God’s Answers for Our Anger
Ephesians 4:20-32
Sermon by Rick Crandall
Series: The Book of Ephesians
Grayson Baptist Church - Jan. 14, 2018
(Revised May 14, 2024)
BACKGROUND:
*Remember that in Ephesians 4:1 Paul wrote, "I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to have a walk worthy of the calling with which you were called." Paul used this same original word for "walk" over 30 times in his letters, including 8 times in this letter to the Ephesians.
*You see, the Christian life really is a spiritual walk with Jesus Christ. William Ritter explained, "I recently found 382 biblical references to various forms of the word 'walk.' There are a multitude of references that suggest how we are supposed to walk as Christians: Walk in love. Walk in wisdom. Walk in the light. Walk in the path. Walk in the Spirit. Walk in the law of the Lord. Walk in the way of the Lord. Walk in the fear of the Lord. Walk in the peace of the Lord. Walk honestly, forthrightly, courageously, worthily and humbly." (1)
*The Christian life is a spiritual walk with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But that's not all. It is also a walk together with other Christians in His Church, the spiritual Body of Jesus Christ. And God cares how we walk along the way. God cares how we treat one another in His Body. This means we have got to pay attention to what God says about our anger. Please think about this as we read Ephesians 4:20-32.
MESSAGE:
*In today's Scripture Paul was speaking to Christians, and one issue he addressed was anger. On some level, all of us have to face up to our anger. If you don’t believe it, take a bottle away from any happy baby, and in two seconds you will have a very angry person on your hands. (2)
*So, -- how long has it been since you lost your temper? Have you ever had a big blow up over something really small? Have you ever gotten mad, and said something you shouldn’t have said, something you didn’t mean, something you wish you could take back?
*Well, you’re not alone. Some of us struggle with our anger a lot more than others. But all of us have been there to one degree or another. And the good news is that God has the answers for our anger! Here’s what to do:
1. FIRST: WE NEED TO SEE THE UGLINESS OF OUR UNGODLY ANGER.
*God wants us to see the ugliness of our ungodly anger. But please remember that some anger is appropriate. In vs. 26, Paul tells Christians to "be angry and sin not." One reason why this is possible is because there is such a thing as good anger. We know this is true because God gets angry, and He never does anything wrong. Nave's Topical Bible lists over a hundred Scriptures for God's righteous wrath or anger, and that doesn't include my favorite example in Mark 3:1-5. There God's Word says this about Jesus:
1. And He entered the synagogue again, and a man was there who had a withered hand.
2. And they watched Him closely, whether He would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse Him.
3. Then He said to the man who had the withered hand, "Step forward.''
4. And He said to them, "Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?'' But they kept silent.
5. So when He had looked around at them with ANGER, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, "Stretch out your hand.'' And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.
*God gets angry, and at the right time, in the right way, for the right reason, our godly anger is good. But most of the time when we get angry, we do sin. That's the problem.
*James 1:16-20 helps us understand. There God’s Word says this to Christians:
16. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.
17. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
18. Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.
19. Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;
20. for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
*Our ungodly anger is an unrighteous, ugly thing, and it can cause terrible damage in our lives. That’s why in vs. 26 Paul said, "Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath."
*Proverbs 14:17 also says, "He who is quick-tempered acts foolishly, and a man of wicked intentions is hated." Proverbs 15:18 in the NAS says: "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute." The NLT paraphrase says, "A hothead starts fights; a cool-tempered person tries to stop them."
*Our ungodly anger is an unrighteous, ugly thing, and it can cause terrible damage in our lives. That's also why Psalm 37:8 tells us to "cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it only causes harm."
*Philip Ryken explained that "We need to see how destructive our anger is, both to ourselves and to others. Unrighteous rage destroys the intimacy between a husband and wife, the friendship between a parent and child, the effectiveness of a work force, and the ministry of any Christian who won't get their temper under control. And if we are going to make any progress in this area, we need to see how serious a sin it really is." (3)
*So again, Psalm 37:8 says, "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it only causes harm." We need to understand the ugliness of our anger. It can cause more harm than we can imagine.
*Have you ever seen a fight break out at a ballgame? Most of us have, -- on TV anyway. I remember a church softball game I was at years ago. A guy got called out at second base and he didn't like it. He blew up in a storm, and got so mad, that he went over and pushed the ump down. What made it worse was the ump was a woman. -- Yikes! That man had to do the walk of shame. And the church softball game was pretty much over after that.
*Our ungodly anger can do more damage than we could possibly imagine. Back in the spring of 1894, the Baltimore Orioles went to Boston to play a routine baseball game. And at some point, the Orioles’ John McGraw got into a fight with the Boston third baseman. Within minutes all the players from both teams had joined in the brawl. The battle quickly spread to the grandstands, and went from bad to worse. Someone set fire to the stands, and the whole ballpark burned to the ground. Then the fire spread to 107 other buildings in Boston! (2)
*I remember when I first realized how ugly my anger could be. It was way back in 1976. Mary and I had been married a little over a year, and I had started losing my temper with her. I had no idea how bad it was until the night we were eating at the Piccadilly Cafeteria, and I lost my temper in the restaurant over nothing. All of a sudden, I realized that people all around us were looking at me. And it was a turning point, because I began to see how ugly my anger really was.
2. GOD WANTS US TO SEE THE UGLINESS OF OUR UNGODLY ANGER. HE ALSO WANTS US TO ACCEPT THE OWNERSHIP OF OUR ANGER.
*Again in vs. 26 Paul said, "Do not let the sun go down on YOUR wrath." When we get mad, it's OUR anger. Nobody makes us get mad. As aggravating as people can be sometimes, when we get mad, the problem is not them. It’s us. It’s our heart, -- our problem. And we will never get over ungodly anger if we live in denial, or try to push the blame off on someone else.
*Philip Ryken said, "We need to take full responsibility for our angry words and actions. The problem is not somewhere outside of us, no matter how often we say that it is. The problem lies inside, where anger first boils in our hearts.
*The angry father who rages at his children, the caustic wife who berates her husband with angry criticism, the troubled child who scorns his parents, the Little League parent who yells at the ump, the bitter employee who tears down management, the church member who badmouths someone else in the congregation: These angry people often say that someone else is the problem. But the Bible tells us that our anger is our problem." (3)
3. CHRISTIANS: WE NEED TO ACCEPT THE OWNERSHIP OF OUR ANGER. BUT WE ALSO NEED TO CONSIDER THE CAUSE OF OUR ANGER.
*Paul tells Christians to "be angry and sin not." But why are we angry? Generally, it’s because we have sin and selfishness in our hearts. But let’s look a little deeper, because it can make a big difference.
*After all, there are a lot of pressures in our lives. We are pushed by many circumstances. Often the source of frustration comes from our jobs. Lots of people are stressed out and angry because of work.
*Why was I losing my temper with Mary all those years ago? -- It turned out that it had nothing to do with her. It was near the end of my first year of teaching, and things were not going well. Now the second year was a hundred times better, but I was really miserable that first year. And I began to take it out on Mary. But when I realized the source of my frustration, it definitely helped me stop taking it out on her.
*So -- what is the underlying cause of your anger? James Dunn said that "whether it’s in the family, with friends, at work, in the church, or out in society, people get angry when they feel threatened, rejected, misunderstood, or ignored. People get angry when they feel unloved, unnoticed, unappreciated, or unfairly treated. People get angry when they feel left-out, disappointed, criticized, or harassed, overlooked, overworked, or over-taxed." (4)
*What’s going on in your life? Maybe we do have frustrations. But God doesn’t want us taking them out on the people around us. Instead, take your troubles to the Lord. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to be casting all our care upon Him, for He cares for us. And Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." God wants us to take our troubles to the Lord.
4. AND WE NEED TO CONSIDER THE CAUSE OF OUR ANGER. -- BUT WE ALSO NEED TO TRUST GOD TO HELP US CONTROL OUR ANGER.
*This is the most important thing we can do: Trust in Jesus Christ to help us control our anger. Again, in vs. 26 Paul tells us, "'Be angry, and do not sin': do not let the sun go down on your wrath." Paul is telling us here that with God's help, we can learn how to control our anger.
*Maybe you’re thinking, "Well, I just can’t control myself like that. When I get angry, I can’t hold back. I've got to let it out." You’re wrong. Have you ever been in an argument with someone at home? And then a phone call comes in. You’ve been yelling and screaming your head off. Then you pick up the phone and you say: "Hello? Oh, Hi. How are you doing? I’m doing great too!" (5)
*Yes we can control our tempers, and especially when we have the help of the Lord. We can fully trust in Jesus Christ to help us, and we know this most of all because of the cross. When Jesus died on the cross for us, He took on Himself all of the righteous anger that God had for us.
*Those hard-hearted men in Mark 3 weren’t the only ones who provoked God’s anger. All of us have sinned, and deserve the righteous wrath of God. But Jesus took all of God's wrath for us when He died on the cross! And when we receive the risen Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, all of our sins are forgiven, and we get to live forever in Heaven!
*On top of all that, here are three more wonderful things that happen: We are born again with a new nature. We are new creatures in Christ. And we have the Holy Spirit of God living in our hearts to help us. So we can do all of the things that Paul tells us to do in vs. 22-26!
-In vs. 22, we can put off, concerning our former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts. We can learn how to throw off our old sinful ways.
-In vs. 23, we can be renewed in the spirit of our minds.
-In vs. 24, we can "put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." In other words, We can get all dressed up in the righteousness of God!
-In vs. 25, we can put away lying, and speak the truth.
-And in vs. 26 we can be angry without sinning, and we can control our wrath before the sun goes down.
*If we have trusted in Jesus Christ to save us, then we can trust Him to change us! We can trust Him to make us better. We can trust Him to take away our anger too. It won't all happen overnight. But as 2 Peter 3:18 says, we can "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
*We can keep growing! And we can be like John Newton who said, "I am not what I might be, I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I wish to be, I am not what I hope to be. But I thank God I am not what I once was, and I can say with the great apostle, 'By the grace of God I am what I am.'" Praise the Lord! (6)
5. WE ALL NEED TO TRUST GOD TO HELP US CONTROL OUR ANGER, AND FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER AS WE HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN.
*God wants us to forgive others as we have been forgiven. His Word stresses this truth down in vs. 31-32, where Paul wrote:
31. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
*If we are ever going to overcome our anger, we have to forgive one another as we have been forgiven. But what is forgiveness? James Merritt tells us that biblical forgiveness literally means "to let go" or "to send away."
*And Merritt said, "Forgiveness takes place when we release to the Lord any bitterness we feel we have a right to have toward someone else. Forgiveness is the willingness to put both the offender and the offense into God's hands, and let Him take care of the matter."
*Dr. Archibald Hart defined forgiveness as "giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me." And James Merritt wisely noted that "forgiveness is the only cure for the emotional cancer of bitterness." (7)
*If we are going to overcome our anger, we have to forgive as we have been forgiven. So Christians: How did Jesus forgive us?
-His forgiveness is undeserved, unlimited, and unending.
-His forgiveness was costly, compassionate, and complete.
-Jesus forgives us sacrificially, lovingly, patiently, repeatedly, and eternally.
*Every person in this world deserves eternal punishment for our sins. But God loves us, and sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins. Now God calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven, and God will help us! The Lord can give us amazing power to forgive. It is certainly possible for our hearts to be changed!
*Author and youth leader Josh McDowell wrote of the love and forgiveness he found for his own dad. Please listen to part of his testimony:
-"(My dad) epitomized everything I hated. He was the town drunk. My high school friends would make jokes about him making a fool of himself around town. Sometimes when we had company, I would tie Dad up in the barn and tell the company that he had to go on an important call."
*When Josh became a Christian, God's grace transformed his hatred for his father into love. Shortly after getting saved, Josh was injured in a car accident. His dad came to visit him in his hospital room.
*At one point as they were talking together, Dad broke down and said, "Josh, I've been the worst kind of father to you. How can you love a man like me?" Josh answered "Dad, six months ago I couldn't. But now, through Jesus Christ, I can love you."
*Josh explained what God's grace had done in his life, and he told his dad about the cross of Jesus Christ. Before leaving that hospital room, Josh McDowell's father had committed his life to Jesus Christ. He was a changed man!
*Scores of people who saw the change in his life also came to know Jesus Christ. And a year later this changed man died, at peace with God and at peace with his son. (8)
*That's a testimony of the power at work in the life of every believer: The power to forgive. Christians: We can't do that by ourselves, but God will help us forgive. And that takes the fire out of our anger.
CONCLUSION
*God doesn’t want us to just manage our anger. He wants us to master it! He wants us to overcome it. And we can, because He will help us!
*So put your trust in our risen Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Then let Jesus help you overcome your anger. Let Jesus heal the hurt. Let Jesus give you the victory as we go to God in prayer.
(1) Sermons.com sermon "Take a Hike" by William A. Ritter - Genesis 5:21-24
(2) Adapted from Our Daily Bread, August 13, 1992 - Source: SermonCentral sermon "Lord, Why Am I So Angry" by James Dunn - 1 Samuel 18:1-15
(3) Adapted from "Anger Management" by Philip Ryken - Window on the World - 03/13/2005
(4) Adapted from SermonCentral sermon "Lord, Why Am I So Angry" by James Dunn - 1 Samuel 18:1-15
(5) Adapted from SermonCentral sermon "Overcoming Anger" by Melvin Newland - Proverbs 19:11
(6) -http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/s/sanctification.htm
(7) Dr. Archibald quote from "Home with a Heart" by James Dobson, p. 100 - Source: Sermons.com sermon "Doing Right When You Have Been Done Wrong" by James Merritt - Ephesians 4:31-32
(8) Josh McDowell, Evidence That Demands a Verdict - Arrowhead Springs, California: Campus Crusade for Christ, 1972, p. 374 - Source: Sermons.com sermon "The House of Hope" by Curtis Lewis - Hosea 2:14-20
