OPEN: A woman went into the office of a divorce lawyer and told him she wanted to file for divorce.
“Do you have any grounds!” the judge asked.
“Just two acres,” she said.
“Ma’am you don’t understand. I mean do you have a grudge!”
“No we don’t have a grudge, we park the car in front of the house.”
Frustrated, the lawyer continued, “Let me try again. Does your husband beat you up!”
She replied. “No, I get up before he does.”
“(Sigh) Ok… why do you want a divorce?” the judge asked.
“We just don't seem to be able to communicate.”
APPLY: For the next few weeks we’re looking at conflicts and how to Resolve those conflicts. The first issue we’re going to talk about is the part that communication… or actually how the FAILURE of communication adds to conflict.
Ephesians 4:29 says: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths…" The KJV says it a little different: “Let no corrupt COMMUNICATION proceed out of your mouth…” You see, for the Christian, a failure to communicate does NOT mean that we’re not communicating. Instead it means that - too often - we’re using corrupt words when we communicate with people.
What does that word “corrupt” mean? Well, I looked it up. The Greek word for “corrupt” means “rotten, putrefied, not fit to be used, worthless”. In other words: It’s trash talk. You may mean exactly what comes out of your mouth but God is saying He’s NOT all that impressed by what we say sometimes.
Now, what is it that makes communication CORRUPT in God’s eyes? First, it starts with what motivates you. Ephesians tells us: "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." (Ephesians 4:31) In other words of corrupt communication that comes out of your mouth is triggered by anger what lies within your heart – anger, hatred and malice. Someone has crossed the line somewhere… and you feel violated. There’s an urge to unload our frustration on ignorant people.
ILLUS: Just to give you an example of how this works – how many of you have ever been to a high school basketball game? Do your recall how the refs are often treated at those games? I remember when I was a preacher at my first congregation, I went to one ball game to encourage the kids at school. On this particular occasion it was apparent that the refs were not making very good calls. And I still remember the voice of someone in the stands calling out:
* Are you blind?
* How can you be so ignorant?
* How much did the other team pay you?
And you know who was saying all those mean and hateful things??? It was ME. I insulted refs. I belittled them. I questioned their intelligence. And then it suddenly occurred to me – I didn’t know any of those men who are out there reffing – but everybody in town knew who I was. I was a minister of the Most High God. I was the preacher at one of the local churches, and I was allowing corrupt, rotten, putrefied trash talk to come out of my mouth.
But I was upset! I was mad! ...
And I was saying things I shouldn’t have. One person put it this way: “Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind.”
God says this to us in James: “With (our tongue) we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” James 3:9-10
Those refs were made in the image of God. And did you realize that even people you don’t like are made in the image of God? Relatives, fellow workers, neighbors, even... (dramatic pause) politicians. In our present political climate it is hard not to get caught up in the slandering of politicians who don’t agree with us.
And God is telling us: Don’t go there! Don’t you do that! Don’t you go cursing those folks! Because (whether you like it or not) they are all made in His likeness and God takes it kind of personal if we trash talk people made in His image.
But now Ephesians 4 is narrowing this down to how we talk to fellow Christians.
ILLUS: One person noted: "By nature, Christians are the most forgiving, understanding, and thoughtful group of people I've ever dealt with. They never assume the worst. They appreciate the importance of having different perspectives. They’re slow to anger, quick to forgive, and almost never make rash judgments or act in anything less than—a spirit of total love (dramatic pause) Oh, wait—I'm thinking of golden retrievers!”
At times Christians can be very difficult people. We all know that's true... but I got to thinking: why would Christians (who should know better) behave so badly on occasion? And this is the conclusion I came to: the reason many Christians behave so badly is because they understand the need to be moral. Their problem (unfortunately) is that they tend to view morality on a sliding scale. They don’t start with God - they start with themselves as the base measurement of righteousness.
One person noted that many people want to grade on the curve (based on their personal level of righteousness). But God grades on the Cross (based on His righteousness, and revealed in His sacrifice for our sins).
You see, as long I can convince myself that MY righteousness is the baseline of holiness then I can stand in judgment of anyone who doesn’t measure up. It reminds me of the story of a little boy who came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he wanted to get to the point where he never sinned. “Why that’s sweet honey,” she replied. “But what led to think about that?” “Well,” he replied, “I don’t want to sin because I want to be the one who throws the first stone.”
ILLUS: Carl Ketcherside was a preacher with the acapella Churches of Christ. At one time he lived in St. Louis and ministered among the down and out. One particular group were teenagers that he described as "a crew of ripped off long haired kids," They all had a history of drug addiction, but he spent time with them, loved them, listened to them, and one by one baptized them into Christ. And of course he’d take them to church.
One day an affluent member of the church asked, "How are you making out with the hippies, those long haired, sad looking specimens you have been meeting with?"
Carl responded, "Those are not specimens. They are children of God. You are talking about my brethren in the Lord."
Condescendingly the other man said, "They look to me like something the cat dragged in."
And Carl replied, "They look to me like someone the shepherd brought home."
Now, why did that “affluent” member get so upset? He was upset because the people Ketcherside was bringing in didn’t measure up. They weren’t HIS kind of people, they had a bad background, they’d been into drugs, they weren’t clean enough. He didn’t want his family/reputation to be tied with people like that!!!
Frankly, that man was TOO GOOD for the people that Jesus died for.
And THAT is why conflict exists in many churches. When People forget that ALL of us are sinners in need of the grace of Jesus - when we forget that we ourselves were never good enough for God as we were - when we forget that Jesus had to come into our lives and clean us up... THEN when others don’t measure up to OUR standards WE will always be in conflict with those who don’t measure up.
ILLUS: Some time back someone was grousing to me about how they couldn’t understand why people at church weren’t more like they were. Why others didn't give like they gave, and didn’t attend Sunday School or serve in various ministries like they did. And their words recalled for me a verse from scripture that had impressed years before: “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from GLORY TO GLORY, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” (KJV) 2 Corinthians 3:18
That phrase: “Glory to glory” stuck with me because it placed in my mind the image of a staircase. I could visualize God at the top of the stairs, and Christians making their way into His presence one step after another – glory to glory.
This is the way it works: When we first become Christians we all start out on the bottom floor. But the more we fall in love with Jesus, the more we become determined to be changed into God’s glory and we begin to make our way up the staircase.
Some of you may be 5 or 6 steps us the stairs, while others are 2 or 3 steps below or above you. Your objective (as a servant of God) is not to berate or become discouraged that others are behind you on the steps, but rather to reach down your hand and help them to climb up to where you are. And our other job is to look up the staircase and watch those who are further up the steps and figure out how they got there.
You see, that’s what Ephesians 4 is talking about: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths (don’t insult/put down/or belittle each other) but only such as is good for building up (trying to get them to come up the stairs as they reflect more and more of the glory of God) as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29
There’s only one staircase, and God is the only one at the top. Our goal as Christians is to get everybody up that staircase - closer and closer to God - by encouraging and building them up so they become more and more in the image of God themselves.
Now, because everybody on that staircase falls short of the glory of God. Once in a while they’re going to offend you because their sinners. So once in a while other Christians are going to sin against you. Someone once compared the church to a bunch of porcupines huddling together on a cold winter’s night. He said, “The colder it gets outside, the more we huddle together for warmth; but the closer we get to one another, the more we hurt one another with our sharp quills.”(German philosopher Schopenhauer – he actually said that of the whole human race).
As Christians we tend to poke one another. We get annoyed with each other. We say things to each other that upsets or frustrates each other. Or sometimes we even deliberately hurt each other.
So, how do we fix that? How do we resolve the conflicts between ourselves and others in the church? Well, 3 things come to mind: 1st you determine not to trash talk the person who hurt you.
ILLUS: People tend to talk about those who've offend them in much the same way a cow eats its food. You do know how a cow digests its food don’t you? They chew and they chew and then they swallow it. But a cow has 4 stomachs. The food has to go through all four stomachs before it's completely digested. So the cow swallows the food once, then regurgitates it. And it “masticates” it again (that's a $20 word for “chews”) and swallows it again. Then it regurgitates it, chews it, swallows it, regurgitates it… well you get the idea. People who get offended are like cows – they regurgitate their anger over and over and over again. And the more often they “hock it back up” (that’s a $5 phrase for regurgitate) the madder they get. And they’ll regurgitate their anger over and over again to anyone who’ll listen. Don’t do that. Don’t go there.
2nd – you determine to only say things that build that person up whenever you talk TO them or ABOUT them. Your intent is to restore, not destroy.
And 3rd you determine to do what Ephesians 4:32 tells you to do: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
How many of you here have ever sinned? Do you suppose you’ve hurt God with your sin? Did you annoy God by your behavior? Did you SAY or DO something that would upset and frustrate God? And how did God respond to you? Was God kind to you? Was He tenderhearted? Did He forgive you of what you’d done wrong?
He did, didn’t He? And now He expects you to be like Him. To “…be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2
God didn’t save you so you could stand around and preen your feathers and try to impress others by how sweet and gentle and deserving you are. He saved you so that you could reflect His love to those around you.
Now there’s a flip side to this. If we don’t do that: If we refuse to quit trash talking. If we refuse to build others up. If we refuse be kind and tenderhearted and forgiving - then we hurt the church. We hurt God. And we hurt our witness.
God warns us “… do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” (Ephesians 4:30) You see, that verse is right in the middle of all of this for a reason. You and I are temples of the Holy Spirit. When we were baptized into Christ, God’s Spirit came to dwell inside of us (Acts 2:38) and God laid claim to our lives. You are not your own, you were bought with a price... and the Spirit is God's mark of ownership in your life. Thus, if we refuse to treat each other properly, we cripple the power of God’s Spirit inside of us. And our refusal to humble ourselves and become a servant of people that annoy and frustrate us in the church damages our witness and our walk with Christ.
ILLUS: Do you remember my telling you that I realized at the High School basketball game that everybody in town knew who I was? The same is true of you. I don’t care how hard you may try to hide it… people will know you go to church, and they’ll judge your faith by your behavior.
CLOSE: I want to close by sharing (what I think is) a true story. It’s about a girl named Sally who told about what happened one Sunday at her Sunday School class. She said that the teacher of the class was known for his elaborate object lessons and one particular day, she walked into class and knew they were in for another fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts.
On the table in front of them was a stack of paper, and the teacher told the students to take one of the sheets of paper and draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry. When they done he would take their pictures (one by one) and pin them to the dart board for them to throw darts at.
Sally's girlfriend (on her right), drew a picture of a girl who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend (on her left), drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of the teacher, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing. It was a pretty good likeness.
The class handed in their pictures and lined up and began throwing darts at their drawings. Everybody was laughing and joking and having a good time. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and their class time ran out and the teacher asked everyone to return to their seats.
Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. But then the teacher began removing papers from the target.
Unbeknownst to the class, he had slipped another sheet under the rest of the pictures on the dart board, and as he peeled away the last sheet - underneath all those drawings was a picture of Jesus.
The room became suddenly quiet as each student looked at the mangled picture of Jesus. There were holes and jagged marks all over His face and His eyes were pierced out. Everybody sensed what the teacher had driven home, but then he closed the class with these words: "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me." Matthew 25:40
The failure to communicate amongst Christians isn’t so much that we fail to communicate what we feel about others. Rather it’s that we fail to communicate the love of Jesus.
But here’s the deal. God hasn’t called us to change the world… He’s called us to do something much more significant and powerful. He’s asked us to be missionaries to those around us who offend and annoy us. He’s asking us to win them the same way He won us…by showing the world around us His love. But you can’t effectively do that until you first belong to Him.
INVITATION
