At the end of their first date, a young man in a bygone era took his favorite girl home. He decided to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leaned his hand against the wall, smiled, and said, “How about a good night kiss?”
“Are you crazy?” she said. “My parents will see us!”
“Oh, come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?”
“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”
“Come on, they're all sleeping!”
“No way. It's too risky!”
“Please, please, please. I like you so much.”
“No, no, no. I like you too, but I just can't!”
“Oh yes you can. Please?”
“No, no. I just can't.”
“Pleeeeease?. . .”
Then to their surprise, the porch light went on, the door opened, and there stood the girl's sister, hair disheveled, in her pajamas. In a sleepy voice she said, “Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. If need be, dad will come down himself and do it. Whatever you do, tell your date to take his hand off the intercom button.” (Keith Todd, www.sermonfodder.com; source: sem-joke@yahoogroups.com)
There was a time when just a kiss on a date was considered “risky”. Now, couples are expected to jump into bed together, if not on their first date, at least by the time they get serious with each other. So-called virgins are laughed at. They are considered weird, and sex outside of marriage has become the norm in our society, even among Christians singles.
In a recent study conducted by ChristianMingle.com, Christian singles between the ages of 18 to 59 were asked, “Would you have sex before marriage?” The response? 63% of the single Christian respondents indicated yes.
Kenny Luck, in response to the survey, said, “[Christian young adults have become] sexual atheists. In other words, God has nothing to say to them on that subject of any consequence or, at least, anything meaningful enough to dissuade them from following their own course of conduct. It is the ultimate oxymoron. A person who at once believes in a wise, sovereign and loving God… can also believe simultaneously he should not, cannot or will [let Him] inform their thinking [about their] sexually. (Kenny Luck, “Sexual Atheism: Christian Dating Data Reveals a Deeper Malaise,” The Christian Post, 4-14-14; www.PreachingToday.com)
That’s sad, because study after study after study has clearly demonstrated that cohabitation is directly correlated with higher levels of unhappiness and domestic violence. And if a cohabiting couple ultimately marries, they have a higher propensity to divorce. (Jennifer Roback Morse, “Why not Take Her for a Test Drive,” Boundless, 12-19-12; www.PreachingToday.com)
The sexual revolution of the 60’s was supposed to bring us real enlightenment, freedom from our sexual hang-ups, and barrels of fun. Instead, we got an AID’s epidemic, dozens of sexually transmitted diseases, and millions of broken homes.
There’s got to be a better way! And there is. If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Exodus 20, Exodus 20, where in just one short sentence God tells us how to have fun, fantastic sex without all the hang-ups.
Exodus 20:14 You shall not commit adultery. (ESV)
There you have it. Keep sex exclusively within the marriage relationship and you will enjoy true intimacy.
You see, God is the one who created sex; and when He did, He called it “VERY GOOD” in Genesis 1:31. Sex is not some “dirty little secret” of every married couple. It’s a beautiful creation of God. The pastor who performed our wedding ceremony called it, “God’s Wedding Gift!”
The point is, “Don’t spoil the gift!” Don’t take what God created as good and beautiful and ruin it by taking it outside the context of marriage.
You say, “Phil, what’s the harm? A little fun on the side can’t be all that bad. Why should I care about sexual purity?” Well, if you turn with me to 1 Thessalonians 4, 1 Thessalonians 4, we’ll find five good reasons to keep sex within the confines of marriage.
1 Thessalonians 4:1-3 Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality… (ESV)
God wants you to be holy (or sanctified) in all your behavior. That means He wants you to be set apart, different, special, not like most of the rest of the world, which has cheapened sex. Specifically, God wants you to abstain from sexual immorality – i.e., any kind of sex outside of marriage. Why? Well, first of all, because…
IT PLEASES GOD.
Sexual purity is God’s will. It is what God wants for His people, because He loves them so much.
In his book The Obedience Option, David Hegg talks about counseling a young man who claimed that he couldn't stop his pattern of sleeping with different women. The young man knew it was wrong, but he also claimed that his sexual lust was inevitable. Therefore, it wasn't his fault, especially since God had created him with such strong desires and urges.
Finally, Hegg interrupted the young man and said, “Suppose that I came into your room and caught you and your girlfriend as you were just starting this ‘inevitable’ process. Suppose I took out ten one-hundred-dollar bills, and told you that they were yours if you [stopped]. What would you do?”
When the young man quickly said that he'd rather have the cash, Hegg asked, “So what happened to the irresistible force of lust?”
Then Hegg concluded:
We both realized a very simple truth: one passion may seem irresistible until a greater passion comes along… If we take this principle into the arena of righteous living, it comes out like this: the only way to overcome a passion for sin is with an overwhelming passion for righteousness. That’s what the Bible calls faith, which is a life-dominating conviction that all God has for me through obedience is better by far than anything Satan can offer me through selfishness and sin. (David Hegg, The Obedience Option, Christian Focus, 2011, pp. 27-28; www.PreachingToday.com)
You see, God doesn’t say, “Abstain from sexual immorality”, to kill your fun. On the contrary, He wants you to enjoy life more than you ever thought possible. He is passionate about you and wants what’s best for you. That’s why Jesus died on a cross for your sins. He did it so God could have a relationship with you, a mind-blowing relationship that goes beyond anything any selfish, self-centered, sensual act could ever give you.
Sex outside the boundaries of marriage leaves you feeling empty. But a passionate relationship with God through Jesus Christ is the most fulfilling, satisfying thing you will ever experience.
If for no other reason, we should abstain from sexual immorality, because the God we love, and the God who loves us so much, wants us to. Sexual purity is so important, if for no other reason than only because it pleases God. But there is even more! Sexual purity is important, because…
SEX ITSELF IS SACRED.
Sex is special. Sex is a holy thing in marriage, and any kind of sex outside of marriage cheapens it.
1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 [This is the will of God] that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God… (ESV)
Don’t be driven by your passions like people who don’t know God, no! God has set you free from that through the cross. Instead, control your bodily urges in holiness and honor.
You see, sex is NOT dirty. It is holy and honorable within the bounds of marriage. It’s special. It is sacred.
Billy Graham says, “There must be firm control of the sex impulse. This God-given instinct has been dragged through the gutter by modern thinking, and we have made a cheap toy out of the most sacred gifts God has ever given to man. Our procreative powers need to be dedicated to Christ.” (Billy Graham, The Quotable Billy Graham, compiled and edited by Cort R. Flint)
Sex within marriage is holy! It is special! Don’t cheapen it by taking outside the context of marriage.
Gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer recently wrote the book, 30 Lessons for Loving, which was drawn from 700 interviews with older adults. He discovered that older adults “place intimacy as a high priority” in their marriages. He cites the example of Jennie B., an 82-year-old widow who married her first and only husband when they were in their mid-20s. They were sexually active through their 47 married years before his death in 2003. Jennie explained,
“There's an intimacy that comes later that is staggeringly wonderful. You can hold hands with this person you love and adore, and somehow, it's just as passionate as having sex at an earlier age. There is such a sense of connection and intimacy that grows out of a long relationship, that touch carries with it the weight of so many memories. And many are sexual.”
Indeed, what she misses most as a widow, she says, is holding hands. “Sex was certainly an important and joyful and healing part, but” she wondered, “I'm not sure that the connection through holding hands, which elicited such peace, was not a deeper intimacy.” (Mark Tapson, "Is Sexual Variety the Spice of Marriage?" Acculturated blog, 4-1-15; www.PreachingToday. com)
That’s the beauty of sex within the long-term commitment of marriage. The intimacy only grows the older you get with a whole lot less effort. But if you take sex outside of marriage, it becomes a cheap thrill with diminishing satisfaction.
Eugene Peterson tells the story about a completely unchurched young woman who started attending his church and made a genuine commitment to follow Jesus. In the following months, she presented herself for baptism and started growing as a disciple, studying Scripture, and attending worship – “embracing everything readily and gladly,” he said. But there was one thing that puzzled Peterson: the young woman continued to live with her boyfriend (as she had done for years), and she was uninterested in marriage.
Peterson says, “She told me all this without apology and not as a confession but quite casually, as we were getting acquainted with one another”. Peterson wondered if he should say anything. Surely, she knew that the Christian way had some sexual implications for the way you lived. She was in church each Sunday… He assumed that she would eventually notice, so he waited for her to bring up the subject.
Then one day on impulse Peterson said, “We have been having these conversations for seven months. Astrid, would you do something for me?”
“Sure. What is it?” She asked.
Peterson responded, “Live celibate for the next six months.”
Surprised, she said, “Why would I do that?”
“…. Trust me,” her pastor said. “I think it's important.”
He learned later that her boyfriend moved out before the week was over. A month later when she came to see her pastor, she didn't mention it. But the following month she brought it up: “When you asked me to live celibate for six months, I had no idea what you were up to. You asked me to trust you, and so I did. It's been two months now, and I think I understand what you were doing. I feel so free; I've never felt so 'myself' before, never felt so at home with myself. I thought everybody did what I was doing—all my friends did. I just thought this was the American way. And now I am noticing so many other things about my relations with others—they seem so much more clean and whole. So uncluttered. And do you know what? I have been thinking that I might want to get married someday. Thank you.”
Peterson says, “The celibacy decision survived the six-month mark and continued for two more years, at which time she and her fiancé exchanged vows, and I blessed their Christian marriage.” (Eugene Peterson, Practice Resurrection, Eerdmans, 2010, pp. 195-196; www.PreachingToday.com)
You see, when you do sex God’s way, it sets you free! Within marriage, sex becomes a sacred, holy thing, something special, which only gets better over the years.
So whatever you do, please don’t ruin it! Abstain from sexual immorality. Stay sexually pure, because #1, It pleases God; #2, Sex is sacred; and #3…
SEXUAL IMMORALITY ROBS OTHERS.
Sex outside of marriage is stealing. It’s taking something precious that belongs to someone else.
1 Thessalonians 4:6a [This is the will of God] that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter… (ESV)
Literally, no one should “go over” and “get more” in the things concerning his brother. In other words, when a man sleeps with a woman who is not his wife, he robs that woman’s husband; and if she’s not married yet, he robs that woman’s future husband.
He robs that woman’s husband of his wife’s purity. He robs that woman’s husband of a beautiful relationship they could have enjoyed without the entanglements of previous sexual activity.
A recent study (2014) at the University of Virginia found that sex before marriage has a definite negative affect on the marriage itself. Here’s what the study said (and I quote):
“What people do before marriage appears to matter. Specifically, how they conduct their romantic lives before they tie the knot is linked to their odds of having happy marriages. Consider sex. The vast majority of Americans—about 90 percent—have sex before marriage (Finer, 2007). Many of them have sex with multiple partners before finding the person they will eventually marry …
“The ghosts of the prior romances can haunt new ones. Those who had more romantic experiences… are more likely to have lower-quality marriages than those with a less complicated romantic history… This doesn't mean that sex before marriage will doom a marriage, but sex with many different partners may be risky if you're looking for a high-quality marriage.” (Galena K. Rohades and Scott M. Stanley, “Before I 'I Do,’” The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, 2014; www.PreachingToday.com)
Do you hear that? Sex before marriage puts you at risk for a “lower-quality marriage.” Sexual immorality robs you, and it robs your partner’s future mate of a better-quality marriage.
“Returning from Sunday School one day, where the Ten Commandments had been the topic, a young boy asked his father, “Daddy, what does it mean when it says, ‘Thou shalt not commit agriculture’?” He didn’t quite pick up on the word “adultery”.
But there was hardly a beat between the question and dad’s smooth reply: “Son, that just means that you’re not supposed to plow the other man’s field.” (Reader’s Digest, July 1979, p. 87, www.SermonCentral.com)
Don’t go messing around with someone else’s property. Don’t rob your brother of the joy of a pure and holy relationship with his wife. Sexual purity is important, because #1, It pleases God; #2, Sex itself is sacred; #3, Sexual immorality robs others; and #4, Sexual purity is important, because…
SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS NOT SAFE.
It’s hazardous. It’s downright dangerous not only to your body, but to your soul as well.
1 Thessalonians 4:6b …the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. (ESV)
There are very real physical AND spiritual consequences to sexual sin.
Dorothy Sayers, a devoted Christian mystery writer, put it this way: In our society, there are two kinds of laws. There is the law of the stop sign, and there's the law of the fire. The law of the stop sign is a law that says the traffic is heavy on a certain street, and as a result the police department or the city council decides to erect a stop sign. They also decide that if you run that stop sign, it will cost you $25 or $30 or $35. If the traffic changes, they can up the ante. That is if too many people are running the stop sign, they can make the fine $50 or $75, or if they build a highway around the city, they can take the stop sign down, or reduce the penalty, making it only $10 if you go through. The police department or city council controls the law of the stop sign.
But then she said there is also the law of the fire. And the law of the fire says if you put your hand in the fire, you'll get burned. Now imagine that all of the legislatures of all the nations of the entire world gathered in one great assembly, and they voted unanimously that here on out that fire would no longer burn. The first man or woman who left that assembly and put his or her hand in the fire would discover that the law of the fire is different than the law of the stop sign. Bound up in the nature of fire itself is the penalty for abusing it.
So, Dorothy Sayers says, the moral law of God is like the law of the fire. You never break God's laws; you just break yourself on them. God can't reduce the penalty, because the penalty for breaking the law is bound up in the law itself. (Haddon Robinson, “Crafting Illustrations,” www.PreachingToday.com)
Sex outside the context of marriage will burn you every time. You may escape an STD some of the time, but you cannot escape the emotional, psychological, and relational damage it always brings.
Sexual purity is important, because #1, It pleases God; #2, Sex itself is sacred; #3, Sexual immorality robs others; #4, Sex outside of marriage is not safe. And finally, sexual purity is important, because…
GOD GIVES YOU HIS HOLY SPIRIT.
God himself dwells within and helps you live a holy life. He gives you the resources to do what he has called you to do.
1 Thessalonians 4:7-8 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. (ESV)
God gives you His Holy Spirit who helps you live a holy life. Without Him you could only fail, and His commands would only frustrate you. But with Him, you can live the life God has called you to live. All you need to do is trust Him. All you need to do is depend on the Lord.
That’s the good news this morning! Even if you have already failed in this area of sexual purity, you can invite the Lord into your life and let Him begin to clean you up from the inside out. You can invite the Lord into your life and make you a brand-new person.
Author and professor Wesley Hill talks about a time as a young adult when he was struggling with the loneliness of living with same-sex attractions. So he visited a friend and mentor named Chris, who told him:
Imagine yourself standing in the presence of God, looking down from heaven on the earthly life you're about to be born into, and God says to you, “Wes, I'm going to send you into the world for 60 or 70 or 80 years. It will be hard. In fact, it will be more painful and confusing and distressing than you can now imagine. You will have a thorn in your flesh, a homosexual orientation that is the result of your entering a world that sin and death have broken, and you may wrestle with it all your life. But I will be with you. I will be watching every step you take, guiding you by my Spirit, supplying you with grace sufficient for each day. And at the end of your journey, you will see my face again, and the joy we share then will be born out of the agonies you faithfully endured by the power I gave you. And no one will take that joy—that solid, resurrection joy which, if you experienced it now, would crush you with its weight—away from you.” Wesley, wouldn't you say “yes” to the journey if you had had that conversation with God?
Then, with his eyes flashing deep care and concern, Chris added:
But you have had it, in a sense. God is the Author of your story. He is watching, supplying you with his Spirit moment by moment. And he will raise your body from the dead to live with him and all the great company of the redeemed forever. And the joy you will have in that moment will be yours for all eternity. Can you endure knowing that? Can you keep walking the lonely road if you remember he's looking on and delights to help you persevere? (Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting, Zondervan, 2010, pp. 78-79; www.PreachingToday.com)
Sure he can, and so can you! If you have put your trust in Christ, God’s Holy Spirit dwells within, and He walks with you every step of the way. No matter the temptation, whether it be homosexual or heterosexual immorality, you can remain pure. You can keep your minds and hands clean from sexual immorality of any kind. You can do anything God wants you to do, because God Himself dwells within you. All you need to do is depend on Him.
On June 6, 1981, Doug White and his bride, Sylvia, were escorted to their hotel’s fancy bridal suite in the wee hours of the morning. In the suite, they saw a sofa, chairs, and a table, but where was the bed? Then they discovered the sofa was a hide-a-bed with a lumpy mattress and sagging springs. They spent a fitful night and woke up in the morning with sore backs. The new husband went to the hotel desk to complain.
The clerk asked him, “Did you open the door in the room?”
Doug went back to the room and opened the door they had thought was a closet. There, complete with fruit basket and chocolates, was a beautiful bedroom! (Canthi Thomas, Leadership, Vol.15:1, Winter 1994, p.46)
God wants you to enjoy intimacy with Him at any age, whether you’re newly married, married for 50 years or more, or without a spouse. Just open the door of obedience to Him.
