OPEN: How many of you have ever had Leftovers? One of my favorite meals is to go to a sit-down Chinese restaurant. They always give me more than I can eat and so I ask them to box the remainder up and so I can take it home. I enjoy that kind of leftovers. But leftovers can get… old. Especially if you’ve had to eat them over and over and over.
ILLUS: There’s the true story of a family that was sitting down for their evening meal. One of the girls was unhappy because they were having leftovers, and she complained. That made dad unhappy and he decided that she should say grace and that her prayer should show her appreciation for what she had. So she bowed her head and then prayed this prayer:
"Dear God…thank you for this food… again." (Heather Marshall in R.Digest, 5/03)
ILLUS: There’s another story about a preacher was getting a little tired of the leftovers. At meal time he picked at the food and ate a little… but had not said grace yet. His wife smiled sweetly at him and gently said, "Honey, you forgot the blessing." He looked over at her and said:
"Sweetheart, if you can show me one item that hasn't been blessed at least two times, I can't see what another prayer is going to do for it.”
Leftovers. At times they can get tiresome. Today we’re talking about giving your family leftovers. Not leftover MEALS, but leftover … YOU.
APPLY: In our text this morning, God is telling Children, Wives, Husbands and Fathers that there certain expectations He has for each Christian member of the family. And at the core of His expectations of us is that we NOT give our families leftovers.
First, let’s look at the pivotal verse in this section: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” (Ephesians 5:21). That’s the CORE verse … and for the next 16 verses God tells us HOW to submit to others.
The concept here is this: Children, wives, husbands and fathers who do not submit to each other are NOT ONLY disobeying God, but they are giving their families leftovers. You see, leftovers are 2nd best stuff and God doesn’t want us to give our families 2nd best stuff. God wants HIS people to give their families their BEST stuff. So, this section of Ephesians is telling us how to give our families the best that we have.
Now that’s hard to do because we are (generally) selfish people. It is 2nd nature for us to look out for ourselves, and our world tends to revolve around US… and OUR needs.
ILLUS: In a book called Empires of the Mind Dennis Waitley says that there are approximately 450,000 words in the English language but, on average, most of the time we only use about 400 words. And the most commonly used words in the English language are. . . "I," "Me," "My," and "Mine."
You have any doubts about the basic self-centeredness of people, remember that statistic. Now, of course God knows that and so, in this section of Ephesians, God asks us to kick the habit – to get out of the “I, Me, Mine” mindset. Notice that not once in this entire set of verses does God EVER say how OTHER members in the family should treat us?
Not once does it say
* Husbands, your wives need to submit to you (although many churches and preachers teach that).
* Wives, your husbands need to show love to you.
* Parents your children need to obey you.
* Children, your fathers ought not to beat on you.
Now, we all understand instinctively that that’s kinda the way things ought to be, but that’s not God’s focus here. What God is essentially saying here is this: “It’s not about how OTHERS treat you, it’s about how YOU treat others. Children, wives, husbands, fathers… submission to others in your family is what I expect from you. I don’t want any explanations, justifications or excuses. Just do it. Give your family your best stuff. Don’t be giving them the leftovers of your affection."
So let’s take this one step at a time. We’re going to start at the back end of this set of verses and work our way toward the front. So, let’s start with the kids. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” Ephesians 6:1-3
We kind of think of children obeying their parents as a given… it’s in their job description. But rebellion has been kind of built into their genes. Ever since the fall of Adam and Eve there’s a part of instinctive part of kids that just want to say “NO! No, I don’t want to clean up my room. No, I don’t want to wash the dishes. No, I don’t want to sweep the floor."
ILLUS: One man told this story about his three years old son. He said: I was outside doing some yard work one afternoon. I took Kevin outside to play while I trimmed the hedges. Holding his hand, I knelt down beside him and looked in the face and said, "Now, Kevin, you can play here in our front yard. You can go next door and play in your friend's front yard. You can ride your Big Wheel up and down the driveway. You can go in the back yard and play with the dog or play on your swing. You can go back inside and watch TV. You can stay here and watch me trim the hedges. These are all the things you have my permission to do. But you can NOT go out into the street. It is very dangerous there. You cannot play in the street. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
And Kevin solemnly nodded his head. "Yes, Daddy," he said. And when I let go of his hand and he ran straight to the curb, put one foot in the street, and then turned his head toward me and smiled, as if to say, "Foolish mortal!"
Now God understands that tendency, but He’s trying to help (especially) teenagers to understand that this is a CHOICE that He’s asking them to make. God is saying to the youth - CHOOSE to submit to your parents, not because you have to… but because you CHOSE to. He’s asking young Christians to give their parents the best that they have. NOT because the parent deserves it but because God asked them to.
Now, there is a qualifier here: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1). In other words, God is NOT asking kids to obey their parents if that parent asks them to do something immoral or illegal. If dad asks you to go down to the convenience store and steal a pack of cigarettes – that’s not something that you should do. God is basically saying – if it isn’t something immoral or illegal… do it (for ME).
And God understands how difficult this is for youth… and so He gives a promise. He says – Do this for ME, so that “it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Ephesians 6:3). It’s the only one of the 10 commandments with a promise, because it’s that important to God.
Now, the other side of that equation - is … Dad. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
This is what God expects from Fathers. Dads are expected by God to be the disciplinarians in the family. They set the rules… and they are responsible for appropriate punishments. but there are times fathers can be overly harsh and cruel to their children and cause them to be exasperated and frustrated. That happens when fathers forget their proper role as a parent – to bring his child “up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Sometimes that punishment may include spankings, but there are other times punishments can be quite creative.
ILLUS: I remember reading about an Amish farmer that found that his boys had taken the buggy into town and had gotten drunk at the local bar. Dad came into the bar and told them: “I tell you what boys - I'll take the horse home … you can bring the buggy.”
ILLUS: I remember a true story a boy told about his father. He’d been repeatedly in trouble at school and his dad told him – one more time he’d get spanked. Well, it that “one more time” came the very next day. The boy got home, his dad sent him out to the garage to get an old ping pong paddle. The boy went out to the garage and back crying – because he knew what was coming. Then his dad put him across his knee and the boy could hear the paddle coming down hard. But he couldn’t feel it hit him. Again… and again… and again the paddle came down but no pain. It was then that he realized his father was striking his own leg. He was driving home to his son the truth that this was the kind of pain he experienced every time his boy disobey him.
You see, dads like these understood the idea of discipline and they disciplined their children because they loved them. They gave their kids the best that they could. Not leftovers.
Now let’s go on to the wives. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22). Now what exactly does this mean? Well, 1st it means she should treat her husband just like she’d treat Jesus if He were there. Paul expands on that a few verse later: “…let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
Now, this can get tough because husbands aren’t always respectable and they are rarely – if ever – anything like Jesus.
ILLUS: A 2 year old little girl was consumed by the tale of “Cinderella.” So one day, when she came across a photo of her mother and father on her wedding day, a light bulb went off.
“Mommy got married just like Cinderella,” she said excitedly.
Her mom answered “That’s right honey, just like Cinderella”
But then she seemed puzzled: “But Mommy you didn’t marry a prince, you married Daddy.”
(R.Digest 9/05 p. 129 – Aimee Gerbee)
Here’s a thought: the Bible tells me “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” That means your husband has fallen short of what God expects of him. If he’s fallen short of God’s expectations… what makes you think he’ll measure up to yours?
Part of a solid marriage is realizing that you married a flawed man. It wouldn’t have mattered WHO you married… they’d still have flaws (well, maybe except for me). And God knows that. But he still asks you (as a wife) to ask yourself – am I giving my husband the best that I’ve got to give… or leftovers (2nd best).
According to Ephesians the best gift a wife can give your husband is RESPECT. In fact, according to research done at the University of Syracuse, the # 1 thing husbands desire is respect. In response to the survey most men said respect was when:
"She makes me feel capable."
"She is proud of me!"
"She is willing to follow my lead."
(Stephen M. Crotts, Wearing The Wind, CSS Publishing, Lima, Ohio, 1999)
ILLUS: I once spoke with a young woman who said she and her husband were seeing a marriage counselor. Neither she nor her husband were Christians… and of course – neither was the counselor. She said the counselor was telling them that if she and her husband didn’t match up in 3 specific areas of their lives the marriage was doomed. It couldn’t be saved. They were just INCOMPATIBLE. And it was obvious… she believed him.
“I said honey, your counselor... is an idiot!”
ILLUS: Actually, did you realize that the word “incompatible” is a word we picked up from the ancient American Indians? Yeah, it means “two people who are too lazy to work at fixing their marriage.” Nothing makes me more furious than the people who tell you they just gave up on their marriages because they’re “unhappy” and “incompatible.” God NEVER says anything about "incompatibility". He never told us we could walk away from our marriages because we were "unhappy." God tells us He expects us to work at our marriages... not throw in the towel just because we can't get what we want.
I told this young woman: “Your problem isn’t that you and your husband incompatible. It’s just that you don’t understand each other. Men are different than women. (To the audience) did you realize men are different than women? Of course they are! And one of the differences that causes so many problems in marriage is this one:
Women want to talk about their problems. They don’t necessarily want to solve those problems… they just want to talk about them (am I right?). By contrast men don’t want to talk about their problems… they want to solve them. So you have women who want to talk about their problems and not solve them telling their husbands their problems. What do men try to do? SOLVE THE PROBLEM. She doesn’t want him to solve the problem, she wants him to listen to her!!! (Am I right?)
And all the time I’m telling her this she’s nodding her head. This is part of what had been happening to them. And then I explained to her… if you want to save your marriage you need to do everything in your power to make him feel important. You need tell him how much you respect him. Tell how much of a man he is for supplying for his family, and how much of a man he is in the bedroom. Give your husband the best you can by showing him respect… and you’ll fix that marriage.
Now lastly - husbands how do you SUBMIT to your wife? Well, here’s how you do that: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25
ILLUS: Our associate told me once that he served a congregation where the men refused to believe this passage was talking about how they should submit to their wives. These men reflected the time-honored and self-centered mindset of men who believe that this passage is all about telling women they should submit to THEM. It’s sinful way of looking at this passage because men who use it that way bludgeon their wives with it so that they can become the masters of their home… not the servant of their families.
Paul continues a few verses later: “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” Ephesians 5:28-30
This is how God EXPECTS a husband to SUBMIT to his wife. A Godly husband is to love his wife… just like he loves his own body. But how does a man love to his physical body? I got to thinking about that and a few thoughts occurred to me:
• Men, when you buy shoes do you buy the most uncomfortable pair you can find?
• When you buy clothing do you deliberately buy clothes that look ugly? (I mean that YOU think are ugly)
• When you go out to eat… do you order food you don’t like?
Of course you don’t!!!! Why not??? Because we try to make our bodies comfortable. I know it’s not manly to say this… but we men really do pamper our bodies. And this is way God expects of a loving husband to SUBMIT to his wife. He submits by doing things to make her comfortable and pamper her. Anything less than that… is just LEFTOVERS. I ran across a list that can give you some ideas on this:
• Write her a handwritten letter and tell her how much she means to you.
• Plan a weekend getaway for the two of you and handle all the details.
• Write a poem or a song for her. It doesn't matter if it stinks. If it's from the heart, she'll love it.
• Write sweet notes for her to find throughout the day and put them in her purse, her car, or on the refrigerator, wherever she's sure to look.
• Text her or call her at some point in the day and tell her how much she means to you.
ILLUS: A woman told about the Saturday when she was girl. Her mom was finishing the dinner dishes, and her father stepped up behind her and said: "Would you like to go out, girl?"
Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!"
They got around and went out on the town and had a wonderful evening. But toward the end of the evening she said her Dad confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog that was lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.
CLOSE: Now, here’s the deal: learning the concept of Godly submission is a core doctrine in Scripture. God’s people should behave in submission in every area of their lives – whether with family, co-workers, or neighbors. And one of the pivotal places we learn about submission is in our families.
What’s interesting is that just before this verse about “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21) God tells us what the real goal is. The real goal here is for us to “… be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). In other words: if you want God to dwell inside of you in a powerful way, you need to submit to your family and give them something other than leftovers. By submitting to your family… you make God comfortable living inside you. The more comfortable He is inside you… the more power you have in your life.
ILLUS: Think about it this way. Let’s say you decide to come over to my house to pay me a visit. When you walk in you see that I have clothing scattered all over the house. I have dirty dishes in the sink, on the counter… even on the dining room table. And I have cats running all over the place, and I haven’t cleaned up after them for weeks. Now, how comfortable are you going to be staying in my house? That’s how God feels when we don’t give our families our best/submit.
The point of learning God’s concept of submission is realizing God is only at peace in the hearts and minds and homes of those who trust Him enough to refuse to give their families leftovers. In homes where they intend to give their family the best they can give.
But first we must be submissive to Christ.
INVITATION.
