Getting Life Right: SEXUALITY—Matthew 5:27-32
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gathered his closest disciples around him, teaching them how to get life right.
We began our series with Matthew 5:17-20, where Jesus affirmed the enduring value of the OT law, but said that the law alone does not make people righteous. Righteousness is deeper than keeping rules or putting on a show of goodness.
Last week, we considered what Jesus said about the sixth commandment, “Don’t murder…” A self-righteous person will immediately breathe a sigh of relief, thinking, “At least I haven’t murdered anyone.” But Jesus pointed out that attitudes and words can also destroy people, so resentment, mockery, or putting others down can be like murder.
Today, we read what Jesus says about the seventh commandment: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’” Again, the self-righteous person might say, “Well, at least I haven’t had an affair.”
Good for you! Now imagine your life laid out on the screen up there…every thought…every movement of your eyes…every feeling, every action, every fantasy… Thank God it is not up there for all to see!
Yet we know, as Hebrews 4:13 says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”
How are you feeling now about keeping the commandment about adultery?
Jesus says, (Matthew 5:27-28) “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Really, Jesus? Wouldn’t that make pretty much everybody a lawbreaker? Is looking and thinking about someone in the wrong way adultery? What if it is not a person in the flesh, but a photoshopped picture, or a character in a novel? What would Jesus say about an unrealistic cultural image of a “soul mate” who finishes your sentences?
If we are trying to be self-righteous, sexuality is a problem area. Some people avoid God for that reason; they don’t want to feel guilty.
God doesn’t want us to feel guilty! 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
Whew! Since we’re forgiven anyway, sin is no big deal, right? Thank you Jesus!
But then Jesus says, (Matthew 5:29-30) “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”
One of the early church fathers, Origen, was rumored to take this literally, castrating himself. But what good would it do to cut off an eye or hand? Without a right eye or hand, there would still be a left eye and hand—and a roving mind.
This is hyperbole (obvious exaggeration to make a point); don’t do this at home! But how far would you go to overcome sin?
Jesus went to the cross for our sin! Hebrews 12:2-4 says, “For the joy set before him Jesus endured the cross…In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.”
To resist sin and make your life right, would you do even the simplest things?
WHAT CAN WE DO TO GET LIFE RIGHT IN REGARD TO OUR SEXUALITY?
BE WISE ABOUT TEMPTATION.
Our culture constantly bombards us with temptations. If you watch television, get on your smart phone or computer, or go out in public on a spring day, you are probably facing temptation. We can limit some temptations, by not clicking, and choosing wisely among books, movies or gaming, but we can’t eliminate every temptation, unless we retreat to a cave in the desert. Even in the desert, Jesus was tempted, although in a different way!
If we don’t push back against the messages our culture sends us, the cumulative impact of what we see and hear makes immoral behavior seems normal. We have to keep reminding ourselves that not everything we see or hear is right. Parents also have to talk with their children about that.
We can’t avoid all temptations, but we can try to manage them. One of earliest leaders of the Christian church said: “I cannot keep a bird from flying over my head. But I can certainly keep it from nesting in my hair or biting my nose off.” There are places we don’t need to go, either in the world or online, because temptations are more prevalent there. There are people we don’t need to be with, especially when their plans are evil. There are situations where the pressure to join in evil behavior will be strong.
Yet temptation is part of life, and sometimes unavoidable. In today’s world, people interact with others of the opposite sex at work, the gym, church or social events, and some of the old rules about avoiding temptation don’t work as well. Billy Graham had a rule about never being alone with a woman, but that might be required in the workplace now. New rules are needed—or maybe more than just rules.
New rules might at least limit where people are alone together, especially when they travel. There might be unwritten rules about emotional intimacy, or talking negatively about frustrations in marriage. There will certainly be rules about flirtation, kinds of touch, and physical expressions.
Yet rules don’t cover every situation. There is a line—sometime a very fuzzy line—between an appropriate relationship of warmth and support, and an inappropriate relationship.
Rules are not the final answer; they don’t work without keeping a firm grip on truth. Call it what it is: flirtation, crossing personal boundaries, or impure thoughts. Recognize fantasies for what they are. Remind yourself that actions do have consequences, and that you have a lot to lose if you give in to temptation.
Temptation doesn’t all come from the outside, however. James 1:14 says, “Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.” Temptation often attacks at a point of weakness.
Take King David, for example. He liked beautiful women, and they liked him. (He was like a rock star or a professional athlete.) Then came a midlife crisis, where his men went off to war, and he had to stay home to avoid danger. When he saw Bathsheba bathing, he took advantage of his power and position to take her. There was a lot more going on with David than lust, however.
Sexual temptation reveals our weaknesses: Lonely? Insecure? Bored? Undisciplined? Power-hungry? Feeling unloved and unattractive? Pain from past? Rejection or cruelty? Frustration with life? Temptation can find a foothold at those points, unless we fix our weaknesses with God’s help.
Be wise about temptation.
CHANNEL SEXUALITY
Being male or female is part of who we are, and a good thing!
Two men or two women talk together differently than a man and a woman. (The relationship Jesus had with Mary was different from his relationship with Lazarus. Both were right.)
Despite what you might see on TV, and despite a famous movie title, attraction need not be fatal. We will be attracted to lots of people, of both sexes, in various ways, and we decide how to handle the attraction.
Instead of trying to deny God-given sexuality and the attraction that comes with it, channel it into different kinds of relationship. Paul says in 1 Timothy 5:1-2, “Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
It is healthy to develop safe relationships with friends, family, and in the church. Those safe relationship, with mothers, sisters and children (or fathers and brothers) will help us not feel deprived, and will enrich our lives.
Single people especially benefit from relationships with both sexes, and well as being included in families. The church should be a place that is safe and inclusive.
Those are married have the benefit of a spouse, of course. If you are married, make your husband or wife your ally. My wife doesn’t demand to know everybody I talk to, or have full access to my computer, although she knows my passwords. Yet I make a point to tell her who I talk to, and if I feel hesitant about sharing something, I ask myself why that is.
Research on accountability indicates that having someone to hold you accountable doesn’t work, unless you really want it. Maybe you want your wife to look at your computer cache or charge slips. Maybe you want to tell your husband about the guy at work who hangs around your desk.
Marriage is God’s best way to channel sexuality! Part of that is obvious, especially for younger couples. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
In addition to the physical, channel your emotional needs toward your spouse. Get away from your phones, look at each other, and talk about your day and what has been going through your mind lately. Do things together, celebrate what you appreciate and enjoy, build each other up. Find ways to say, “I need you,” “I trust you,” “I believe in you and support you.”
Hopefully, you can also share your connection with Christ. Prayer, worship, common goals in serving or raising godly children draw you together. Share as much as you can, even if one is not as committed as the other.
Whether single or married, channel sexuality in positive ways.
SUPPORT MARRIAGE.
Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…”
Our culture is becoming less supportive of marriage. In fact, many people feel that marriage is sort of an “add-on” for couples who have the desire and money to have an expensive wedding. God’s plan for getting life right is clear, however: Marriage is the foundation of God’s plan for a healthy community.
A healthy church family, including those who are single, should support marriage for their own good, the good of the church, and the good of the community. Marriage is not just for couples; marriage provides stability, boundaries, and an environment for justice and human thriving.
How do unmarried people support God’s ideal for marriage? Couples that are dating reserve sexual intimacy for the commitment involved in marriage. Old people seeking companionship maintain moral standards. Christians with same-sex attractions choose not to engage in immoral behavior. People who find themselves in difficult marriages do not give up without fighting for their marriage.
Jesus talked about that, as he continued to teach his disciples: (Matthew 5:31-32) “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Is divorce the worst form of adultery? No, sin is sin, and Jesus has just been talking about the sin of adultery in a way that doesn’t exclude any of us. Why does Jesus single out divorce in this way?
In OT times, a man divorcing his wife might give her a certificate of divorce, which protected her from being passed back and forth between two men, like property. Some teachers of the law seized on the rule to justify a casual attitude toward divorce: as long as they did it legally, they could justify it by saying, “At least I did my divorce lawfully.”
A self-righteous person might try to justify divorce in a similar way, saying, “I tried to take the high road in my divorce, avoiding bitterness, greed, cruelty, or continued conflict. Obviously that is better than the alternative, but divorce is never to be taken lightly, and marriage is never to be taken lightly.
Divorce might be the lesser of two evils, in cases of unfaithfulness, abuse by actions or words, or abandonment. In fact, in other places in Scripture, Jesus and Paul leave room for divorce for those reasons.
But marriage must be taken seriously, and Jesus warns the person who chooses divorce as a convenient way out of a marriage. Divorce is not for the person who wants a do-over, or has found another person to be their “soul mate.” Divorce is not for the person who wants a newer model, or wants to go out and “find himself or herself.” No matter how you dress it up, that is adultery.
Your marriage may not be all that you hoped it would be, and your life may even be difficult. Jesus is not asking you to cut off your right hand; he is asking you to give it your best.
If your partner is unwilling, of course, that is their concern. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Be wise about temptation…Channel sexuality…Support marriage…
SEEK GOD’S HELP.
Sexuality is a window into our lives: personality, character, relational integrity, and spirituality. Our struggles can humble us before God, to seek his help.
No sin is too great to be forgiven. David, who knew about adultery and murder from experience, wrote in Psalm 32:1-2 “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the LORD does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.”
No temptation is too great to be resisted. In 1 Corinthians 10:12-13, Paul says, “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
The way out is often a deeper relationship with God. In 2 Timothy 2:22, Paul told Timothy to “Flee the evil desires of youth and PURSUE righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Perhaps the most powerful tools is intimacy with God.
***I once heard a successful young pastor talk about his struggle with pornography in college. He did not realize how much it was blocking his spiritual growth, until he heard another man talk about his own struggles, quoting Matthew 5:8, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” He realized he had too much to live for, and too much to lose, to blow it on sin.**
God wants us to get life right. He wants us to be right with him, right with each other, and right with ourselves. Righteousness is the goal.
At the beginning of The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus shared with his disciples what we call the Beatitudes. One of his promises there is, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” If we hunger and thirst for righteousness, we will be blessed…families will be blessed…the church will be blessed…our community will be blessed…and even our culture will be blessed!
