8 Ways To Hurt Any Relationship.
Romans 12:9-13NKJV
Respect, in all forms, speaks volumes to anyone in a relationship and often results in feeling worthy of personal affection.
As you can imagine, lack of respect does the complete opposite. It tears down trust, and builds walls of division. Lack of respect produces bittiness and resentment.
Romans 12:9-13NKJV Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
“The need to be genuine, without motive, has never been more needed than now. If you can be genuine and accepted you will grow in that relationship.’ ‘Some relationships never get to the real needs. They tend to stay surface, and finally end in platoe. P.H
I want to give you 10 ways to hurt any relationship.
1. Emotional Manipulation.
Do you ever use your moods to control others?
2 Peter 1:5-9NKJV But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
For example: Have you ever responded curtly with, “Nope. It’s fine. I don’t care” -–when it actually isn’t fine and you do care?
Guilt trips, using the words “always” and “never”, aggression or passive aggression, the silent treatment, crying for pity or exaggerating disappointment are many of the ways that we emotionally manipulate each other.
Example—Time and time again Jezebel would pitch a fit and cry out to her husband Ahab to manipulate a situation fate or something she created.
Friends, I want to encourage you to do your best with your words. Be honest in the disappointment or sadness that you feel– nobody is telling you to suppress your emotions–-but there is a boundary in knowing what you are saying to help versus what you are saying to control.
2. Mothering.
This drains relationships of all independence and joy.
God’s word teaches us in Romans 8:28-30NKJV And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
Listen to me, You don’t need to mother or be mothered: 1) He foreknew you. 2) He predestined you. 3) He called you. 4) He justified you. 5) He glorified you.
Again here’s the reason why He does what He does—He wants you conformed to the image of His Son.
If you are regularly telling others what’s best for them or making your own convictions their convictions, it’s likely that you’re playing the role of ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ rather than the role of ‘friend or spouse’.
This tends to make others feel smaller and smaller in their role in the relationship.
3. Aggression
Using aggression as a means of fighting or getting our way won’t ever allow our relationships to win.
James 1:19-20NKJV So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Again, Stop being aggressive. You’re not God, nor do you want to be! P.H
4. Smothering
Jenny and I have an ‘open phone’ policy and over-compensate when it comes to asking hard questions and telling hard truths.
“However, there comes a point when openness’ becomes ‘obsession’ and ‘asking’ becomes ‘smothering.’ Sometimes in relationships, anxiety does the talking.” P.H
Pray daily over your relationships, and entrust them to God.
5. Criticizing
This one speaks for itself. If you spend the majority of your time criticizing the things that others have done wrong rather than praising the things that they have done right, it’s likely that they feel as if they won’t ever be good enough for you.
Proverbs 16:24ESV Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Your words have the power to destroy or build them up.
6. Undermining
This is a big one. Undermining, overruling decisions not only teach others to disrespect, it brings discord and conflict into your home rather than bringing peace and unity.
Ezra 4:4AMP Then [the Samaritans and others of] the people of the land discouraged the people of Judah, and frightened them [to deter them] from building,
We are on the same team—Never devalue others by words or opinion, We want to be engaged, not disengage.
7. Avoiding Issues.
Holding grudges and keeping a record of your wrongs, rather than talking things out and expressing what’s really on your mind, will likely lead to bitterness and resentment on both ends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7NKJV Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [a]puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Disallow all bitterness.
8. Taunting
Q&A: Do you provoke? Do you push their buttons for the sake of attention or to test their response? Do you nag as soon as they walk in the door?
A taunt is defined as, “a remark made in order to anger, wound or provoke someone.”
Galatians 5:26NIV Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
We would probably never openly admit that we ‘taunt’, but think back to the comments made the past few days – were they meant for building up or for tearing down?
Benedition.
