A preacher tells the story of inviting a guest lecturer to speak to a counseling class he was teaching and asked him to specifically discuss the topic forgiveness. He told a powerful story from his own life that day to illustrate his point that we should forgive.
His brother had many struggles, and one day there was a conflict that arose and someone shot and killed my friend’s brother. The whole family was sad of course and grieved very much about this sudden and unfortunate loss. Our guest that day said he struggled initially forgiving the man that killed his brother. After awhile though, God helped him process the tragedy and forgive the murderer.
This was the neat part. For years, my friend had a prayer list with his brother’s name on it, and he prayed for him often. After his death, he eventually got to the point where he erased his brother’s name and inserted the murderer's name in his brother's place on the prayer list, and now he prays for him often.
This, folks,, is forgiveness. (This text illustration adapted from sermon central.com)
Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
Matthew 18:21-35
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Do I have to Forgive them if They Don’t Say Sorry?
Now I want to mention something here about vs. 35 (read vs. 35
35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Now let’s look at the book of Luke:
Luke 17:1-4
1 Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!
2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
Sooo….ARE WE ONLY REQUIRED TO FORGIVE IF THEY REPENT AND SAY SORRY??? Since God’s Word has the answer to every question, I will let what Jesus said answer that one:
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. - Matthew 6:15
So the answer is No, you don’t have to forgive them if they don’t say sorry, but IF YOU WITHHOLD THIEIR FORGIVENESS, GOD WITHHOLDS YOURS.
The hardest ones to forgive
I think of the people who hurt us, the worst are the ones that we really reached out to in love, that we prayed for and cared about and poured ourselves out for in love, in an effort to make their lives better. And then that day comes when they misunderstand something you said, or become offended at you for something and then, instead of your friend, you are facing a coiled rattlesnake striking at you with their words, trying to hurt you as bad as they can.
And the very hardest to forgive are those who, after you finally work through and forgive them, turn around and burn you again. And again. And again. Many families have one of these.
These are the cases that are the toughest for me, because when I love someone, I really love them. I open my heart and my life to them and will give them anything I have that I can and share with them all that I have that is good and I pray for them and intercede and ask God for mercy and blessings for them, and….when suddenly I am slapped down and cursed for my efforts, well, its hard to recover from with no ill feelings towards them. But sometimes people are just fake. And sometimes they are weak, and sometimes people hurt you because they themselves are hurting.
But that is what God requires of us, so I was doing a study to try to figure out how to forgive as we are commanded to forgive.
70x7=Constantly Ready to Forgive
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Sooo…if we are supposed to forgive 70x7, we need to be ready to forgive at all times. Every minute of every day, we need to be ready to forgive someone.
Maybe the very someones we love most of all. Since we know Satan always attacks us through those closest to us, where he can do the most damage with the least amount of effort.
So we need to STAY in FORGIVENESS MODE at all times. We need to LIVE A LIFESTYLE of forgiveness to honor the ONE WHO FORGAVE US.
PROGRESSION TO UNFORGIVENESS
Someone hurts or disappoints us.
Satan sees the opportunity and starts manning the memory replayer, replaying the scenario over and over and over again. Whispering lies to us. And We start to listen, because we are hurting.
“You didn’t deserve that.” “That was really terrible of him/her to do/say that!” “You would never act like that!” says the voice of pride.
Hurt begins to move towards anger. As the memory replayer keeps playing, moves to resentment. Resentment increases quietly under the surface, like a wound festering and growing redder by the day – this can go on for years – for DECADES. And resentment becomes full blown Anger. As anger continues to grow, it becomes hard and bitter. Bitterness no longer believes in anything good, it only sees the bad. It cannot see its own part in the play, it just places blame. When bitterness finally hardens rock-hard, it has become a dark, toxic mountain of unforgiveness with deep roots poisoning your soul that tells you everything you feel is somebody else’s fault.
The battlefield is ALWAYS in the mind. ALL SIN IS CONCEIVED IN THE MIND. ALL SIN IS CONCEIVED THE SAME WAY – WHEN WE RECEIVE THE THOUGHTS THE ENEMY SEEDS INTO OUR MINDS. When we “entertain” or let that thought from Satan stay, and we think on it.
UNFORGIVENESS IS ONE-STOP-SHOPPING FOR SATAN
Satan doesn’t need to get you into any other sin. If he can get you into unforgiveness, he can get you into hell. You become HIS.
At that moment, you are turned over to the tormentors and locked in the prison cell, just like the unforgiving servant was.
And that door stays locked, and you will continue being tormented, until you forgive. And I think too many believers do not realize these torments can be the torment of sickness or disease, maybe you have been turned over to the torment of never having enough, or the torment of terrible regret. There are many types of torment ...
I have been observing a really disturbing trend for some time now that is increasing exponentially and is going to send many people to hell including many MANY Christians.
Mark 11:25
25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Luke 17:3-4
3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
2 Corinthians 2:5-8
5 But if any have caused grief, he hath not grieved me, but in part: that I may not overcharge you all.
6 Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many.
7 So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.
8 Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him.
OFFENSE IS THRIVING, SO IS UNFORGIVENESS
Okay, now I want to talk to you about something that has come up in my spirit several times in the past several years and I believe the Lord is trying to show it to me again, so we can all look at it together.
I believe it is possible we have unforgiveness towards people we DON’T EVEN KNOW. Let’s test my theory. Could you have unforgiveness towards…
• Former President Obama?
• President Trump?
• The Police Officers accused of shooting unarmed persons?
If you felt anger rise up in you at the mention of anyone I just mentioned, you have it - unforgiveness towards people we just hear about on the news.
Gossiping is Complaining = Remaining
And when we are that upset about somebody or something, we want to talk about it, yall!! We want to complain and explain to all our friends WHY that person was WRONG WRONG WRONG, don’t we?
And by doing that, we are holding hands with the devil and opening our doors to that root of bitterness that is even now gripping our heart and squeezing all the joy and life right out of us.
Have you ever sat and just listened to people have a heated argument over politics? This is what you were witnessing.
And let me tell you something – FORGIVING is HARD TO DO. We would rather hold on to our pain and anger and rehash it until we have beaten that thing plumb to death. Beating something plumb to death is a Southern expression, but I’m sure know what I mean.
We can get COMFORTABLE with our anger and unforgiveness. We take comfort in thinking about how they did us wrong, and talking about how they did us wrong. WHY? Because holding on to sin requires NO EFFORT. It is the laying down of sin that requires effort.
SOOOOOO…..Do we choose to get all comfy with the pain they caused us, or do we cry out to the Savior who died for our forgiveness and start working on extending it to others? I vote we start extending, because I want to go to heaven, yall.
Colossians 3:12-13
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
Now, let’s get this straight. Extending forgiveness does not mean you need to go hang out with that person again. You don’t even have to talk to them. Forgiveness is something that happens in YOU. It is the state of your heart and part of your walk with Jesus, or it can be the end of it if you don’t, because He said we can’t bring that trash in with us. Which means, we gotta let it go.
Steps to Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us the Worst
1. The first step to forgiving someone else is to take some time and really think about the event as it happened. Is there any chance anything we said or did came across wrong, or gave a wrong impression? Did we have any hand at all in what happened? We should repent for any wrong impression or wrong tone of voice or any part at all that we had in what took place.
2. Thinking back over the details of what happened will cause emotions to rise up in us. This should be our reminder to remember that the whole gospel of Jesus Christ is based on forgiveness. He died so we could have forgiveness. He also died so they could have it. If we withhold it from someone else, we give up ours. We cannot call ourselves Christians if we do not forgive.
3. Make the decision and commitment that you are going to forgive.
4. Don’t let sun go down on your anger. Forgive immediately any time someone hurts you. If you forgive immediately, offense, resentment, anger and bitterness never set in. It’s not wrong to feel angry or hurt when someone treats you badly, but it is wrong to hold on to that anger when God said not to. - Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (Eph. 4:26) He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. (Prov. 16:32)
5. Pray for those who hurt you. Jesus said bless your enemies and do not curse them. Talking bad about someone or wishing bad for them is cursing them. Pray, even if all you can say is Bless them, or bless them with strength, repentance and understanding, Lord. Many times when people hurt us, they are just weak, or lacking understanding. Sometimes they are ill in some way. Even if all you can push out through gritted teeth is Bless them, Lord, or bless them with understanding and help them repent, Lord, PRAY for them. The Lord said to do this.
6. Remember that offense means bait in a trap – it is Satan’s bait. Offense is the bait in the trap. Recognize Satan has set a trap for you and obey James 4:7: Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Resist being offended. Just decide you won’t do it. Stop thinking about it. Cast down the thoughts of how offensive their behavior was, or is. Let it go. Replace those thoughts with a scripture or a happy thought. Do it every time.
The best remedy I have ever found for offense, and the most difficult to do, is to confirm your love to that person through a small gift - a mug of candy, a candle, just some small token of your love for them with a small note is enough to break Satan's hold on the whole situation and set you free from feeling offended. Because when we release them, God releases US.
7. Resist the urge to tell others what was done to you. The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. (Prov. 19:11) So, if discretion defers (or puts off) your anger, then you need to be discreet. Which means to be quiet about it. Now I will say this here. Recently, when someone really hurt me, I did contact my two best friends and ask for prayer and counsel. And got it, felt better, and then stopped talking about it. Every time you speak about hurt and anger, you establish it more, and it gains more mastery over you.
Forgiving when someone has really wounded us is never easy. The Lord is willing to help us forgive if we are willing to do it His way. The first step in the journey to forgiveness is making the decision to forgive.
