A couple of hunters were out in the woods of New Jersey when one of them fell to the ground. He didn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes were rolled back in his head. Terrified, his friend whipped out his cell phone and dialed 911.
“My friend is dead! What can I do?” he cried over the phone.
In a calm, soothing voice, the operator said, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.”
There was a moment of silence, and then the operator heard a single shot.
The guy's voice came back on the line: “Okay, now what?” (www.laughlab.co.uk; www.PreachingToday.com)
When you’re giving directions, you have to be very careful what you say. Otherwise, there could be disastrous consequences. In times of trouble, people need very clear directions, but that is also the time when people have trouble communicating. They say things they later regret, or they don’t know what to say, if anything.
Do you want to learn to communicate well in times of trouble? Then turn with me, if you will, in your Bibles to James 3, James 3, where God shows us how.
James 3:1 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. (ESV)
God holds teachers in the church to a higher standard. He will be more strict in His judgment of the church’s leaders than anybody else. That’s because they have more influence than the average church member.
Consider the famous author, Mark Twain. He was hostile to Christianity because of the negative influence of church leaders. Growing up, he watched elders and deacons in the church abuse the slaves they owned. He saw church leaders speaking piously in church on Sunday, but using foul language and dishonest business practices during the week. He even listened to pastors use the Bible to justify slavery. He saw genuine love for the Lord in his mother and his wife, but he was so disturbed by the bad teaching and poor example of church leaders that it prevented him from embracing the Christian faith (Bible Illustrator #1790; 10/1987.5)
If you’re a leader in the church, your words and deeds can draw people towards Christ or drive them away. So don’t be too quick to become a teacher or a leader. Don’t be too quick to take charge especially in times of trial…
James 3:2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. (ESV)
If you can control your tongue, you can control your body. And if you can control your body, then just maybe you can be in a position to lead and influence others. So if you want a position of leadership, you must…
CONTROL YOUR TONGUE.
You must not stumble in what you say. You must bridle that tongue, because the tongue is very powerful! Though very small, it wields a tremendous amount of influence. It sets the direction of your life and the lives of others.
James 3:3-5 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! (ESV)
Just as a bit directs a horse, just as a rudder directs a ship, just as a spark starts a forest fire, so the tongue influences your life and the lives of others.
Let me give you another example of the power of a little thing like the tongue.
On an ordinary winter day in 1961, Edward Lorenz, an MIT meteorologist, ran some routine experiments and found some unusual results. Lorenz discovered that seemingly tiny and insignificant changes in his data could produce huge differences in the final result. At first, Lorenz called this “the sensitive dependence on initial data,” which he later called “the butterfly effect.”
In 1972, Lorenz presented a scientific paper entitled “Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil Set off a Tornado in Texas?” According to Lorenz's theory, the butterfly's wing-flapping doesn't actually cause a tornado, but it can start a chain reaction leading to giant changes in world-wide weather patterns. In other words, even tiny, insignificant movements or actions can produce huge changes that affect millions of people. (Kenneth Chang, “Edward N. Lorenz, a Meteorologist and a Father of Chaos Theory, dies at 90,” New York Times, 4-17-08; www.PreachingToday.com)
That’s the power of the tongue, my friends. Though it is very small, it can produce huge changes for better or for worse.
I was just a high school freshman in 1973, but I can remember the long lines at all the gas stations in town. That whole year was marred by shortages. The stock market crashed and lost 45 percent of its value. There were shortages of oil, gasoline, electricity, and even onions. The economy tanked. Then, right in the middle of all this economic turmoil, a toilet paper scare ignited a nation-wide panic attack.
It all started with unsubstantiated rumors. In November of 1973, news agencies reported a tissue shortage in Japan. Then a U.S. Congressman issued a press release stating, “The U.S. may face a serious shortage of toilet paper within a few months… a toilet paper shortage is no laughing matter. It is a problem that will potentially touch every American.”
A newspaper article carried the story, but it didn’t get much traction until Johnny Carson, the host of the Tonight Show, joked about it in his monologue. He said, “You know we've got all sorts of shortages these days. But have you heard the latest? I'm not kidding. I saw it in the papers. There's a shortage of toilet paper!”
Millions of Americans swarmed the grocery stores and hoarded all the toilet paper they could get. People told their friends to bring their own toilet paper to baby showers. Store owners struggled to re-stock supplies. And for four months, toilet paper was a rare commodity. It was bartered and traded, and a black market even emerged. Slowly, Americans realized that there had never been a shortage. It had been artificially created by gossip, rumors, and a cultural frenzy. (Zachary Crockett, “The Great Toilet Paper Scare of 1973,” Priceonomics blog, 7-9-14; www.PreachingToday.com)
And that was long before the days of Facebook and the internet. Today, it’s even worse when anybody can put whatever they want on Facebook or Twitter, which then spreads like wildfire all over the internet.
The tongue is very powerful, so you must learn to control it. You must learn to manage your words.
Nelson Mandela once said, “It is never my custom to use words lightly. If 27 years in prison have done anything to us, it was to use the silence of solitude to make us understand how precious words are and how real speech is in its impact on the way people live and die. (“Nelson Mandela, in His Words,” Wall Street Journal, 12-5-13; www.PreachingToday.com)
What impact do your words have on your family, on your co-workers, on your friends and neighbors? Remember, the tongue is powerful, so you must learn to control it. More than that…
THE TONGUE IS PERNICIOUS.
The tongue can be very destructive. Your words can be very harmful, even deadly.
James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. (ESV)
Satanic forces sometimes set our tongues on fire; and when that happens, everything is left stained with the black soot of hell’s flames. Have you ever seen the destruction caused by a house fire – the charred timbers, the black soot, and the ruined furniture? That’s what the tongue does to people when it is out of control. The tongue is like a fire!
It is also like an untamed animal.
James 3:7-8a For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue.
It is like a bull in a china shop, and it is like poison.
James 3:8b It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. (ESV)
Annie Dillard, in her book Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, writes about seeing a small green frog half in and half out of the water. He was a small frog with wide, dull eyes; and as she looked at him, he slowly crumpled and began to sag. The spirit vanished from his eyes as if snuffed. His skin emptied and drooped; his very skull seemed to collapse and settle like a kicked tent…
An oval shadow hung in the water behind the drained frog: then the shadow glided away. The frog skin bag started to sink.
Dillard said she had read about the Giant Water Bug, but had never seen one before. It is an enormous, heavy-bodied brown beetle, which eats insects, tadpoles, fish, and frogs. Its grasping forelegs are mighty and hooked inward, with which it seizes a victim, hugs it tight, and paralyzes it with enzymes injected during a vicious bite. Through the puncture shoots a poison that dissolves the victim's muscles and bones and organs – all but the skin – and through it the giant water bug sucks out the victim's body, reduced to juice. (Dave Goetz, Fresh Illustrations for Preaching & Teaching, Baker, www.PreachingToday.com)
That’s what the tongue can do. It can inject a poison that sucks the life out of people.
According to a recent issue of the Harvard Business Review (2013), what they call “incivility” or “rudeness” on the job is on the rise with significant costs. Over a 14-year period, they polled thousands of workers, and 98 percent reported experiencing uncivil behavior on the job. Half said they were treated rudely at least once a week.
In another poll of 800 managers and employees, researchers discovered that because of this rude behavior:
48 percent of employees decreased their work effort;
47 percent decreased the time spent at work;
80 percent lost work worrying about the incident;
78 percent said their commitment to the organization declined; &
12 percent said they left their job because of the uncivil treatment.
The article concluded with the following warning about incivility: “Just one habitually offensive employee critically positioned in your organization can cost you dearly in lost employees, lost customers, and lost productivity.” (Christian Porath and Christine Pearson, “The Price of Incivility,” Harvard Business Review, January-February 2013; www.PreachingToday.com)
That’s not only true in business. That’s true in the church, in your family, everywhere! An uncivil tongue will suck the life out of any group. The tongue is pernicious.
It’s deadly, so learn to contain it like you do a fire out of control. Corral it like a wild bull. Quarantine it like an infectious disease.
In a 2011 Leadership Journal article, Gordon MacDonald shares the moving story about his friends Dr. Paul and Edith Rees. When the Rees's were in their 90s, MacDonald asked if they still fought after 60-plus years of marriage.
“O, sure we do,” Dr. Rees responded. “Yesterday morning was a case in point. Edith and I were in our car, and she was driving. She failed to stop at a stop sign, and it scared me half to death.”
“So what did you do?” MacDonald asked.
“Well, I've loved Edith for all these years, and I have learned how to say hard things to her. But I must be careful because when Edith was a little girl, her father always spoke to her harshly. And today when she hears a manly voice speak in anger – even my voice – she is deeply, deeply hurt.”
“But, Paul,” MacDonald said, “Edith is 90-years-old. Are you telling me that she remembers a harsh voice that many years ago?”
“She remembers that voice more than ever,” Rees said.
MacDonald asked, “So how do you handle that driving situation from the other day?”
“Ah,” he said, “I simply said, ‘Edith, darling, after we've had our nap this afternoon, I want to discuss a thought I have for you. And when the nap was over I did. I was calm; she was ready to listen, and we solved our little problem.”
MacDonald concluded: “These are the words of a man who has learned that conflict is necessary, can be productive, but must be managed with wisdom and grace. By the time I reach 90, I hope to be just like him.” (Gordon MacDonald, “When Bad Things Happen to Good Relationships,” Leadership Journal, Winter, 2011; www.PreachingToday.com)
Over the years, Dr. Rees learned how to contain his tongue. His words did not suck the life out of his wife. Instead, they gave her life. In times of trouble, that’s exactly the way to communicate. The tongue is powerful – control it. The tongue is pernicious – contain it. Finally…
THE TONGUE IS POLLUTED – CLEAN IT UP.
The tongue is contaminated. It is spoiled by dirty, bitter language.
James 3:9-10 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. (ESV)
Some people go to church and sing the praises of heaven. Then they go home, and all hell breaks loose. It’s not right when the praises of God are polluted by a critical, biting, bitter tongue. It’s like adding salt water to fresh.
James 3:11-12 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. (ESV)
You cannot have it both ways. Your language is either salty or fresh. It is either bitter or sweet. You see, a bitter tongue is not made sweet just because you say some nice things every once in a while. When you add salt water to fresh, it ALL becomes salty.
So what you have to do is get rid of the salt. Clean out all the bitter words. Then, and only then, can your tongue be a source of refreshment.
Ed Waltz and his wife, Barb, from Ann Arbor, Michigan, have a daughter, Deb, who has cerebral palsy. When Deb was young, Bard had hoped that Deb would walk one day. But after performing a battery of tests, the doctor led Ed and Barb into a small conference room where he bluntly laid out for them what they could expect. In a tone that was cold and emotionally disconnected from his patient, the doctor said, “It is extremely unlikely that your daughter will ever walk.”
Still in a state of shock from the devastating news, Barb asked, “But what kind of shoes should I buy for my daughter?” She was thinking about some special corrective shoes, or perhaps shoes connected to a brace.
Without softening the blow, the doctor retorted, “Buy her whatever kind of shoes you want. She won't be using them to walk in.” And with that, he quickly left the room, where Barb burst into tears.
Several months later, the family met with a second doctor. This time the entire scene felt different. Ed said, “My wife asked this new doctor essentially the same question she had asked the first one: “What kind of shoes should I buy for my daughter?” She was still wondering if there was anything we could do that might enable our daughter to take even a few steps.”
The doctor paused for a moment, thinking. Then, he looked compassionately and directly into Barb's eyes and said, “You know what I would do if I were you, Mrs. Waltz? I'd buy my daughter the prettiest little pink shoes I could find, with purple shoe laces.” Barb knew what he meant.
Ed said, “We talked about our experience on the way home. Both doctors had told us the same thing – Deb would never walk. I'm ashamed to say what we felt like doing to the first doctor, but we felt like hugging the second doctor.” (Clark Cothern, pastor of Living Water Community Church, Ypsilanti, Michigan; www.PreachingToday.com)
In a difficult situation, the first doctor’s words were bitter and abusive even though he spoke truth. The second doctor’s words were like refreshing water even when communicating the same truth.
What do your words feel like when people hear them? Even if there is a whole lot of truth, if you mix it with bitterness, it contaminates the whole thing.
In Rotary, we close every meeting with what we call the 4-way test. Herbert J. Taylor, a Chicago businessman, developed the test as a moral foundation to revive the near-bankrupt Club Aluminum Company of Chicago during the Great Depression. They measured everything they said or did by this 4-way test, even their advertising. In 1932, when the test was implemented, the company owed $400,000 more than their total assets. 20 years later, they had a net worth of more than 2 million dollars. The test worked in difficult times, and it’s a good test for you and me in difficult times, as well. Here it is.
Of the things we think, say or do: 1st, is it the TRUTH; 2nd, is it FAIR to all concerned; 3rd, will it build GOODWILL and better FRIENDSHIPS; and 4th, will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned.
Sure, we must tell the truth, but we must also make sure that our words are fair and beneficial to all concerned.
The tongue is powerful – control it. The tongue is pernicious – contain it. The tongue is polluted – clean it up.
Ephesians 4 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).
In difficult times, may your words give grace to those who hear them.
But that can only happen if you have received grace from God Himself. Jesus said in Matthew 15, “What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart” (Matthew 15:18). If your heart is bitter, your words will be bitter. But if your heart is full of grace, your words will be gracious.
What’s in your heart right now? Bitterness of grace? If you don’t like what you see, then ask God, by His grace, to change your heart. Ask God to give you a new heart.
Change my heart, O God;
Make it ever true.
Change my heart, O God;
May I be like you. (Eddie Espinosa)
