Sin does not just affect the person who sin. It affects those around them.
• A husband who sin affects his wife and children, the child who sin hurts his parents, a pastor who sin devastates the church, a leader who sin messes up the nation…
• Sin contaminates everything around. It infects and pollutes.
David might be a good king after all, but he failed miserably as a husband and a father. He had many wives and that created problems.
• Deut 17:17 - the King “must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray.”
• 2 Sam 12:11 - the Lord said calamity will come upon his own household.
INTRODUCE CHARACTERS
David has 8 wives: Michal, Ahinoam, Abigail, Maacah, Haggith, Abital, Eglah, Bathsheba.
AMNON (firstborn) is the son of Ahinoam (cf 2 Sam 3:3). TAMAR is his half-ssiter, daughter of Maacah. Her full-brother is ABSALOM (third-born)
JONADAB is David’s brother Shimeah’s son, so he is Amnon’s cousin.
2 Sam 13:1-5
13:1 In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. 2 Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
3 Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. 4 He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?" Amnon said to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."
5 "Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "When your father comes to see you, say to him, `I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.'"
JONADAB is a very shrewd man (13:3), crafty, clever but in the bad sense.
• Not only did he not dissuade him from such a sinful thought, he suggested a plan for him to get what he wants (13:3-5).
2 Sam 13:6-9
6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, "I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand."
7 David sent word to Tamar at the palace: "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him." 8 So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it.
It’s quite obvious that David gave little attention to raising of his sons. They lived with their respective mothers and in different places.
• He did not play the role of a father in the family. He made a special visit to see his eldest son, Amnon, who pretended to be very sick.
• Bought in to the plan, he asked his father to permit Tamar to come to him.
Amnon, and probably many of David’s sons, are likely spoiled, being of the royal family. They get what they want and rarely denied of anything they asked for.
2 Sam 13:10-14
9 Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat. "Send everyone out of here," Amnon said. So everyone left him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand." And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. 11 But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, "Come to bed with me, my sister."
12 "Don't, my brother!" she said to him. "Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. 13 What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you." 14 But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
Amnon behaved just like his father did in chapter 12. We do not know how much was influenced by his dad’s bad example.
• Studies show us that we learn only 1% through taste, 1.5% through touch, 3.5% through smell, 11% through hearing, and 83% through sight.
• We learn mainly from what we see.
Amnon sought to gratify his lust and schemed his way into getting Tamar into his room. It was unthinkable but he was determined to get what he wants.
• Poor Tamar tried to talk some sense into him but failed.
• In fact, in this whole chapter, she is the only one talking sense! Talking good sense and she is the victim!
When she saw that she could not stop him, she even suggested asking their father to permit a marriage, which is unlikely because this is forbidden in the Law (Lev 18:9; 20:17).
• Amnon was so driven by lust that he was not listening. When we sin, we don’t listen, not even to our conscience.
• He raped her. And then, dumped her… in the next verse!
2 Sam 13:15-19
15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, "Get up and get out!"
16 "No!" she said to him. "Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me."
But he refused to listen to her. 17 He called his personal servant and said, "Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her." 18 So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing a richly ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.
Deut 22:28-29 has the provision for the man to take the virgin he raped and be legally married. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong…”
• Amnon refused to listen to her because what he has for her wasn’t LOVE.
• This “fell in love” in verse 1 wasn’t love but LUST. And once satisfied, Tamar has little value to him.
• That’s why this “LOVE” becomes intense HATRED, literally overnight.
Here we see the clearest distinction between LOVE and LUST:
• Love is not self-seeking (1 Cor 13:5). Love has nothing to do with self.
• Love has to do with the welfare of the other. It’s not about what you want; it is about what the other person needs.
Lust is completely self-directed and it seeks only to gratify one’s own need.
• It is self-centred and selfish. It doesn’t care for the other. Amnon left Tamar a desolate woman.
2 Sam 13:20-22
20 Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman.
21 When King David heard all this, he was furious. 22 Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.
This is the very sad end to a tragic story.
• We have a son who has committed a despicable act and destroyed her sister’s life.
• We have a cousin who is equally despicable in suggesting a sinful scheme.
• We have a father who is ANGRY but did nothing, and lacked the wisdom to know the rivalry that was going on.
• We have a brother who is BITTER and will, in the next passage, take things into his own hand and kills his half-brother.
That’s David’s family. We see David’s failure as a husband and father.
• A wrong was committed but he did not address it. No reprimand. No correction. No discipline.
• I believe David learnt, because he gives better advice to Solomon before he is enthroned.
• But here we see the painful consequences of sin when you leave sin untouched.
How to deal with sin?
(1) THE NEED FOR CONFESSION
Sin needs to be dwelt with. Most importantly, we need to deal with it WITH GOD.
• Those who have sinned need to be challenged to take the first step of returning to God and admitting their sin.
• Works of restorations or ratifications or reformations are necessary, but first, repent before God.
• We need God’s help to turn around. Only then can we hope to see fruits of repentance.
(2) THE NEED FOR CORRECTION
Ignoring it or keeping quiet will not do. Sin festers.
• Reprimand and discipline are means of getting the person to face it.
• The choice will still lie with them but we need to confront and correct.
(3) THE NEED TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS OF LIVING
2 Tim 2:22
FLEE the evil desires of youth, and PURSUE righteousness, faith, love and peace, along WITH those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
KJV youthful lusts, ESV youthful passions
FLEE: The desires are there but don’t feed them. RUN AWAY.
• Run away mentally – drop that thought.
• Run away visually – put the computer in the open area, set safeguards.
• Run away physically, don’t get into tempting situations.
PURSUE: Occupy ourselves with the good.
• RUN AFTER anything that promotes righteousness, faith, love and peace.
• An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. It’s like the illustration Jesus gave (Matt 12:43ff.) – the evil spirit comes out of a man, but later finds the house still vacant, so brought back 7 more wicked spirits.
WITH: RUN WITH likeminded Christians. Support one another in the fight against sin.
All these Cs can be summed up in one BIG C - THE NEED FOR CHRIST
• This graphic mess that sin creates in our lives can be transformed. Sin can be removed for good.
• We feel sad, hopeless and powerless, reading chapter 13 but God has a plan, and this salvation plan comes through the SON OF DAVID, Jesus Christ.
• He alone can turn this around, eradicate sin and help us live lives free from sin.
• So put your trust in Jesus, if you have not done so. There is no other way.
