the righteousness of His Son.
How many sins did He forgive? All of them! Past, present, and future.
This is GOOD NEWS! It’s a big theological term - propitiation.
Jesus died in our place, to pay the sin penalty we couldn’t pay, to satisfy the wrath of God against our sins!
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
Most Christians understand this in the heads but it takes a while to make it down to their hearts.
When you confess and repent of your sins, God, on the basis of Jesus sacrificial death on the cross, will forgive you all your sins.
The verdict is handed down and you are declared not guilty. Why? Because Jesus was condemned in your place.
“My chains are gone / I’ve been set free
My God my Savior / has ransomed me
And like a flood - His mercy reigns
Unending love - amazing grace.”
But wait…there’s more!
“and cleanse you of all unrighteousness.”
God not only declares you not guilty but He cleanses you from the inside out! ?
This is the term expiation. God clears your record and makes it as it it never existed.
"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18)
Overwhelmed
Let’s go back to that picture of me sitting beside Sandy as she rocked back and forth whispering, “But I killed my baby. God can’t forgive that.”
We got to share with her the best news in the universe. When she repented and placed her trust in Jesus for the forgives of her sins, God forgave all her sins…even that one!
She didn’t have to live in shame and guilt. In fact, that’s straight from the pit of hell.
That night Sandy learned to forgive herself and she’s been walking in freedom for the last 25 years!
Peter, who we have learned knew a thing or too about being forgiven wrote:
“He [Jesus] himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” (I Peter 2:24-25)
If you are a born again Christ Follower, your sins has been removed “as far as the east from the west.” (Psalm 103:10-12)
If you are a born again Christ Follower, you don’t have to live in condemnation:
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
If you are a born again Christ Follower, you don’t have to live in shame:
“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” (Psalm 34:5)
I experienced a lot of shame, and sometimes still do. I talked to a therapist friend and he encouraged me to try something.
The next time I felt that shame sweeping over me, I needed to find a quiet place and take a walk with Jesus on the beach.
I thought this was hokey but I told him I would do it.
Several weeks later I lead worship for the young married class and felt like I just completely bombed. I was embarrassed and wanted to hide.
So I found an empty Sunday school class room, turned out the lights, and laid on the table and closed my eyes.
I cannot explain to you what happened in that room but it was glorious. Jesus and I walked on the beach together and He simply reminded me of my identity in Him. I am a child of the one true King. I am royalty. I am not a failure. I may fail at times but that’s not who I am.
The Judge of the Universe has handed down the verdict. To not forgive yourself is saying to God, “I know that Jesus died for my sin on the cross and I’m really thankful but I need to carry the weight of that guilt a little longer.”
C. S. Lewis said it this way:
“I think that if God has forgiven us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it almost like setting ourselves up as a higher tribunal than God!”
I put the question about self forgiveness to my Moody students. Here some of what they said:
“Scripture tells us that God blots out our transgressions, for his own sake, and remembers our sins no more (Is. 43.25), yet in our humanness, we often condemn ourselves, long after God has forgiven whatever it is that we did.” - Zhanna
“I needed to perform in a sense and demonstrating my repentant heart. In doing so, I was effectively saying to God that I would only accept his forgiveness once I felt I was better.” - Rusty
This morning, I want to challenge you to let it go. It’s forgiven. You are free.
Stop playing the tape that loops inside your head:
“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor 10:3-5)
Paul, who arrested and killed Christians, let go of his regret and shame and wrote:
“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:13-14)
Let me introduce you my friend Dale:
[Interview with Dale Petre]
Ending Song: Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)
