OPEN: Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVI2fX-1uPU
That clip was from a popular TV series called “This Is Us” where a couple of the main actors (brothers Kevin and Randall) get into a fight. The scene is an excellent example of a common conflict most families experience called “sibling rivalry”. According to Merriam-Webster - Sibling rivalry is the “competition between siblings especially for the attention, affection, and approval of their parents.” According to observational studies by Judith Dunn, children as young as one year old are sensitive to differences in how their parents treat them.
[Jane Mersky Leder (January 1, 1993). "Adult Sibling Rivalry". Psychology Today. Retrieved 15 May 2018.]
ILLUS: Now, I’ve read that over time most family rivalries tend to disappear… at least until the parents die, and then the kids usually end up in court fighting for their share of the inheritance. So sibling rivalry is REAL. And because the Bible is based in reality… sibling rivalry is referred to a lot in Scripture:
There was the conflict between Jacob and Esau – they’d fought ever since they’d been born. Then there was Joseph and his brothers. His brothers were so jealous of him that they threw him in a pit and then sold him into slavery. And in the book of Numbers we’re told of the resentment Miriam had toward her brother Moses because she felt she’d been left out of things.
(PAUSE)
But the most famous story of sibling rivalry is the story of Cain and Abel. This morning, I’m going to tell you my take on this story. I’m going to give you my OPINION about what happened in that conflict. But bear in mind – this is my opinion. I could be wrong!!! (I’m probably not, but I like to hedge my bets). There are certain hints in this tale that make me think that what I’m going to tell you is on target.
But now, here’s what I see. In the Bible, names often had specific meanings. For example: “Adam” means “earth” and God so named him that because God formed him from the dirt of the ground. And “Eve” means “Life”, because she was “the mother of all living”.
But when we get to Cain and Abel… the meaning of THEIR names is intriguing. For example, “Cain” means “acquired”. And Eve explains why she named him this by saying: “I have gotten (or acquired) a man from the LORD.” But why on earth would she call Cain, “Cain”?
Well, you have to go back to the previous chapter. Adam and Eve have sinned against God and lost their home in the Garden. They’ve lost all the blessings they’d once had from their close relationship with the Father. But at the end of the 3rd chapter, God makes a promise. God tells Satan “I will put enmity (hatred) between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he (this “boy” child) shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." Genesis 3:15
Now… Eve has an offspring. She has a “boy” child. And I can visualize Eve thinking: Cain is the boy-child that’s going to fix what she’s broken, and (because of Cain) she’ll get back everything she’s lost.
But then Abel is born. According to one source: the verb (habal), means to act emptily or become vain, and the noun (hebel) means vapor, breath, in the negative sense of having no substance and being something very close to nothing. (http://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Abel.html#.W6FnTuj2670)
(PAUSE) Really? Abel meant emptiness, and nothingness? Why on earth would Eve name Abel… Abel????
Well, here’s my take: I think Eve thought: I’ve got Cain… what do I need Abel for. Cain’s my ticket back to the garden. Abel is just chump change. And if I’m right - CAIN became the golden child. He can’t do anything wrong. All he has to do is “show up” and he gets the “participation trophy.”
But now… ABEL is a different kid. He has to try twice as hard to get half the attention Cain gets, and so, he’s used to giving his best 100% of the time. And Cain likes it that way.
Now, fast forward to Genesis 4 and the sacrifice that these 2 boys offer to God. Cain does what he’s always done. “Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground.” (Genesis 4:3) He just brings in some stuff from out in the field and he didn’t give it much thought. It’s just some grain that was close at hand.
BUT “Abel … brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions.” (Genesis 4:4). “Firstborn and “Fat portions” are code words in Scripture for the best he had. And Abel brought the best he had because that’s what he’s always had to do. God accepted Abel’s sacrifice… but rejected Cain’s.
As one person put it: “Abel brought the Lord Filet Mignon and Cain brought the Lord some old broccoli.”
As you can imagine, this didn’t go down well with Cain. He gets in a fight with Abel… kinda like Kevin and Randall. And what I found interesting in that clip we showed was what Kevin and Randall say to each other:
Kevin says to Randall: “You always got special treatment.”
Randall: “Because I’m black?”
Kevin: “No, because you’re black and you’re adopted”
Randall: “Oh yeah, I hit the jackpot with that combination. Couldn’t have had it any easier.”
Kevin: “In our house you did. With our mother you did.”
Randall: “Oh, right. OK, here we go.”
Kevin: “Why can’t you just admit it, man? … Just admit that YOU WERE MORE IMPORTANT TO HER, and that she wanted to make sure that you felt special every single minute of every single day so you wouldn’t feel like the odd man out.”
Randall seems to be “golden child” to Kevin. That’s how Kevin sees him. But Kevin reversed the story of Cain and Abel. In THIS story, Abel (Kevin) is the one angry with Cain (Randall), and just like in the story of Cain and Abel… there’s a fight. But there’s something different here. In the fight between Kevin and Randall… nobody dies.
But there’s a statement - just before the fight - that caught my attention. Kevin says: “In any other family I would have been the star.”
Translation: You got the praise I deserved!!!! I wanted the recognition, I wanted what I deserved. How dare you step on my turf? Because I’m the most important person here!!!
That’s the mindset that lies the heart of LOT OF conflicts. You see it over and over again in Scripture, from Cain and Abel, to Jacob and Esau, to Joseph and his brothers, and Miriam and Moses. The conflict is ALWAYS about getting what I deserve. It’s always “if it weren’t for YOU, I’d be the star.” Everybody wants what they “deserve.”
ILLUS: I’m reminded of the story of the little boy and a little girl were riding a mechanical horse in a shopping center. The little boy, who was riding in front turned to the girl and said "If one of us would get off, there would be more room for me."
Whenever you get mad at someone in the family/ work/ church, that’s what’s going on. Somebody needs to get off this horse so I can have more room.
ILLUS: My home church was a thing of beauty. It had 4 huge Corinthian columns facing the main road with a staircase of about 15 steps leading up to the main level. Inside it was decorated with touches of mahogany and brass railings. But the main focus was a huge pipe organ that was housed in the room just behind the podium. I went inside once and saw the pipes there – little pipes about the size of your hand, and huge pipes that were way taller than you or I. It was an elegant and massive instrument that dominated the front of the sanctuary.
Now, there were about 4 different ladies who played the organ for worship, but they would literally get mad at one another if they felt one of the other girls got to play the organ more they did. They each felt they deserved to play that organ, and if they didn’t get their time at the keyboard… they were very unhappy people. And they let everyone else know they were unhappy.
You see… most conflict all boils down to this one issue: I DESERVE! And the Bible says: you really don’t want that. You really don’t want what you deserve. You know why? What do all of us deserve??? DEATH!
Romans 6:22-23 says “now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death (that’s what we deserved), but the free GIFT (you didn’t deserve that) of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
So… you see, it’s a trap. It’s a trap that leads me to believe I DESERVE to be treated like a star. Eventually that leads to conflict that destroys families, churches and relationships. I don’t want that. I don’t want to destroy my friends & family & church. Do you? Of course you don’t.
So, because I don’t want to destroy these things that are precious to me, I want to find a way to protect myself against this attitude of “deserving”. And, the Bible gives us a couple tools to avoid the trap… and the 1st tool God gives us is what we’ve seen in the clip.
(PAUSE) Kevin says: “In any other family I would have been the star.”
Do you remember Randall’s response? Randall points up and says: “You’re no star. THAT is a star” (See footnote at the end of the sermon) Randall’s statement was almost a thing of theological beauty. He's telling Kevin that there was something out there that was bigger and better than Kevin was. There was something that deserved to be called a STAR… and Kevin wasn’t it. And, of course, the Bible tells us that that “something” that deserved to be called a “star” … is God.
In the 10 Commandments God introduces Himself to His people with these words: “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:2-3) Essentially God is telling Israel – I’m the one who deserves the glory. God is the “the star”.
Isaiah 42:12 tells us “Let them give glory to the LORD, and declare his praise in the coastlands”
And Ephesians 1:11-12 declares “In (God) we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.”
Everything… including us… exists to give God PRAISE! Everything should give glory to His name. In fact, God says – He ain’t sharing His glory with nobody. In Isaiah 42:8 God proclaims: “I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other…”
So the first way I can protect myself from this destructive trap of struggling for recognition and praise is to remember I don’t deserve praise. God deserves the praise!
ILLUS: Corrie Ten Boom had been imprisoned by the Nazi’s in concentration camps. Her parents died there, but she survived and developed a ministry to people across Europe who had suffered similar horrors. At the various churches at which she spoke she’d often receive praise and compliments that made her uncomfortable. She knew only God deserved the praise, but how was she to deal with the honors she was receiving? Well, she graciously thanked her admirers, but then she said: “I began to collect those compliments like flowers. ‘Thank you,’ I'd say. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’ Then at the end of the day I'd kneel down and I'd say, ‘Here You are Jesus, they're all Yours.’”
The 2nd tool God gives us to protect ourselves from feeling we deserve recognition is this: Consider others as more important than yourself. That’s what Philippians 2:3-8 tells us: “Do nothing from RIVALRY or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
ILLUS: Most people think the reason we gather as a church is to sing a few songs, pray a few prayers, take communion, listen to a sermon and then go home. It’s all about how much time they spend sitting in the pew. But, oh no! It’s far more than that. In addition to giving God praise and honor, we gather here so that we find ways to encourage one another and challenge each other to greater works of faith. We gather here to look to the interests of each other. If we don’t do that… we haven’t done church.
In addition, Jesus taught us that if we really want to be great, we need to make serving each other our main focus. Jesus said: “(The Pharisees) love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues
and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.” (In other words, they wanted to be the “star”).
But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers. And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. Neither be called teachers, for you have one teacher, the Christ.” (Don’t seek titles or marks of distinction. That’s why, around here I remind people not to call me a reverend or a pastor. I don’t need the title. In fact, if folks don’t know what I do around here after I’ve been in the pulpit for 30 minutes… I haven’t done my job. Just call me “Jeff”. I don’t need any other name).
Then Jesus wraps it up by saying: “The GREATEST among you shall BE YOUR SERVANT. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Matthew 23:6-12
If you really want recognition… realize the only recognition that matters to God is if you’ve been a servant to one another.
CLOSE: I want to close this sermon by reminding you of how the fight between Kevin and Randall was stopped.
We see them rolling on the ground, grasping and clawing at each other. They haven’t quite hurt each other yet…but it’s only a matter of time. But it’s in the midst of their struggle that they suddenly hear voices. A crowd has gathered. People have pulled their camera phones and everyone is staring at them. In that moment they realize how foolish they look.
ILLUS: We have got to realize that the world is watching US. The world sees how we behave and they know how we act… and a lot of times, we don’t look real desirable. I’ve just written an article I shared on Facebook. I pointed out that there’s a lot of posts by Christians on Facebook that are very political. Nothing technically wrong with that, except that many of those posts say nasty derogatory things about certain politicians and political parties. They may not curse (although some of them do), but the insults flow and the putdowns are in abundance. Now, that’s ok I guess, if you don’t love Jesus and all you’re doing is selling a political point of view. But if you’re a Christian and you say those terrible things about people on the other side of the political divide, you’re basically saying - to those don’t agree with you politically – “I don’t care if you go to hell. You’re an idiot and I despise everything you stand for.”
Don’t do that! Don’t go there! While there are principles that important for us to defend, if we defend those principles in foul and insulting ways, we defame our Savior and we cut off our witness to those who are dying in their sins. If you love your politics more than Jesus… go for it. But if you say you love Jesus… don’t do that!
One last thing: someone in the crowd asks Kevin: “Do you… want me to call someone?” And Kevin replies: “Oh. Oh, it’s uh… No. This is my brother.” And then the brothers get up and run off TOGETHER down the street. Later (in the part of the show we didn’t get to see because it wasn’t part of this clip) Randall looked at Kevin and said “You know, that’s the first time you’ve ever called me your brother.”
It was only when Kevin and Randall were down, rolling on the ground and suddenly were embarrassed by the crowd that they realized they were brothers. Too often, that happens to Christians as well. Too often, it’s only when we’ve embarrassed ourselves that we wake up to who we really should be.
But if we’re smart, we’ll protect ourselves against that happening by refusing to demand being “the star” and giving glory God and servant service to each other.
INVITATION
Footnote: When Randall pointed up and said “That’s a star”, he was pointing at a sign that showed an actor that took the part Kevin once had, but I left that part out of my sermon because it would have distracted from the focus of the message.
