Sometime ago, an ad appeared in a Kansas newspaper, which read: “We will oil your sewing machine and adjust the tension in your home for only $1. (Leadership, Fall 1986, p.46).
Wouldn’t that be nice, getting a quick fix for the tension in our homes or in any of our relationships? As we all know, there are no quick fixes, but the tension in our relationships CAN be adjusted.
It happened for Joseph. His brothers had sold him into slavery, because they were jealous of his privileged status in the family. They think they’re rid of him, but things turn out well for Joseph. He ends up the second most powerful man in Egypt, 2nd only to Pharaoh. The only thing missing in is life is his family back home, but God is about to bring them together in the fullest sense of that word.
The tension is about to be adjusted for Joseph, and the tension in our relationships can be adjusted, as well. The question is: How? How can broken relationships be repaired? How can fractured families be put back together? How can there be true reconciliation when a friendship has been severed? Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Genesis 42, Genesis 42, where we see how God begins to do it for Joseph. We pick up the story back home with Joseph’s father and brothers.
Genesis 42:1-2 When Jacob learned that there was grain for sale in Egypt, he said to his sons, “Why do you look at one another?” And he said, “Behold, I have heard that there is grain for sale in Egypt. Go down and buy grain for us there, that we may live and not die.” (ESV)
They were in the middle of a severe drought.
Genesis 42:3-4 So ten of Joseph’s brothers went down to buy grain in Egypt. But Jacob did not send Benjamin, Joseph’s brother, with his brothers, for he feared that harm might happen to him. (ESV)
They may have been able to cover up their crime in selling Joseph into slavery; but under their father’s eye, they could not cover their character. He just didn’t trust them. This is a broken family that God is about to put together.
Genesis 42:5-6 Thus the sons of Israel came to buy among the others who came, for the famine was in the land of Canaan. Now Joseph was governor over the land. He was the one who sold to all the people of the land. And Joseph’s brothers came and bowed themselves before him with their faces to the ground. (ESV)
His dreams are fulfilled! Joseph’s brothers are bowing down to him, just like he saw it in his dreams more than 13 years previous to this, but Joseph is still far away from his brothers. Oh, they’re there physically, but there is no connection between them at all.
Genesis 42:7 Joseph saw his brothers and recognized them, but he treated them like strangers and spoke roughly to them. “Where do you come from?” he said. They said, “From the land of Canaan, to buy food.” (ESV)
God has brought Joseph and his brothers together physically. Now, he is about to bring them together emotionally, as well, and God is using a severe drought and famine to do it. You see, when God wants to bring people together, He often uses adversity to do it.
A biologist was studying an ant that was carrying a piece of straw. It seemed such a big burden for the ant, but the ant struggled on with that burden. Then the ant came to a crack in the ground that was too wide for it to cross. It stopped for a while, as though pondering the situation, then placed the straw across the crack and walked on over.
That ant’s burden became a bridge, and that’s what God can do for you if we trust Him to do it. If we want your broken relationships to be restored, then you must…
RELY ON GOD TO TURN OUR BURDENS INTO BRIDGES.
Trust the Lord to use adversity to bring you together. Please, whatever you do, don’t let your burden become a barrier that separates you from others, and don’t use adversity as an excuse to sever your relationships. Instead, trust God to turn your burden into a bridge to those who right now seem so far away.
For 11 years, Mary Leonard of Louisville, Kentucky, dealt with poly-myo-sitis, a rare inflammatory tissue disease that invades the muscles. There is no known cause or cure.
Mary's case turned deadly when the disease invaded her heart. In fact, in March of 2010, Mary was told by doctors that she had 24-48 hours to live. But after 20 days in a hospice center, another 51 days in rehab, and a number of days at home, Mary was still alive. That experience caused her to reflect on the changes that take place when you learn your time is short.
“I call myself an average Christian,” Mary says. “I don't know exactly why God has done this for me, but I do know that life looks different now.”
Mary offers five life lessons she learned through the ordeal:
Know that prayer is powerful.
Mend fences now.
Release the reins of life to God.
Know that God is able—more than able.
Put your focus on what really matters. (Ruth Schenk, “What Changes When You Only Have 24 Hours to Live?” Southeast Outlook, 7-1-10; www.PreachingToday.com)
Adversity has a way of doing that. It helps you focus on what really matters, and most of the time that’s mending your broken relationships. You see, adversity can either make you bitter or better, and that depends on the attitude you choose to take.
Do you find yourself going through a rough patch right now? Then take on the attitude of trust. Trust the Lord to use adversity in your life to mend your broken relationships. Rely on God to turn your burden into a bridge of reconciliation you never thought possible before.
It’s often how broken relationships are restored, but that’s only the first step. For in order for broken relationships to be truly restored, you must not only rely on God, you must also…
RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN SIN.
Realize the wrongs you yourself have done that led to the breaks in your relationships. Admit your own shortcomings, because true reconciliation comes only when there is a true confession of your own offenses. That’s what Joseph’s brothers are beginning to realize with Joseph’s help.
Genesis 42:8-11And Joseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him. And Joseph remembered the dreams that he had dreamed of them. And he said to them, “You are spies; you have come to see the nakedness of the land.” They said to him, “No, my lord, your servants have come to buy food. We are all sons of one man. We are honest men. Your servants have never been spies.” (ESV)
Yeah right – I don’t think so. They sold Joseph into slavery and have been lying to their dad about it for more than 20 years. Oh, they may not be spies, but they certainly are not honest men, and that’s a big part of the problem. They have yet to come to grips with their own sin, so Joseph confronts them.
Genesis 42:12-20 He said to them, “No, it is the nakedness of the land that you have come to see.” And they said, “We, your servants, are twelve brothers, the sons of one man in the land of Canaan, and behold, the youngest is this day with our father, and one is no more.” But Joseph said to them, “It is as I said to you. You are spies. By this you shall be tested: by the life of Pharaoh, you shall not go from this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of you, and let him bring your brother, while you remain confined, that your words may be tested, whether there is truth in you. Or else, by the life of Pharaoh, surely you are spies.” And he put them all together in custody for three days. On the third day Joseph said to them, “Do this and you will live, for I fear God: if you are honest men, let one of your brothers remain confined where you are in custody, and let the rest go and carry grain for the famine of your households, and bring your youngest brother to me. So your words will be verified, and you shall not die.” And they did so. (ESV)
What is Joseph doing here? Is this payback time for what his brothers did to him all those years ago? I don’t think so, because if Joseph were truly vengeful, as supreme commander of all Egypt, he could have put his brothers in prison for life; or he could have executed them right then and there on the spot. Instead, he puts them in prison for three days and releases them. Joseph is testing his brothers, as he said, not necessarily to see if they are spies, but to see if they have become honest men, to see if they had come to recognize their own sin and the wrong they did to their brother all those years ago.
Genesis 42:21-24 Then they said to one another, “In truth we are guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the distress of his soul, when he begged us and we did not listen. That is why this distress has come upon us.” And Reuben answered them, “Did I not tell you not to sin against the boy? But you did not listen. So now there comes a reckoning for his blood.” They did not know that Joseph understood them, for there was an interpreter between them. Then he turned away from them and wept. And he returned to them and spoke to them. And he took Simeon from them and bound him before their eyes. (ESV)
Joseph keeps Simeon, the 2nd eldest, to insure that the rest of his brothers will return. But Joseph weeps, because he is beginning to see a change in his brothers. For the first time in over 20 years, they admit that they are guilty and culpable of sin. It is their first, baby steps towards reconciliation, and that’s what moves Joseph so deeply.
Joseph’s brothers finally recognize their sin, and that’s what you must do if there is going to be healing in your relationships. In order for true reconciliation to happen there must be a true confession of sin; there must be an open and honest recognition of your own guilt.
But that’s hard to do, isn’t it? I mean we’d rather put ourselves in Joseph’s place rather than admit that we’re more like Joseph’s brothers.
In their book, Intimate Marriage, Howard and Charlotte Clinebell tell the story of a woman who acquired a lot of wealth and decided to have a book written about her family history. She engaged a well-known author to write the book; and in the course of his research, he discovered that one of her grandfathers had died in the electric chair at the Sing Sing prison, a place that houses the worst of criminals in all of New York State.
When he told the woman that he would have to include this in the book, she pleaded with him to say it in a way that would hide the truth. So when the book came out, this is what it said: “One of her grandfathers occupied the chair of applied electricity in one of America’s best known institutions. He was very much attached to his position and literally died in the harness.” (Harold and Charolotte Clinebell, Intimate Marriage, p.93)
It’s hard to face the truth, especially when it’s the truth about yourself. But until you do, there can be no reconciliation and healing of your relationships.
In her book, Hope Has Its Reasons, Rebecca Pippart talks about attending two very different events on the same day. One was a graduate-level psychology class at Harvard University, and the other was a Christian Bible study adjacent to Harvard. As a result, she discovered something very interesting about how the two groups addressed (or failed to address) their faults, problems, and sins.
“First,” she said, “the students [in the graduate-level psychology class] were extraordinarily open and candid about their problems. It wasn't uncommon to hear them say, ‘I'm angry,’ ‘I'm afraid,’ ‘I'm jealous’ … Their admission of their problems was the opposite of denial. Second, their openness about their problems was matched only by their uncertainty about where to find resources to overcome them. Having confessed, for example, their inability to forgive someone who had hurt them, [they had no idea how to] resolve the problem by forgiving and being kind and generous instead of petty and vindictive.
Then after the class, Pippart dropped in on a Bible study group. She said, “[The contrast] was striking. No one spoke openly about his or her problems. There was a lot of talk about God's answers and promises, but very little about the participants and the problems they faced. The closest thing to an admission [of sin or a personal problem] was a reference to someone who was ‘struggling and needs prayer.’
Pippart concluded: “The first group [the psychology class] seemed to have all the problems and no answers; the second group [the Bible study] had all the answers and no problems.” (Rebecca Pippert, Hope Has Its Reasons, InterVarsity Press, 2001, pp. 31-32; www.Preaching Today.com)
Tell me: where is the group that knows they have problems, but also knows the answers to those problems? Those are the people who are truly healthy.
You see, you can have all the answers in the world, but the answers do you no good if you don’t know you have a problem. You need to recognize the problem before you can apply the solution, and you need to recognize your own sin before you can pursue the healing of your relationships.
It’s the way we are reconciled to God. The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We have to first admit our own sinfulness before God and throw ourselves on His mercy. Then, and only then, do we find that God loves us and wants us to be in relationship with Him forever.
There was once a man who went to church and prayed, “Lord, be merciful to me THE sinner.” Jesus said of Him, “This man went home justified” rather than the man in church who prayed, “Lord, I’m glad I’m not a sinner like other men.”
A right relationship with God begins when you admit your own sinfulness before God, and a right relationship with each other begins in the same way. When your relationships are broken, you have to admit your own faults if you’re going to see those relationships made right again.
Somebody put it well when they said, “Many reconciliations have broken down because both parties have come prepared to forgive and unprepared to be forgiven.” The point is: you must come prepared to do both – to forgive AND to be forgiven.
If you want our broken relationships to be restored, then 1st, rely on the Lord to turn your burdens into bridges; 2nd, recognize your own sin. And finally, if you want true healing in your relationships…
REPENT OF YOUR SIN.
Be sorry enough to turn from your sins with God’s help. Experience a remorse that actually leads you to change our attitudes and actions.
That’s what Joseph’s brothers are beginning to experience. They’re not there yet, but they’re taking the first steps towards a “godly sorrow [which] brings repentance” (2 Corinthians 7:10).
Hebrews 42:25-28 And Joseph gave orders to fill their bags with grain, and to replace every man’s money in his sack, and to give them provisions for the journey. This was done for them. Then they loaded their donkeys with their grain and departed. And as one of them opened his sack to give his donkey fodder at the lodging place, he saw his money in the mouth of his sack. He said to his brothers, “My money has been put back; here it is in the mouth of my sack!” At this their hearts failed them, and they turned trembling to one another, saying, “What is this that God has done to us?” (ESV)
They’re afraid the powerful Egyptian ruler will kill them for stealing his money, and they’re sure God is punishing them for their sins against Joseph.
Genesis 42:29-38 When they came to Jacob their father in the land of Canaan, they told him all that had happened to them, saying, “The man, the lord of the land, spoke roughly to us and took us to be spies of the land. But we said to him, ‘We are honest men; we have never been spies. We are twelve brothers, sons of our father. One is no more, and the youngest is this day with our father in the land of Canaan.’ Then the man, the lord of the land, said to us, ‘By this I shall know that you are honest men: leave one of your brothers with me, and take grain for the famine of your households, and go your way. Bring your youngest brother to me. Then I shall know that you are not spies but honest men, and I will deliver your brother to you, and you shall trade in the land.’ ” As they emptied their sacks, behold, every man’s bundle of money was in his sack. And when they and their father saw their bundles of money, they were afraid. And Jacob their father said to them, “You have bereaved me of my children: Joseph is no more, and Simeon is no more, and now you would take Benjamin. All this has come against me.” Then Reuben said to his father, “Kill my two sons if I do not bring him back to you. Put him in my hands, and I will bring him back to you.” But he said, “My son shall not go down with you, for his brother is dead, and he is the only one left. If harm should happen to him on the journey that you are to make, you would bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to Sheol.” (ESV)
This chapter is full of sorrow and fear, and that’s a good thing, because it is leading Joseph’s brothers into a real change of attitude and behavior. In the very next chapter, one of Joseph’s brothers, who wanted to kill Joseph more than 20 years previously, offers to give his life for another one of his brothers.
What we see here is a godly sorrow which brings repentance, and that’s what it takes to see healing in our relationships. Like Joseph’s brothers, you must be sorry enough to turn from your sins.
Some time ago, a pig traveled on a six-hour US Airways flight from Philadelphia to Seattle, and he didn't ride coach.
Two passengers convinced the airline representative that the pig needed to fly with them as a “therapeutic companion pet” – like a seeing-eye dog – so the pig was permitted to sit with them in the first-class cabin of the plane.
Passengers described the 300-pound pig as “enormous, brown, angry, and honking.” He was seated in three seats near the front of the plane (with his companions), but the attendants reportedly had difficulty strapping him in: “It became restless after takeoff and sauntered through the cabin.” One passenger said, “He kept rubbing his nose on people's legs trying to get them to give him food and stroke him.”
When the plane landed, things only got worse. The pig panicked, running up and down through economy class squealing. Many passengers, also screaming, stood on their seats.
It took four attendants to escort the pig out of the airplane, and then he escaped when they reached the terminal. Fortunately, he was later re-captured.
When asked to comment on the story, US Airways spokesman David Castelveter said, “We can confirm that the pig traveled, and we can confirm that it will never happen again.” (Associated Press story, Chicago Sun Times, 10-30-2000, p.1-2; www. PreachingToday.com)
That’s true repentance – being sorry enough that, with God’s help, it will never happen again. It’s not enough just to say, “I’m sorry.” It’s making the commitment to change. It’s making the commitment to get rid of the “stinkin’ pig,” whatever that may be, which has damaged the relationship.
True healing in your relationships begin when, in reliance upon God, you recognize your own sin with a remorse that leads to full repentance. Let me say it again: True healing in your relationships begin when, in reliance upon God, you recognize your own sin with a remorse that leads to full repentance.
Are you in a broken relationship today? Then trust the Lord, admit your sin, and change. It’s that simple, but it is profoundly powerful in restoring broken relationships anywhere – in your home, at work, in the church, or in the community. Try it on one of your broken relationships, and you will be amazed at what God does to “adjust the tension” in that relationship.
In fact, let’s ask Him to help us right now… (pray)
Change my heart, O God, make it ever true;
Change my heart, O God, may I be like you.
You are the Potter, I am the clay;
Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.
Change my heart, O God, make it ever true;
Change my heart, O God, may I be like You. (Eddie Espinosa)
