How to Bless your Children!
Question: How many here want to bless your children? Your Grandchildren – your spiritual children?
Main Scripture Text:
Proverbs 20:7: “The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” (NIV)
New Living Translation
The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.
New American Standard Bible
A righteous man who walks in his integrity-- How blessed are his sons after him.
King James Bible
The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.
Good News Translation
Children are fortunate if they have a father who is honest and does what is right.
Thesis: The position of fatherhood comes with a grave responsibility from God and with the gift of fatherhood also comes the power to shape, guide and transform the lives of their children for success, for purpose and for the fulfillment of their children’s divine destiny.
Introduction:
We all have a powerful need to know that someone in this world loves us and accepts us unconditionally. We especially crave our parents' blessing, and without it, we may become angry and driven, or detached and empty. We may also feel this hurtful lack between brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, or even within our religious congregation.
Drs. John Trent and Gary Smalley outlined five biblical steps for giving a blessing to children in their book The Blessing: Meaningful Touch, A Spoken Message, Attaching High Value, Picturing a Special Future, and An Active Commitment.
• 1 - appropriate meaningful touch
Before a word was spoken, there was the laying on of hands, a hug or reaching out to touch. Appropriate touch conveys in powerful, non-verbal ways, our love and affirmation – preparing the way for our words.
• 2 - spoken message
Biblically, a child wasn’t left to “fill in the blanks” whether they were valuable to a parent or grandparent. Words were verbalized, including written words today, that can place unconditional love and acceptance into the heart of a child or loved one.
• 3 - attaching high value
But what words do you say or write? The word, “Blessing” itself carried the idea that the person you’re blessing is of incredible worth and value – even as an imperfect person. In short, you’re helping a child “get the picture” that you see things in their life today, that make them special, useful and of great value to you.
• 4 - special future
With our touch, with our words that attach high value, come a response in a child or loved one’s heart that can be nothing short of transformational. The light going on in their heart and mind that the way God has made them, they can do more than they ever dreamed in living out a God-honoring future.
• 5 - genuine commitment
“Blessing” a child doesn’t mean we never discipline them or point out areas growth. But children “know at an incredibly deep level if they have their parents “blessing” – if that mom or dad, grandmother, aunt, uncle or other loved one really sees high value in them – even during the tough times. Genuine commitment is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person that says as long as I have breath, I’ll be there to seek to build these 5 elements of the Blessing into your life and life-story.
This sermon is directly taken from http://www.theblessing.com/html/overview.html great book I highly recommend you read it!
T.S. – Let’s look deeper into the 5 ways to bless our children.
1. Meaningful Touch.
a. Circulating story from my Psychology 101 class:
i. The Harlow experiments on rhesus monkeys?
1. http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoptio.../HarlowMLE.htm
a. Quote: He separated infant monkeys from their mothers a few hours after birth, then arranged for the young animals to be “raised” by two kinds of surrogate monkey mother machines, both equipped to dispense milk. One mother was made out of bare wire mesh. The other was a wire mother covered with soft terry cloth. Harlow’s first observation was that monkeys who had a choice of mothers spent far more time clinging to the terry cloth surrogates, even when their physical nourishment came from bottles mounted on the bare wire mothers. This suggested that infant love was no simple response to the satisfaction of physiological needs. Attachment was not primarily about hunger or thirst. It could not be reduced to nursing.
ii. Another story from class (not sure if true of not?) so please note this disclaimer: It’s a persistent story about a "Russian baby experiment.”
1. However, there is no other evidence I can find that anything like this actually happened and is documented – I pray it did not happen as I share in the story below ?.
a. The closest research I can find is that of Rene Spitz (wiki article) who researched infants living in institutions. According to this site, he found that: “The babies raised in the nursing home environment suffered seriously. More than a third died. Twenty-one were still living in institutions after 40 years. Most were physically, mentally, and socially retarded.”
2. The story I heard was as follows from class!
a. Twenty newborn infants were housed in a special facility. They had caregivers who would go in to feed them, bathe them and change their diapers, but they would do nothing else. The caregivers had been instructed not to look at or touch the babies more than was necessary, and they never spoke to them. All their physical needs were attended to scrupulously, however. The environment was kept sterile; the babies were never ill. The experiment was halted after four months. At least half of the babies had died at that point, at least two more died even after being rescued and brought into a more normal environment. There was no physiological cause for the babies' deaths; they were all physically very healthy. Before each baby died, there was a period where they would stop verbalizing and trying to engage their caregivers, and just stop moving, never cry or change expression. Death would follow shortly. The babies who had "given up" before being rescued died in the same manner, even though they had been removed from the experimental conditions.
i. The conclusion we can draw from both of these studies was that nurturing (touch) is actually a very vital need in humans and monkeys.
b. Before a word is spoken, there should be the laying on of hands, a hug, or a reaching out to touch.
i. We see this throughout Scripture, both in the Old and New Testaments.
1. The act of father’s laying hands on their sons and blessing them is repeated over and over as vitally important in Scripture.
ii. Appropriate touch conveys in powerful, nonverbal ways our love and affirmation. Touch prepares the way for our words.
1. Did you hear that appropriate touch makes our words impactful and let’s be honest meaningful.
c. Remember those childhood experiences when you simply sensed the approval or care of a parent or loved one?
i. We can learn from the ultimate Father by noting how He blesses us with His attentions in distinct ways that parallel our warmest memories as children when someone blessed us in simple yet affirming ways:
1. An arm over the shoulder or an embrace in a time of disappointment or fear (see Deut. 33:27)
2. A pat on the back or a firm steadying hand at a crucial moment (see Ps. 139:5)
3. A whisper in the ear, giving quiet assurance or secret instructions (see Is. 30:21)
4. A snug tucking in bed when surrounded by the darkness of night (see Ps. 127:2-3)
5. A kiss on the cheek or being dandled on a parent's knee (see Ps. 103:13; "pities" is translated from the Hebrew word rawcham, which means "to tenderly love or caress").
a. From https://www.charismamag.com/life/family-parenting/15245-speaking-blessings-upon-your-children
T.S. – Let’s look at the second way to bless your children!
2. A Spoken Message.
a. In biblical times, children weren’t left to “fill in the blanks” as to whether they were valuable to a parent or grandparent. Words were used, aloud and in writing. Today, words can place unconditional love and acceptance into the heart of a child or loved one.
i. Proverbs 18:21 teaches us, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
1. The profundity of this truth is seen in all of life. Kind words breed warmth of relationship; harsh words breed tension and separation. True words build trust and confidence; lies break trust, and doubt and suspicion replace confidence. In fact, words are central to our most meaningful relationships.
ii. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
b. However, the most affirming are those blessings that come in words:
i. Words that affirm and approve are the key to a child’s development both mentally, spiritually and even physically.
ii. Words that commend and compliment will build a child up and give them a healthy self-esteem.
iii. Words that specifically speak love and affection will nurture the development of a child’s soul.
iv. Words that invoke hope and self-confidence give children a vision of the future.
v. Words that answer pain and disappointment with support and faith teach children that life is filled with ups and downs of life, but God is faithful and this will help them grow spiritually.
c. The Cornerstone blessing in the Bible is found in Numbers 6:24-26. This is the blessing God ordained that the priests of Israel use to speak blessing in His name over His own children, it was for those who He called "the children" of Israel.
i. Listen to Numbers 6:24-26 with me, and then examine its depth: "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace."
1. From https://www.charismamag.com/life/family-parenting/15245-speaking-blessings-upon-your-children
d. You Have the Power with in your words to help your child succeed spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally:
i. Within the context of the Bible, the power of God's people to speak blessing upon one another is clearly revealed and highlighted as powerful.
1. Noah blesses Shem and Japheth for their respect, rather than mockery, of his dignity as their father (see Gen. 9:26-27).
2. Melchizedek blesses Abraham for honoring God for His protection and victory and for Abraham's tithing instead of conceding to the offers of the king of Sodom to take the goods for himself (see Gen. 14:18-24).
a. Over and over God tells Abraham that his offspring (children) will be instruments of blessing to the whole world—both in their deeds as well as with their words (see Gen. 12:3; 18:18; 22:16-18).
ii. From these early experiences, the understanding of the power of blessing developed for us to see, and if we see it we should practice this as parents with our children.
1. Isaac’s example reveals the depth and meaning of this practice in his attentiveness to purposefully minister such a blessing to his sons (see Gen. 27).
a. Notwithstanding the twists the story takes, the underlying fact is that this practice of blessing was seen not only as something God would hear and enforce, but also as something very life changing in the child's life.
iii. The principle is clear: God has given parents the privilege and power to speak blessing upon their children and, with that blessing, to advance life, health, spirituality, growth, joy and self-confidence!
1. We as Christian parents need to learn to steward this action as a dynamic part of raising our children and blessing them in every way we possibly can.
iv. So remember a blessing is reflected by the simplest things we might do as they are babies with touch, which, though seemingly ordinary, will carry an immense weight when we start telling them they are loved, cared for, valued and being "looked over" (rather than overlooked).
1. The above is taken directly from https://www.charismamag.com/life/family-parenting/15245-speaking-blessings-upon-your-children
T.S. – We have looked at touch, words so now let’s move to instilling within our children High Value or what I call godly self-esteem.
3. Attaching High Value.
a. The word blessing talked about above carries the idea that the person you’re blessing is of incredible worth and value, even as an imperfect person. So, it’s not just about words but a intentionality of implanting in your children’s souls the truth that they are valuable both to you and to God.
i. The key here to understand is that you’re helping a child get a vision that you see things in his or her life today that make them special, useful, and of great value to you and to the Kingdom of God.
b. Kids also need to know that they are special and of value to God!
i. They are His children!
ii. He loved them so much His son died for them!
iii. He looks at them as royalty – as part of His family!
iv. He wants to have an intimate relationship with Him.
c. Here are Scriptures to support his truth:
i. Romans 5:8 ESV “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
ii. Matthew 10:31 ESV “Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
iii. Psalm 139:13-16 ESV “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
d. We need to understand we bless our children by letting them know they are valuable, to us and God. Let me say another way we need to let our children know they are priceless to us and the most valuable thing we have in our life.
T.S. – Our children a a priceless gift from God which we need to cherish and then to bless them more we need to in still in them a vision for their future.
4. Picturing a Special Future.
a. With our touch and with our words we attach high value (godly self-esteem), the response in our children’s or loved ones’ hearts can be nothing short of transformational.
i. The light goes on in their hearts and minds when they realize that, because of the way God made them, they can do more than they ever dreamed in living out a God-honoring future.
b. We are told in Scripture, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
i. Every child should know this by heart! God has a divine plan for their lives. They need to know you believe in them to fulfill this great plan.
ii. They need to know they have your blessing to go after this vision or dream for their life.
T.S. – You bless your children when encourage them to follow God given dreams and vision for their life. Another way you bless your children is by being committed to them – your involved in their lives, you care about their day, you are involved with them – in other words you are not a dead beat parent only focused on yourself.
5. An Active Commitment.
a. Blessing children doesn’t mean we never discipline them or point out areas where growth is needed. But children know at an incredibly deep level if they have their parents’ blessing—if their mom or dad, grandmother, grandfather aunt, uncle, spiritual parent or other loved one really sees high value in them!
i. They especially need to know this in the hard times of this life. That you are there for them.
1. Example: when the twins were born and graduation service which I left.
b. Having a genuine commitment to your child is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person that says as long as I have breath, I’ll be there for you and I am committed to you! For as long as I live.
1. Excerpts above from Becoming a Spiritually Healthy Family, by Michelle Anthony (page 115–116).
Conclusion:
So, we have learned 5 ways to bless our Children now Vernon is going to come up and reveal 5 ways to Honor your parents.
Which are:
1. Forgive them
2. Set healthy boundaries
3. Speak well of them
4. Seek their wisdom
5. Support them
