Series: David - A Man After God’s Own Heart: Part 5: When A Woman Loves A Man (Mother’s Day)
1 Samuel 18: 14 And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways; and the Lord was with him. 15 Wherefore when Saul saw that he behaved himself very wisely, he was afraid of him. 16 But all Israel and Judah loved David, because he went out and came in before them. 17 And Saul said to David, Behold my elder daughter Merab, her will I give thee to wife: only be thou valiant for me, and fight the Lord's battles. For Saul said, Let not mine hand be upon him, but let the hand of the Philistines be upon him. 18 And David said unto Saul, Who am I? and what is my life, or my father's family in Israel, that I should be son in law to the king? 19 But it came to pass at the time when Merab Saul's daughter should have been given to David, that she was given unto Adriel the Meholathite to wife. 20 And Michal Saul's daughter loved David: and they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. 21 And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in the one of the twain. 22 And Saul commanded his servants, saying, Commune with David secretly, and say, Behold, the king hath delight in thee, and all his servants love thee: now therefore be the king's son in law. 23 And Saul's servants spake those words in the ears of David. And David said, Seemeth it to you a light thing to be a king's son in law, seeing that I am a poor man, and lightly esteemed? 24 And the servants of Saul told him, saying, On this manner spake David. 25 And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. 26 And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired. 27 Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. 28 And Saul saw and knew that the Lord was with David, and that Michal Saul's daughter loved him. 29 And Saul was yet the more afraid of David; and Saul became David's enemy continually. 30 Then the princes of the Philistines went forth: and it came to pass, after they went forth, that David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul; so that his name was much set by.
INTRODUCTION: A Man After God’s Own Heart: Pt. 6 When A Woman Loves A Man
Some Types Of Women And Types Of Men: All women and men, whether married or single, can be divided into distinct categories when it comes to relationships. Some of these categories are bad, some are good, and some can be either or both at times.
TYPES OF WOMEN:
1. Party Girl: Some may love to just have a good time - which may or may not include drinking and / or sex. Others take the drinking or sex aspect to more of an extreme.
2. High Maintenance Woman: Requires you to expend a lot of money and / or effort in order to make her happy.
3. Psycho Woman: Does things that are crazy - lacking rational thought - with no thought about consequences. May be violent, break or throw things, scream and yell, vandalize your car, embarrass / harass you at work, threaten you or your new friend. These women are plain crazy.
4. Housewife: A woman who manages her own household as her career – like a “homemaker”.
5. Stalker Woman: Someone who is constantly concerned or obsessed with where you are, what you are doing, and what you are thinking.
6. Show Girl: A woman who often has some kind of drama around her - whether real or imagined, and always has to be talking about it. Also called a "drama queen".
7. Religious Woman: A woman who is a practicing Christian. She loves the Lord in everything.
8. The Boss / Controlling Woman: She likes to be in control of the relationship.
9. Jackpot Woman: A "jackpot" girlfriend possesses all of the qualities you could ever hope for in a relationship. Every man's "jackpot" is going to be different – good looks, money, profession, connection, family background, etc.
TYPES OF MEN:
1. Parasite: He looks for you to support him.
2. Cheap Man: He economizes too much – just hates to spend.
3. Hedonist Or Self-Gratifier: He is dedicated to all pleasures the world can offer him.
4. Cheater: He will cheat on you no matter what. He’s a constant liar whether you realize it or not.
5. Dictator / Bully: He runs the show in the relationship. It is "his way or the highway".
6. Mama's Boy: He must always have his mother in his life. He may still live at home.
7. Stalker: He is constantly concerned with where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, and what you are thinking. He will track you without your knowledge. May be violent.
8. Addict: He enjoys his poison... whether it is alcohol, drugs, or whatever.
9. Mentally Ill: Something is wrong with this guy, and you just are not sure what it is at first.
10. Perfect Man: He is balanced spiritually, emotionally, financially, respectful, family-oriented. Good luck finding one of these - he may not exist.
6 TYPES OF MEN CHRISTIAN WOMEN SHOULD DISMISS FOR MARRIAGE:
1. The Nonbeliever: It’s a struggle marry someone who does not share the same beliefs.
2. The Liar: Trust is an important foundation for every relationship. A person you cannot trust is not a good idea to spend the rest of your life.
3. The Controller: People who love going through lengths to dominate the relationship.
4. The Abuser: No one should suffer from emotional or physical abuse.
5. The Mama's Boy: While it is good to love a mother, there's a line between a respectful, lovable son and a mama's boy. The mama’s boy always considers their mother first before anyone else.
INTRODUCTION TO DAVID AND MICHAL AND SAUL
This Is Mother’s Day So We Want To Talk About Women – Mothers. We would have looked at the fact that it is good to be successful - but success has many risks. Ask Moses, Jesus, Elijah, Joseph, etc. David has gone from nothing to something. From obscurity to popularity. He is now noticed by the king, the nation, the people, the army, the women, king’s family and this is where we all want to be. Success has many fathers but failure is an orphan. One of the benefits in David’s life as a result of his success is an attraction to the women. Rewards come with his position and husband of the king’s daughter is one of them. David has many women in his life: Abigail, Ahinoam of Jezreel, Bathsheba, Michal. Let us look at the relationship between David and Michal. We don’t seem to have good impression of her and denigrate her. We mostly remember that when David danced before the Lord, she was upset and from that day, she became barren. For us, she was just a cantankerous irrelevant angry woman who was filled with bitterness and it cost her opportunity of having children. No, I think not. We just don’t know her story too well. Let me re-tell.
Michal represents many women who are hurting, misunderstood and looked down on. They have been disappointed, abused, misused, refused, hurt and stepped on and are hurting on the inside. Many people do not look at that side. Why do some women not want to get into any relationship? Why are some bitter all time? Why are some pessimistic? Why are some always disgruntled? Why are they unhappy? We have many church women moving around like zombies. Let us look at Michal. Before you condemn such women, try to understand them. I am not saying it is good to be grumpy for God can fix anything. But it is good to understand and see how you can help rather than to sit back and criticize them from a misunderstood position.
A LOOK AT MICHAL”S LIFE IN RELATION WITH SAUL AND DAVID
1. Michal Was A Daughter Of A King – A Princess - And Grew Up With Certain Preconceptions Which Were Never Fulfilled. She may have expected to be in an arranged, politically expedient marriage, but she would not have expected to be treated as trash to be thrown from one man to another as one king’s afterthought and another king’s convenience. This poor woman was mistreated by the most important men in her life and she became so bitter and critical of a husband, father or brother who had no time for her. Men, never treat a woman for your personal use.
2. Michal Loved David But She Seemed To Be Living In The Shadow Of Other Women. Michal was not David’s first choice as wife. 1 Samuel 18:17 Saul said to David, “Here is my older daughter Merab. I will give her to you in marriage; only serve me bravely and fight the battles of the Lord.” For Saul said to himself, “I will not raise a hand against him. Let the Philistines do that!” Saul promised David the hand of Merab his eldest daughter. However, Saul gave her to Adriel the Meholathite – per theologians because he offered Saul more wealth. But we know one thing about Michal: 1 Samuel 18:20a: "And Michal Saul’s daughter loved David." David was young and dashing a national hero and destined for great things. Michal was enraptured. All through the bible, it is never mentioned that David loved her. She loved him which is the only time mentioned of a woman loving a man. 1 Samuel 18:26-28 “And Saul saw and knew that the Lord was with David, and that Michal Saul’s daughter loved him." After he flees Saul’s court, David has two secret meetings with Jonathan, but none with Michal. He does not attempt to provide for her or take her with him, though he arranges for his parents’ safety in Moab and has other wives with him in the wilderness and in the land of the Philistines.
3. Michal’s Father Saul Used His Daughter For His Own Ends: 1 Samuel 18:20b-21 "...and they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in the one of the twain." Saul was not a man of honor, nor a man of his word. David had already "earned" the hand of the king’s daughter by slaying Goliath, but the king hoped that David would die in his efforts to win her hand a second time. 1 Samuel 18:25 The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king’s enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. David was pleased and took up the challenge. David brought 200. “And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.”
4. Michal Saw Her Father Saul’s Hatred Of David Going Beyond Bounds. What imagery do you give to your child when you are trying to kill her husband right before her own eyes? She loved David very much. Saul tried to kill David personally with a javelin. 1 Samuel 19:11-17: Saul had also sworn that David would be dead on the morrow and sent assassins after him, Michal made him escape through a window and laid image on the bed to resemble him to fool her father. Her father is angry with her and scolds her. She is a frightened little girl.
5. Michal Is Abandoned By David For 10-15 Years: Michal expected that after Saul's anger has subsided David would come back to her, or at least that he would send for her. She believed he would be grateful for what she has done, and want her with him. But David was now a fugitive, living rough in the countryside with a band of cutthroats. The years passed and there was no word from him. Instead, she eventually heard the bitter news that he had taken wife after wife.
6. Saul Gives Michal To Another Man (1 Sam 25:44) In An Apparent Move To Block David From Claiming The Kingship Through Her. As far as Saul was concerned, Michal's marriage was now null and void, and she could be married off to someone else - someone who would be an ally, not a threat. He settled on a man called Paltiel, from the city of Gallim. This time she had better luck. It was a happy marriage, and as the years passed her bitterness began to fade, as did any lingering affection she might have held for David. During that time he built himself a family. He married Abigail the widow of Nabal. He also married Ahinoam of Jezreel.
7. After Saul’s Death, When It Is Politically Expedient, David Demands The Return Of His Wife In His Negotiations Over The Kingship - with Ishbosheth, the son of Saul and Michal’s brother (1 Samuel 3). Michal’s husband Paltiel is grief-stricken, but of Michal’s feelings we hear nothing. He is pushed aside and she is taken to David.
8. Michal’s Anger And Bitterness Erupt To The Surface: Eventually David prevailed and began to reign over all Israel. In his joy for what God had done, he begins to dance unashamedly. In 2 Samuel 6:20-23, Michal’s bitterness implodes. I am not surprised. Her father had used her and misused her. Her brother had betrayed her for short term gain. And now this husband whom she had once loved is dancing before the Lord in spite of his selfishness, his boorishness, his continued sexual sin and his failure to be a husband or father. In 2 Samuel 6, the conversation which David and Michal had is just about the only one recorded in scripture and shows how much they misunderstood each other. "Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!" Michal was guilty of one thing so many of us are. We mock another’s worship of God. David was not naked for we know what he was wearing, but he made himself vulnerable. He was showing the people that he was totally reliant on God. "And David said unto Michal, It was before the Lord, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel: therefore will I play before the Lord." Michal had risked her life with her father for David. She was not hankering for a return to rulership under the house of Saul. She was angry because David had not returned her love. He had shown no loyalty to her. David continued: "And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honor." (2 Samuel 6:22). He would continue to worship God who had chosen him in spite of his own unworthiness and would continue to remind the people of the fact. That is good. We must always remain small in our own eyes. "Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death" (2 Samuel 6:23). This is not because she was cursed, but because the love between them died there and then. David could hardly look her in the eye let alone do what is needed for child-bearing.
9. One Final Postscript To This Tragic Story. 2 Samuel 21:1-3 "Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the Lord. And the Lord answered, It is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites. And the king called the Gibeonites, and said unto them; (now the Gibeonites were not of the children of Israel, but of the remnant of the Amorites; and the children of Israel had sworn unto them: and Saul sought to slay them in his zeal to the children of Israel and Judah.) Wherefore David said unto the Gibeonites, What shall I do for you? and wherewith shall I make the atonement, that ye may bless the inheritance of the Lord?" God did not cause the famine - it was the result of Saul’s sin. Famine was the sign of God’s judgement - lifting of His hand of protection. 2 Samuel 21:4-6 And they answered the king, The man that consumed us, and that devised against us that we should be destroyed from remaining in any of the coasts of Israel, Let seven men of his sons be delivered unto us, and we will hang them up unto the LORD in Gibeah of Saul, whom the LORD did choose. And the king said, I will give them." But David had promised Saul that he would not destroy his house. But in one way Saul had been the author of the destruction of his own dynasty by his continued rebellion against God and His ways. 2 Samuel 21:7 But the king spared Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan the son of Saul, because of the LORD’s oath that was between them, between David and Jonathan the son of Saul." David’s covenant with Jonathan was strong. However, his covenant with his own wife seems to be void! 2 Samuel 21:8-9 "But the king took the two sons of Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, whom she bare unto Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth; and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she brought up for Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite: And he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites, and they hanged them in the hill before the LORD: and they fell all seven together, and were put to death in the days of harvest, in the first days, in the beginning of barley harvest." These five boys were adopted by Michal. David takes no account of how she feels. He was heartbroken when his own infant son died; utterly devastated when his adult son, Absalom died. But he takes Michal’s 5 sons and delivers them up for the sake of his oath. Michal had already died by this time. If not, then the sorrow of this unfortunate woman would be almost too much to bear.
SELECTED 12 QUALITIES OF A VIRTUOUS WOMAN (PROVERBS 31)
1. Possesses A Keen Sense Of Discernment
2. Persists In Prayer At All Times
3. Invests In Others Not Just Her Children.
4. Demonstrates Unconditional Love For God, Family And Others.
5. People Easily Relate To Her.
6. Cultivates A Joyful Environment
7. Exhibits Steadfastness In The Word Of God
8. Forgives The Offenses Of Others Willingly
9. Embraces A Spirit Of Contentment
10. Trusts In God
11. Commits To Hard Work
12. Displays Honesty In Speech And Action.
13. Keeps The Faith
14. Brings Order To Chaos
15. Holds To What Is Right
16. She Is A Good Role Model.
17. She Listens And Understands Others.
18. Willing To Release Her Children To God
CONCLUSION: PRAY FOR MOTHERS OF ALL KINDS / PRAY QUALITIES OF CHOICE
There Are Michals All Around Us. Understand And Help Them And Not Just Condemn Then. Some women have been bitterly treated by their spouse. Some men and women and children are in marriages which is almost unbearable. Others have been abused by parents and guardians. We can pray and help. And we can help them to learn what it is to have a new life in Christ where old things are passed away and all things become new.
