On a December Sunday afternoon in northeastern Pennsylvania several years ago (2005), Pedro Sainvil sent two of his two children, ages 8 and 9, outside to play in the snow. Several minutes later, they rushed back into the house screaming, “Dad! Dad! There's a bear under the house!”
Sure enough, when Sainvil went to investigate, he saw a 700-pound black bear sleeping under his porch. It had settled there to hibernate for the winter. Sainvil and his wife were very concerned, because they had two elementary school-aged children and five-month-old twins. Sainvil's mother also lived in the house with them.
Local authorities were also worried. The State Game Commission spokesman Jerry Feaser said, “The fact that this is across from a school bus stop heightens the concern.” They were able to remove the bear, but before that happened, Sainvil's mother said: “It's very scary. I'm just praying that he'll take off. It's like a bomb under the house.” (Dan Berrett, “An Unbearable Guest,” Pocono Record, 12-6-05; www.PreachingToday.com)
This morning, I want to talk about the “bear under the house” of many people in the church and in our world. That “bear” is pornography, and it can be very destructive to whole families, to children, and to the individuals that indulge it.
According to The Barna Group and Covenant Eyes: Over 40 million Americans are regular visitors to porn sites. The average visit lasts 6 minutes and 29 seconds; 47% of families in the United States reported that pornography is a problem in their home; Pornography use increases the marital infidelity rate by more than 300%; Eleven is the average age that a child is first exposed to porn, and 94% of children will see porn by the age of 14; 56% of American divorces involve one party having an “obsessive interest” in pornographic websites; 68% of church-going men and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis. Of young Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76% actively search for porn. This is not only a problem for men. Women too are increasingly viewing porn; 33% of women aged 25-and-under search for porn at least once per month; Now, only 13% of self-identified Christian women say they never watch porn, but that means that 87% of Christian women have watched porn; 55% of married men and 25% of married women say they watch porn at least once a month; 57% of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregation. And 69% say porn has adversely impacted the church. (Luke Gibbons, 15 Mind-Blowing Statistics About Pornography And The Church, https://conquerseries.com/15-mind-blowing-statistics-about-pornography-and-the-church/)
Pornography is a huge issue, like the “bear under the house,” which we tend to ignore in the church to our own detriment, but no more. Jesus addresses the issue as part of his Sermon on the Mount, so let’s take a look at what He has to say. If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Matthew 5, Matthew 5, where Jesus is very clear about sex in His Kingdom.
Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (ESV)
The experts in the Law focused on the outward act of adultery, but Jesus focuses on the heart. It’s not enough just to refrain from sex with someone you’re not married to. Jesus wants His followers to not even indulge the thought of it. He makes it very clear...
DON’T LOOK!
Don’t look at a woman, other than your wife, to lust after her. I.e., don’t look at a woman with the deliberate intention of fantasizing sex with her.
The key word here is “lust,” which in the original Greek simply means a “strong desire.” Now, depending on the object of that desire, it can be a positive or a negative thing. In Matthew 13:17, Jesus talked about the prophets who “longed to see” what His disciples saw. They longed to see the Messiah that they wrote about years before He came. It’s the same word translated “lust” here in Matthew 5, and that’s the right desire, the desire to see Jesus! However, when you look at a woman, who is not your wife, with the longing or desire to have sex with her, that’s the wrong desire.
Now, the desire for sex and the pleasure derived from it is right and normal. God created sex and called it “very good” in Genesis 1. In fact, the entire book of the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament celebrates sex within the context of marriage. So Jesus is NOT saying, “Don’t desire sex at all.” No! He is saying, “Don’t look at a woman, who is not your wife, ‘with the deliberate intention of lusting after her’ (Barclay), or of longing for sex with her.
I like the way Warren Wiersbe put it. He says, “The ‘look’ that Jesus mentioned was not a casual glance, but a constant stare with the purpose of lusting. It is possible for a man to glance at a beautiful woman and know that she is beautiful, but not lust after her. The man Jesus described looked at the woman for the purpose of feeding his inner sensual appetites as a substitute for the act. It was not accidental; it was planned” (Warren Wiesbe, Be Loyal, p.38).
Men, women are not objects for our pleasure. They are people, God’s daughters, made in His image and deserving out utmost respect. That’s true whether you look at a woman on the street or on a porn site. Jesus says, “Don’t look with the deliberate intent to derive sexual pleasure if only in your mind.”
Pastor and author Paul David Tripp describes what's really going on every time a man chooses to lust:
A man is walking home from work and lusting after the woman approaching him on the sidewalk. He slows down his walk to get a longer look, and he turns around and watches as she passes. Think with me again about the godlike posture of this man. First, he is treating this moment as if it belongs to him. It's as if he is sovereign and she is on the sidewalk according to his will and for his pleasure. He's the self-appointed deity of the moment … The world has shrunk to the size of his desire, and he rules it for his pleasure… He will have what he will have, even if it is only the right to stare at body parts and imagine having them for his pleasure.
But there is more. For that moment he is stealing God's creation and taking it as his own. He has no right to this woman. She does not actually belong to him in any way, but he takes her with his mind and his eyes… He's ripped this woman out of the hands of God and claimed her as his own for whatever momentary pleasure he can achieve… He has denied God's existence. He has set himself up as God (Paul David Tripp, Sex in a Broken World, Crossway, 2018, pages 124-125; www.PreachingToday.com)
Don’t take what doesn’t belong to you even in your mind. You are not God. There is only one God, and you surely don’t want to mess with His daughters.
There is a story of two Buddhist monks walking in a drenching thunderstorm. They came to a stream, and it was swollen out of its banks. A beautiful young Japanese woman in a kimono stood there wanting to get to the other side but was afraid of the currents. In characteristic Buddhist compassion, one of the monks said, “Can I help you?”
The woman said, “I need to cross this stream.”
The monk picked her up, put her on his shoulder, carried her through the water, and put her down on the other side. He and his companion went on to the monastery.
That night his companion said to him, “I have a bone to pick with you. As Buddhist monks, we have taken vows not to look on a woman, much less touch her body. Back there by the river you did both.”
The first monk said, “My brother, I put that woman down on the other side of the river. You're still carrying her in your mind.” (John Claypool, “The Future and Forgetting,” Preaching Today, Tape No. 109; www.PreachingToday.com)
Sex is more than the physical act. It starts in the mind, so guard your mind. Jesus says, “Don’t even look at a woman to desire her sexually.” But if you can’t keep from looking, then...
TAKE DRASTIC ACTION TO AVOID THE TRAP OF LUST.
Cut yourself off from any opportunity to indulge in such fantasies. Make no provision for the flesh to gratify its desires (Rom. 13:14). Don’t even put yourself in a situation where you can be tempted.
Jesus pulls no punches here. He says, “Don’t look! But if you can’t keep from looking, then tear your eye out.
Matthew 5:29-30 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (ESV)
Now, this is the language of hyperbole or an exaggeration. Warren Wiersbe says, “Obviously, our Lord is not talking about literal surgery; for this would not solve the problem in the heart.” Blind people can still desire sex with someone who is not their spouse, and people with one hand can still use the other hand to get into trouble. So Jesus is not talking about literal surgery. He’s talking about spiritual surgery. Using the language of hyperbole, Jesus says, “Deal immediately and decisively with sin! Don’t taper off – cut off!” (Warren Wiersbe, Be Loyal, p.38). Otherwise, there could be eternal consequences.
My dear friends, lust is a trap! It seems like “harmless fun”, but it will destroy you in the end.
The phrase, “causes you to sin,” literally means “traps you.” It’s a reference to the bait-stick in a trap, i.e., the stick or arm on which the trapper puts the bait to catch an animal, luring it to its own destruction (William Baclay, The Gospel of Matthew, Vol.1)
Male turkeys, often referred to as toms or gobblers, are created with a unique ability. When a tom gobbles, all hens within range answer the call and move toward him.
During the Spring mating season, toms call for potential mates all day long. There is an exception, however. If a tom already has a hen with him, most of the time he will not leave his lady to check out another, no matter how enticing the response. A mature tom will not leave the hen he can see to chase down a hen he cannot see. It's against his nature.
But there are exceptions.
Every now and then the tom will violate everything he knows to be true and leave his hen. Most of the time he never comes home. What sounded like a willing mate was in reality an imposter holding a gun (Jason Cruise, Nashville, Tennessee; www.PreachingToday.com)
The pursuit of sex outside of marriage, even imaginary sex, will destroy you in the end. At the very least, pornography destroys relationships. Men addicted to online porn find that “real life” women cannot satisfy them like “digital” women.
Damian Thompson, in his book The Fix: How Addiction is Invading Our Lives and Taking Over Your World, describes what’s going on among so many couples today. He says:
Some women are finding it increasingly difficult to satisfy men, particularly those under 30. It's not their fault. Short of digitizing themselves, there's no way they could fulfill the needs of their porn-obsessed partners. Why? Because, to put it bluntly, their boyfriends [or husbands] no longer want to have sex with human beings. Their brains have been conditioned by fantasy. Sex with another person can no longer produce the same rush of dopamine and endorphins that [come from looking at online porn]. This is the logical endpoint for both sexes of an addiction to internet pornography… (Damian Thompson, The Fix: How Addiction is Invading Our Lives and Taking Over Your World, Collins Publishers, 2012, page 226; www.PreachingToday.com)
He’s right, but the “logical endpoint” goes even further. Jesus says “the logical endpoint” of indulging your lust is hell.
Lust is a trap, so use every means to cut yourself off from it.
Several years ago (July 20, 1993), while cutting down oaks in a Pennsylvania forest, Don Wyman got his leg pinned beneath a fallen tree. No one could hear his calls for help, and he dug for more than an hour in an attempt to free his bleeding, shattered leg. When he hit stone, he knew he would bleed to death unless he did something drastic.
Wyman made his decision. Using a wrench and the starter cord from his chain saw as a tourniquet, he cut off the flow of blood to his shin. Then he amputated his own leg below the knee with his pocketknife. He crawled to his vehicle and drove to the home of a farmer, who got him the help that saved his life. (Craig Brian Larson, Men of Integrity, Vol. 1, no. 1; www.PreachingToday.com)
If you’re addicted to porn, that’s the kind of drastic action Jesus calls you to make. Only, he’s not talking about physical surgery. He just uses the concept of physical surgery to illustrate the spiritual surgery that must take place. Cut yourself off from any access to porn today before it destroys you! Like Wiersbe says, “Don’t taper off – Cut off!”
Take drastic action if you need to. Get rid of your computer if that’s what it takes. At the very least, Put filters on it and accountability software like Covenant Eyes. A friend of mine took the internet off his phone. Then he had his wife lock out his phone from the app store, so he couldn’t put it back on or download other apps that have access to porn.
Jesus says, “Don’t look! But if you can’t keep from looking, take drastic action to avoid the trap of lust.
Now, this is all well and good, but what about the heart? What about those inner desires that can still lead you astray even without your right eye, even without your right hand, even without your computer? How do you cut out the lust in your own heart, which condemns you to hell?
For that, you need to go back to Jesus’ first words in this Sermon on the Mount. Take a look at them again. Matthew 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. Instead of the condemnation of hell, God makes you a citizen of heaven when you recognize your poverty of spirit, when you recognize your inability to clean up your own heart,
It’s only when you think, “I’ve got this under control,” that you face condemnation. But when you realize that you’re out of control and turn your life over the Lord’s control, then and only then do you find freedom from the lust that is destroying your soul. You see, the real key to a pure heart is to recognize your poverty of spirit and...
DEPEND ON CHRIST TO CHANGE YOUR HEART.
Rely on Jesus to clean you up on the inside. Trust in the Lord to purify your inner desires so that you respect people for who they are rather than use them for your own personal pleasure.
I like what Tim Chester says to men struggling with porn in his book Closing the Window. These are men, who say: “It's made me want to hide from God… It makes me doubt my salvation, and then the depression comes and with the depression comes temptation to sin again.” Another man says, “I feel crap about myself. I don't feel worthy to serve God. And I don't believe I can break the habit.” Another one says, “I feel dirty and unable to approach God after looking at porn … So often I feel unable to come to him in repentance, even though I know my sin is already dealt with.” And one more: “I couldn't talk with God about my problems. My picture of him was that he would accept me if and when I had 'scrubbed up' enough”
These men recognize their poverty of spirit, so Tim Chester gives them these words of hope:
“Jesus lived God's welcome to sinners. He embodied God's mercy. He was known as the friend of sinners. The religious people didn't like it, because it turned their proud systems of self-righteousness upside down. But Jesus sat down to eat with prostitutes, adulterers, and porn addicts… On the cross, God treated Christ as a porn user… [Paraphrasing 2 Corinthians 5:17], “God made Jesus, who never looked with lust, to be a porn addict for us, so that in him we might become sexually pure.” (Tim Chester, Closing the Window, InterVarsity Press, 2010, pp. 67-70; www.PreachingToday.com)
Your only hope is Christ, who died on a cross to deliver you from all sin, even the sin of lust.
Rich Mullins was a Christian musician and songwriter who died in 1997 at the age of 41. He once confessed in a concert that he struggled with watching pornography while traveling alone. One of his spiritual mentors told him, “It's not that you're so bad, it's just that you're not supposed to go out by yourself.” So Mullins took a friend along with him on a trip to Amsterdam near its famous red-light district. Mullins said he was hoping his friend would fall fast asleep and start snoring so, as Mullins put it, “I thought, ‘Maybe it would be fun to just take a walk and be tempted.’” He waited until 5:00 in the morning for his friend to start snoring, but he never did. Meanwhile, in the midst of his temptation, Mullins picked up a notebook and wrote the words to one of his more popular songs, ‘Hold Me, Jesus’”:
And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace"
(Luke Gilkerson, “Hold Me Jesus: A Prayer for Porn Addiction,” Covenant Eyes, June 17, 2010; www.PreachingToday.com)
As you battle the temptation, cry out to Jesus, who died to take away your sin. Ask Him to hold you and to be your Prince of Peace.
Jesus is very clear when it comes to pornography and lust: Don’t look with the deliberate intention of fantasizing sex. And if you can’t keep from looking, take drastic action to avoid the trap of lust. But above all, depend on Christ to purify your heart – Cry out to Him to save your soul.
John Piper says: We must not give a sexual image or impulse more than five seconds before we mount a violent counterattack with the mind. I mean that! Five seconds. In the first two seconds we shout, “No! Get out of my head!” In the next two seconds we cry out: “O God, in the name of Jesus, help me. Save me now. I am yours.”
Good beginning, he says. But then the real battle begins. This is a mind war. The absolute necessity is to get the image and the impulse out of our mind.
How?
Get a counter-image into the mind. Fight. Push. Strike. Don't ease up. It must be an image that is so powerful that the other image cannot survive.
There are lust-destroying images and thoughts.
For example, have you ever in the first five seconds of temptation, demanded of your mind that it look steadfastly at the crucified form of Jesus Christ?
Picture this. You have just seen a peek-a-boo blouse inviting further fantasy. You have five seconds. "No! Get out of my mind! God help me!"
Now, immediately, demand of your mind – you can do this by the Spirit (Romans 8:13). Demand of your mind to fix its gaze on Christ on the cross. Use all your fantasizing power to see his lacerated back. Thirty-nine lashes left little flesh intact. He heaves with his breath up and down against the rough vertical beam of the cross. Each breath puts splinters into the lacerations.
The Lord gasps. From time to time he screams out with intolerable pain. He tries to pull away from the wood and the massive spikes through his wrist rip into the nerve endings and he screams again with agony and pushes up with his feet to give some relief to his wrists. But the bones and nerves in his pierced feet crush against each other with anguish and he screams again.
There is no relief. His throat is raw from screaming and thirst. He loses his breath and thinks he is suffocating, and suddenly his body involuntarily gasps for air and all the injuries unite in pain. In torment, he forgets about the crown of two-inch thorns and throws his head back in desperation, only to hit one of the thorns perpendicular against the cross beam and drive it half an inch into his skull. His voice reaches a soprano pitch of pain and sobs break over his pain-wracked body as every cry brings more and more pain.
Now, I am not thinking about the blouse anymore. I am at Calvary. (John Piper, from the sermon "A Passion for Purity versus Passive Prayers," www.desiringGod.org, 11-10-99; www.PreachingToday.com)
And that’s where you need to be every day in your battle against lust and sin. Don’t try to fight it on your own. Come to the cross in your mind and depend on Jesus to save you from your sin.
