OPEN: I read the true story of a woman who’d just given birth and had brought her newborn to the office to the child off to her fellow office workers. Everyone gathered around, ohhhing and ahhhing and totally enthralled with the baby. In the meantime, her 7-yr. old son had gotten bored and he quietly came up beside his mother and pulled on her sleeve. “Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?” The mother looked at her son and asked: “What do you say?” He replied “You’re thin and beautiful”... and she reached into her purse and gave him the money. (Mercury Nicks, Reader’s Digest 9/08, p. 87)
Now - why did that boy tell his mother she that she was thin and beautiful? Because he wanted that soda and he knew that was what she wanted to hear… Keep that in your mind as I introduce this sermon.
For the next 3 weeks we’re going to be talking about relationship goals… and this week we’re talking about how to make friends and how to get along with people. Most experts tell us that - Best friends (and close family members) are extremely important for your health and happiness.
Years ago there was a famous book entitled “How To Make Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. (we showed a picture of the book) It was very popular and was a best-seller. As you can tell by this picture, this book has been in print for 70 years. Seventy Years! For a book to be around that long implies that this topic resonates with folks. People wanted to know how can I make friends? How can I make people like me?
Well God actually beat that author to the punch with what we read here in Colossians 3. If you follow the plan God gives us here, you WILL have friends and you WILL have people who will want to be around you.
Now, before I get into the specifics about God’s advice on this, I need to point out that not everybody is going to be a good friend. There are people out there will not treat you right no matter what you do. Benjamin Franklin said that “A false friend and a shadow stay around only while the sun shines.” There’s going to be people out there that you will NOT want as a friend.
That said, there are 3 kinds of friendship that we Christians should seek to have.
The first kind of friendship I want to point out is the kind we can have at Church. Jesus saved us and made us part of His church. He gathered us into ONE family so that we could become friends. Church is where we gather with fellow Christians who have the same values, priorities and passion (our passion for Jesus).
It’s a place where we should gather for fellowship. Someone once said that fellowship is having two FELLOWS in one SHIP and if they do it right… they’re going to be BOTH ROWING in the same direction. That’s what Jesus created the church to be.
Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us that in order for us to have that kind of fellowship with each other, we should “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Notice, Hebrews says we should be careful NOT to neglect meeting together. Why? Why shouldn’t we neglect meeting together (I gave audience a chance to respond). That’s right we need to gather together so that we can encourage each other and stir one another up to love and good works. It’s a time when we minister to each other as friends.
Church is all about us being there for each other - praying for each other, listening to each other’s dreams, and hopes, and fears, and stirring each other up for good stuff… stuff like love, good works and encouragement of one another.
Now granted we can worship God off by ourselves. This past week, there were a number of news articles about astronaut Buzz Aldrin and what he took with him to the moon. Do you know what he took with him? That’ right – he took communion with him and took of the Lord’s Supper there. He worshipped God on the moon. That WAS worship… but it wasn’t church. You know why it wasn’t “church?” Because WE are the church. Whenever Christians gather to worship God… that is church. You worship without being with the church, but you cannot do church off by yourself. And church is so important to Jesus that Ephesians 5:25 says He “loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
You can not say you love Jesus and then tell Him that you don’t want His church. Jesus died for the church!!!
For a person to say they don’t want to have anything to do with the Church that Jesus died for… is an insult!
ILLUS: The first church I served was not healthy. But there were Godly people in that congregation that understood the importance of encouraging one another and stirring one another up to love and good works. There was one lady in the Nursing Home… she couldn’t get to church. She’d had a stroke years before and the entire right side of her body (and face) were paralyzed. I went to visit her one day and found her writing some notes. I asked her what she was doing and she replied (though it was difficult to understand her) that she was writing notes of encouragement to people back at church.
THAT’S WHAT CHURCH IS ALL ABOUT! That woman understood that the church was where her friends were, and she intended to minister to her friends just like Jesus ministered to her. You see… church is not about ME having MY needs met. It’s about ME meeting the needs of my church family. When Christians forget that, church becomes an empty experience and the church building becomes a museum for selfish people.
So, how can I “do” church? I’m glad you asked. First, you need to realize that one hour a week is not enough to build relationships. If church is one hour a week experience for you, you will have a hard time developing friendships that will last.
Another thought: there are churches where people complain because the preacher hasn’t visited them. Have you heard of that happening? Well, here’s the deal – while preachers and Elders and other leaders should visit people in the congregation… that’s really YOUR job. Unless someone broke your leg or sprained your dialing finger, you should be visiting and calling one another to see if there are needs you can meet.
Now, there’s a 2nd group of people we should seek to be friends with. Matthew 11:19 tells us that Christ’s enemies accused Him of being “… a FRIEND of tax collectors and sinners!”
That’s what they accused Him of. Were they right? Was Jesus a friend of sinners… a friend of outsiders… a friend of people who wouldn’t be welcome in polite society? Yep. But why would He do that? Well, Jesus came to seek and save the lost and the way to do that was to become their friend. He didn’t go down to the bar get drunk with them, but He did spend time with them. He listened to them. He found ways of healing their lives.
If Jesus did it… so should we.
In fact, there’s a very practical reason why we should make friends of sinners. The problem for many Christians is that - after years of being in church - the only friends they seem to have are Christians. They stop running around with sinners, so they have less influence with people who don’t know Christ. That’s one reason why it’s so it’s important for us to develop friends outside of church.
Now, some Christians will have a problem with that. These sinners/outsiders/unpleasant people were not the kind of folk they had in mind when they said they wanted to Make Friends and Influence People. But here’s the deal: the reason people have trouble making friends and influencing people is we often approach relationships from a “what’s in it for me” kind of mindset.
ILLUS: According to research: The most common words in the English language are "I," "Me," "My," and "Mine." What’s that tell us? It tells us that people who are focused on themselves develop relationships that are focused on themselves. It’s kind of hard to get a good relationship going when that happens.
I once read a poem that said: “I am like James and John. Lord, I size up other people in terms of what they can do for me; how they can further my program, feed my ego, satisfy my needs, give me strategic advantage. I exploit people, ostensibly for your sake, but really for my own sake. Lord, I turn to you to get the inside track and obtain special favors, your direction for my schemes, your power for my projects, your sanction for my ambitions, your blank check for whatever I want. I am like James and John. Change me, Lord. Make me a man who asks of you and of others, ‘what can I do for you!’”
So, Jesus calls us to make friends of people who are sinful. But, how do we do that? This is where we go back to 7 yr. old telling his mother she was “thin/beautiful.” He told her what she wanted to hear.
Colossians says our lives should tell people 2 things they really do want to hear:
1st - You don’t have to be trapped by your sin. “Put to death … what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5) And put away “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” (Colossians 3:8)
When we live our lives trying to be pure for Christ… the world notices that. And (if THIS is what we focus on – being pure) then our lives declare to them that there is hope… you can change!
ILLUS: I recently read a story of a man in prison. He deserved to be there. He was evil in ways we can’t even begin to imagine. He was involved in drugs, prostitution, and murder and had knifed several men while in prison. At one point though, his depravity overwhelmed him. He was tired of living like this and nearly committed suicide because he felt there was no hope that he could ever change. This is partly why live of purity are so important – it tells men and women who’ve destroyed their lives that there is hope.
But, we’ve got to be careful to remember why we’re doing this. There are Christians who try to live pure lives so they can have bragging rights (I’m better than you are). There are entire congregations who reflect this kind of attitude. If you’re not up to their “purity” standards, you can’t even get in the door.
ILLUS: There a true story of a little boy (as they were leaving church) declared: "Mom, I'm not going to sin anymore." She was pleased to hear that, but she asked why he said it. He explained: “Jesus said if you don't sin, you can throw the first stone, and I want to throw the first stone.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 tells us “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may BOAST.” Once we seek purity so we can be superior to others… we lose our message. Our message should be: There is hope, you can change. You don’t have to be trapped in your sin. That’s what many people TRULY want/need to hear.
2ndly – Colossians tells us we need to be people others want to have around. Colossians 3:12-13 tells us “Put on … compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
As I read that it occurred to me that much of what was said in that passage reflected attitudes. Those attitudes would influence what we say or do… but they were attitudes and its our attitudes that tell others who we are and what we really think.
ILLUS: There was a psychologist who gave college students in his study 30 seconds to jot down, the initials of the people they disliked in the group. Some of the students taking the course could think of only one person. Others listed as many as fourteen. But one interesting fact that came out of the research was this: Those who disliked the largest number of people were themselves the most widely disliked. (St. John's Eagle)
You see, you don’t even have to speak - you don’t even have to DO anything – and people will know whether or not they can trust you. And if people believe they can trust you, they’ll want to be your friend… And you can introduce them to your best friend – Jesus.
And… that brings me to the best friend that you really must have – Jesus. Real Christians understand this and strive to have as deep a friendship with Christ as they can. We even have songs that declare the importance of Him being our friend. Sing with me:
“What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!”
Chorus: “Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness, take it to the Lord in prayer.”
That’s a truly comforting song. It speaks not only of Jesus being our friend, but of the peace, encouragement and satisfaction we have because He’s promised to never leave us or forsake us.
And when we have Jesus as our friend… THAT has an effect on the world.
CLOSE: Deborah Mathis once wrote about a day she was at Union Station. The first thing she noticed was the noise and the hubbub of sounds. The public address announcer calling out arrivals and departures. There were pagers, and walkie-talkies, and cell phones. You could hear horns honking, machines clinking out change, and babies crying. A security guard was yelling at a man about to enter a forbidden area. Three women were standing by a bench arguing with one another, and the man in line in front of her was agitated and pacing around.
BUT then, she heard a voice singing. "What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear…” and she said she noticed a change come over the crowd. The noise began to soften as the voice continued: "O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."
Mathis noted that the quarreling women quit yelling and quietly took their seats. People began to noticeably relax. And as the lone voice sang the remaining verses of the hymn Mathis realized she was singing along now. So were the three women who had been bickering. And so were several others.
The man in front of Mathis said: "Nice, huh? I don't even believe in Jesus, but that's nice." (from an article by Rubel Shelly).
When people know that Jesus can be their friend it can change their lives. It can change yours. But how can you have Jesus as your friend? This is what Jesus says: “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” John 15:14
Now that would include the basics: Believing that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the Living God. Repenting of your sins. Confessing that Jesus will now be your Lord and Master. And allowing yourself to be buried in the waters of Christian baptism and rising up to walk in newness of life.
But if that’s all you do for Jesus, you haven’t really treated Him like a friend. Friendship with Jesus is investing in the things that He considers valuable, and among the most important things to Jesus are these: being a friend to those in His church, and to those who live in sin and want to change.
But first you must become His friend. That’s why we offer an invitation at the end of every service…
