We’ve been focusing on the Ten Commandments, which provide the values we have been focusing on in this series.
I’ve appreciated the positive feedback we have received on this series. Today, we are on Commandment #9.
One translation says, “you must not bear false witness.”
Another says, “you must not give false testimony.”
But in the end, it all comes back to one simple command.
It is found in Exodus 20:16 where God says…
Exodus 20:16 (TLB)
16 "You must not lie.
Lying is epidemic in American culture.
We see it everywhere.
Sometimes you can’t help but wonder if anybody is telling the truth.
One survey revealed that 66% of Americans say it’s ok to tell lies.
In another survey, only 31% of the people agreed with the statement that, "Honesty is the best policy."
Dr. Leonard Keeler, the inventor of the lie detector, had tested about 25,000 individuals when he came to the conclusion that human beings are basically deceptive.
Perhaps you heard about the little boy who was caught lying to his dad…
His dad said, "Son, you know there are no liars in heaven."
The son said, "Dad, have you ever told a lie?"
Well, yes, I am sorry to say I have.
How about mom?
Yes. She has also lied in the past.
The Pastor?
I am sure the pastor has lied too somewhere along the way.
The son said, “Then I guess the only people that are going to be in heaven are God and George Washington.”
Is it possible to consistently tell the truth?
Can we be consistently honest in a dishonest world?
First, we need to understand that…
God will enable us to live the life He has called us to live.
When the scriptures say, we must not lie, we need to understand that God will provide what we need to be able to live according to His commands.
He wouldn’t tell us not to do something, if it was impossible for us to do it.
For instance, when He calls us to be holy, He is not calling us to an impossible task. We’ll need His help, and the good news is, He has promised to give it.
God will enable us to live the life He has called us to live.
With His help, we can do what He called us to do.
When God says, “Don’t lie”, we need to acknowledge that with His help, we can keep commandment #9.
Lying is an attempt to mislead or deceive.
For instance, whenever you decide to tell a half truth, you have chosen to tell a whole lie.
A white lie is still a lie.
There are so many ways people try to mislead and deceive others.
You can lie by falsifying or you can lie by concealing.
Please understand that when you deliberately hold back half of the truth, or you tell a partial truth, that’s being deceptive.
I heard about a teen age boy who was supposed to be home at midnight and came in about two a.m.
Everyone in the house was asleep.
As he was slowly sneaking up the stairway, he hit a step that creaked and that noise woke his dad.
The boy’s dad said, "Bobby, is that you?"
“Yes sir.”
Then the father asked, "What time is it?"
Before the boy could say a word the coo-coo clock struck twice.
Bobby said it was the most ingenious moment of his life when he stood there on the stairs and coo-cooed ten more times. ?
Let’s talk about it.
How can I become and honest person?
1. By telling the truth completely.
Proverbs 10:10a (TEV)
10a Someone who holds back the truth causes trouble…
Concealing things can cause all kinds of trouble.
It can lead to resentment, mistrust, superficiality, and so much more.
You get into trouble by not saying what you mean and by not meaning what you say.
People sometimes decide they will just sweep an issue under the rug to keep the peace and avoid having to deal with difficult issues.
The problem is, if you just keep sweeping things under the rug instead of dealing with them, the bump under the carpet keeps getting bigger and bigger.
If you don't face issues honestly and with integrity,
the relationship will eventually implode.
Concealment undermines the relationship.
God says tell the truth completely.
Proverbs 28:23 (TLB)
23 In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery.
To tell the truth completely may be unpleasant at first.
But we all know that it is the right thing to do.
Say you have an employee that's been goofing off on the job. You may have to reprimand them.
But you may have to fire them if nothing is ever said.
Don’t you think they would appreciate the possibility of avoiding that catastrophe by having someone tell them the truth on the front end?
It may be the very thing that can help them change and grow.
In theory, we all agree that honesty is the best policy.
But when we perceive that being honest will cause a confrontation, we sometimes seem to think it isn’t such a good idea after all.
But in the end, people appreciate honesty.
So tell the truth completely.
A second way to become an honest person...
2. By telling the truth consistently.
Can a person say they are honest and have integrity if they tell the truth 75% of the time?
Someone says, I am an honest person.
I tell the truth 95% of the time.
You are either honest, or you are dishonest.
Honesty requires that we tell the truth consistently.
Ephesians 4:15 (TLB)
15 Instead, we will lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly —and so become more and more in every way like Christ who is the Head of his body, the Church.
Honesty is to be a lifestyle. It is about being like Christ.
Honesty has to be consistent, if we are to be like Christ.
Proverbs 11:3 (TLB)
3 A good man is guided by his honesty; the evil man is destroyed by his dishonesty.
Dishonesty destroys.
We all know that is true.
When people lie, they have to remember what lies they have told.
But if you always tell the truth, there are no stories to keep straight. You just tell the truth. It is so much easier.
Lying sabotages success.
It destroys relationships.
It damages character.
And God says don't do it.
Tell the truth consistently.
Healthy relationships are built on trust.
Truth telling is trust building.
Deception destroys trust.
Dishonesty destroys relationships.
Proverbs 13:17 (TLB)
17 An unreliable messenger can cause a lot of trouble. Reliable communication permits progress.
If both parties in a relationship say they want things to be better, and they’re not making any progress, someone is not telling the truth.
Reliable communication permits progress.
When you tell the truth consistently and keep working at it, you will make progress.
But it is important that you realize that being honest doesn’t mean being nasty.
We can tell the truth lovingly. And that is #3.
3. By telling the truth lovingly.
We speak the truth in a spirit of love.
We are never to use the truth as a club to beat people over the head with.
Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)
15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
Think of somebody you would like to help change.
If you want to help somebody change you've got to remember two things:
People change easier and faster when you speak the truth in a spirit of love.
People perceive truth without love as an attack.
They resist truth that is not spoken in love.
It doesn't matter if it is the truth you are speaking or not.
They become defensive.
They don't want to hear it.
They perceive it as an attack when it is not spoken in love.
Speak the truth in a spirit of love.
The way to know if you’re speaking the truth in a spirit of love has to do with motivation.
It really comes down to a question…
Who will benefit from this?
Am I trying to change them so things will be easier on me?
Or am I sharing this because I really care about them and I sincerely want them to be the best they can be?
If I'm doing it for their benefit, then that's speaking the truth in love.
We also have to be careful how we speak.
Tell the truth lovingly.
4. By telling the truth tactfully.
Whenever you have a need to share a tough truth,
do it tactfully.
Haven’t we all known people who prided themselves for speaking the truth, but the problem was the truth they speak makes you feel like you have been run over by a freight train?
We need to learn to speak the truth tactfully.
The book of Romans say the truth will set you free.
But when you speak the truth you must speak it
completely, consistently, lovingly, and tactfully.
Proverbs 12:18 (TLB)
18 Some people like to make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise soothe and heal.
Words are so powerful.
We all have specific options with our words.
With our words…
We can either hurt people or we can heal people.
We can develop people or we can destroy people.
We can build them up or we can tear them down.
We can delight people or we can devastate people.
Words have tremendous power.
We have all heard the saying…"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
That saying isn’t true, is it?
We all know better than that.
I suppose all of us could tell about some hurtful works that were spoken to us or about us. Those words hurt when they were spoken, and they still hurt today.
If you were hurt by sticks and stones, the healing process may take a few weeks, or even a few months, but heal typically follows those physical wounds.
But emotional wounds, wounds caused by words that were carelessly and hurtfully spoken, are the kinds of wounds that may never completely heal if they are not handled properly.
Be careful about the words that you speak (especially moms and dads, employers, siblings, etc).
We need to tell the truth – but tell the truth with love/tact.
When you speak the truth in love and with tact, you can learn how to make a point without making an enemy.
This is so very important in your marriage, in your relationship with your children, the people you work with, pretty much everyone you talk to.
Proverbs 16:23 (TEV)
23 Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say is then more persuasive.
I want to be an intelligent person, don’t you?
The way to do it is to think before we speak.
That is good counsel for all of us.
Contemplate before you communicate.
Think it through before you open your mouth.
Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in gear.
I would suggest that you plan your presentation.
If there is something in your marriage or in a relationship that is a problem that you have not been willing to deal with, you need to set down and plan out your presentation.
How could I introduce this in the way that is best?
How can you be sure the other person is receptive?
What sets you up to be heard?
Be careful to choose the right time.
Timing is so important.
Some people don’t even think about this.
They decide to drop the bombshell just before going to bed.
Bad plan.
If you have something important that needs to be discussed…
Don't bring it up just as they are walking out the door for work.
Don’t do it when they're tired, or hurried, or distracted.
Find the proper time and the proper place to deal with the truth honestly.
Speak the truth completely, consistently, lovingly, and tactfully.
That’s just a few biblical tips on becoming an honest person.
The problem is we don't always do these things.
Why not?
Matthew 12 provides some insight for why we don't do these things. Jesus is speaking…
Matthew 12:34b (NIV)
34b For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
The real problem in all of this is not my mouth.
The problem is my heart.
What's coming out of my mouth is really an indication of what's going on inside of me.
Matthew 15:19 (NLT)
19 For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.
The heart of the problems is a matter of the heart.
If I am going to become a person of integrity,
if I'm going to become an honest person,
I have to deal, not only with my lips,
I must also deal with what motivates me to lie (the heart).
Once you understand the motivation behind your lying, then you can deal with the real issue.
Lying is typically a symptom of a deeper problem.
Primary Motivators Behind the Lies:
These are issues of the heart.
Resentment
Sometimes people like to be intentionally destructive and malicious.
They want to get even with someone.
So, they lie out of hatred, spite, or to get revenge.
People lie about others because they are jealous.
They are hurt by someone so they lie to get even.
Resentment is often a primary motivation behind the lies people tell.
Fear
People often lie in an attempt to escape consequences.
They want to avoid punishment.
They are trying to protect themselves or prevent pain.
"My dog ate my homework."
That is the kind of lie people tell when they fear the consequences for not having done what they know they should have done.
People often lie to avoid trouble.
These lies are motivated by fear.
I find it interesting that sometimes the lies people tell often create even greater trouble than if they had just stood up and told the truth in the first place?
Fear. Another thing that motivates people to lie…
Insecurity
This is when you lie to impress.
You're trying to create an image or cover up low self-esteem so you brag.
Lying, bragging, and exaggerating are first cousins.
They all just go together.
We blow up the truth trying to make ourselves look better.
People are masters at lying to impress,
It is an attempt to cover our insecurities.
This is why the fish gets bigger every time you tell the story.
Selfishness
We want our way.
People sometimes people lie to get what they want when they want it.
They are motivated by greed or selfishness.
This is what I want, so I will say whatever I have to say to get it…even if that means telling a lie.
It's basically selfishness.
I want what I want, so I'll lie to get it.
Laziness
Some people just lie out of convenience.
They are too lazy to tell the truth
Sometimes it takes more time, more effort, and more energy to tell the truth.
“No officer, I didn't see anything" when you really did.
Telling the truth will be too much trouble.
It will be more work.
So people lie because they don’t want to invest the time or energy to get involved.
Sometimes it seems easier or more convenient to lie.
This is often done in social situations.
People lie because they don't want to offend someone.
You go to somebody's house, the time is dragging on and you say, "I'm sorry, we've got to get home. Our babysitter has a curfew."
You'd rather say that than admit you're bored to tears and you just want to go home
When we lie, we tell ourselves we're doing the right thing at the time.
You don’t have to tell them you are bored to tears, but you don’t have to lie about it and ruin your integrity either.
Psalm 34:12-13 (TEV)
12 Would you like to enjoy life? Do you want long life and happiness?
13 Then keep from speaking evil and from telling lies.
Tell the truth. It is the right thing to do.
Jesus said that what's in your heart is what's going to come out of your mouth.
The heart of the issue is really an issue of the heart.
Is your heart filled with resentment, fear, insecurity, selfishness, or laziness?
These, and issues like them, often lead to lies and deception.
Lying is a matter of the heart.
That means the way to stop lying and become a person of integrity is to receive a new heart.
The solution is a new heart.
And the good news is that Jesus specializes in heart transplants.
That’s why our goal around here is to continually Point people to Jesus.
He is the answer to your questions and He is the One who can transform your life from the inside out.
He’ll fill your heart with love instead of selfishness.
He will provide joy and peace where once there was hate.
He instills confidence where there was insecurity.
And He can replace laziness with motivation, and strength, and power.
Jesus said, “I am the truth.”
The closer you get to Jesus Christ the more you're going to love the truth, and speak the truth, the more you're going to live the truth.
The beginning of honesty is the confession of dishonesty.
That's where you have to begin. Own the truth.
Begin by saying "God, I have been lying. I am a liar.”
Just admit it.
Admit that…
You don't always tell the truth.
Sometimes you lie.
Sometimes you exaggerate.
Sometimes you tell half-truths.
Ask Christ to forgive you and give you the power to change.
Ask Him to cleanse and purify your heart.
1 John 1:9 (NLT)
9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
He wants to give you a new heart.
It is a wise decision to give Christ full control of your heart.
People are so worried about their reputation.
They will lie to build their reputation.
Forget about your reputation this morning.
I want to encourage you to focus instead on your character.
Reputation is what impresses people.
Character is what impresses God.
And character is what lasts for eternity.
PRAYER for Life Change.
