Colossians 3:18–24 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (ESV)
We have just come through tax season, and with it, a great deal of effort to examine the concept of equality. In a recent research paper, University of Calgary economist Jack Mintz and doctoral student Matt Krzepkowski argue that the current tax system is unfair because it penalizes single-earner families. They say: “Given that Canada’s income system aims to treat people in similar circumstances as equally as possible, it is certainly time to let couples split their income so they do not face a penalty in higher tax rates than those faced by couples bringing home the same amount of total pay” . But they say the tax reform should also recognize that single-earner families have some advantages that dual-earners do not, such as more unpaid time spent raising children and taking care of the home. (http://business.financialpost.com/2013/04/29/income-splitting-with-a-twist-the-key-to-a-fairer-tax-system-in-canada-economists-suggest/)
If there is any concept that draws more ire from folks today, it is one of role division and submission. In spite of its straightforward clarity, Paul’s simple statement in Colossians 3 has been widely challenged in our day, even by those claiming to be evangelicals. Many argue that Paul’s teaching on this theme is not Spirit-inspired, but reflects his chauvinistic, rabbinic attitude toward women. Others insist that Paul’s teaching on authority and submission was cultural, and does not apply to our society. Yet, none of the critics, however, would argue that Paul’s statement in Col. 3:19 is cultural and that men are no longer required to love their wives. When this was written, in non-Christian circles wives (in fact, women in general) were regarded as being inferior beings. Among the Greeks, in spite of their high degree of culture, wives, as a rule, were not considered to be the equals or even the companions of their husbands. The Romans, too, regarded women as being intrinsically inferior. Philo, a Jewish philosopher who was greatly influenced by Greek philosophy, regarded women as being selfish, jealous, and hypo-critical, and married men as being no longer free men but slaves. Christianity changed all this (Gal. 3:28), and is still changing it among those who are being led to accept it. Jesus made some of his most startling revelations and praises to women (John 4:13, 14, 21–26; 11:25, 26; 20:11–18). (Both the Old and New Testaments highlight the dignity of women in general and mother’s in particular. In the scriptures in general, some of the greatest Honors for the cause of Christ are highlighted through the work of faithful women) (Hendriksen, W., & Kistemaker, S. J. (1953–2001). Exposition of Colossians and Philemon (Vol. 6, p. 169). Grand Rapids: Baker Book House.)
Most people recoil to the concept of submission because they do not comprehend it, but misunderstand the basic purpose, misunderstand the procedure, and misunderstand the true picture of what it represents. Submission done for a godly purpose, the right way for the right reason, shows the true nature of godly love. It best aids in the total wellbeing of all parties involved and uniquely pictures the type of love that God shows us and the type of love that the members of the Godhead have for each other. It is a theological lesson and a supernatural force for change that can revolutionize our individual, familial, communal and societal lives. The issue at stake is not gender but how disciples, whether male or female, are oriented toward the Lord. Thus, secular notions of submission, whether feminist or patriarchal, must be set aside and replaced by notions of how Christ submitted himself to God (Wall, R. W. (1993). Colossians & Philemon. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.).
In showing how submission can be a godly force for revolutionary love, in Colossians 3, the Apostle Paul explains: 1) How should a Mother Act? (Colossians 3:18a), 2) To Whom should a Mother Act this Way? (Colossians 3:18b) and 3) Why should a Mother Act this Way? (Colossians 3:18c)
Submission can be a godly force for revolutionary love when considering:
1) How should a Mother Act? (Colossians 3:18a)
Colossians 3:18a [18] Wives, submit (to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord). (ESV)
Wives Submit/Be subject to is from hupotasso, it has the concept of putting oneself under (hupo) authority, not by compulsion, but willingly. The word submit is a military term meaning to “arrange oneself under another” and indicates a voluntary submission, not an unthinking obedience… submission does not denigrate the one who submits (Radmacher, E. D., Allen, R. B., & House, H. W. (1997). The Nelson Study Bible: New King James Version (Col 3:18–19). Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers.) There is no hint of inferiority, but a matter of authority and responsibility in the home. Wives are to be in habitual subjection with implicit trust. This is voluntary, not forced on her by a demanding despot. The wife is a helpmeet (a help suitable to the husband), not a slave…The wife’s submission is prompted by the husband’s love.( Hindson, E. E., & Kroll, W. M. (Eds.). (1994). KJV Bible Commentary (p. 2465). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.)
• The reason we see the topic of godly submission so rejected today is due to the failure to see how this topic fits together for our whole lives. People fail to connect the dots to see the breakdown of the home, the church, the schools, with civil authorities and society in general, divorced from the concept of godly submission. When a mother can model the trait as God intended, she illustrates the concept of salvation and can have a tremendous positive effect for the home, church, school and society in general.
Let’s be clear about what we are referring to. Distinguish how children and slaves/employees are told to obey; the wife is not. Submission is voluntarily assuming a particular role because it is right. Obedience is not directly commanded. Submission demands obedience as a pattern, but there are times in which obedience to a husband may become disobedience to God. By using the word “submit,” Paul separated the kind of obedience expected by the wife from that expected of others. The wife has a very different relationship to her husband than children to parents or slaves to masters (Melick, R. R. (1991). Philippians, Colossians, Philemon (Vol. 32, p. 312). Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.).
Please turn to 1 Timothy 2
How directly does this submission relate to motherhood? How is giving birth a picture of this submission? What follows from a woman giving birth to a child that leads to a greater revelation of salvation itself? Beginning first in the context of a local Church, Paul applies the principle of submission to motherhood:
1 Timothy 2:11-15 [11] Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. [12]I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. [13] For Adam was formed first, then Eve; [14]and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. [15] Yet she will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control. (ESV)
• From verse 11, Women are not to hold a teaching office like Eldership in the church but are to submit and defer to male leadership (cf. vv. 12, 13, 14). In verse 12, this statement is given in the context of Paul’s apostolic instructions to the church for the ordering of church practice when the church is assembled together. Verse 13, introduces the biblical basis for the prohibition of v. 12. Paul indicates that the prohibition is based on two grounds, the first being the order of creation (Adam was formed first), and the second being the deception of Eve (v. 14). The instructions in 1 Timothy 2 are not set in a context of relating to people of ignorance. Even ancient inscriptions and literature speak of a number of well-educated women in that area of Asia Minor at that time (cf. also Luke 8:1–3; 10:38–41; John 11:21–27; Acts 18:2–3, 11, 18–19, 26; 2 Tim. 4:19). (Crossway Bibles. (2008). The ESV Study Bible (p. 2328). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.) Finally verse 15, applies this all to motherhood. Paul teaches here that although a woman precipitated the Fall and women bear that responsibility, yet they may be preserved from that stigma through childbearing. The rescue, the delivery, the freeing of women from the stigma of having led the race into sin happens when they bring up a righteous offspring. The pain associated with childbirth was the punishment for the Eve’s sin (Gen. 3:16), but the joy and privilege of child rearing delivers women from the stigma of that sin (MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1995). 1 Timothy (pp. 88–89). Chicago: Moody Press.).
It is striking how often submission appears in the New Testament to describe how all Christians are to live. ‘Ordering our lives under’ another is a characteristic, it would seem, of the Christian life. We are to order our lives under God (Heb. 12:9; James. 4:7); under his law (Rom. 8:7); under Christ (Eph. 5:24); under the governing authorities (Rom. 13:1, 5; Titus 3:1; 1 Pet. 2:13); under ministers of the gospel (1 Cor. 16:16); (servants) are to put themselves under their (overseers) (Titus 2:9; 1 Pet. 2:18); young men under older men (1 Pet. 5:5); children under parents (Luke 2:51); and wives to your husbands (Eph. 5:22; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet. 3:1, 5 and of course here in Col. 3:18).( Woodhouse, J. (2011). Colossians and Philemon: So Walk in Him (p. 220). Ross-shire, Great Britain: Christian Focus..) Indeed there is the exhortation to all believers in Ephesians 5:21, which we will soon look at, to ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ’. On this basis, someone has reasonably argued that the New Testament teaches a ‘subordinationist ethic’. (It not only explains the nature of salvation, but our calling to relate to all spheres of life) ( R.C. Lucas, Fullness and Freedom: The message of Colossians and Philemon (Leicester: Inter-Varsity Press, 1980), p. 158. )
This is the way in which the disintegration of human society is to be redeemed: not by individual liberation from restraints and obligations to others, but by each one gladly placing himself or herself under the ones God has placed ‘over’ us (Woodhouse, J. (2011). Colossians and Philemon: So Walk in Him (p. 220). Ross-shire, Great Britain: Christian Focus.).
Illustration: When thinking about this role perhaps the illustration of a football team will help. A football team needs a captain. Not all players are captains, but all have skills and abilities essential to the team’s success. Nevertheless, they need to submit to the captain for the purpose of the game. When they do so, the best results will be achieved. So with wives and Mother’s in the marriage relationship: when they fulfill their God-ordained role, a successful marriage is more likely (McNaughton, I. S. (2006). Opening up Colossians and Philemon (p. 72). Leominster: Day One Publications.).
Submission can be a godly force for revolutionary love when considering:
2) To Whom should a Mother Act this Way? (Colossians 3:18b)
Colossians 3:18b [18] (Wives, submit) to your husbands, (as is fitting in the Lord). (ESV)
Paul’s word to mothers in general, and wives in particular, is to be submissive to your husbands. They do not submit to some detached, impersonal authority. Rather, they Biblically submit to the man with whom they have an intimate, personal, vital relationship. The fact that this submission imperative to your own husbands is in the passive voice presupposes that Christian husbands will fulfill their divinely appointed role (Mills, M. S. (1993). Colossians: A Study Guide to Paul’s epistle to the Saints at Colossae (Col 3:18). Dallas: 3E Ministries.).
• The best way for a mother to fulfill all that God has for her is for her husband to be what God has called him to be.
Please turn to Ephesians 5
All the attacks on this straightforward principle for behavior deal devastating wounds to the marriage. When a woman submits to the loving leadership of her husband and follows God’s intention for her, she is blessed and so is her husband. Efforts to reverse or confuse the duties of wife and husband destroy the blessing each is to be to the other.
The parallel exhortation in Ephesians expands this simple command:
Ephesians 5:21-24 [21] submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. [22] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (ESV)
• Nowhere does Paul suggest that submission requires women to be silent in the face of abuse. Abuse requires outside help and mediation, and no Christian woman should imagine that resisting abuse violates Paul’s mandate. Paul taught submission of wives to husbands, with final spiritual responsibility on a husband’s shoulders, for the sake of mutual fulfillment. In Ephesians 5:25–30, Paul devoted twice as many words to telling husbands to love their wives sacrificially as to telling wives to submit to their husbands. (Barton, B. B., & Comfort, P. W. (1995). Philippians, Colossians, Philemon (p. 222). Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.).
This text does not command all women to submit to all men (to your own husbands, not to all husbands!). Both genders are equally created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26–28) and heirs together of eternal life (Gal. 3:28–29). This submission is in deference to the ultimate leadership of the husband for the health and harmonious working of the marriage relationship. Verse 23–24 specify the grounds of the wife’s submission to her husband and is modeled on Christ’s headship over the church. Just as Christ’s position as head of the church and its Savior does not vary from one culture to another, neither does the headship of a husband in relation to his wife and her duty in biblical submission. “Head” (Gk. kephale) here clearly refers to a husband’s authority over his wife (Crossway Bibles. (2008). The ESV Study Bible (pp. 2271–2272). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.).
It is helpful to note several misconceptions about submission. First, submission does not imply inferiority. Galatians 3:28 clearly affirms that spiritually there is no difference between male and female. It is not suggested here or anywhere else in the NT that the woman is naturally or spiritually inferior to the man, or the wife to the husband (Bruce, F. F. (1984). The Epistles to the Colossians, to Philemon, and to the Ephesians (p. 164). Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.). Paul is not speaking ontologically, that is, regarding the essence of personhood. There is a functional subordination, but an essential equality. Differences of roles to accomplish specific functions do not call for the categories of superior and inferior. It is better to speak of “suited for” and “not suited for.” Such an economic division is found in God, where the Father, Son, and Spirit each have different operations (functional subordination), but they are all equally divine . The Father plans, the Son accomplishes, and the Spirit applies. Each, however, is fully God. Jesus submitted to the Father during His life on earth, yet He was in no way inferior to Him. (Melick, R. R. (1991). Philippians, Colossians, Philemon (Vol. 32, pp. 312–313). Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers. ).
Second, submission is not absolute. If a husband should ever ask his wife to do something which in her conscience (illumined by Scripture) she knows to be wrong, she has the right and the duty to disobey her husband, and thus submit first to God (Acts 5:29) (Hendriksen, W., & Kistemaker, S. J. (1953–2001). Exposition of Colossians and Philemon (Vol. 6, p. 169). Grand Rapids: Baker Book House.).
Finally, the husband’s authority is not to be exercised in an authoritative, overbearing manner. The wife’s submission takes place in the context of a loving relationship.
Illustration: For motherhood in general, and marriage in particular, many women have a problem with submission because they think, “But I am smarter than my husband. I make more money than my husband. I am more educated than my husband. I have more common sense than my husband. I can’t submit to him.” Well, let’s suppose an eighteen-wheeler is trying to merge onto the freeway. Let’s also assume that a compact car is coming down the expressway so it has the right-of-way. The eighteen-wheeler has to yield. Now, the eighteen-wheeler may have more clout than the compact car but the compact car has the right-of-way. Can the eighteen-wheeler say, “Because I have more than you have, you stop on the highway and let me on”? If there is an accident, it is the eighteen-wheeler that is going to be at fault, because even though it’s got more stuff, it is operating illegitimately. Submission has nothing to do with how much you bring to the table. Submission has nothing to do with how much education, how much clout, or how much notoriety a woman has; it has to do with God’s ordained role (Evans, T. (2009). Tony Evans’ book of illustrations: stories, quotes, and anecdotes from more than 30 years of preaching and public speaking (p. 313). Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers.).
Finally, submission can be a godly force for revolutionary love when considering:
3) Why should a Mother Act this Way? (Colossians 3:18c)
Colossians 3:18c [18] (Wives, submit to your husbands), as is fitting in the Lord. (ESV)
Wives are to submit to their husbands because it is fitting in the Lord. The word “fitting” has the idea of proper as a duty. The verb fitting (anekei) refers to any act considered “proper” or suitable for its subjects. That is, the propriety of the wife’s submission to her husband or of the husband’s love for his wife is gauged by the new realities found in the Lord. (Wall, R. W. (1993). Colossians & Philemon. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.)
• God enables mothers to achieve so much more than they ever think or imagine. This is why it is so crucial for mature mothers to come alongside young mothers to encourage and guide them. As the young mothers struggle with fear and doubt, those who have experienced this and triumphed through faith, are God’s tools to strengthen families.
Please turn to 1 Peter 3
From what Paul is saying in Colossians 3:18, he is showing how godly submission is an outworking of the lordship of Christ. Submission is a matter of Christian commitment. It comes with salvation. Voluntarily taking a position of submission is a primarily matter of a wife’s relationship to the Lord, not to her husband. It is “fitting in the Lord.” (Melick, R. R. (1991). Philippians, Colossians, Philemon (Vol. 32, p. 312). Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.). The Lord determines what is fitting or not. Some things may be culturally acceptable, but reflection on them “in the Lord” leads to the realization that they are unfit for a Christian. This qualification recasts the wife’s submission to her husband by turning it into allegiance shown to Christ (cf. Eph. 5:22–24).( Garland, D. E. (1998). Colossians and Philemon (p. 244). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.)
As Peter explains:
1 Peter 3:1-6 [3:1] Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, [2]when they see your respectful and pure conduct. [3]Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- [4]but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. [5] For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, [6]as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (ESV)
• In pointing here to Sarah from Genesis 18, as Sarah was beyond child bearing years, God supernaturally enabled what was humanly impossible. You may never have had children, lost a child or have all your children out of the house. You can still be a godly mother. You can still influence the younger mothers of today through mentoring and discipleship. The conduct that a godly mother has in a household can have a tremendous impact. It is easy for a woman to compare herself with others on what she owns, where she works, how many kids she has, or in the outward successes of her children. But is should be obvious that God cares most about her own heart. Through her godly character God can use that testimony to win her husband to Christ and be that spiritual example to her children.
Motherhood itself is one of self-sacrifice and submission. Mothers are naturally driven to put others before themselves and this selfless love is for a particular purpose. Mothers are naturally driven do everything in their power to ensure the complete wellbeing of everyone in the family, including themselves. A Godly mother not only can show biblical selfless love, but be the godly influence in their household.
(Format note: Some base commentary from MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1992). Colossians (pp. 165–167). Chicago: Moody Press.)
