In the late 60’s, MGM produced a movie based on the true-life experiences of a widower with 10 children who marries a widow with 8 of her own. The movie is a comedy entitled Yours, Mine, and Ours. Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball are the co-stars, who play the parts of Frank and Helen Beardsley, challenged with the enormous task of blending their two families into one.
Helen's teenage daughter, Colleen, has a boyfriend who is pressuring her to have sex to prove her love for him. She resists, but he mocks her for being old fashioned. On the night that Helen goes into labor with their 19th baby, Colleen seeks advice from her stepfather on how to deal with her demanding boyfriend. Take a look (show Yours, Mine and Ours scene).
As the scene opens, Frank helps a very pregnant Helen get ready to go to the hospital. With small children running through their upstairs bedroom, there is quite a commotion. Colleen enters the room needing to talk.
She begins, "I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry said…"
Frank interrupts her. "I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening."
He looks around the room, with its circus-like atmosphere and a pregnant woman needing to get to the hospital, and then continues as he escorts Helen down the stairs to the waiting car.
"If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you," Frank chides.
"What are you two talking about?" Helen demands weakly.
Frank continues, "Take a good look at your mother."
"Not now!" Helen protests.
"Yes, now!" Frank insists. "It's giving life that counts, and until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love-in. It's the dishes and the orthodontist and the show repairman and ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else. It isn't going to bed with a man that proves you're in love with him. It's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts."
By that time, the trio has reached the front porch and looks out on the crowded front lawn populated by the rest of the family. Frank helps Helen into the car. She whispers, "Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her."
Frank responds, "If we don't get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it is going to be explained right here." (Yours, Mine, and Ours, MGM/United Artists, 1968, written by Bob Carroll, Jr., directed by Melville Shavelson, 01:22:00 to 01:23:00; www. PreachingToday.com)
There is a vast difference between sex and love, but our culture has equated the two. As we approach the Second Coming of Christ, our culture encourages what they call “sexual freedom”, but such “freedom” has only brought bondage.
The sexual revolution of the 60’s was supposed to bring us real enlightenment, freedom from our sexual hang-ups, and barrels of fun. Instead, we got an AID’s epidemic, dozens of sexually transmitted diseases, and millions of broken homes.
That’s not the way God designed sex, for when He created sex, He called it “VERY GOOD” in Genesis 1:31. Sex is not some “dirty little secret” of every married couple. It’s a beautiful creation of God. The pastor who performed our wedding ceremony called it, “God’s Wedding Gift!” The point is, “Don’t spoil the gift!” Don’t take what God created as good and beautiful and ruin it by taking it outside the context of marriage.
You say, “Phil, what’s the harm? A little fun on the side cannot be all that bad. Why should I care about sexual purity?” 11. Well, if you turn with me to 1 Thessalonians 4, 1 Thessalonians 4, we’ll find five good reasons to keep sex within the confines of marriage.
1 Thessalonians 4:1-3 Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality... (ESV)
God wants you to be holy (or sanctified) in all your behavior. That means He wants you to be set apart, different, special, not like most of the rest of the world, which has cheapened sex. Specifically, God wants you to abstain from sexual immorality. Literally, stay far away from sexual immorality – i.e., any kind of sex outside of marriage. Why? Well, first of all, because…
IT PLEASES GOD.
Sexual purity is God’s will. It is what God wants for His people, because He loves them so much.
Some people think that God’s prohibition of sex outside of marriage is a straitjacket, something God commanded just to ruin your “fun.” C.S. Lewis addressed this viewpoint in a letter he wrote to his good friend Arthur Greeves on September 12, 1933. Lewis was no stranger to lust and sexual temptation, and neither was Greeves, who experienced same-sex attraction. Here’s what Lewis said in his letter:
Supposing you are taking a dog on a lead through a turnstile or past a post. You know what happens (apart from his usual ceremonies in passing a post!). He tries to go to the wrong side and gets his head looped round the post. You see that he can't do it, and therefore pull him back. You pull him back because you want to enable him to go forward. He wants exactly the same thing—namely to go forward: for that very reason he resists your pull back, or, if he is an obedient dog, yields to it reluctantly as a matter of duty which seems to him to be quite in opposition to his own will: though in fact it is only by yielding to you that he will ever succeed in getting where he wants.
The dog believes the lie that the only way forward, the only way to get what it wants, is to push ahead. The dog’s master affirms the longing of the dog to go forward, but he must pull the dog back in order for it to actually make any progress... The dog's master may extricate the dog after he has tied the whole lead round the lamppost. But there is no hope in the end of getting where you want to go except by going God's way." (Trevin Wax, "C.S. Lewis Talks to a Dog About Lust," The Gospel Coalition Blog, 2-2-17; www.PreachingToday.com)
You see, God doesn’t say, “Abstain from sexual immorality”, to impede your progress. On the contrary, He wants what’s best for you. That’s why Jesus died on a cross for your sins. He did it so God could have a relationship with you, a mind-blowing relationship that goes beyond anything any selfish, self-centered, sensual act could ever give you. Sex outside the boundaries of marriage leaves you trapped. But a passionate relationship with God through Jesus Christ is the most freeing, satisfying thing you will ever experience.
If for no other reason, we should abstain from sexual immorality, because the God we love, and the God who loves us so much, wants us to. Sexual purity is so important, if for no other reason than only because it pleases God. But there is even more! Sexual purity is important, because…
SEX ITSELF IS SACRED.
Sex is special. Sex is a holy thing in marriage, and any kind of sex outside of marriage cheapens it. …
1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 [This is the will of God] that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God... (ESV)
Don’t be driven by your passions like people who don’t know God, no! God has set you free from that through the cross. Instead, control your bodily urges in holiness and honor. You see, sex is NOT dirty. It is holy and honorable within the bounds of marriage. It’s special. It is sacred.
Billy Graham says, “There must be firm control of the sex impulse. This God-given instinct has been dragged through the gutter by modern thinking, and we have made a cheap toy out of the most sacred gifts God has ever given to man. Our procreative powers need to be dedicated to Christ.” (Billy Graham, The Quotable Billy Graham, compiled and edited by Cort R. Flint)
Sex within marriage is holy! It is special! Don’t cheapen it by taking outside the context of marriage.
Jim Coan, a psychologist at the University of Virginia, conducted a study that utilized magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to examine the brain function of cohabitating and married women when facing stress. He and his colleagues administered to both sets of women a mild electronic shock on the ankle. For support, the women had three choices: hold the hand of their partners, hold the hand of a stranger, or face the shock alone. When a married woman held the hand of her spouse, she registered a deep sense of calm in the hypothalamus region of her brain as she prepared for the shock. Conversely, cohabitating women holding the hand of the live-in partner registered little to no calm.
What surprised Coan and his colleagues is that while both sets of women stated that they felt commitment from the partners, the cohabitating women recorded the same level of calm as those holding the hand of a stranger. Coan speculates that while cohabitating women say they feel commitment from the partner, doubt resides in the deepest part of their brains. (Stephanie Pappas, "Marry or Move In Together? Brain Knows the Difference," livescience, 2-14-14; www.PreachingToday.com)
Sex does not provide the security people are looking for like the commitment of marriage does. However, within marriage, sex becomes a beautiful expression of that commitment.
Gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer recently wrote the book, 30 Lessons for Loving, which was drawn from 700 interviews with older adults. He discovered that older adults “place intimacy as a high priority” in their marriages. He cites the example of Jennie B., an 82-year-old widow who married her first and only husband when they were in their mid-20s. They were sexually active through their 47 married years before his death in 2003. Jennie explained,
“There's an intimacy that comes later that is staggeringly wonderful. You can hold hands with this person you love and adore, and somehow, it's just as passionate as having sex at an earlier age. There is such a sense of connection and intimacy that grows out of a long relationship, that touch carries with it the weight of so many memories. And many are sexual.”
Indeed, what she misses most as a widow, she says, is holding hands. “Sex was certainly an important and joyful and healing part, but” she wondered, “I'm not sure that the connection through holding hands, which elicited such peace, was not a deeper intimacy.” (Mark Tapson, "Is Sexual Variety the Spice of Marriage?" Acculturated blog, 4-1-15; www.PreachingToday. com)
That’s the beauty of sex within the long-term commitment of marriage. The intimacy only grows the older you get with a whole lot less effort. But if you take sex outside of marriage, it becomes a cheap thrill with diminishing satisfaction. Within marriage, sex becomes a sacred, holy thing, something special, which only gets better over the years. So whatever you do, please don’t ruin it! Abstain from sexual immorality.
Stay sexually pure, because #1, It pleases God; #2, Sex is sacred; And #3…
SEXUAL IMMORALITY ROBS OTHERS.
Sex outside of marriage is stealing. It’s taking something precious that belongs to someone else.
1 Thessalonians 4:6a [This is the will of God] that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter... (ESV)
Literally, no one should “go over” and “get more” in the things concerning his brother. In other words, when a man sleeps with a woman who is not his wife, he robs that woman’s husband. And if she’s not married yet, he robs that woman’s future husband. He robs that woman’s husband of his wife’s purity. He robs that woman’s husband of a beautiful relationship they could have enjoyed without the entanglements of previous sexual activity.
A recent study (2014) at the University of Virginia found that sex before marriage has a definite negative affect on the marriage itself. Here’s what the study said (and I quote):
“What people do before marriage appears to matter. Specifically, how they conduct their romantic lives before they tie the knot is linked to their odds of having happy marriages. Consider sex. The vast majority of Americans—about 90 percent—have sex before marriage (Finer, 2007). Many of them have sex with multiple partners before finding the person they will eventually marry …
“The ghosts of the prior romances can haunt new ones. Those who had more romantic experiences… are more likely to have lower-quality marriages than those with a less complicated romantic history… This doesn't mean that sex before marriage will doom a marriage, but sex with many different partners may be risky if you're looking for a high-quality marriage.” (Galena K. Rohades and Scott M. Stanley, “Before I 'I Do,’” The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, 2014; www. PreachingToday.com)
Do you hear that? Sex before marriage puts you at risk for a “lower-quality marriage.” Sexual immorality robs you, and it robs your partner’s future mate of a better-quality marriage.
John Ashcroft, former Attorney General under George W. Bush, talks about “displaced gratification,” which is different than “delayed gratification.” He says:
In delayed gratification, we put off something so that we can enjoy something even better later on – avoiding a “sex life” before marriage, for instance, so that we can more fully enter into a deeper love of the marital union. In displaced gratification, we put off something so that the gratification can go to somebody else. Within marriage, for example, we put our spouse's needs ahead of our own.
When William Booth finally left the Salvation Army, he sent a one-word telegram to every member of his army. That one word embodied the guiding principle of Booth's life: “Others.”
The man or woman who understands delayed and displaced gratification realizes that “others” are what it's all about. Instead of demanding our rights and satisfaction, we can work for the rights of others, we can find fulfillment in seeing other people satisfied, and we can serve instead of trying to conquer. Displaced gratification is the oil that keeps our society running smoothly.
The ultimate understanding of displaced gratification is reflected in the life of Christ, who gave up heaven for earth, who could have been crowned king, and who could have called ten thousand angels to rescue Him from the cross. Instead He accepted brutal, humiliating torture on our behalf. He put serving others ahead of serving His own needs. (John Ashcroft, “Lessons from a Father to His Son,” Men of Integrity, Vol. 1, no. 2; www.PreachingToday.com)
In dependence upon Christ, you do the same. Don’t rob others by selfishly pursuing your own gratification. Instead, put serving others ahead of serving your own needs.
Sexual purity is important, because #1, It pleases God; #2, Sex itself is sacred; #3, Sexual immorality robs others; and #4, Sexual purity is important, because…
SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS NOT SAFE.
It’s hazardous. It’s downright dangerous not only to your body, but to your soul as well.
1 Thessalonians 46b The Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. (ESV)
There are very real physical AND spiritual consequences to sexual sin.
On July 24, 2013, a train carrying 218 people in eight carriages derailed in northwestern Spain, killing 79 people and hospitalizing another 66. Shortly after the wreck, the driver, Francisco Jose Garzon Amo, told officials, “I can't explain it. I still don't understand how I didn't see… I just don't know.” He said the journey was “going fine” until the train hit a curve. At that point Garzon said to himself, “Oh my God, the curve, the curve, the curve. I won't make it.”
Despite Garzon's initial confusion and surprise, there is a simple explanation for the crash. Video footage revealed that the train was going as fast as 119 mph before it hit the deadly curve. That's more than twice the speed limit for that section of the track. Even though the train was designed to reach speeds of over 130 mph, the 30-year employee of Spain's national rail company simply ignored the boundaries in which those high speeds were to be used. (The Associated Press, “Spanish train driver on crash: ‘I can't explain it,’” CBS News, 8-1-13; www.PreachingToday.com)
Please, don’t ignore the boundaries of God’s Word. You could wreck not only your own life, but the lives of others.
That’s what Brooklyn Nine-Nine actor, Terry Crews, discovered. He said his addiction to pornography “really, really messed up [his] life.”
He says, “It changes the way you think about people. People become objects. People become body parts; they become things to be used rather than people to be loved... Every time I watched it,” he says, “I was walled off. It was like another brick that came between me and my wife.” (“Terry Crews: ‘Porn Addiction Messed up my Life,’” CNN.com, 2-24-16; www.PreachingToday.com)
Please, don’t put yourself in the place of God’s judgment and wall yourself off from the most important people in your life.
Sexual purity is important, because #1, It pleases God; #2, Sex itself is sacred; #3, Sexual immorality robs others; #4, Sex outside of marriage is not safe. And finally, sexual purity is important, because…
GOD GIVES YOU HIS HOLY SPIRIT.
God himself dwells within and helps you live a holy life. He gives you the resources to do what he has called you to do.
1 Thessalonians 4:7-8 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. (ESV)
God gives you His Holy Spirit who helps you live a holy life. Without Him you could only fail, and His commands would only frustrate you. But with Him, you can live the life God has called you to live. All you need to do is trust Him. All you need to do is depend on the Lord.
That’s the good news this morning! Even if you have already failed in this area of sexual purity, you can invite the Lord into your life and let Him begin to clean you up from the inside out. You can invite the Lord into your life and make you a brand-new person.
Pastor Matt Chandler tells the story of coming home one night and finding his son Reid in the living room playing a game on his Xbox. He was supposed to be cleaning his room, so Matt asked him to get after it.
After a pause, Reid went to clean his room and start on his other main household chore – vacuuming the house. As Matt left to start unloading the dishwasher, he heard Reid turn on the vacuum – for about forty-five seconds. Then Reid found his dad and happily reported, “I'm done.”
Matt asked, “You vacuumed the whole house?”
“Uh-huh,” Reid replied.
To which Matt said, “Son, Superman could not vacuum this whole house in forty-five seconds.”
“I did, Dad,” Reid replied.
So Matt did what a loving father would do. He grabbed his son’s hand and said, “Let's just walk around and see.” They walked around the house, and over in one corner, they found an entire bag of Goldfish crackers that looked like someone had intentionally dumped them on the floor and danced on them.
Matt asked, “Reid, did you vacuum this?”
“I didn't see it,” Reid responded.
“Okay, but it's on the floor,” Matt said. “You're supposed to vacuum the floor. I don't know how you missed this.”
They vacuumed. Then they walked around, and Matt showed his son other obvious things he failed to see.
Matt Chandler says, “That is what the Holy Spirit does for us. He takes us around the house of our heart and says, ‘Hey, look at these crushed up Goldfish. It's going to be awesome for them to be gone. Bugs are going to get in here, and bad stuff is going to happen. There's going to be a smell in here. Let's get this cleaned up. I'm going to help you get that cleaned up. He wants to clean up places that we didn't even know were dirty.” (Daniel Rice, #Gospel, Shiloh Run Press, 2017, pages 174-175; www. PreachingToday.com)
Please, let the Holy Spirit do that for you. Let Him help you clean up your life, even those places you didn’t know were dirty. Live your life in dependence upon the Holy Spirit who dwells within you as a follower of Christ. It’s the only way you can live the life God wants to live.
On June 6, 1981, Doug White and his bride, Sylvia, were escorted to their hotel’s fancy bridal suite in the wee hours of the morning. In the suite, they saw a sofa, chairs, and a table, but where was the bed? Then they discovered the sofa was a hide-a-bed with a lumpy mattress and sagging springs. They spent a fitful night and woke up in the morning with sore backs. The new husband went to the hotel desk to complain.
The clerk asked him, “Did you open the door in the room?”
Doug went back to the room and opened the door they had thought was a closet. There, complete with fruit basket and chocolates, was a beautiful bedroom! (Canthi Thomas, Leadership, Vol.15:1, Winter 1994, p.46)
God wants you enjoy intimacy with Him at any age, whether you’re newly married, married for many years, or without a spouse. Just open the door of obedience to Him.
