Message
Matthew 6:14-15
“Forgiving Others”
You can listen to the full message here:-
http://www.nec.org.au/listen-to-a-sermon-series/forgiveness/
How many of you know the Lord’s Prayer?
There is a line in the Lord’s prayer that should always make us stop and think.
Forgive us our sins as we also forgive those who sin against us.
People around the world … in all languages and in all nations … pray this prayer. Forgive us our sins as we forgive also those who sin against us.
That’s a huge call isn’t it?
Especially when we have a closer look at the context of the Lord’s Prayer.
The Lord’s Prayer is found in Matthew 6:9-13. Just after the prayer is finished we read these words in Matthew 6:14-15.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Basically these verses are saying that the measure of forgiveness you show to others is the measure of forgiveness God uses when He is dealing with you.
Like I said. It is a hard call.
Especially when we realise that people can do some pretty hurtful things to one another.
There are many parents who love their children and treat them well.
But there are many parents who do not.
You hear parents say some terrible things to their children.
That they are useless and will amount to nothing.
That they are never helpful and always in the way.
If only you were like your sister you would have a better life.
This, and so much more.
It has an impact … a very negative impact that can last for years.
There can be times when relationships are broken, often as a result of poor communication.
One person has had a hard day at work - they have had a fall-out with a work colleague. So they come home from the hard day and brood. Not saying anything, just shutting down.
The other person in that relationship is struggling with self-worth. They just need to talk and be encouraged. But they face a partner who is shut down and brooding. “What have I done?” “Maybe I am to blame?”
The cycle continues. Break-down occurs. Hurts build up. The pain grows.
That is just two examples among 1000.
To get the most out of this message today I want you to identify your hurt.
Not out loud … just to yourself.
You’re thinking of that event, or moment, or person, or situation which, even after an extended period of time, still creates pain.
You could just be doing nothing … and suddenly the hurt comes back.
You could find yourself thinking about it … and the hurt hits as if new.
You feel weighed down by it.
There may even be a sense of bitterness or wanting vengeance.
It doesn’t even need to be an old hurt. Maybe it is recent … or happening right now.
What is your hurt? You fill in the space as to what that is.
… …
Now let’s read some passages in the Bible.
Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times”. (Matthew 18:21-22).
When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (Mark 10:25).
As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:12-13).
It does not matter if the other person is a believer or a not-yet-believer. It doesn’t matter if that person has come to you to ask for forgiveness, of if they have not asked for forgiveness.
Age doesn’t come into it.
The severity of the hurt does not come into it.
The length of time when the offence occurred does not come into it.
The teaching of the Bible is clear – we need to forgive.
That’s such a hard call isn’t it? Especially when we can easily think of a whole range of reasons not to forgive.
How can we forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness from us?
That seems reasonable doesn’t it. If we have been hurt then surely the other person has the responsibility to come and ask for forgiveness.
But what if they don’t … don’t ask for forgiveness. What if they don’t think they have done anything wrong? What if they don’t see the hurt they have caused. There are some people, even when you point out what they have done, who won’t ask for forgiveness.
What then?
As hard as it is to say, at that moment you have one of two choices.
You allow yourself to be defined by the hurt of a person who doesn’t give a care about you at all.
Or you forgive … it hasn’t been asked for … but you forgive - so you can be defined by a life of grace and mercy.
By not forgiving you actually keep yourself trapped. It is a hard reality, but a reality none-the-less.
If we forgive them aren’t we letting them off the hook?
Shouldn’t those who have hurt us pay in some way.
Maybe they need to suffer and sweat.
Maybe they need to be made to feel like we felt … the same hurt and pain.
Maybe we need some sort of equal retaliation.
It might sound like a good idea. But when it comes to putting into practise how will you make that work?
Do you want to be the person who does to them what they have done to you?
How will you know if you have caused enough hurt that they feel the same way you felt?
Often hurt is caused by those who actually don’t realise what they are doing. Do you want to be the person who is deliberately hurting just to get even?
You see the dilemma?
Partly it comes about because of our misunderstanding of what forgiveness is.
Ideally we want forgiveness to be an action we show to others in response to a request from them.
A situation has occurred. Harsh uncaring words have been spoken and you are hurt.
After some time when the argument has settled there is a small knock at your door.
“Can I come in, I have something to tell you.”
“I’ve been thinking about what I said and I realise that those words really hurt you. I should not have said what I said and I feel really guilty. I’m so sad an upset at myself that I have done this. Will you forgive me?”
That is how we often think it looks.
And to be honest forgiveness will look like that. It will be the result of a realisation that hurt has been caused and healing needs to happen.
That is part of forgiveness, but it isn’t the primary part.
The primary act of forgiveness comes as a response of gratitude … our gratitude to God for His forgiveness of us.
You see we gave God every reason to not forgive us.
We have an infinite debt of sin. We are born in sin. Our minds are tuned to sinning. We are always tempted by it. We often surrender to it. We cannot avoid it. This is not an exaggeration – this is the reality of sin in our lives.
But the saddest fact of all is that this sin is directed against God. Every time we sin it’s as if we are throwing sand into the face of God and saying, “Your ways are not good enough for me. I have chosen to follow an alternative answer”.
Yet, despite this rebellion God took the steps which were necessary to bring us into a full relationship with Him.
God sends his son Jesus. Not because we asked for it, but because it was a necessary action.
Jesus takes us … and calls us His own … and opens the way … and pays the price … and deals with the punishment. And then He offers us forgiveness.
And that offer is always on the table whether we take it or not.
Understand this. When it comes to our relationship with God we are not forgiven because we asked God to forgive us. We are forgiven because we have accepted the offer of reconciliation which was always there. God’s forgiveness is always on offer whether we accept it or not.
That’s what God has done for you. Now take that principal and apply it to others. When I forgive others …
- forgiving those who have hurt me deeply.
- forgiving those who have not asked for it.
- forgiving those who have hurt me repeatedly.
- forgiving those who took me for granted.
- forgiving those who should know better.
- forgiving those who don’t even realise what they have done.
When I forgive others I am doing nothing more than giving them what God gave me.
He has forgiven me when I hurt Him deeply.
He has forgiven me when I did not ask for it.
He has forgiven me when I hurt Him repeatedly.
He has forgiven me when I took Him for granted.
He has forgiven me when I should have known better.
He has forgiven me when I don’t even realise what I had done.
When I forgive others I am only acting in a response of gratitude as I give to them what God has given to me.
Now let’s go back to that verse we had earlier.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15.
As we look at this verse again, with the understanding that we have today, we see that a most important question is coming to the surface.
If I can’t forgive others … have I really understood what God has given me?
By giving us such a blunt verse the Father is challenging you to think about your relationship with Him.
If you struggle to give grace … have you understood what grace is?
If you struggle to show mercy … has the merciful heart of God been seen by your soul?
If your heart can’t allow you to be in a place where you are not defined by your past … have you allowed yourself to be defined by Jesus?
Yes it is a hard call. We live in a hurt-filled world and many of us have been in terrible situations where we have been abused … and taken for granted … and in destructive relationships … and told we were nothing.
We didn’t deserve.
God didn’t condone it.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you keep putting yourself in harms’ way.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you accept the behaviour and just put up with it.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to keep listening to the hurtful words, or put up with the abusive actions.
But in this space - where God knows the power of hurt - God also wants you to be free. Free even from the burden which comes from these situations.
If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Jesus isn’t setting up a new standard for salvation.
For we know that salvation is a free gift.
Rather Jesus is showing us how we can move forward … in strength … in grace … in Jesus … when we have been sinned against.
I can be in that place where the sin of others doesn’t keep on coming up like an old wound and destructively impacting me.
I can be in that place where I can accept what has happened in the past and still move forward in purpose and hope and security.
I will not be defined by what others do against me.
I will be defined by who I am in Christ.
That is freedom being offered by Christ.
So if you need that freedom … picture him.
There is a man, who is the Son of God, walking along the road. He has been beaten so severely His face is distorted – a man of sorrows from whom people are turning away in disgust.
This man, the King of the universe, has a crown of thorns pressed deeply into His skull. And the blood which is pouring from the punctures mixes with His sweat as He struggles under the burden of a heavy cross.
Now picture yourself going to this man – the man upon whom sin … your sin … has been laid. The man who will know first hand what it means to be crushed under the wrath of God. You go to Him and move the hair from His eyes. He looks at you. With all the compassion, mercy and love He has He says to you, “I am doing this so that you may be forgiven”.
There,
there at that moment,
is true freedom.
A freedom that allows you to give to others … others who have hurt, and abused, and disregarded, and taken for granted … the same gift of forgiveness that God has given to you.
Prayer
