When Kevin Miller’s brother, Dean, was six years old, one of his teeth fell out. He took that precious little treasure and put it under his pillow, expecting something in return. When he woke up the next morning, the Tooth Fairy had brought him a quarter.
A few weeks later, another tooth fell out, and the same thing happened.
When a third tooth dropped out, Dean had had enough. He wrote a little note and put it under his pillow. It read:
Dear Tooth Fairy:
I have been a good boy. I wonder if you could give me $1 for my tooth, because I could use more money. (Kevin Miller, www.PreachingToday.com)
Who of us couldn’t use more money?
The fact is no matter how much people make, recent studies show that they need about 10% more to feel comfortable. Whether they earn $30,000 a year or $60,000 or $250,000 or a cool million, just 10% more is what they want.
Then when people do get that 10%, which typically happens over the course of a few years, Loyola Marymount University Professor Christopher Kaczor reports “they want just another 10%, and so on, ad infinitum.” (Ted Scofield, "Everybody Else's Biggest Problem, Pt. 5: You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat," Mockingbird blog, 9-8-15; www.PreachingToday.com)
It seems that contentment is an elusive goal for many. How about you? Can you say with the Apostle Paul, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content” (Philippians 4:11), or do you always need about 10% more?
If you’re like me, you could always use about 10% more, so what is the solution to feeling like you have enough? What is the key to real satisfaction? What is the secret to lasting contentment? Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Exodus 20, Exodus 20, where God shares that secret.
Exodus 20:17 You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male serant, or his female servant, or his ox. Or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s. (ESV)
The secret to contentment and lasting satisfaction is not in getting more; It is wanting less. It is not having what you want, but wanting what you have! The word, “covet,” literally means to desire or to want. And God says…
DON’T WANT WHAT YOUR NEIGHBOR HAS.
Don’t desire your neighbor’s stuff. Don’t lust after his wife or his possessions. Don’t long for things that don’t belong to you.
If your neighbor gets a new car, if your neighbor builds a new addition to his house, if your neighbor buys some fancy clothes, if your neighbor gets a lucrative business contract, if your neighbor gets an “A” on a test, if your neighbor gets a bigger paycheck than you, don’t envy that neighbor. Don’t be jealous of his or her success.
Instead, “Rejoice with those who rejoice,” Romans 12:15 says. Be glad about their success, and don’t think, “I’ve got to have what they have.”
You see, a lot of our financial troubles come when we think we’re entitled to more, just because somebody else has more. We don’t appreciate what we already have, so we pursue more stuff and end up losing everything.
Wanting more actually gives you less in the long run.
One day, a young Charles Darwin was eagerly holding a rare beetle in his right fist and another in his left when suddenly he caught sight of a third beetle that he simply knew he must have for his collection. What to do? In a flash, he put one of the beetles in his mouth for safekeeping and reached for the third beetle with his now free hand. But the beetle in Darwin’s mouth squirted acid down his throat – so that in a fit of coughing he lost all three beetles. (James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988, p. 26)
That’s really a good picture of what happens when you’re not content with what you have. When you covet something that’s out there, you end up losing even what you do have. Coveting is personally ruinous, and that’s bad enough.
But coveting also destroys relationships. Jealousy ruins friendships. Envy tears people apart.
In her new book, Linda Ronstadt: Simple Dreams, the 11-time Grammy Award singer recalls the first time she heard Emmylou Harris sing. She wrote:
My first reaction to it was slightly conflicted. First, I loved her singing wildly. Second, in my opinion, she was doing what I was trying to do, only a whole lot better. Then came a split-second decision that I made that affected the way I listened to and enjoyed music for the rest of my life. I thought that if I allowed myself to become envious of Emmy, it would be painful to listen to her, and I would deny myself the pleasure of it. If I simply surrendered to loving what she did, I could take my rightful place among the other drooling Emmylou fans, and then maybe, just maybe, I might be able to sing with her.” Linda said, “I surrendered.”
Then she went on to not only sing with Emmy, but also record three award-winning albums with her and Dolly Parton as a trio. (Linda Ronstadt, Linda Ronstadt: Simple Dreams, a Musical Memoir Simon Schuster, 2013, pp. 79-80; www.PreachingToday. com)
Envy destroys relationships, but rejoicing in another’s success brings people together. I like the way Linda Rohstadt put it, “I surrendered to loving what she did.” If only we could all surrender to loving each other’s successes. It would certainly go a long way towards mending a lot of broken relationships.
Coveting is ruinous personally AND interpersonally. When you want more, you get less, and you destroy your relationships in the process.
Now, lest you think coveting is only a problem for those who don’t have much, think again. Coveting can be a problem even for those who have more than enough.
By age 30, Sam Polk had made more than $5 million in bonuses alone during eight years working on Wall Street. As a trader, he was living it up in Manhattan by the age of 25. Polk said, “It was an easy thing to go to a World Series game, which for a lot of people was like a dream. [I had] a tremendous feeling of importance and power especially as a 25-year-old kid.”
But at the age of 30, he abruptly quit his job on Wall Street. Despite the money Polk had been making, he was still consumed by envy. He went on to work at a hedge fund, and his obsession with money only got worse. In a New York Times op-ed, he wrote:
“Now, working elbow to elbow with billionaires, I was a giant fireball of greed. I'd think about how my colleagues could buy Micronesia if they wanted to, or become the mayor of New York City. They didn't just have money; they had power… Senators came to their offices. They were royalty.”
Polk describes getting angry over a $3.6 million bonus because it wasn't big enough. He realized then that he had what he now calls “a wealth addiction.” Polk explained:
“I came to realize I had been using money as this thing that would quell all my fears. So I had this belief that maybe someday I would get enough money that I would no longer be scared… I would feel successful. And one of the things I learned on Wall Street was no matter how much money I made, the money was never going to do it. (Lauren Lyster, “This Wall Street trader was making millions by 30 and left it all behind, here's why,” The Daily Ticker, 1-31-14; www.PreachingToday.com)
No amount of money can make you feel secure and significant. Only God can do that for you, so look to Him, not to your neighbor’s stuff. Look to God and find your significance and security in Him.
Socrates once said, “They are most happy and nearest the gods that needed nothing.” Then he entered the Marketplace in Athens, where the merchants asked him, “What will you buy; what do you need?” And there in the middle of the market place, he spread forth his hands, turned about and said, “Good gods, who would have thought there were so many things in the world which I do not want!” (Thomas Traherne in Centuries, Christianity Today, Vol. 33, no. 2; www.Preaching Today.com)
Do you know? I think even the great Socrates struggled with covetousness.
So what’s the answer? If rich and poor, if wise and fool alike, all struggle with covetousness, how can you overcome this terrible habit? How can you learn not to want what others have? How can you learn to be content with what you do have?
Well, the answer is NOT in eliminating all wants and desires, like the Monastics tried to do in the Middle Ages. They lived in deserts or caves or on top of poles to completely separate themselves from all worldly pleasures. That kind of lifestyle just doesn’t work for most of us, no. The answer to overcoming covetousness is not in eliminating your desires. It is desiring the right things. It is replacing wrong desires with right desires.
If I tell you not to think about red monkeys, what are you going to think about the rest of the day? That’s right, red monkeys. In fact, the more you try NOT to think about red monkeys, the more you will. The way not to think about red monkeys is to think about something else, like your neighbor’s brand-new Mercedes. Ooops. You probably shouldn’t be thinking about that either, since God doesn’t want you to covet your neighbor’s stuff.
So how do you get your mind off your neighbor’s stuff? How do you keep from desiring what doesn’t belong to you? It’s simple, just start desiring the right stuff. Think about what you can and do have!
The word for “covet,” as I said, literally means to desire. The Bible says, “Don’t want what your neighbor has,” but there are other things you should want according to God’s Word. For example, instead of wanting your neighbor’s mate…
WANT YOUR OWN MATE.
Passionately pursue your own spouse. Desire or covet intimacy with your own wife or husband.
In the Song of Solomon 2:3, the young woman says, “As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight (or with great desire. It’s the same word translated “covet” in the 10 commandments. With great delight) I sit in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
It is right and proper for a wife to desire her husband, and it is right and proper for a husband to desire his wife.
Proverbs 5:18-19 says to the men, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.”
In the context, this is in contrast to the “love” of an adulteress. The point is: Find contentment and satisfaction, men, only in your wife, not in your neighbor’s wife. Replace the desire for your neighbor’s wife with the desire for your own wife.
In the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 7 advises believers to combat sexual temptation by “giving conjugal rights” to their own mates (vs.2-3). Men and Women, the best thing you can do to overcome inordinate desire (or lust) is to cultivate real intimacy with your own spouse. Work on your own marriage relationship, and make it the best it can be.
Several years ago, the Dove soap company released a series of commercials that question the beauty industry's relentless pursuit of the “perfect woman.”
In a commercial called “Evolution,” a woman wearing no makeup walks to a chair and sits down. Take a look at what happens… (Show Dove Evolution Commercial)
As the camera focuses on her face, we see a series of time-lapse pictures that show her “evolve” into a billboard model.
First the make-up artists tone her skin to perfection. Then a horde of hairstylists surround her, transforming her straight, shoulder-length hair into a cascade of wind-blown, blond curls.
After dozens of pictures are taken, one shot is chosen, and computer designers begin to manipulate it. They make her neck longer, her eyes bigger, and her cheeks thinner. After recoloring her to perfection, the final, "perfect" woman is posted on a billboard for beauty products. As the commercial comes to a close, these words silently appear on the screen: “No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted.” (www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U; www.PreachingToday.com)
You cannot find true satisfaction in the fantasy world of your neighbor’s mate. You find it in the real world of your own mate.
Years ago, Hollywood publicist Michael Levine wrote an article for Psychology Today, in which he describes his dissatisfaction with life even though he lives in what many consider to be the beauty capital of the world. He is surrounded on a daily basis by gorgeous women, but he says, “It is beauty alone that is keeping me single and lonely.”
It’s what psychologists call “the contrast effect” in which “men are barraged with images of extraordinarily beautiful and unobtainable women in the media, making it difficult for them to desire the ordinarily beautiful.”
Psychologists Sara Gutierres and Douglas Kenrick of Arizona State University have studied this “contrast effect” for the past 20 years. They say, “If a woman of average beauty enters a room of extremely beautiful women, she will be perceived as less attractive than she actually is. If the same woman enters a room of unattractive women, she will be perceived as more attractive than she actually is. The same applies for men.
In fact, this “contrast effect” causes many women to de-value themselves. Gutierres and Kenrick say, “Women who are surrounded by other attractive women – whether in the flesh, in films or in photographs – rate themselves as less satisfied with their attractiveness and less desirable as a marriage partner.” For the overwhelming majority of women who don't meet these impossible standards, multi-million dollar industries are eager to help improve their appearance.
The effects on men are also damaging. It leaves them alone and yearning for superficial beauty instead of real love with real women. The researchers note that “under a constant barrage of media images of beautiful women, these guys have an expectation of attractiveness that is unusually high – and that makes the people around them, in whom they might really be interested, seem lackluster, even if they are quite good-looking.”
Sociologist Satoshi Kanazawa, assistant professor of sociology at Indiana University of Pennsylvania, took a close look at a specific group of men surrounded daily by large numbers of young women in their prime. He found that male high school and college teachers are more likely to be divorced or separated than their male counterparts who taught kindergarten and grade school. Kanazawa believes this contrast effect – whether experienced in real life or through the media – harms marriage and keeps men single and miserable. Many don't know why they no longer find their middle-aged wives attractive.
Michael Levine is living proof of these harmful effects. He comments: “My exposure to extreme beauty is ruining my capacity to love the ordinarily beautiful women of the real world – women who are more likely to meet my needs for deep connection and partnership of the soul.” He wonders what his life might have been like if he had never moved to L.A. and become a publicist.
But then he realizes that the images of the women he works with are “broadcast all over the globe. While most people do not live in L.A., they visit it every day when they turn on the TV or go to the movies. It is safe to say that, to one degree or another, we all live in the shadow of the Hollywood sign.” (Michael Levine, “Why I Hate Beauty,” Psychology Today, July/August 2001, p. 38-44; www.PreachingToday.com)
My dear friends, get away from the shadow of the Hollywood sign. Don’t covet the fantasy of your neighbor’s mate. Instead, covet the real beauty of your own mate. Replace the wrong desire for the right desire. Desire your own wife. Desire your own husband. Work hard at making your own marriage as desirable as it can be.
Don’t want what your neighbor has. Instead, want your own mate. And most importantly…
WANT A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LIVING GOD HIMSELF.
Passionately pursue listening to God on a regular basis. Desire or covet hearing Him speak to you through the His Word.
In Psalm 19:9-10, David says, “The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be DESIRED are they than gold…”
It’s the same Hebrew word translated “covet” in the 10 commandments. In other words, God doesn’t want us to covet our neighbor’s stuff. God wants us to covet His commands. God wants us to covet His Word.
In the New Testament, 1 Peter 2:2 says, “Like newborn infants, LONG FOR THE PURE SPIRITUAL MILK, that by it you may grow up into salvation.”
A long time ago, a love-struck young man wrote a love letter to his new bride. James Bracy was his name, and he was stationed at a California military base thousands of miles away from his wife. Even so, they kept their ties strong through their love letters. But this letter didn't get delivered. Somehow it was lost, lodged between two walls in Fort Ord's mailroom in San Francisco.
A half century later, James and Sallie Bracy celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. They were relaxing in the living room when their song, “Once in a While,” began to play on the radio. Sallie remembered the 1950’s song and how she used to get calls and letters from the man who owned her heart. They joked together knowing there would be no letter or phone call this time because James was at her side.
Meanwhile, a construction crew was dismantling the old post office at Fort Ord, and they discovered a long-forgotten letter from a young army corporal. The crew turned the letter over to Bob Spadoni, the postmaster in nearby Monterey. Spadoni began the process of delivering that letter, tracking down the Bracys through post office records and phone books.
Just a few days after hearing their song, the letter, dated January 28, 1955, was delivered to Sallie Bracy. It brought tears to her eyes, and she again became a love-struck 22-year-old. “It meant a lot to me then,” Sallie said. “It means even more now.” (“After 46 years lost in post office, love letter finally arrives,” Jefferson City News Tribune, 4-25-01; www.PreachingToday.com)
Many, many years ago, God wrote His love letter to us. It meant a lot then, but it means even more today. Don’t you long to open it? Don’t you long to read it today, that which is more desirable than gold?
Simon Tugwell, in his commentary on The Beatitudes, says, “It is the desire for God which is the most fundamental appetite of all, and it is an appetite we can never eliminate. We may seek to disown it, but it will not go away. If we deny that it is there, we shall in fact only divert it to some other object or range of objects. And that will mean that we invest some creature or creatures with the full burden of our need for God, a burden which no creature can carry. (Simon Tugwell, The Beatitudes, as quoted in “Reflections,” www.christianitytoday.com, 9-10-07)
You will never find satisfaction in anything or anyone else but God Himself.
So don’t want what your neighbor has. Instead, want your own mate and a real relationship with the Living God Himself.
If you haven’t done it already, trust Christ with your life, who alone is “the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through [Him]” (John 14:6).
If you have trusted Christ, long to know God more through His Word.
Many years ago, the National Geographic published an article on an 81-year-old, Yosemite National Park guide. His name was Carl Sharsmith. He had returned to his tent quarters after a long afternoon with tourists. His nose was flaked white and red with sunburn. His eyes were watery, because he had heard a question that day that he heard many times during his 50 summers in that grand and glorious park.
A lady had asked him, “I’ve only got an hour to spend at Yosemite. What should I do? Where should I go?”
The old guide was hurt, but he finally found the voice to say, “Ah, lady, ONLY AN HOUR. ONLY AN HOUR. I suppose that if I had ONLY AN HOUR to spend at Yosemite, I’d just walk over there by the river and sit down and cry.”
Only an hour – that’s all the time many believers give to spending time with God – Only an hour on Sunday morning. Don’t you be satisfied with just an hour with God. Spend as much time with Him as you can, and find true and lasting satisfaction.
