A man once said: “I am not the boss of my house. I don’t know HOW I lost it. I don’t know WHEN I lost it. I don’t even think I ever had it. But I’ve seen the boss’s job, and I don’t want it.”
The text we’re looking at today has been debated for centuries. It seems that the only part anybody is interested in talking about is - should a wife submit to her husband? There have been men who’ve used this passage to dominate their wives by demanding that they submit to them. There have been theologians who’ve tried to rewrite the passage so that women don’t have to be submit to their husbands. And there are preachers who won’t even touch this passage because they’d rather not mess with it.
Now, here’s the deal - they’ve all missed the point! They’ve misunderstood the focus of the passage, and the main focus of this passage is NOT about whether women should submit to their husbands. And it is NOT about husbands being able to dominate their wives! The focus of this passage is all about how a Christian should live. And EVERY CHRISTIAN should live a life of submission to those around them. That command to submit is everywhere in this passage, and this type of lifestyle just happens to INCLUDE how husbands and wives should submit to each other.
Last week we talked about the fact that Paul told us that we needed to be “…be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). And I explained that the idea was that we should be so controlled (and so filled) by God’s Spirit that it becomes obvious to others by the way we walk, talk, think and act.
Then Paul told us of 3 ways we could fill our lives with God’s Spirit (make it so He’d control us):
1. Ephesians 5:19 teaches us that we can be filled with God’s Spirit when we are “addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart”
2. Ephesians 5:20 teaches us that we can be filled with God’s Spirit when we are “giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ”
So, SING praises to God and GIVE THANKS to Him for all the things He’s given you.
Then, I explained that when we do those things (when we sing, and when we give thanks) we create an atmosphere in our lives where the Spirit can be comfortable inside us, and be able to fully work His power in our lives.
Then, at the end of last week’s sermon I told you that there was a 3rd thing we could do that would it easier for God’s Spirit to fill us with His power… and that’s what we’re going to talk about today. Ephesians 5:21 says we should be “SUBMITTING to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (PAUSE)
And then for the next few verses Paul gives us examples of how we can do that: Wives submit to your husbands - encouraging them to be the leaders in the home. Husbands submit to your wives by loving them like Christ loved the church. Children submit to parents by obeying them. Fathers submit to your children by not being harsh and unreasonable to them. Employees, submit to your bosses as if you were working for Christ. And Bosses, submit to your employees by treating them fairly
SUBMIT, SUBMIT, SUBMIT! It’s a Christian thing.
Now, the world doesn’t understand it; the world doesn’t like it; and the world won’t do it, because the world isn’t into submission. The world is all about rights and position and power.
And Jesus taught us that we must not be like the world in this way of thinking! In Matthew 20:25-28 Jesus said: “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you MUST BE YOUR SERVANT, and whoever would be first among you MUST BE YOUR SLAVE, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Submit! Why??? Because that’s what Jesus did.
In Philippians we read this: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility COUNT OTHERS MORE SIGNIFICANT (more important) than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by TAKING THE FORM OF A SERVANT, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Philippians 2:3-8
Submit! Why??? Because that’s what Jesus did.
You see, Jesus is our example. And submission is what He modeled for us. Therefore we must learn to be submissive to others.
Now, what does Submission mean? It means – it’s not about ME! It’s not about MY wants, MY desires, or My needs. Submission is about “looking out for the interests of others.” That’s what Philippians 2:4 says: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
In your relationships, ask what is important to the people around you Find out what that is, and then give it to them. Unless it’s immoral or illegal… that should be your guideline.
ILLUS: A survey was done several years ago and they asked men and women what they wanted most from their spouses: Men overwhelmingly said they needed to be “RESPECTED” and women overwhelmingly said they needed to be “LOVED.” (Emerson Eggerichs, "Focus on the Family" Magazine Sept. 2004). That’s exactly what Paul is telling husbands and wives in Ephesus that they need to supply to their spouses.
Folks have known this for years. That’s why Martin Luther once said: Let the WIFE make her husband glad to come home, and let (the husband) make (his wife) sorry to see him leave.” Men need to be respected by their wives so they WANT to come home from work. And women need to be loved so much (by their husbands) that they’re SORRY to see their husband leave for work.
Submission in marriage is all about trying to give your spouse what they NEED.
And you can see this principle spelled out all through Paul’s teaching here. What do you parents want? TO BE OBEYED! And so Paul writes: “Children, OBEY your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1) What do children want from their parents? To be treated right! So Paul says: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4) What do Employers want? That you do your job! And Paul writes: You workers should be “rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man” (Ephesians 6:7) And what do Employees want? To be treated honestly and fairly. “Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” (Ephesians 6:9)
Now, (too often) what happens is that people will say “YEAH! That’s how my kids should behave (OBEY ME); YEAH! That’s how my employee out to work. They need to give an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay; or this is how my employer ought to treat me … YOU TELL ‘EM PAUL!"
There is this belief that this submission thing is all about what OTHERS ought to treat US! If only others would just treat ME the way they should (if they’d just submit to me/meet my needs/ and treat me right!) THEN I would do the same for them.
I’m sorry… that’s not how this works!
The Bible NEVER tells us what others must do for us FIRST. It only tells you (and I) what WE must do for others - no matter HOW those people behave toward us. Submission is NOT about others treating us right 1st. It’s about US treating others right - no matter what!
(PAUSE) Now, I want you to think back to the passages I quoted earlier - the ones about us submitting to others in the same way that Jesus submitted to us. Jesus is the MODEL of how we should submit to others.
So, here’s the question: How did Jesus submit to us? He died on the cross for us.
Now, consider this next question: What did you do – first - for Jesus that made it so that Jesus would want to die for you on the cross? Did you do anything that would make Jesus say “Oh yes! They’ve done this wonderful thing for Me and now I should do something wonderful for them!” No. You didn’t do anything for Jesus that would have earned His attention. You didn’t deserve Jesus submitting to the cross for you. He died on the cross DESPITE the fact that you didn’t deserve for Him to do it!!! And He’s our model for how to do submission. Submit to others even when they don’t deserve it. That’s what Jesus did for you… so go and do likewise!
Now there are a couple of qualifiers here. There are times when you don’t have to submit.
1st – you MUST NOT to submit to something that is illegal, immoral, or violates the Will of God. For example, the Bible says we are to submit to our governing authorities. But in Acts 4, the governing authorities (the Sanhedrin) ordered Peter and John not to preach about Jesus any more. “(The Sanhedrin) called them and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered them, ‘Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.’” Acts 4:18-20
In other words, Peter and John declared “We’re not going to submit to you on this! Preaching about Jesus is what we’re supposed to do. We will do what God wants us to do despite what you say.”
So we are not required to submit to anything that is illegal, immoral, or that violates the will of God.
2nd – Submission doesn’t mean you have to put you or your family in danger. In other words: a woman whose husband beats her or the kids, does not have to stay in that situation. How do I know that? Because of a story in the Old Testament. In the Old Testament, we read that David lived in the palace with King Saul. He was UNDER the King’s AUTHORITY. But when it became obvious that the King wanted to harm David. In fact, Saul intended to kill David… so, David left town.
Any wife or child who endangered by the husband of the household doesn’t have to stay in that dangerous situation. They can (and they should) LEAVE! And the church should assist.
ONE LAST THOUGHT: WHY should I submit? Well, yeah, I should submit because Jesus did… I got that! But why does it matter if I do or not?
Do you remember my saying that submission is the 3rd way that we can be filled with the POWER of God’s Spirit? When we CHOOSE to be submissive to the other people in our lives (especially for those who don’t deserve us to be nice to them) we turn God’s Spirit loose in that relationship. And when we turn God’s Spirit loose… WATCH OUT! because things can begin to change in a big way.
ILLUS: Think about it this way. Back in the Old West, there were some ranchers who had a unique way of breaking wild stallions. What they’d do is – they’d harness the stallion to a little burro, and they’d turn them loose. The last they’d see of the two animals was a powerful horse bucking and dragging the small burro helpless out into the desert.
These animals might be gone for days, but eventually they would come back.
And guess which animal was in the lead? That’s right. It was the little burro, and he was leading this powerful - but now changed and subdued - stallion behind him. The burro was never violent. Never demanded its way. But it quietly and patiently held on for dear life until the horse became exhausted. By patience and submission, the donkey eventually broke the wild stallion. The burro’s submission made all the difference. (John Killinger in the “Atlantic Monthly”)
Now, here’s my point. Submission was never meant to be an inconvenience for us. God did not call us to be submissive so that we’d be annoyed all day long. Nooooo. God called US to be submissive because that’s one of the greatest tools we have to change the lives of the people around us.
You need proof of that? REREAD with me that passage from Philippians 2 we looked at earlier: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by TAKING THE FORM OF A SERVANT, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:4-11
Did you catch that? Why did Jesus take on the form of a servant? Why did He empty Himself of His rights and authority as God? He did it so that He could change the world, so that people like you and I could become children of God. His humility and submission to our needs will result in “EVERY KNEE” bowing and EVERY TONGUE confessing that He is Lord. And God has commissioned us to use that very powerful technique to bring about a change in the lives of those around us.
INVITATION: But in order to use this power of submission, we must first submit to God. We come to Him believing that Jesus is the Christ the Son of the Living God; we must repent of our sins, confess that Jesus will now be our Lord and Master, and we must allow ourselves to be buried in the waters of Christian baptism and rise up to walk in newness of life.
