Several years ago, Neil Melly was at the Los Angeles International Airport, attempting to fly to Australia. However, his credit card was denied when he tried to purchase a ticket. Now, a flight from LAX to the other side of the world is no small change; so without a valid credit card, most of us would just go home.
Not Neil Melly. Hours later, still angry that he couldn’t fly to Australia, Melly stripped off all his clothes and made a dash for the airport runway. Baggage handlers watched as Melly fearlessly and without injury scaled a fence topped with three strands of barbed wire. Then Neil sprinted across the tarmac toward a moving Australian jumbo jet and crawled inside the wheel well.
How stupid can a man get? Airport spokeswoman Nancy Castles said, “He could have been sucked up by an engine,” or crushed when the landing gear was retracted. “And if not, he very likely would have frozen to death during the 15½ hour flight at 30,000 feet while wearing no clothes.”
Pilots stopped the plane. Melly was coaxed from his hiding place and arrested. The official charge was trespassing. Apparently, there's no law against poor problem solving, anger mismanagement, or being the butt of jokes. (“Naked Man Climbs Onto Moving Jet,” Yahoo.com, 11-04-04; www.PreachingToday.com)
Most people lose their cool from time to time. They might not pull a “Melly” and streak their way into the news. But a lot of people yell or point fingers of blame. Maybe they throw something or just smolder with fury. It doesn't match getting naked and climbing barbed wire, but it's just about as useful.
So what can you do when you get angry that might actually be useful? What is a good way to handle your disappointments and frustrations? Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to James 4, James 4, where James addresses this issue of handling your disappointments with people or your plans.
James 4:11a: Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. (ESV)
When you’re frustrated and disappointed, don’t cast blame. Don’t slander your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t speak evil of others.
You see, when things don’t go the way you plan, the tendency is to look for someone to blame, to bad-mouth someone else, but that never works. If anything, it only makes things worse.
Several years ago, James Collins looked at 1,435 good companies, examined their performance over 40 years, and discovered the principles that made just 11 of those companies move from good to great.
In 2001, he published his findings in a book called From Good to Great, which is still helping leaders today. One of the most surprising findings Collins found was that leaders of “great” companies (compared to just “good” ones) were at heart humble men.
In other words, when things are going well, those leaders look through a window and see the people who are contributing to the company’s success. They don’t credit themselves with the company’s success; they credit their employees.
On the other hand, when things are NOT going well, leaders of “great” companies look in a mirror. Instead of blaming their employees, they take responsibility for the failure themselves. They ask themselves, “What did I do to cause this?” Or “What can I do to fix this?”
They have learned that in difficult times, casting blame never works. It’s the principle of James 4:11 – Do not speak evil against one another. Don’t slander your brothers and sisters.
Why? Because casting blame usurps the law. Slander puts you in the place of the law unlawfully.
James 4:11 Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. (ESV)
You’re a critic of the law; not a doer of it. The law is very clear: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But when you condemn your neighbor, you do the exact opposite; you break the law, putting yourself above the law. Casting blame usurps the law.
More than that, casting blame usurps the Lawgiver Himself. When you condemn others, you put yourself in God’s place.
James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? (ESV)
That’s God’s job, not yours. Warren Wiersbe put it this way: “We are not called to be judges; God is the only Judge. He is patient and understanding; His judgments are just and holy; we can leave the matter with Him.”
Now, that’s the way to handle frustration and disappointment: Leave the matter with God, and…
LET GOD BE THE JUDGE.
Let God assign blame and judge accordingly. Let God save or destroy people as He see’s fit.
I like the way Donald Sunukjian, one of my preaching profs at Dallas Theologica Seminary, recently put it.
He talks about having the eyes of a judge or the eyes of a doctor. For example, there's a man at work that everybody shakes their head at. He's been divorced a couple of times, and both of his ex-wives are suing him for past child support. He's a deadbeat dad—way behind on his support, sending them just a little bit, every so often. He's been living with another woman and her small child, but a couple of weeks ago, he slapped her around pretty hard. She called the cops, he spent a couple nights in jail, and she kicked him out and now has a restraining order against him. He's currently living in one of the cheap motels that rents by the month.
Every day at lunch, he goes out by himself to get a hamburger or a burrito, always coming back with mustard or chili on his shirt. Nobody talks very much to him, because he's too quick to complain about how everybody's taking advantage of him, everybody's pushing his buttons, everybody's squeezing him dry. Who wants to listen to that?
You've often wondered about being nice and offering to go to lunch with him. You like the same food he does—Dairy Queen, Wendy’s and Subway. You know Subway has a sale going on—foot-long sandwiches for $6. It seems like a shame not to take advantage of such a bargain.
Should you invite him along one day? Yes! By all means! Move into his world. Go to lunch with him. When you get to Subway and you both sit down with your sandwiches and chips and drinks, ask him if he's watched any of the pre-season football games. What does he think about the Chief’s chances this year? Talk about the players.
Why move into his world? Because with the eyes of a doctor, you see a hurt that God can heal. You see a bitterness at life, failing at relationships, blaming others instead of knowing how to change himself. You sense his fear of the future—no money, a criminal record on the books—and his desperation over being all alone in the world. With the eyes of a doctor, you see a hurt that God can heal.
In life, we can have the eyes of a judge or we can have the eyes of a doctor. The eyes of a judge see broken people, like a deadbeat dad, and leave us thinking, “Why have anything to do with them?” The eyes of a doctor see the hurts that God can heal (Donald Sunukjian, Eyes of a Doctor; www.PreachingToday.com).
What kind of eyes to you have? The eyes of a judge or the eyes of a doctor? Please, Don’t look at people with the eyes of a judge, which rejects those who need the Savior the most. Instead, look at people with the eyes of a doctor. Look at those who disappoint you with love. Move closer to them, so you can have an opportunity to lead them to the Great Physician, who alone can heal their brokenness.
That’s the way to handle the PEOPLE who disappoint you. Don’t condemn them. Instead, let God be the judge. Let God be the one to determine whether to save or destroy. That’s what you do when PEOPLE disappoint you: Let God be the judge.
Now, what do you do when your PLANS disappoint? What do you do when life doesn’t turn out the way you expected? Take a look at verse 13.
James 4:13-16 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. (ESV)
Literally, all such boasting is worthless. It is not only morally bankrupt; it is materially useless.
So don’t boast about your plans for tomorrow, because you could be very disappointed. “You don’t know what tomorrow will bring”, verse 14 says. It could be very different than what you expect.
A special report on This American Life follows the lives of several people currently living what they call “Plan B” for their lives. The host, Ira Glass, took an informal poll, which reflects the human experience. He asked a room of hundred people to think back to the beginning of adulthood when they were first formulating a plan for their lives. He called it Plan A, “the fate you were sure fate had in store.” He then asked those who were still following this plan to raise their hands. Only one person confessed she was still living Plan A; she was 23 years old. (Jill Carattini, “Redirection,” A Slice of Infinity, 7-5-17, rzim.org/ a-slice-of-infinity/redirection)
My dear friends, life never turns out the way we plan, so don’t boast about your plans.
Ricardo Lockette rose up the ranks of pro football and eventually helped the Seattle Seahawks win the Super Bowl in 2014. But on November 1, 2015, the wide receiver and special teams player, was blindsided with a vicious hit and was left sprawled on the ground in front of 90,000 fans. A year after the hit that nearly broke his neck and took his life, this is what Lockette had to say:
“It's crazy what matters to you when you're in that situation. Cars, jewelry, big houses, Super Bowls? It all seems so meaningless. I came up from nothing. Undrafted, practice squad, released a bunch of times, then I made it to three Super Bowls in a row. I have a saying, kind of like a mantra, “A hundred dollars and a dream.” I used to want a black Lamborghini and a seven-room house. That's what I dreamed about. Now, all of a sudden, I can't move. And the only thing that mattered to me in the entire world was being able to see my family again, to hold my kids in my arms.”
After surgery to repair his damaged vertebrae and a few weeks of serious rehabilitation, he was walking around just fine and playing basketball again. However, a few months later, in early May, last year (2016), he made the decision to retire from football at age 29. Lockette’s head coach, Pete Carroll, used to preach to his players all the time: “You live in a temporary fairy tale. Your fans are temporary. Your coaches are temporary. Your teammates, as much as they love you, are temporary. The big houses you live in are temporary. You can enjoy all that stuff, but it's not what will bring you happiness.”
Lockette says, “When I was laying motionless on that turf in Dallas, I was completely dependent upon the help of others. It was the exact opposite of the mindset I had from the moment I got to Seahawks camp as a rookie: You're a rock star. You're a leader. You're the alpha. This is all yours for the taking. Then, in one second, you're helpless.” (Ricardo Lockette, “Am I About to Die?” The Player's Tribune, 7-5-16; www.PreachingToday.com)
Three and half years ago, Sandy (my wife) was enjoying her career as a museum curator. Then on a Friday morning in May (2014) a little more than three years ago, one second changed her life. A workplace accident left her with a Traumatic Brain Injury that has left her permanently disabled.
You don’t know what tomorrow will bring, so don’t boast about your plans for tomorrow, because you could be very disappointed.
More than that, you could be very dead. Verse 14 asks the question, “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a very little time and then vanishes.” Our lives are very brief in the grand scheme of things. We’re here today and gone tomorrow.
Pastor Mike Fleischmann, in one of his recent blogs, wrote about Colman Mockler, the former CEO of Gillette who is still celebrated in the business world as one of the most effective CEO’s of all time. When he graduated from Harvard Business School with an MBA, he went to work for the Gillette Corporation and steadily worked his way up the ladder to CEO.
Although Gillette was 75 years old, Colman took the company to new heights of success. Under his management they came to dominate the market. After 16 years as CEO, Colman was at the top of the world. Forbes magazine had just put him on the cover of their next issue celebrating his leadership and success. The magazine wouldn't hit the newsstands for another week, but on the morning of January 25th, 1991 they had sent him an advance copy to review. The rest of the executives literally applauded him as he carried the magazine back to his office. In so many ways it was a fantastically good day for Colman.
Decades of hard work had brought him to this point. He had beaten back three hostile takeover bids and revolutionized the company. He had increased the value of the stock 50-fold. He was, literally, celebrated on the cover of the business world. And with millions in the bank, he had just announced that he would be retiring within a few months.
But there was one thing that made it an unexpectedly tragic day. With the staff applauding, Colman walked down the hall, stepped into his office, shut the door, and crumpled to the floor. Within moments he was dead of a massive heart attack, still clutching the Forbes magazine that featured him on the cover. (Mike Fleischmann, “Your Most Precious Resource,” Mike Fleischmann blog, 10-3-16; www.mikefleischmann.net/?p=2594; www.PreachingToday.com)
All of us will die someday (if the Lord doesn’t come first). All of us will come to the end of our days, and it will come much quicker than expected. Life goes by so unbelievable fast, so don’t boast about your plans for tomorrow, for you could be disappointed or dead.
Instead, submit to God’s will, and…
LET GOD BE THE KING.
Let God have His way in your life.
Verse 15 advises, “You ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that’”. There is nothing wrong with making plans. What’s wrong is making plans without God and boasting about those plans.
You see, you are not in control; God is. You are not in charge; the Lord is. So when your plans disappoint, when life doesn’t turn out the way you expect, stop demanding your own way and defer to the Lord. Let Him have His way in your life.
It’s the attitude that Steve Hayner had before he died on January 31, 2015, at 66 years of age. Steve Hayner had been president of Columbia Theological Seminary when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After tests had revealed that the chemotherapy wasn't working, Hayner wrote, “The cancer continues to have the upper hand. What now seems clear from a purely physical perspective is that in all probability the remainder of my life on this earth is now to be counted in weeks and months.” Then, in a blog post, Hayner addressed the many people who had been praying for a miracle of healing. He wrote:
Many are praying for one of God's “big” miracles. We are as well. But it is not how God answers prayer that determines our response to God. God is committed to my ultimate healing. But being cured of my cancer may or may not be a part of that healing work… One person told me how disturbing it is to her to watch so many thousands of prayers on my behalf and yet to see a minimal of physical evidence of healing. Does God really heal? … Does the amount of prayer have any special impact? Honestly, while I understand the importance and logic of questions like this… most of these questions are not ones that are important to me.
I truly don't know what God has planned… I could receive “healing” through whatever means, or I could continue to deteriorate. But life is about a lot more than physical health. It is measured by a lot more than medical tests and vital signs. More important than the more particular aspects of God's work with us… is God's overall presence with us, nourishing, equipping, transforming, empowering, and sustaining us for whatever might be God's call to my life today. TODAY, my call might be to learn something new about rest. TODAY, my call might be to encourage another person in some very tangible way. TODAY, my call might be to learn something new about patience, endurance, and the identification with those who suffer. TODAY, my call might be to mull through a new insight about God's truth or character.
Then Hayner closed his blog post by quoting the poet E. E. Cummings: “I thank you God for most this amazing day…” (Leslie Scanlon, “Columbia president affirms faith despite spreading cancer,” The Presbyterian Outlook, 7-29-14; www. PreachingToday.com)
This is a man who has surrendered to God’s will, and that’s exactly what you must do when life doesn’t go the way you planned.
When people disappoint you, let God be Judge; and when plans disappoint you, let God be King. In a word, SURRENDER to the Lord.
Let this be your prayer:
In full and glad surrender,
I give myself to Thee,
Thine utterly and only
And evermore to be. (Frances Ridley Havergal)
