Getting Life Right: RE-CYCLING RELATIONSHIPS—Matthew 5:38-48
Most relationships follow a simple rule: “What goes around comes around.” If interactions between people are going in a positive direction, the relationship thrives, with reciprocal affirmation, encouragement, cooperation, and kindness. If interactions between people are going in a negative direction, the relationship might take a downward spiral into pain, antagonism, and mutual destruction.
You might be experiencing something like that at work, or among your relatives. It might even be going on at your house. A positive cycle builds on good vibes, but a downward spiral can be hard to interrupt.
HOW CAN WE RE-CYCLE RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION?
(You might be able to think of a specific relationship—maybe someone you are close to, or a less intense working relationship, or occasional interactions with your neighbor. There might be a big problem, or small issues that come up on occasion.)
What does Jesus say about re-cycling relationships?
Read Matthew 5:38-48.
THE NATURAL CYCLE IS PAYBACK.
You reach out to me, so I reach out to you. I do you a favor, so you do me a favor. You are inconsiderate, and I get upset and make you feel bad.
Jesus referred to that payback cycle, saying, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’” That was a common legal principle in the ancient world, appearing in Hammurabi’s Code in Babylon more than 1800 years before Jesus. It was also found in the OT, in passages such as Leviticus 24:17-22, “Anyone who takes the life of a human being is to be put to death. Anyone who takes the life of someone’s animal must make restitution—life for life. Anyone who injures their neighbor is to be injured in the same manner: fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. The one who has inflicted the injury must suffer the same injury. Whoever kills an animal must make restitution, but whoever kills a human being is to be put to death. You are to have the same law for the foreigner and the native-born. I am the LORD your God.”
That may sound vindictive, even barbaric, but it was actually a step forward. The punishment was to fit the crime, and justice should apply to all, even foreigners. Retaliation was not allowed to escalate, as it sometimes does when people feud. Even today, we hear on the news about people being killed to avenge a failed drug deal or a lost girlfriend.
Yet payback doesn’t really solve any problems. What is the benefit of having two guys running around with only one eye? Or what is the benefit of a husband and wife both hurting, because of cruel words they said to each other?
Payback destroys close relationships. He has to work late and doesn’t think to call, so she is upset and angrily steers him toward the microwave. The next night she faces a crisis with the kids, and dinner is late again. His comment about that is met with, “You don’t even know what our kids are doing most of the time.” He feels attacked, and criticizes how she handles them. They begin to constantly bicker about who should be cooking dinner or helping with homework. They argue about who does more work around the house, and they retreat to their phones and headphones.
Payback doesn’t work for people we care about.
But what about people who aren’t close? What about people we are forced to deal with—people at work, neighbors, or people we do business with. Some of them are downright nasty!
Jesus has something to say about how to handle an EVIL person: Matthew 5:39, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.”
Really, Jesus? We can’t let an evil person win! Proverbs 25:26 says, “Like a muddied spring or a polluted well are the righteous who give way to the wicked.” Isn’t it our obligation to stand against unfairness, abuse, or bullying? Are you telling us, Jesus, that we should tolerate fraud, racism, or evil tyrants?
Earlier in chapter 5, Jesus told his disciples that he did not come to abolish the OT, but to fulfill it. Isaiah 1:17 says, “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” Jesus is not contradicting what Isaiah said about upholding justice for all.
Jesus himself cleared the temple courts of unscrupulous merchants with a whip made out of cords. He took on the Pharisees, calling them “hypocrites…a brood of vipers…whitewashed tombs.” He risked his life to heal a woman on the Sabbath, and he stood up for tax collectors, prostitutes, and lepers.
People in authority wield power to protect others and preserve justice. Paul talked about the role of government officials as agents of God’s justice:
Romans 13:1-4 “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God…For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.”
Jesus is not talking about justice in society, however. He is talking about the cycle of personal retribution, when two people go at each other, and both end up with black eyes, or even worse. What can we do about that?
BREAK THE CYCLE OF RETRIBUTION.
“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”
Don’t hear this wrong; Jesus is not telling us to be wimps, giving in out of weakness or fear. God wants us to have the courage to stand up for what is right. But sometimes the best way to show what is right is to expose the evil in unjust demands.
In Michael Green’s commentary on Matthew, he rcounts what a black Christian leader in South Africa said, in the days of apartheid. The man said that when he was forced to do a menial thing to serve a white man, he would say after he did it, “Is there anything else you would like me to help you with?” The power dynamics switched, because he spoke out of strength.
Will this work in the real world? I suppose it depends upon your goal.
If your goal is to get your own way, or gain the advantage, this might not be the way to go about it.
If your goal is to overcome evil, however, this might be the only way that works!
If a marriage is struggling, going the second mile might be the only way to turn things around. If you have a coworker who constantly puts you down, going the extra mile to serve might make an impression on her, and even more on the rest of the people in the office, as well as your boss.
If repaying evil with good doesn’t fix your problem with another person, it will at least keep evil from taking over your mind! As Paul says in Romans 12:17, 21, “Do not repay evil for evil…Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Still, it all seems difficult and unfair. Why would we do what Jesus tells us?
1 Peter 2:23 says, “When they hurled their insults at Jesus, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
Hanging on the cross, Jesus was no wimp. Even there, when evil people were taking his life, Jesus was strong, because he trusted in his Father to overcome the powers of evil. Jesus was so strong as he gave up his life that “when the centurion, who stood there in front of Jesus, saw how he died, he said, ‘Surely this man was the Son of God!’” (Mark 15:39)
In giving his life, Jesus interrupted the cycle of sin and evil, to bring forgiveness.
If we trust Jesus, we can interrupt the cycle of retribution and payback.
START A NEW CYCLE OF LOVE.
Matthew 5:43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’” Only part of that is in the OT; the part about hating your enemy was added by the rabbis.
It is natural to love people who love us, and show kindness to those who are kind to us, because, “What goes around comes around.” Jesus pointed out that even the ones Jews scorned the most—tax collectors and pagans—loved those who loved them, and paid back those who treated them well.
Jesus wants his disciples to do better than that: “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…”
Why would anyone do that? There might be practical reasons. By praying for your enemies, they might change, either because of your attitude toward them, or because God changes their heart. But that is not the motivation Jesus has in mind:
Matthew 5:44-45 “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
***A car had a bumper sticker that said, “May you have exactly the God you deserve.” I hope not! I don’t deserve a God who is as merciful and gracious as our God. I don’t deserve a God who loves me enough to give his Son to redeem me.**
In Romans 5:8, Paul puts it this way: “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
God’s love is for the unworthy, and God’s children should reflect the love of God, even to those to mistreat them. That is not easy to do! It is not easy to do, but it should be our goal, in all of our relationships.
Jesus went on to say, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” We are never perfect in this life, of course, but our goal should be to love as God loves.
Our goal is to love our spouse as God loves them—not just when they show love to us, but even when they seem like our “enemy”! Our goal is to love our children, even when they rebel.
Our goal is to love our neighbor who gives us grief. Our goal is to love the boss who is unreasonable, the coworker who is hypercompetitive, and the person who spreads rumors about us.
Will this make our relationships better? It might. But we are not doing it for that reason alone; we are doing it to reflect the love of God for all people, even imperfect people like us.
Jesus began this section of the Sermon on the Mount by saying, “You are the light of the world…Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds, and glorify your Father in heaven.”
How can you let your light shine, to reflect the love and grace of God?
