Transition Song: Hurricane by Natalie Grant
Our Theme this year - Breakthrough 2020
Thesis: In 2020 we are looking for spiritual breakthroughs in our lives, our relationships, our souls, our families, our church, our school, and our community. This is our vision and prayer! But to get the desired breakthrough in these areas requires us to have 20 – 20 vision from the Lord. We need to see into the spiritual realm and learn how to use His weapons which will bring us the spiritual breakthroughs we seek.
Scripture Texts:
2 Corinthians 10:3-4: “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”
Philippians 4:19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."
Sermon 4: Breakthrough in Relationships
Thesis: With the inner guiding and power of the Holy Spirit we can learn how to get a breakthrough in bad or strained relationships. Breakthrough is possible in most relationships if we allow the Holy Spirit to teach us key relationship skills. God designed us all to be in relationship with Him and with each other and he will help us get breakthroughs in our relationships if we ask Him for help.
The Bible shares stories upon stories focusing on the importance of real relationships – 1st with God then 2nd with others! So, it’s imperative we cultivate healthy and whole relationships if we want a breakthrough in 2020!
ILLUSTRATION:
A man was reading his paper early one morning at the breakfast table. His wife came over to him and patted him on the shoulder. She looked at him, smiled, and said, “I bet you don’t know what today is, do you?” He looked at her and said, “Of course I know what day it is!” and went back to reading his paper.
He didn’t have a CLUE, but he was AFRAID that he would make his wife UPSET—she was really SENSITIVE about SPECIAL OCCASIONS. He thought to himself, “Is it her BIRTHDAY? That must be it.” So after he got to WORK he called the FLORIST and had a BOUQUET of WHITE ROSES sent to his wife. Then as the day went on, he began WORRYING that FLOWERS may not be ENOUGH for such an IMPORTANT DAY. “What if it’s our ANNIVERSARY?” So he went to the JEWELRY STORE down from his OFFICE, picked out a beautiful TENNIS BRACELET and had it special DELIVERED to his WIFE. As he started home from work he decided that maybe he should also stop and buy an expensive BOX of CHOCOLATES to bring to her—just in case.
He pulls into the DRIVEWAY and his WIFE runs out to GREET him. As he gets out of the CAR and PRESENTS her with the BOX of CHOCOLATES, she throws her arms around him and says, “Oh, honey, this is the best GROUNDHOG DAY I’ve ever had!”
COMMENT: FEAR can cause us to do some very UNUSUAL things. What I’m wondering is, how is he going to TOP that next GROUNDHOG’S DAY?
https://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/the-fear-dance-the-number-one-destroyer-of-relationships-fred-sigle-sermon-on-fear-and-worry-96115
Topic: Lessons from Joe – the young years and his toxic relationships!
Thesis: Joseph’s life demonstrates a person who learned to get breakthroughs in his relationships with the help of God. He learned from his mistakes and was teachable. He was also adaptable, forgiving and persevering.
Key Text: Genesis 37:1-36
1Jacob lived in the land where his father had stayed, the land of Canaan. 2This is the account of Jacob. Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them. 3Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. 4When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. 5Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. 6He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: 7We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.” 8His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said. 9Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” 10When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?” 11His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind. 12Now his brothers had gone to graze their father’s flocks near Shechem, 13and Israel said to Joseph, “As you know, your brothers are grazing the flocks near Shechem. Come, I am going to send you to them.”
“Very well,” he replied. 14So he said to him, “Go and see if all is well with your brothers and with the flocks, and bring word back to me.” Then he sent him off from the Valley of Hebron. When Joseph arrived at Shechem, 15a man found him wandering around in the fields and asked him, “What are you looking for?” 16He replied, “I’m looking for my brothers. Can you tell me where they are grazing their flocks?” 17“They have moved on from here,” the man answered. “I heard them say, ‘Let’s go to Dothan.’” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. 18But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him. 19“Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. 20“Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.” 21When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not take his life,” he said. 22“Don’t shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the desert, but don’t lay a hand on him.” Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father. 23So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the richly ornamented robe he was wearing—24and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it. 25As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt. 26Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? 27Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed. 28So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt. 29When Reuben returned to the cistern and saw that Joseph was not there, he tore his clothes. 30He went back to his brothers and said, “The boy isn’t there! Where can I turn now?”
31Then they got Joseph’s robe, slaughtered a goat and dipped the robe in the blood. 32They took the ornamented robe back to their father and said, “We found this. Examine it to see whether it is your son’s robe.” 33He recognized it and said, “It is my son’s robe! Some ferocious animal has devoured him. Joseph has surely been torn to pieces.” 34Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. 35All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “No,” he said, “in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.” So, his father wept for him.
36Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard.
T.S. - Today we are going to look at the life of Joseph – Hero of the faith and a person who had many ups and down in his relationships with other people! But first let’s be reminded of the DNA of relationships and how God created us to be in relationships with him and others.
Introduction:
Quote from Dr. Smalley: “God made you for relationships. You can’t change that. You can work either with or against this DNA, but you can’t choose whether it exists. The only choice you have is whether you will work to make those relationships great or allow them to cause you—and others—great pain. So, choose wisely. Choose life…
…The DNA of Relationships: You are made for relationships. Relationships are part of the creation design. You are created to need relationships. You are made with the capacity to choose. You can’t always choose your relationships, but you can choose how you will act in those relationships…
…You are made to take responsibility for yourself. You are responsible for your choices and actions. You cannot change the other person, but you can take responsibility for your own behavior. Conflict is never just about the other person. The problem you have with another person is often a problem you have with yourself. Put yourself in the picture. When you see yourself in the same “frame” as the other person, you begin to see yourself as part of the problem as well as part of the solution…
…Get God’s lens for a healthy view of your relationships. Only when you see your relationships through an accurate lens—God’s lens—can you see others as he sees them and see yourself as he sees you. That lens is the basis for healthy relationships. Choice equals change. All relationships involve choice. When you choose to work toward healthy relationships, you often find things need to change. You must choose to change, even when the change is scary. Not choosing is itself a choice. If you postpone making a choice, making a change, then you are choosing. By not doing anything, you force change to be done to you. (The DNA of Relationships (p. 15- 16). Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. Kindle Edition.)
Background on Joseph’s story:
Joseph was the great grandson of Abraham. Abraham was the father of Isaac. Isaac was the father of Jacob, who was also known as Israel – which by the way is how Israel got its name today. Joseph was the son of Jacob and Rachel. Jacob had four wives and 12 sons and Joseph was the 11th son. He had one full brother named Benjamin and during his birth his mother died.
In the fifty chapters of Genesis Joseph’s life story takes up one-fourth of the chapters. His life can be divided up into three sections says Chuck Swindoll:
• Birth to Seventeen Years (Genesis 30:24-37:2) – I call, “Yo Joe!”
o During this time Joseph’s family was is transition-everyone was unsettled, on the move. A low-level antagonism was brewing as his family clashed and argued in jealousy and hatred. Favoritism was running rampant in relationships making them toxic.
• Seventeen to Thirty years (Genesis 37:2-41:46) I call this time of his life as “Low Joe!”
o This second segment occurs as Joseph reaches young manhood. It seems as though his life becomes out of control. Enslavement, unfair accusation, and imprisonment assault him.
• Thirty Years to Death (Genesis 41:46-50:26) I call this time period “GO Joe!”
o Joseph’s last eighty years of prosperity and reward under God’s blessing. He had the classic opportunity to get even with his brothers, to ruin them forever, but he refused. Instead he blessed, protected, and forgave.
? (Swindoll, pg. 4)
I have grouped his three time periods and named them. The life of Joe as three parts. The first we will look at today – “Yo Joe?” – Joe really – look around – are you that blind – can you not see what you are doing to your relationships? This time frame covers his early years. The second part covers his later teens and 20’s. The third part +covers his last 80 years.
• History is always a great teacher and Joe’s life is placed in the Bible to teach us – So to those who want to learn the lessons of History pay attention. Abraham Lincoln knew the power in learning from history and one author had this to say about him.
o He was not a born king of men…but a child of the common people, who made himself a great persuader, therefore a leader, by dint of firm resolve, patient effort, and dogged perseverance. He slowly won his way to eminence and fame by doing the work that lay next to him-doing it with all his growing might-doing it as well as he could, and learning by his failure, when failure was encountered, how to do better….He was open to all impressions and influences (including from history and other sources), and gladly profited by the teaching of events and circumstances, no matter how adverse or unwelcome. There was probably no year of his life when he was not a wiser, cooler, and better man than he had been the year preceding (Phillips, 170,171).
o Abraham Lincoln knew that success in life and leadership came by learning from others, from history and from life’s circumstances. Phillips states, “Time after time Lincoln used this method of gathering the evidence he needed to take appropriate action” (21).
o In essence Phillips who studied Lincoln said the man “…actually grew into the job of the presidency”(172).
? Ow well are you learning life lessons through history?
• We can observe the same about Joseph he actually grew through his good, bad and ugly relationships into what God wanted him to become and that was the Prime Minister of Egypt.
T.S. - Lets now begin exploring how Joseph grew through his relationships the good, the bad and the ugly ones – they all turned him into a Man of God and into the Prime Minister of Egypt. Let’s gather information about him in his early years and see what we can learn about his relationships and his interpersonal relationship skills.
I. Joe was spoiled – By his Dad (Israel), “Here is a coat of honor because you’re my favorite son” (Genesis 37:1-4).
a. “This is the account of Jacob. Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was Jacob lived in the land where his father had stayed, the land of Canaan. tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them. Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.”
i. This is not a great opening observation of young Joe’s life!
b. Joe was sadly in a family where his dad lifted him up as more honorable than the rest of the kids.
i. Jacob blatantly showed favoritism to Joseph and the rest of the family took notice – it made Joseph’s relationships with his brothers toxic – strained and caused them to eventually break.
ii. Parents do you want to sabotage relationships between your children – then decide to show favoritism?
1. Favoritism will destroy and cause relationships to become toxic between the haves and the have nots.
2. My grandmother showed favoritism in our family!
a. Tell how it made you feel as a kid! Not good!
iii. Joseph was in the middle of the disease called favoritism and it poisoned his relationships with his family and siblings.
1. At a young age Joseph was engulfed into a plague that brought painful sores to his life – caused slavery and it experiences.
a. The first wound he received from this plague created by his father was rejection from the rest of his brothers.
i. Bruce Goettsche notes this about what happens in families where favoritism is prevalent:
1. This chapter reminds us of the danger of playing favorites in a household. …Favoritism in a home is deadly. Jacob of all people should have understood this. His father loved his brother more than him. In fact, if you remember, Jacob had to pretend to be Esau in order to get his father’s blessing. If any parent was sensitive to this issue, it should have been Jacob. Every child longs for the love from their parents. Even when children are grown they still want the approval and affirmation of their parents. I wonder how many of you would love to be able to hear your parents say, ‘You know, I am so proud of you.” Many adults grow up feeling that they cannot measure up. I suspect that the sons of Leah, Bilhah and Zilpah spent their lives looking for the approval and love of their father (2).
b. The second wound Joseph faced from favoritism was jealousy from his brothers.
i. It’s amazing to think – his brothers hated him - but it was a fact the brothers do not get mad at their father Jacob who is in the wrong but at Joseph.
1. Maybe they just wanted to believe that their father did love them as much as Joseph but Joseph kept him from loving them like he should.
a. What do you think?
b. Do you see how toxic this is to family relationships?
2. This thought pattern would be much less painful for the other kids in this toxic family relationship.
a. Blame Joe – it’s his fault!
ii. The favoritism and the special robe status just added to this dysfunctional family and gave the green eyed monster of jealousy room to grow big and nasty.
1. It made a mess that breed a deep seated envy and anger that affected the other brothers so bad- that the Bible states, “They would not be friendly to him or speak nice words to him.”
a. He became the focal point of their anger! He became the one to punch, swear at, ridicule, mock, abuse, verbal abuse, emotionally abuse, and the list could go on. Out of dad’s presence!
b. Really the brothers reacted to Joseph out of fear – and fear drives out love.
2. Have you ever observed this ugly monster or this toxic disease?
a. It produces hatred, denial, and torment to the one it’s focused on.
3. Many would never admit they had this disease. But as this one writer states it’s all to common:
a. “Jealousy is on of the hardest of all sins to admit to. How often do you hear someone admit to that one? But’s it’s universal. Mass confession time. If you have in your life envied somebody else’s car or house or physique or marriage or children or grandchildren, if you’ve ever wished you had someone else’s skin, if you’ve ever wished you had someone else’s hair, if you’ve ever envied somebody’s salary, success, beauty, wardrobe, education, temperament, athletic ability, spiritual gift or humility…”
b. Have you experienced the disease of jealousy?
i. It happens in life and this monster lives in a state where people deny he’s there. Yet it causes mass destruction.
c. The 3rd wound caused by this disease was what Dr. Smalley calls the “Dance of Fear” in relationships: We need to know that there is a fear factor which impacts relationships negatively!
i. THE EXTERNAL PROBLEM IS RARELY THE REAL PROBLEM…Let me be so bold as to say that every person on the planet wrestles with some core fear. And that includes you. You may not like to hear that…
1. The fear factor is destroying relationships today just like it did with Joseph and his brothers!
a. They feared Joseph – what he represented and how he got special treatment!
2. Scripture Fear:
a. Psalm 34:4: I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
b. 2 Timothy 1:7: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self–discipline.
ii. Smalley notes: “Here’s the key: Without identifying your own core fear and understanding how you tend to react when your fear button gets pushed, your relationships will suffer. Every time! What is your core fear? Do you already know what it is? Most people don’t…Joseph brothers were letting fear drive out love and look at Joseph through a twisted and distorted lens…My core fear is that I feel . . . Helpless, powerless, impotent, or controlled (OR):
1. I feel rejected, as if people are closing me out of their lives!
2. I feel abandoned or left behind, as in divorce!
3. I feel disconnected from others or alone!
4. I feel like a failure!
5. I feel unloved, as if no one could love me!
6. I feel defective, as if something is wrong with me, as if I’m the problem!
7. I feel inadequate, as if I just don’t measure up to others like I should!
8. I feel pained both emotionally and physically!
9. I feel hypocritical or like a phony!
10. I feel inferior, as if I’m being placed below everyone else in value!
11. I feel belittled!
12. I feel cheated or ripped off or taken advantage of!
13. I feel invalidated, as if my words and actions are being ignored or devalued!
14. I feel unfulfilled, as if what is happening to me will lead to a dissatisfied life!
15. I feel humiliated, as if I have no dignity or self-respect!
16. I feel manipulated, as if others are deceiving me!
17. I feel isolated, as if others are planning to ignore me!
iii. I encourage you to “nail” your fear down in a way that really clicks for you – fear will distort and destroy your relationships!
1. Smalley notes, “Without identifying your own core fear and understanding how you tend to react when your fear button gets pushed, your relationships will suffer. Every time!”
a. The above from - The DNA of Relationships (p. 18-21). Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
d. The 4th infected wound caused by favoritism is prideful arrogance which our hero Joe falls prey too- remember he is a teenager – a spoiled one – raised to be spoiled and to think he is better than the others. This infection would cause his relationships to become more toxic, broken and strained.
i. This deadly disease surfaces to the top because of a father’s actions.
ii. The problem is this one surfaces in our young hero Joseph – his ego gets out of control and most of his brothers want to get rid of him one way or another.
1. Favoritism destroys the haves and the have nots!
iii. Let’s explore this concept and disease more in point 2!
T.S. - Let’s look at this one in more detail under our second main point.
II. Joe’s dream: This is a vision of the future. He used his dream to put others down – it causes relationships to be severed and broken.
a. Genesis 37:5-11: “Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.” His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said. Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?” His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.
i. First the brothers had to deal with the colorful coat – which caused strains and toxic relationships with his brothers and now he has the dreams – telling his family they will bow to him – You Joe are really that blind? But the ugly disease is spreading like wildfire getting more deadly by the day for Joe.
1. But note this Joseph brags about his dreams! Prideful arrogance takes over toward his family and toxic relationships are manifested. His father the one who started all of this rebukes him. His brothers hate him more and more.
a. His father rebukes him - finally– but it’s a little bit too late in my view! He is in his teens the favorite treatment has done its damage to his relationships and with others.
i. Dad should have raised him different!
ii. NOTE: By the way it never says in our text that these dreams came from God!
1. The writer inspired by the Holy Spirit does not attribute them to God. In other Biblical texts it is usually affirmed that the dream was from the Lord. So, don’t take the view that God showed this to Joseph so that he could share this inside scoop with his brothers and father and Lord it over them.
a. The dreams – maybe your dreams need to be put on a shelf not rubbed into other peoples faces!
2. How many see that a spoiled child turns into a spoiled teenager who now tells the family “I will be the greatest and you will all bow to me” “I am special – more special than all of you!” And remember the clincher of what he said to them “You will all bow to me!”
a. How well would that have gone over in your family?
i. Picture your brother or sister saying that to you?
ii. Picture anyone saying that to you?
1. Yo Joe – how dumb are you?
b. Have you ever met a spoiled child?
i. They have to have their way – all the time – if not they manipulate – through temper tantrums and force their way – sadly this just tears apart relationships.
ii. It’s very ugly and leads that person into a life of misery, pain and prideful arrogance.
1. Why? Eventually they have no friends!
iii. Spoiled children create toxic relationships with others because it’s all about them and not about others.
1. Proverbs 8:13 states, “To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.”
2. Proverbs 16:18 states, “Pride goes before destruction a haughty spirit before a fall.”
iv. The lesson here is that favoritism infects the one favored not just the ones not favored.
1. Here me do not spoil your children – grandparents do not spoil your grandchildren – been reading my new book “How to be a great grandparent!”
2. Say no teach them empathy for others – teach them its not all about them!
3. This is what I love about the Bible it tells the story of real-life situations. It does not try to paint our Bible characters as perfect but it shows their flaws, bruises, mistakes, scars and imperfections so we can learn from them what not to do as much as what to do.
a. It shows the failure of Jacob to parent correctly and rightly.
i. It amazes me how Jacob did the same thing which his dad did to him!
1. A generational dysfunction which divided the family!
b. Swindoll states, “Yes my friends our picture in Genesis 37:1-11 says Joseph was imperfect – Gilliland states, ”Joseph, at the age of seventeen, was not the humble, likable, mild mannered young man that we sometimes picture. He was more likely a pompous, arrogant, conniving spoiled brat. He was Little Ford Fonteroy with full, puffy sleeves to match his full, puffy ego. He looked better than the rest of his brothers. He dressed better. He had a better job. He had the preferred position. His father liked him best and he rubbed it into all of his other brother’s faces. No wonder they were jealous of him. No wonder they schemed against him. If he had been my kid brother, I’d have tempted to throw him down the well too!”
i. How about you – would you have wanted to through your kid brother into the pit?
ii. Think about it he is 17 years old!
b. Favoritism of one over another leads to pride for the one being favored and for the one not being favored and it sets in motion:
i. Jealousy
1. 1 Corinthians 3:3: “You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?”
2. Ecc. 4:4: “And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man’s envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
ii. Envy
1. Proverbs 14:30 “A heart of peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”
iii. Bitterness
iv. Anger
v. A critical spirit of the favored one which breeds toxic relationships!
T.S. - Lets now progress to next section of our text in Genesis 37:12-36
III. “Never give up on your dreams” - Genesis 37:12-36
a. Joe was an arrogant, boastful, and even a tattle tale and this caused his brothers to strike out at him in an attempt to destroy his dream. But God is the one who fulfills dreams he gives to his people.
i. Jacob’s (Israel’s) disease of favoritism infects the whole family Joseph became the pampered spoiled brat and his brothers became angry, jealous kids driven toward throwing Joseph in a pit, and even considering murdering him.
1. The brothers have been driven over the edge by their father’s choices and Joe’s choices and attitude toward them.
a. Their character is infected with unkindness, evil plotting, murderous intentions, lying, deception, covetousness, jealousy, envious and un-remorseful plans to get rid of him.
b. They hate Joe – they hate his arrogance and pride – they loath him and want their relationship with him terminated.
i. In essence it’s a view of an evil family that was raised by Jacob (Israel).
ii. Who’s to blame – Is it Joseph, is it the brothers or really is it the father?
ii. This family is in need of a miracle – they need a relationship breakthrough!
1. The dream is not the issue – it’s the lifelong spoiled treatment of Joseph!
b. The question could arise at this point for Joseph as he is in the pit – Has the enemy killed his dream? stolen it away? – squashed it? Has the devil stolen his divine destiny? Has his toxic relationships thwarted his dream?
i. When dreams and vision are given by the Lord – they will come to pass in spite of the surrounding circumstances.
1. Did you hear that? God fulfills the dreams He gives! Not us!
2. Jospeh dreams came to pass because he learned and grew through his failures!
ii. John Maxwell in his book “Failing Forward” stated:
1. “All great achievers are given multiple reasons to believe they are failures. But in spite of that, they persevere” (page 26).
2. “God uses people who fail-cause there aren’t any other kind around” (page 27).
iii. There are seven mindsets needed to fail forward:
1. Overcomer’s reject rejection
2. Overcomer’s see failure as temporary
3. Overcomer’s see failure as isolated instances
4. Overcomer’s keep expectations realistic
5. Overcomer’s focus on strengths
6. Overcomer’s vary their approaches to achievement
7. Overcomer’s bounce back
T.S. - Joseph dream came to pass because his pit experience – his prison experience all humbled him and this prepared him for the palace experience! Let’s apply what we learned from our historical narrative.
IV. Lessons learned from our history lesson today on relationships! We need to learn from this family’s relationship mistakes!
a. The solution to showing favoritism (adapted from John Ortberg’s message).
i. For those of you who have grown up receiving favoritism you need to put yourself in places where you are not the center of attention. This by the way is called empathy and humility!
1. You need to throw away the arrogance and pride of thinking you are more special than others.
a. This is toxic to relationships.
2. You need to learn to be servants to others. This is healthy for relationships!
a. One pastor says, “Carry someone’s groceries, change some other kids diapers in the nursery, anything. But just humbly serve someone else and learn to rejoice in just being ordinary.”
b. You need to die to yourself and be what God wants you to be a servant – just like he was.
i. Hybels states, “Jesus’ perspective was shaped by a deep sense of humility. It was a humility where none was called for; Jesus, as God, clearly deserved His titles, position, and praise. But as we have seen, Jesus “did not consider equality with God something to be grasped.” He wanted instead, to relate with man on an equal level. Where religious leaders of His day relished the separation between themselves and “the common people”, Jesus sought to break down the barriers, even those imposed by His divine rights. Humility was at the core of His philosophy. More times than not, He used His power for the powerless, showed love to the loveless, and served those who could not possibly return the favor. With characteristic consistency, He repeatedly rejected a Pecking order based on conditional response.” (121)
c. Matthew 23:11-12 “The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”
ii. For those of you who have been on the other side of the coin the one not in your parent’s favor.
1. You need to recognize and admit the pain. You need to come face to face with the pain of not wearing the robe.
a. You may have chosen the family you were born into but you can choose to react either positively or negatively in your life.
i. You have the power of choice!
ii. You still have the power to choose to press through the pain and relationship strain or quit – give up on it – you can choose not to forgive and in the end it will impact your future relationships.
2. For some of you if it’s possible you need to approach your family and acknowledge how this hurt. Maybe they just need the chance to apologize to you and have a time of reconciliation.
3. You also need to forgive – with no conditions attached. Joseph learned this quality well as we will see over the next two Sunday’s from slavery and prison.
a. Relationships are only restored through forgiveness!
4. You also need to renounce your envy and jealousy of the person who has worn the robe. You need to repent and ask to be forgiven by the Lord.
a. Some of you have been scared by envy and you need to make the choice not to give into this temptation to gossip about others, to back bite about others, to tear down others, to try to hurt others because they have and you don’t.
b. This will be a daily battle but you can win over it with the assistance of the Lord.
5. You also need to receive love and acceptance and it starts with God!
a. “See what love the father has given us that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are” (I John 3:1)
b. Receive his love and His acceptance through Jesus.
c. You need to find friends who will receive you and love pray that God would send people into your life like this.
d. You also need to trust again – don’t hide behind the hurt and scar and keep making excuses. You need to trust and it does take risks but the benefits far outweigh the risks.
iii. Parents there are very few issues in your family as important as this one. Deal with it and admit it. If you don’t your setting your family up for failure and turmoil.
1. Acknowledge you do and stop it!
2. Watch your words and actions to all of your children.
3. Teach your children to take responsibility for their relationships and don’t teach them that everyone else is at fault in relationship dysfunctions – teach them it’s not all about them.
4. Be consistent with them all – treat you children with equal favor! Be fair!
5. Treat them as individuals and highlight each of their unique attributes.
6. Do not elevate one over the other.
7. A parent’s job -grand-parents job – spiritual mother or father is to try to make robes for each of their children—robes that highlight uniqueness and qualities of each individual child.
Conclusion:
Each of us have the responsibility to act the way God desires us to act. For those who had the robe you need to be humble servants to all. To those who did not have the robe you need to admit it, deal with it and forgive.
To parents here is a special word from a pastor, “It you’re feeling depressed because your family was not perfect, is not perfect, then hear this. There is healing for imperfect families. There is a God who rejoices in bringing weak and broken people into the reality of His love. There is a home where love and peace rule. And good news is that we don’t have to wait for heaven to experience this joy and peace. We can get a taste of it right now. We can all wear the robe in God’s family.” (Ortberg, July 22nd sermon Willow).
Question: What do we need to know from this message?
Answer: Favoritism in relationships of the haves and have nots will cause relationships to become toxic!
Question: Why do we need to know this?
Answer: We need to get a proper view of God’s design for relationships and know everyone is special and treat each other with respect. When we do we will create healthy relationships were everyone wins.
Question: What do we need to do?
Answer: When we follow God’s plan for relationships, we will have healthy and whole relationships not toxic ones, we will also see breakthroughs in our relationships. If we fail to stop favoritism then toxic and tragic consequences will happen in our relationships.
Question: Why do they need to do this?
Answer: So we follow God’s DNA plan for relationships!
Altar Call!
