Several years ago, the Arizona Republic carried a story about Steve Tran of Westminster, California. He activated 25 bug bombs in his apartment to get rid of some unwanted guests, the cockroaches that shared the space with him. He closed the door thinking he had seen the last of them. But when the spray reached the pilot light of the stove, it ignited, blasting his screen door across the street, breaking all his windows, and setting his furniture on fire.
He said, “I really wanted to kill all of them, [and] I thought if I used a lot more, it would last longer.” According to the label, just two canisters of the pesticide would have solved Tran's roach problem.
As it was, the blast caused over $10,000 damage to his apartment building. And the cockroaches? Tran reported, “By Sunday, I saw them walking around.”
Proverbs 29:11 says, only “a fool gives full vent to his anger.” (The Arizona Republic, 4/25/95, Leadership, Vol.17, no.2; www.PreachingToday.com)
Anger is destructive, and it seldom if ever gets rid of the problem. James 1 says, “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20).
So what are you supposed to do with your anger when it wells up within you? How are you supposed to handle the rage that sometimes arises within? Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Matthew 5, Matthew 5, where Jesus addresses the subject of anger.
Matthew 5: 21 You have heard that it was said to those of old [better “said BY those of old] ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ (ESV)
What are you supposed to do with your anger? Well, the old legal experts, the Scribes, said...
DON’T COMMIT MURDER when you’re angry.
Don’t kill someone or you could be in trouble with the law. Don’t take a person’s life or a judge could penalize you.
And they’re right. You don’t want to do anything stupid when you’re angry, or you could end up in jail; or worse than that, you could end up in the electric chair.
You certainly don’t want that, but somehow their answer seems inadequate, and that’s because the scribes focused only on the outward act and its consequences. Jesus has a better answer when it comes to dealing with anger.
Matthew 5:22 “But I say to you...”
The scribes and pharisees loved to quote one another and the old legal experts. Jesus does not quote anybody. He speaks with all the authority of God Himself, reminiscent of the Old Testament prophets, who said on numerous occasions, “Thus says the Lord!” The old legal experts said such and such, but I myself say to you – the “I” is emphatic in the original Greek. Jesus speaks with all the authority of God in the flesh, so we better pay attention.
Matthew 5:22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment... (ESV)
The old legal experts said, “Don’t commit murder,” but I say to you...
DON’T EVEN THINK MURDEROUS THOUGHTS.
Don’t commit murder in your heart. Don’t harbor bitterness and anger within.
Warren Wiersbe says the anger Jesus describes here is “a settled anger, malice that is nursed inwardly.” In classical Greek usage, the term “is especially oriented to revenge” (Theological Dictionary of the New Testament). When someone hurts you, the natural response is to want to hurt them back, but Jesus warns, “Don’t nurse those thought of revenge. Don’t dwell on how you’re going to get even,” or that could land you in jail, as well.
David Brooks, in an article for the New York Times called “When the Good do Bad” talks about David Buss, a professor at the University of Texas. He asked his students if they had ever thought seriously about killing someone, and if so, to write out their homicidal fantasies in an essay. He was astonished to find that 91 percent of the men and 84 percent of the women had detailed, vivid homicidal fantasies. He was even more astonished to learn how many steps some of his students had taken toward carrying them out.
One woman invited an abusive ex-boyfriend to dinner with thoughts of stabbing him in the chest. A young man in a fit of road rage pulled a baseball bat out of his trunk and would have pummeled his opponent if he hadn't run away. Another young man planned the progression of his murder — crushing a former friend's fingers, puncturing his lungs, then killing him. (David Brooks, “When the Good Do Bad,” New York Times, 3-19-12; www.PreachingToday.com)
We’re all capable of such thoughts; and if we dwell on them long enough, those thoughts will turn into actions, which WILL get us into trouble.
So Jesus says deal with those murderous thoughts long before they become a murderous act. Ephesians 4 put it this way: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). When you harbor bitterness and thoughts of revenge within, you give Satan an opportunity to wreak havoc in your life.
So certainly, don’t commit murder, but Jesus says don’t even think murderous thoughts. More than that, He says...
DON’T SPEAK MURDEROUS WORDS.
Don’t say things which degrade and tear people down. Don’t be abusive even in your speech.
Matthew 5:22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. (ESV)
You see, it’s not just the human courts you have to worry about; it’s heaven’s court that should concern you. Human judgment is bad enough, but the God who sees the heart, His judgment can put you in hell! Later on, in the book of Matthew, Jesus says, “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28).
The word for hell is Gehenna, which is a reference to the valley of Hinnom, a deep, narrow gorge to the south of Jerusalem. Several hundred years before Christ, King Ahaz had introduced Judah to Molech, an Ammonite fire god, which He placed in the Valley of Hinnom. (Vincent, Word Studies in the New Testament)
Molech was a hollow bronze statue in the form of a human but with the head of an ox. According to the rabbis, children were placed in the structure that was then heated from below. Then drums were pounded to drown out the cries of the children [as they were literally seared to death (HOLMAN Illustrated Bible Dictionary, Trent C. Butler, general editor)
A later king, Josiah, formally desecrated the valley so that, according to 2 Kings 23:10, “No one might burn his son or his daughter as an offering to Molech” ever again. Josiah turned the Valley of Hinnom into a garbage dump for the city of Jerusalem. It became the place where they burned the bodies of criminals, carcasses of animals, and all sorts of filth. The trash fire in the deep narrow gorge never went out, and as such the fire and ascending smoke became a symbol for the eternal punishment of the wicked (Vincent, Word Studies in the New Testament).
Jesus said hell is a place “where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:48). That’s the judgment you have to worry about from the God who knows the thoughts and intents of the heart. So don’t just refrain from the outward act of murder; don’t harbor murderous thoughts; and don’t speak murderous words.
Don’t insult your brother, Jesus says. Literally. don’t call him “raca,” which means empty or ignorant. And don’t call him “a fool” or moron in the original Greek. Today, we might call someone an “empty-headed moron.”
These are abusive, derisive terms, designed to tear someone down. They are murderous words, which kill a person’s spirit (if not their body), and destroy a person’s reputation.
Jesus says such language is worthy of hell. James 3:6 says, “The tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.”
Keith Mannes from Marion, Michigan, talks about the day when he and his ninth-grade daughter were driving home after one of her games. She said, “Dad, it really made us all feel bad,” and then she went on to tell how she and the girls on her team weren't sure what to do for the other team's star player. “She was crying, Dad, kind of doubled over sometimes, like she was too tired to keep going, but her coach kept yelling…”
Keith recalled that the coach was yelling from the moment the game began. He was barking commands and issuing demands with a harsh, guttural, barking tone. And with that method he got his results: The girl, through tears that none of them on the sidelines could see, and in pain that they did not recognize, had been skillfully weaving her way through all his daughter’s team’s defenders and had scored all the goals for the opposing team. She, in fact, was the key reason for his daughter’s team’s defeat at the end of the day. Still, despite these successes, the coach kept yelling, and his criticisms for her imperfections echoed across the field.
“But the worst of it,” Keith’s daughter went on to say, “is that the coach was her dad.” (Keith Mannes, Marion, Michigan; www. PreachingToday.com)
He killed her spirit and no doubt their relationship. Angry words, which come from a bitter heart, are murderous. They’re worse than a bullet sometimes, because such words lead to a slow, painful death.
John Gottman, one of the world's leading researchers on marital relationships, has discovered that contempt is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it's not there... He also discovered that people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship; they also kill their partner's ability to fight off viruses and cancers. (Emily Esfahani Smith, “Masters of Love,” The Atlantic, 6-12-14; http://pni.osumc.edu/KG%20Publications%20%28pdf%29/109.pdf; www.PreachingToday.com)
Harsh, derisive, angry words literally kill people! They do it slowly, but they do it nevertheless; so in your anger, don’t use them. Don’t commit murderous acts. Don’t think murderous thoughts, and don’t speak murderous words.
Instead, if you have hurt someone – a spouse, a child, a brother, a friend, or a neighbor...
SEEK RECONCILIATION WITH THAT PERSON BEFORE YOU SEEK IT WITH GOD.
Ask the offended party to forgive you before you ask GOD to forgive you. Pursue peace with the people you have hurt before you pursue peace with God. It seems backwards, but that’s what Jesus said! Look at it in verse 23
Matthew 5:23-24 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (ESV)
The “gift” in Jesus’ day was an unblemished lamb, which the priest would sacrifice on the altar to atone for the sins of the one bringing the “gift.” This is the picture Jesus paints: You’ve brought your lamb to the altar in front of the temple, seeking God’s forgiveness for your sins. You are standing there, waiting for the priest to take the lamb, when all of a sudden, you remember that you need to ask someone else to forgive you.
What do you do? Offer your gift to God and THEN seek forgiveness from the one you have hurt? NO! Jesus says, seek forgiveness from the one you have hurt and THEN offer your gift to God. In other words, seek forgiveness from others before you seek forgiveness from God.
Now, thankfully today, we don’t have to bring a sacrifice to the altar, because Jesus was our sacrifice on the cross. He paid the price for our sins, so no other “gift” is necessary, but the principle still stands: Seek forgiveness from others before you seek forgiveness from God.
Now, they may or may not forgive you; but either way, you have demonstrated a change in your own heart. That’s called “repentance,” and God always forgives a repentant sinner. Then He does more than that! He turns hearts of stone into hearts of flesh. He turns hard, angry hearts into soft, kind hearts, which lead to words and actions that build people up rather than tear them down.
In the early 1980s, Patti Davis was passionately opposed to the buildup of nuclear weapons. She constantly spoke at rallies criticizing the nuclear arms policies of the Reagan administration. However, unlike the other protestors, Patti Davis was Ronald Reagan’s daughter.
Her mother was appalled at Patti's actions because she felt they were a personal attack on her father. But as long as she was respectful and civil, her father didn't mind Patti publicly expressing her views. Writing about her father in the January, 2012, issue of Town & Country, Patti admits she chose the more militant, “in your face” approach instead. She frequently told the media it wasn't personal, but today she realizes that her actions spoke louder than her words. While Patti was demonstrating for world peace, she now admits that she was also “a child railing against a parent, nothing more… I was at war with my father.”
One of her biggest regrets was turning her father down every time he wanted to sit down and talk with her about life. She would always tell him: “I already know your side.” She admits her refusals to talk wounded him.
She also expressed regret for participating in an anti-nuclear rally in 1982 at the Rose Bowl with 100,000 people in attendance. Just before she came to the podium to speak, the entire audience was chanting: “Get a new president!” Every fiber of her being told her to walk away, but she gave the speech anyway. Looking back, she admits no one remembered her speech, only that she came onstage when 100,000 people were calling for her father to resign.
Later in life, after her father had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she said, “I would look into my father's eyes and try to reach past the murkiness of Alzheimer's with my words, my apology, hoping that in his heart he heard me and understood.”
Patti Davis concludes her article: “I wish that now, all those years ago, I had led with kindness, not with ideological stridency. We are, after all, remembered in the end for how we treat others. Sometimes the political has to be tempered by the personal.” (Patti Davis, “Saying No to Daddy,” Town & Country, January, 2012; www.PreachingToday.com)
That’s even more true today! In the politically divisive climate of our day, we must refrain from the name-calling, the derisive insults, which only kills relationships and any real debate. Instead, where that has happened, let’s apologize before it is too late; let’s seek forgiveness from those we have hurt before it is no longer possible.
What are you supposed to do with your anger? Well, of course, don’t commit any murderous acts. But more than that, don’t think murderous thoughts; don’t speak murderous words; and where there has been hurt, seek reconciliation from people before you seek it from God. Finally, if your anger has hurt someone, Jesus says...
SEEK A RESOLUTION WITH YOUR ACCUSER BEFORE YOU SEE A JUDGE.
Pursue a settlement with those you have hurt long before they drag you off to court. Make amends to those you have harmed before it ever gets to the point of litigation before a judge.
Matthew 5:25-26 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. (ESV)
To be sure, your anger can land you in jail, but Jesus says, “make amends before it ever gets that far.”
According to Roman law, if a person had a dispute that he could not settle privately, he had the right to order his adversary to accompany him to the judge. If he refused, the plaintiff could drag the defendant to court by force in any way, even by the neck. However, if they were able to settle their dispute on the way, they didn’t need to see the judge and all legal action stopped (New Manners and Customs of the Bible).
When we lived in Oskaloosa, Kansas, I was a personal friend of the local magistrate (Dennis Reiling). We exercised together almost every morning and drank coffee in the local soda shop. One day, he told me that he was often purposely late to the hearings he presided over. Why? Because the disputing parties would be forced to sit in the hallway outside the courtroom waiting for him; and while they waited, they sometimes started talking to each other. For many, it was the first time since the offense that they actually talked, and often they were able to work out a solution before the judge arrived. Then, when he finally opened the courtroom, all he had to do was sign off on the settlement they had already worked out in the hallway.
That’s what Jesus encourages His followers to do. Settle your disputes on the road to the courthouse, or if you will, settle your disputes in the hallway before you see the judge. If your anger has hurt somebody, don’t let the tension linger too long, because it never gets better with time. On the contrary, it only gets worse.
So don’t commit murderous acts to begin with. Don’t think murderous thoughts, and don’t speak murderous words. But if your anger has hurt someone, seek reconciliation and seek a resolution as soon as you can.
After successfully separating numerous Siamese twins and continuing to refine the techniques of several complicated surgeries, Dr. Ben Carson has become known throughout the world as a premiere brain surgeon. Today, he serves as the director of Housing and Urban Development on the president’s cabinet. He’s had a great career, but it was almost over before it all began. In his book Take the Risk, Dr. Carson writes about the day he invited God to help him deal with a critical character flaw:
One day, as a 14-year-old in ninth grade, he was hanging out at the house of his friend Bob, listening to his radio, when Bob suddenly leaned over and dialed the tuner to another station. Ben had been enjoying the song playing on the first station, so he reached over and flipped it back. Bob switched stations again.
A wave of rage welled up. Almost without thinking, Ben pulled out the pocketknife he always carried and, in one continuous motion, flicked open the blade and lunged viciously right at his friend's stomach. Incredibly, the point of the knife struck Bob's large metal buckle and the blade snapped off in Ben’s hands.
Bob raised his eyes from the broken piece of metal in Ben’s hand to his face. Bob was too surprised to say anything. But Ben could read the terror in his eyes.
“I…I…I'm sorry!” Ben sputtered, then dropped the knife and ran for home, horrified by the realization of what he’d just done.
Ben burst into his empty house, locked himself in the bathroom, and sank to the floor, miserable and frightened. He could no longer deny that he had a severe anger problem, and that he’d never achieve his dream of being a doctor with an uncontrollable temper. He admitted to himself there was no way he could control it by myself. “Lord, please, you've got to help me,” he prayed. “Take this temper away! You promised that if I ask anything in faith, you'll do it. I believe you can change me.”
Then he slipped out and got a Bible. Back on the bathroom floor, he opened to the Book of Proverbs. The words of Proverbs 16:32 – ["He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city"] – convicted him, but also gave him hope. Ben says, “I felt God telling me that although He knew everything about me, He still loved me… That because He made me, He was the only one who could change me… And that he would.” Gradually Ben stopped crying, his hands quit shaking, and he was filled with the assurance that God had answered his prayer.
Dr. Carson writes, “Uncontrolled anger has never again been a threat to me or those around me. God has provided and will provide whatever strength I need to control my anger.” (Ben Carson, Take the Risk, Zondervan, 2008; www.PreachingToday.com)
My dear friends, God can do the same for you. Just acknowledge your inability to control your own anger and ask Him to help you. Please, don’t try to control your anger on your own; you can’t. Instead, recognize your own poverty of spirit (vs.3), and depend on Christ to change you from the inside out.
