Opening video Illustration: Mighty!
Find Joy Through Your Family! (pt. 7)
Series: Find Joy in the Journey
Thesis of series: Joy needs to be experienced in the journey of life! But Joy, like any other attitude, can come and go. It is not guaranteed simply because we are born again believers. We must put ourselves in the places where experiencing joy is a possibility. We need to go after and find joy in our journey of life.
Introduction to Series:
The world tells us to pursue happiness. They tell us there are many paths to happiness for example: getting a college degree, having a successful career, making lots of money, getting a new car, hitting your goal weight, marrying the perfect person, buying your dream house, retiring early, and now we have the following being promoted in our society as the path of happiness such as: embrace you gay side and be proud and reject scientific and biblical family values, happiness is found in abortion on demand paid by the state even at 9 months old, happiness is living together and not marrying, happiness is found in life by not adhering to any absolutes, happiness is being a full time gamer, happiness is found in legalized marijuana, happiness is found in drugs, happiness is found in parties especially wild ones. Happiness is found in sexual promiscuity. Am I correct with my observation of our current society? Do I need to add to the list? Do you think I am missing something?
So, we have the pursuit of happiness and we get it when we get whatever we want – so goes the myth of the great deception of happiness.
But I look around and happiness is fleeing many – people are angry, depressed, suicidal, unforgiving, revengeful, I see people easily disappointed and frustrated.
I really have been challenging you to look over the myth of the pursuit of happiness and live beyond this self-centered focus to instead finding joy in the journey of life – even in the unexpected corners of life – even in the trails of life!
Scripture Texts for 2019:
Phil. 4:4: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”
Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
John 15:11 “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”
Sermon: Finding Joy in the Journey through Family! Pt 7
Focus: We have decided to focus on the family this month of June and July to celebrate and learn how to build healthy biblical families!
Thesis: We need to learn the keys to having a healthy biblical family if we want to fend off the attack of the enemy on our families. If we want to experience joy in the journey of life!
Summary of key building blocks to a healthy biblical family unit:
1. Build on God’s foundation and using His blueprints.
2. Commit and submit to each other and to the biblical family unit.
3. Be loyal and faithful to the family members and to each other as husband and wife.
4. Respect your spouse, your family members and others.
5. Be good godly parents.
6. Choose to forgive and be forgiven.
7. Spend time with each other – do dinner together!
In Chuck Swindoll’s book The Strong Family he asks the question, “What makes a family strong?”
He quotes a survey done by Dr. Stinnett who studied 3,000 families and discovered six main qualities of strong families:
1. They are committed to each other
2. They spend time together
3. They have good family communication
4. They express appreciation for each other
5. They have a spiritual commitment
6. They are able to solve problems in crisis
Swindoll, The Strong Family page 14.
We have talked about five of these qualities in the last few weeks with our series find joy in the journey through family. I noticed that one is left from Swindoll’s list of building strong families and that is being able to solve problems or have good coping skills in crisis moments that come upon the family.
I have been reading the book called Leadership Pain from Samuel Chand and he makes this statement about tough times in leadership and with the leadership role of parenting “yes” parenting is a leadership role – “Leadership - all leadership - is a magnet for pain…which comes in many forms…but pain isn’t the enemy. The inability or unwillingness to face pain is a far greater danger…pain is meant to wake us up…people try to hide their pain…but they are wrong…we need a fresh perspective…you’ll grow only to the threshold of your pain” (Pages 1-15)
Thought from Bible.org: Why me? Why now? What is God doing? Suffering is a tool God uses to get our attention and to accomplish His purposes in our lives. It is designed to build our trust in the Almighty, but suffering requires the right response if it is to be successful in accomplishing God’s purposes. Suffering forces us to turn from trust in our own resources to living by faith in God’s resources. Suffering is not in itself virtuous, nor is it a sign of holiness. It is also not a means of gaining points with God, nor of subduing the flesh (as in asceticism). When possible, suffering is to be avoided. Christ avoided suffering unless it meant acting in disobedience to the Father’s will.
Scripture; Ecclesiastes 7:14 In the day of prosperity be happy, But in the day of adversity consider--God has made the one as well as the other so that man may not discover anything that will be after him.
T.S. - Pain – crisis – tribulation – rejection – are part of the role of leadership – we have to learn to work through and break through those painful times in life.
I. 3 things we should do to gain wisdom through painful experiences in life.
a. In other words, we need to do three things for learning wisdom in dealing with our pain and the crisis moment which comes on our family!
i. See pain as your greatest teacher!
1. Do not avoid it!
2. Do not ignore it!
3. Do not try to sleep through it!
4. Do not deny it!
5. Do not minimize it!
6. Do not numb yourself from it!
a. Pain never goes away – unless – you decide to resolve it and deal with it – work through it – it’s like the saying, “Pay me now or pay me later” and “No pain no gain.”
b. If you learn to face the pain sooner you will learn important lessons from the Lord, about yourself and how to help others through the pain. Ignore it and you will reap the devastating affects of it later!
c. So, face it! GO after it!
7. Quotes to ponder about pain:
a. “The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.”
b. “One of the main ways we move from abstract knowledge about God to a personal encounter with him as a living reality is through the furnace of affliction.” Tim Keller
c. “Often, we endure trials seeking God’s deliverance from them. Suffering is painful for us to endure or to see those we love endure. While our instinct is to flee trials, remember that even in the midst of suffering, God’s will is being done.” Paul Chappell
8. Scripture which helps get a biblical perspective on pain:
a. “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” 1 Peter 5:10
b. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
c. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4
d. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19
b. Let your vision drive you through the pain!
i. Keep the vision you have for your family front and center – keep it fresh and strong!
1. Fight for it – don’t runaway from it!
2. Remember God is with you in this fight for your family or vision!
a. Psalm 9:10: “And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.”
ii. Don’t let your spirit and mind be overrun and consumed by the pain - where you seek to run away and hide! Face the pain – face the fear – go after the 500 pound lion that is after your family or child or your vision!
1. Story: I have been reading another book called “Chase the Lion” by Mark Batterson he states this about facing the pain of life and the fears of life: “Most people believe God is real, but few people actually live like it. The result is a widening gap between their theology and their reality. They allow their circumstances to get between them and God instead of letting God get between them and their circumstance. Lion chasers measure everything against almighty God, including five-hundred pound lions. That’s the difference between being a scaredy-cat and a lion chaser” (Page 4)
a. He uses the Biblical text from 2 Samuel 23:20 “There was also Benaiah son of Jehoiada, a valiant warrior from Kabzeel. He did many heroic deeds, which included killing two champions of Moab. Another time, on a snowy day, he chased a lion down into a pit and killed it.”
b. Have you found yourself in a pit with a lion on a snowy day that was coming after your family or one of your children?
i. In every vision – or dream for your family – there will come lions to try to steal it away – but there comes a crisis moment when you have to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death – so you avoid pain – conflict – battle – the truth is you have to go after the lions which want to destroy your family – your vision – your dream and you with God’s help need to take them down.
1. You have to go big or go home!
2. You have to take the road less traveled or settle for status quo.
3. You have to bite the bullet or turn your back on your dreams (for your family).
ii. Batterson adds, “Most of us spend our lives running away from the things we’re afraid of. We forfeit our dreams on the altar of fear!”
1. Are you doing that today with your family?
2. The Bible says, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).
3. The Bible says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
iii. Chand states, “Focus on the big picture and let your anticipated legacy give you the courage you need to face each days trouble” (page 20).
1. We need to hang on to the vision God has given us for our family and fight for it!
iv. Batterson states, “Destiny is not a mystery. Destiny is a decision-a difficult decision, a daring decision, a counterintuitive decision. You fulfill your destiny – your family’s destiny- one opportunity at a time” (page 5)
1. He adds: If you’re looking for an excuse, you’ll always find one. If you’re looking for an opportunity, you’ll always find one” (Page 5).
c. Have a rigorous personal development plan which will help you deal with crisis moments.
i. Yes, you need a plan to go after the 500 pound lions! You need to be in shape! You need to train for them because they will come!
1. Have a plan to grow spiritually – just like you have a plan to stay physically fit!
a. If you have a plan to grow you will learn the skills necessary to face the difficulties and the lions!
b. You cannot coast when it comes to defending and growing your family!
c. Spiritual development is more important than physical development!
2. Life is filled with obstacles – internally-externally-spiritually-relationally-whether they are real or perceived!
a. Chand states, “As you face each of them (the lions and slay them) with courage, you’ll raise your pain threshold and you’ll become a better leader (parent). In the process, you’ll see pain as your friend, not your enemy” (Page 20).
T.S. - Chuck Swindoll shares this thought from Ernest Shackleton, in his excellent book The Voyage of the Endurance, he writes, “Loneliness is the penalty of leadership.” That’s certainly true of parenting. When I think of the prodigal son’s father, I see a lonely man in a lonely struggle. After all he had done for his boy, his son tossed him aside and opted for a long estrangement. After all he had hoped for, he lived with the very real possibility that he may never see his son again. But this Bible story teaches us the qualities of a leader – a parent working through and facing the pain of rejection from his children. Lets look at what we can learn from this Father figure in the parable of the Pordigal Son:
From Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 141). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
II. 3 observations of our father in the story from Luke 15:11-31: (from Charles Swindoll)
a. Luke 15:11-32(NIV):
11Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons.
12The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.
15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.
16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’
20So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.
24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
25“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing.
26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on.
27‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.
29But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.
30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”
i. First, I notice says Swindoll - that the father created a comfortable, nurturing, grace-filled environment for his family.
1. Words and actions are important, but the atmosphere we create has a huge impact on a child’s sense of security and well-being in the family unit.
ii. Second, he observes, Jesus described a man who was approachable and gracious.
1. The son apparently felt the freedom to speak his mind without fear of rebuke or rejection. The father didn’t even fight his boy’s terse demand. “Father, I want right now what’s coming to me” (Luke 15:12 MSG).
a. We see in the boy an impudence, a spirit of entitlement, a self-centered lack of respect for the fact that the wealth was his father’s to release, not his to demand.
iii. Third, Swindoll notes - the dad knows his son.
1. Question: Do you know your children?
2. Swindoll notes, “Being older and wiser, he knows that tough times are inevitable. He knows that the boy is old enough to leave home, but he also knows that he’s not mature enough to handle the temptations and demands of living on his own. He faced the challenge of this son coming to him with his self-centered hand held out, knowing, deep down, that everything would one day backfire. Nevertheless, this father offered no resistance. Because he knew that his son was not in a listening frame of mind, trying to impart wisdom would have proven pointless. Good parents know their children.”
a. Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 142). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
III. How to solve and act through a crisis with your family or wayward child.
a. Be willing to listen (Luke 15:11-13)
i. Counseling lesson I learned getting my social work degree in chemical dependency counseling was “Listen-Listen -listen!”
1. Are you a good listener?
ii. Swindoll states: The father wasn’t obligated to listen; he chose to listen. And he certainly didn’t have to hand over his wealth; he chose to release it.”
1. He adds: “We’re told “it wasn’t long before” the son left his home. Certainly, this father would have used that time to his advantage with at least one good father-son talk, perhaps several… You know the speech. It’s the one that good parents give when their son or daughter goes off to college or boards the plane for boot camp or moves into an apartment with a few friends. Any parent willing to release a child must be willing to listen and to risk. This father gives his son the money he has coming.”
a. Thriving (p. 143-145). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
b. Be willing to release him or her completely to the Lord! (Luke 15:14-16)
i. “ Swindoll states, “There was no arguing, no pleading, no weeping, no clinging. He released his son to live on his own without controlling or manipulating him. He simply let him go.”
1. Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 145). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
2. I believe he trusted that God through the Holy Spirit would use pain and suffering – loss to bring him back to his God senses and – those childhood teachings about faith and the Lord would eventually reach him.
ii. He goes from living in penthouses to living in a barn!
1. He reaches bottom in his life – and the Holy Spirit is there to speak to him – not his father in person but the Holy Spirit in spirit!
2. Swindoll makes this observation: “The boy’s father was where he had always been. He wasn’t on a search for his son. He didn’t write letters of encouragement. He refused to beg the boy to return or offer to change the household if he’d only return or promise to be a better father.”
a. Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 147). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
3. He waited and I imagine prayed and even fasted for his son – I assume he was on many prayer lists too with many people praying for him!
a. When you have a storm blow in your life and family – use the resources of God through the prayers of others – they make a difference!
4. Swindoll shares more, “We see no evidence of guilt or angst on the part of the father, feeling like a failure, or blaming himself for his son’s condition. It’s quite natural for a parent to go there. What did I do wrong? What should I have said that I didn’t say? What did I say I shouldn’t have said? How did I cause it? But this father did none of that. In his reaction to the boy’s return, we find an important clue.”
a. He did not go into the pig pen with his son – he stayed in his place and spoke with the Lord repeatedly about teaching and opening the eyes of his son in the pig pen.
i. Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 147). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
c. Be willing to wait for the Lord to change him or her and wake them up! (Luke 15:16-20)
i. Swindoll states, “Note that the father didn’t try to rush the boy’s transformation by some means of manipulation despite how much he wanted his son home. He was willing to wait patiently and allow God to change his son’s heart. This is so easy to write, yet so terribly hard to do. Watching one of your children hit bottom is one of the most painful experiences a parent can endure.”
1. Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 148). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
ii. Pain and hardship can be the best teachers on how to live life and learn to trust God.
1. You cannot do this for your children – they have to let them experience it for themselves.
2. Pain from wrong choices is a good teacher – let it happen! Let the consequences come!
3. Swindoll states, “Years ago I read a line that I have never forgotten: “Pain plants the flag of reality in the fortress of a rebel heart.”
a. Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 149). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
4. The truth is many need rebel kids need to hit rock bottom to come to their spiritual senses!
d. Be willing to accept them back, see them restored and forgive them! (Luke 15:20-32).
i. Swindoll notes this, “He was willing to wait, but he was earnest in it! His joy knew no bounds the day he recognized his boy. Without a moment’s hesitation, he bounded across the fields to embrace his son with love. What a contrast to the welcome Absalom received! (remember my sermon from 3 weeks ago?) After a five-year estrangement, all David would consent to give his son was a cold, reluctant kiss—nothing he wouldn’t have given any visiting dignitary. By contrast, look at the welcome the prodigal received.”
1. Swindoll, Charles R.. Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving (p. 151). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
2. This welcome of forgiveness and acceptance changed this boys life – but David’s rejection of his son turned his son into a rebel who sought to overthrown the nation of Israel!
3. Key here accept – forgive – restore!
a. Say it with me!
Conclusion:
What do we need to know from this sermon?
Some questions for you to consider today:
1. Do you have a parent you need to thank today?
2. Do you have a son or daughter you need to release to the Lord?
3. Do you have a prodigal who needs forgiveness?
4. Do you have a 500 pound lion you need face in a pit on a snowy day for your family you have been hiding from?
5. Do you believe you’ll grow in your leadership and parenting skills and learn to be more effective in helping others only as you raise the threshold of your pain?
Closing thought from Mark Batterson:
Are you living your life in a way that is worth telling stories about?
…No conflict. No story…We accept that fact when it comes to movies. Epic movies demand epic conflict. That’s what makes them epic! And what’s true of great movies is true of great lives. Great conflict cultivates great character. Of course, it’s easier to watch on screen than it is to walk through it. If you want to live and epic life, you have to overcome some epic challenges (filled with pain). You have to take some epic risks, make some epic sacrifices…In every storyline there are defining moments…it’s a turning point, a tipping point!
Answer: God wants to write His story through your life (and your families life too). And give Him complete editorial control, He’ll write and epic. Of course, it’ll involve some epic conflict. But God who began a good work in you will carry it to completion, even if it takes …generations (to complete – but all great stories have conflict – battles – lions to be slain – and then victory comes over the conflict and the pain – and in the end good wins out) ” (page 28).
Why do we need to know this point?
Answer: Things will happen to you in life, things you cannot control and things will happen to you that you can control! The truth is even if things happen to us we cannot control we can control our reaction to it – yes, you might not be responsible but you choose your response and this response will determine the outcome of this event in the end. So how will you choose to deal crisis and problem situations in your family and in life?
What do we need to do?
Answer: We need to choose to bring God into the problem – we need to put Him between us and the 500 pound lion – we need to listen to his directions and be willing to chase the lion into a pit on a snowy day to get the victory even when the victory looks impossible – it’s a matter of faith over fear. It’s a choice to choose courage because God is with us!
Why do we need to do this?
Answer: So that we find joy in the journey through family and we see God deliver our children -grandchildren and great grandchildren! We see God bless our family throughout the generations that come! So we thrive not just survive!
