THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT (part ten)
Matthew 5:31-32
I don't follow country music but there was a singer back in the 70's-Tammy Wynette. Interestingly, two of her best known songs were, Stand By Your Man and D-I-V-O-R-C-E! What does that tell you?
Based on a 2008 survey, one of every three (33%) marriages ends in divorce. The percentage among evangelicals is not much better. One in every four (26%). George Barna, who directed the study, noted that Americans have grown comfortable with divorce as a natural part of life.
He said, “There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it's now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage. Interviews with young adults suggest they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.”
Barna, who has written more than three dozen books on the intersection between faith and culture, also stated that information about marriage, healthy relationships and divorce does not seem to have as much influence on people’s choices.
“Government statistics and a wealth of other research data have shown that co-habitation [living together] increases the likelihood of divorce, yet it is growing in popularity. Studies showing the importance and value of preparing for marriage seem to fall on deaf ears.
America has become an experimental, experience-driven culture. Rather than learn from objective information and teaching based on that information, people prefer to follow their instincts and let the chips fall where they may. Given that tendency, we can expect America to retain the highest divorce rate among all developed nations of the world.”
This is sad; especially when you consider that Christian marriages don't fare much better than non-Christian ones. What does that say? Jesus had to deal with people about marriage and divorce. Let's see what we can learn from it.
1) The 'D' word.
Matt. 5:31-32, “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."
As he had before, Jesus brings clarification to something that was misunderstood. In this case, it was about divorce. The idea of divorce being no big deal and the reasons for it could be whatever one decided was commonplace. In this, the sanctity of marriage became watered down and Jesus set things to right.
"Certificate of divorce". Jesus is referring to Deut. 24:1-4, "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance."
"Who becomes displeasing to him". The reason given is because he finds something indecent about her. The word used for indecent was defined as something shameful. The Jews took much liberty with this to mean anything displeasing. Rabbi Akiba said, "If any man saw a woman handsomer than his own wife, he might put his wife away". Times haven't changed much. People are still divorcing their spouse because they found a newer model with less miles.
In writing about his life, Josephus, the celebrated Jewish historian wrote, "About this time I put away my wife, who had borne me three children, not being pleased with her manners." isn't that something? "I'm divorcing you because I don't like your attitude." If all married couples did this there wouldn't be any married couples.
So, in Deut. 24 Moses states the protocol for divorced people. But Moses wasn't saying God was okay with divorce as long as there were some ground rules. Jesus addressed this issue in
Matt. 19:3-9, "Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
At this time there were two famous divinity and philosophical schools among the Jews, SHAMMAI, and HILLEL. On the question of divorce, the school of Shammai maintained that a man could not legally divorce his wife, except for infidelity. The school of Hillel taught that a man might put away his wife for a multitude of other causes. With Jesus answering the question, not from Shammai or Hillel, but from Moses, he avoided their trap. Jesus points them back to what God said in the beginning.
"United to his wife". The root meaning of this word means glued to. Not in the sense of Elmer's glue; more like Gorilla glue. And not glued to as in 24/7. If couples were glued to each other 24/7 I'm sure the divorce rate would be much higher. But we see that in God's eyes the two are now one. They are to be one in intimacy. They are to be one in spiritual belief. They are to be one in partnership. Each are the only one for the other. They commit to not allowing anyone else to interfere with their oneness. Joined, united, cohesive.
"What God has joined together." When a couple joins together in holy matrimony, they go against God's design when they divorce. Notice their response back to Jesus is, 'then why did Moses command'. And Jesus responds with, "Moses permitted". The Pharisees wanted to justify divorce for any reason as being a command from God and Jesus clarified that it was something God allowed.
Then he gave the reason: your hearts were hard. Since the people weren't living by God's original design of what God puts together let man not separate, there needed to be some protocol. Sadly, because their hearts were hard, there was abuse going on. Therefore, the allowance for divorce became an out for the wives who were being mistreated by their hard-hearted husbands. So, the ordinance of divorce from Moses wasn't a command from God; it was an allowance from God mainly for the protection and relief of women and children.
A hard heart enables people to divorce for any and every reason. It happens all the time today. The covenant of marriage is not taken seriously. Celebrities get married and divorced multiple times, with some marriages lasting only days. Their hard hearts prevent them from seeing marriage through the eyes of God. Their hard hearts see marriage as a thing to do not a covenant to make. Married easily; divorced easily. Love you today; hate you tomorrow. Marriage based on feelings, not love. That's not God's design for the institution of marriage.
"Except for marital unfaithfulness." Jesus gives one exception for divorce-infidelity. In their minds, and ours too, there are other justifiable reasons for divorce. People get divorced for many reasons-irreconcilable differences, grew out of love with each other, etc. But there are more 'legitimate' reasons like emotional or physical abuse; either toward the spouse or the kids. What about that?
Dr. David Instone Brewster, a researcher at Tyndale House, a research library in biblical studies in Cambridge, England, has studied the subject of biblical divorce extensively and he said the reason Jesus states this one exception is because he was dealing only with the argument the Pharisees were posing based on Deut. 21.
They were trying to argue that something indecent could be broken up into two words-something and indecent. In other words, you could get divorced for any reason or for infidelity. Jesus refutes this by stating it was meant to be taken as one phrase, not two. In Jesus' day, the 'any cause' divorce was commonplace.
Therefore, whenever Jesus talks about divorce, he's using it in the context of the any cause reasoning. When he states that anyone who marries another after having committed an any cause divorce commits adultery, it's because the any cause divorce is not allowed by God.
So, just because Jesus mentions infidelity as the only exception, he doesn't mean there are no other justifiable reasons for divorce, he's specifically clarifying the 'get divorced for any reason' issue. In Exodus 21, Dr. Brewster has some insights for justifiable divorce regarding neglect and abuse. But you'll have to stay for Sunday school to find out.
But even though there are allowable reasons for divorce, that doesn't mean divorce is always the answer. Separation-yes. Even in the realm of serious things like abuse or infidelity, just because divorce is allowed that doesn't mean it should be automatic. Divorce may be allowed by God but that doesn't mean that's what he wants. In fact, Mal. 2:16 says that God hates divorce. It should really be a last resort. Since God hates divorce, we should too. It may take counseling and patience but a marriage worth saving is worth the time and effort to try to save it.
"Causes her to become an adulteress" (Mt. 5:32). That doesn't seem fair. He divorced her. Why is she an adulteress if she gets remarried? What about the husband. Jesus covered that in Luke 16:18, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
I believe all the responsibility is put on the man. If I want to divorce my wife for any reason, then I will cause myself, her and the man she remarries to become adulterers. How? Because in the eyes of God, since I didn't get divorced for justifiable reasons, I'm still married to her. I might have my certificate of divorce, but that's only in the eyes of man.
What God has put together, let man not separate. Man can separate it through a certificate of divorce, but that doesn't mean God approves of it. So, on paper I can legally get remarried, but in the eyes of God I am committing adultery because I' m still bound spiritually to my first wife.
However, this doesn't apply to divorces that take place before someone became a Christian. We didn't know Jesus then and were not conducting our lives according to the Holy Spirit. That doesn't mean we didn't understand that marriage was an important commitment, but we weren't going into it with the mindset of how God viewed the sanctity of it.
Jesus wanted people to see things through a spiritual lens. What is allowable in the world is not necessarily allowable with God. Just because it's legal doesn't make it right. You can legalize drugs, prostitution, abortion, gay marriage, etc. but that doesn't make it okay. These things might not be against the government's law, but they are against God's law. And divorce is no different. God wants us to view marriage as holy and precious. And he wants us to view divorce as ugly and damaging.
I opened up the sermon with the Barna survey results for the divorce rate for Christians vs. non-Christians. If the percentages are accurate then it's sad. We're supposed to be different. If our marriage success is not much better than those who don't know Jesus what does that show? We're supposed to be showing the world that living for Jesus is better and that includes our marriages.
But when Christian couples keep getting divorced it makes it appear that this Christianity thing doesn't work. Even though it does work, we're just not working it, the world doesn't realize this. We're supposed to have the Spirit of Christ working in and through us-and that includes our relationships, marriages and our parenting.
How are we treating our spouses? How are we treating our kids? How well do we show each other that we are committed to these relationships? When you argue, has the D-word been used? How well do we show that we're willing to work it out and not give up? How do we show people that our marriage is centered on Christ? We need to conduct our marriages God's way.
2) The 'M' word.
What about getting married for any and every reason? As getting a divorce for any and every reason is wrong, getting married for any and every reason can be wrong too. People get divorced too easily and they can get married too easily. We can help to keep our marriages from ending in divorce when we understand how serious the marriage covenant is. God wants us to see how important it is to get married for the right reasons.
It's easy to get married for the wrong reasons. When just your feelings drive the wedding train, that's not a good reason to get married. People are together for a month and they get married. I'm not saying those marriages never work out but it's dangerous to go that route. You haven't given yourself enough time to see if the relationship will survive past the 'cloud nine' stage. Plus, how well can you really know someone after such a short time?
Sometimes, we can use the bible to support getting married. What's wrong with that? 1st Cor. 7:8-9, "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
See, Paul said we should get married if we can't control our sexual urges. We assume this is what Paul means by burn with passion but Adam Clarke's commentary states that Paul is saying if your desire to get married is that strong then go ahead.
Some couples fall into the sin of premarital sex. It's easy to do; the sex drive is one of the strongest we have so it's hard to resist. However, is this a good reason to get married? Not if that's the main reason. Granted, wanting to get married so I don't keep sinning is noble, but I believe the right response is to control these urges. But, if two people really love each other and their relationship has progressed to the point of discussing marriage then it's probably a good idea to not put it off any longer; unless there's an issue that needs to be resolved before moving forward.
The bottom line is, God wants us to get married for all the right reasons. Not because I'm lonely or afraid of being alone. Not because I feel better when I have someone or because I feel he/she completes me. Not just because they are physically attractive. Not because they have money. Not because they say the right things. Not because we messed around and got pregnant.
And sometimes people don't get married for the wrong reasons. It's more convenient to just live together. Our taxes will go up if we get married so marriage would be a financial setback for us.
Getting married is better than continuing to go on living together provided love is the driving force. But when I want to get married it should be for the right reasons. It should be because this person loves me and I truly love them. Because they will make a good parent. Because they're a Christian. Because we're compatible. Because we have the same values. Because I know I can trust them. Because I really want to spend the rest of my life with them. These are the right reasons.
When the relationship is built on spiritual values and not feelings or a sense of obligation it's destined for success. When God is at the center of our marriage then divorce will never be an issue. We won't care what the rules of divorce are because divorce will be the furthest thing from our minds.
When there is a problem we'll work it out. When there are troubles we'll get through them. When we fight we'll make sure we don't stay angry. Why? Because we'll always value the sanctity of marriage. Because we won't be thinking or doing merely for ourselves but for our spouse; for our children; for our church-for our God.
Quote, "Too many people marry for better or for worse...but not for good."
[poem-Tardy Oxcart pg. 365]
