Since it is Mother’s Day today, I thought you might appreciate the advice given to mothers in the Mother’s Day issue of Housekeeping Magazine 51 years ago (May 13, 1965). They called it “The Good Wife’s Guide,” and it said in part:
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious dinner ready when your husband gets home from work. This is a way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned with his needs…
Prepare yourself. Put on some make-up, put a ribbon in your hair, and be fresh-looking. He's been with a lot of work-weary people.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash them up, brush their hair, and change their clothes if needed. Remember, they are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part…
Have a cool or warm drink for him, and arrange his pillow and take off his shoes…
Over the cooler months you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. After all, catering to his comfort will bring you immense satisfaction…
Let him talk first. Remember that his topics of conversation are more important than yours…
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to relax. (Bryan Wilkerson, Lean Up, www.PreachingToday.com)
Don’t you just love that, men? To be waited on hand-and-foot by your wives? I don’t. While the thought of being considerate of your mate is important, the thought of being his slave is demeaning to both men and women.
How about some better advice from God’s Word, some timeless advice which works in any age?
Do you want to be all that God has called you to be as a woman, truly beautiful in God’s sight? Then let’s consider Sarah, the wife of Abraham in the Bible. She became a mother at age 90, and the New Testament holds her up as an example to follow on at least two occasions.
However, we’re going to start in the Old Testament, where we have the first reference to Sarah in the Bible, originally called “Sarai”. Please, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Genesis 11.
Genesis 11:29-30 And Abram and Nahor took wives. The name of Abram’s wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor’s wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran the father of Milcah and Iscah. Now Sarai was barren; she had no child. (ESV)
“Sarai was barren.” This short, terse phrase describes the one persistent problem that clouded Sarai’s life. Sarai was barren. She had no child.
God had great plans for Abraham. He was to be the father of nations! He was to have as many descendants as the stars in the sky and the sand on the ground. But “Sarai was barren.” She was holding Abraham back from fulfilling God’s great plan for him. She was the wrong woman for him, or so it seemed. I’m sure she felt inadequate, and so do many women.
Perhaps, that describes some of you. You feel barren, inadequate as a woman or as a wife and mother.
Shirley Ratcliff, in the Christian Reader some time ago, talked about the time when her daughter, Kathy, was participating in a parenting class at her church. Kathy explained to her 6-year-old daughter, Kayla, that she was taking a course to help make her a better mommy.
The next Sunday, after church, Kayla became upset and threw a tantrum because she was not getting her way. Both parents tried to calm her. But with tears streaming down her face and in a loud voice, Kayla announced to her mother, “You told me you were taking a course to make you a better mommy. Well, it's not working!” (Shirley Ratcliff, “Kids of the Kingdom,” Christian Reader, July/August 2003; www.PreachingToday.com)
Sometimes, no matter how much you study, no matter how much you try, no matter how much you do, it just doesn’t work. So often, like Sarah, all of us (men and women alike) feel inadequate; we feel barren.
But that’s OK, because great women are often barren, to begin with. They feel their inadequacy. They feel their weakness, and that drives them to their knees. That drives them to dependency upon God, who loves to demonstrate His power in our weakness.
Ethel Barrymore once said, “When life knocks you to your knees – well, that’s the best position in which to pray, isn’t it?” (Leadership, Vol.16, No.3)
Many of you know Dr. Ben Carson’s story and his rise to become one of the premier brain surgeons in the United states, and for a while was a serious contender for the Republican presidential nomination. He is a man of faith, and I think would have been a good president, but life wasn’t always so good for him and his family. Several years ago, he talked about his mother in an ABC News “Upclose” interview, and this is what he had to say:
“She was one of 24 children, got married at age 13, found out that her husband was a bigamist, [she only had a] third-grade education, and the thing about my mother is that she never adopted a victim's mentality… She prayed, she asked God to give her wisdom because my brother and I were terrible students…”
Well, God heard the prayer of Carson's mother. Carson's brother became an engineer and Ben went from being ranked as the worst student in his fifth grade class to being named head of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins when he was 33, the youngest in the nation at the time. On the occasion of its 200th anniversary, the Library of Congress named him one of the 89 “Living Legends.” And later (2001), he was chosen by CNN and Time magazine as one of America's top 20 physicians and scientists. (“Upclose: Dr. Ben Carson,” accessed 10-17-02, ABC News; www.PreachingToday.com)
You see, God loves to work in amazing ways when we’re desperate. So if you’re feeling inadequate, bring that inadequacy to God.
Once upon a time, a house servant had two large pots, which hung from each end of a pole that he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. The other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
For two years the servant delivered each day only one and a half pots of water to his master’s house. The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, but the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable over accomplishing half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the servant one day by the stream.
“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”
“What are you ashamed of?” asked the bearer.
“For these past two years I have been able to deliver only half of my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you don’t get full value from your work.”
The servant said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.” As they went up the hill, the cracked pot noticed the beautiful wild flowers on his side of the path.
When they reached the house, the servant said to the pot, “Did you notice the flowers grew only on your side of the path, not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day, while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table.”
Each of us has flaws, but if we allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace his Father’s table. (Phillip Gunter, Leadership, Vol. 20, no. 4)
Do you feel inadequate today? Do you feel barren? Are you ashamed of your flaws? Don’t be. Rather, admit your weaknesses. Accept your inadequacies.
EMBRACE YOUR BARRENNESS,
And let God use it for His glory. Let the Lord use it to grace His Father’s table. Then second, if you want to be a truly beautiful woman …
ENHANCE YOUR BEAUTY WITH GODLINESS.
Heighten your loveliness with pure and holy living. Adorn yourself with a gentle and quiet spirit. That’s what Sarah did. Turn with me to Genesis 12, Genesis 12, where we meet Sarah again.
Genesis 12:10-15 Now there was a famine in the land. So Abram went down to Egypt to sojourn there, for the famine was severe in the land. When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to Sarai his wife, “I know that you are a woman beautiful in appearance, and when the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me, but they will let you live. Say you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that my life may be spared for your sake.” When Abram entered Egypt, the Egyptians saw that the woman was very beautiful. And when the princes of Pharaoh saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh. And the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house. (ESV)
Now, God ends up rescuing Sarah from Pharaoh’s house, but there is something else we learn about Sarah here. She was a beautiful woman. In verse 11, Abram tells her, “I know that you are a woman beautiful in appearance.” And in verse 14, “The Egyptians saw that the woman was very beautiful.” She had a physical beauty that made her the desire of two kings, Pharaoh here in Genesis 12 and Abimelech in Genesis 20.
But more importantly, Sarah had a spiritual beauty. She had an inner beauty that came from the heart. Turn with me, if you will, to 1 Peter 3, 1 Peter 3, where we have the New Testament commentary on this passage.
1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. (ESV)
First, we have the exhortation: “Be subject.” Now, the word, “be subject,” was originally a military term, which means “to rank under.” It has the idea of ranking yourself under someone else, looking to that person as your leader.
Here, the verb is a command. That means she has no choice in the matter.
More than that, it is in the present tense. That means it is to be practiced with continuous action. In other words, she submits not only when she feels like it, but all the time.
Also, the command, “be subject,” is in the middle voice. That means you do it to yourself, ladies, and that’s important. Nowhere in the Bible is the husband told to make his wife submit. It is always a voluntary submission on the wife’s part, and husbands, this command is always balanced with a command to you to love and/or honor your wife whether or not she follows your lead. We see it here in verse 7
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (ESV)
She is to look to him as her leader. He is to honor her as his equal.
Gary Thomas put it this way in his book Holy Available. He said, “When I realized that I was married to God's daughter, everything changed in the way I viewed marriage.”
Then he talks about his own three children, about whom he fervently prays “that each one will marry a spouse who will love them generously, respect them, and enjoy them… despite their weaknesses.” In the same way, he says, “God… is just as eager for us to be kind and generous” with His child, who is also our spouse. (Gary Thomas, Holy Available, Zondervan, 2009, pp. 63-64; www.PreachingToday.com)
That’s God’s plan for marriage. He treats her with honor as God’s daughter, and she voluntarily follows his lead.
So we have the exhortation – Be subject. Then we have the explanation – Be beautiful. Adorn yourself not only on the outside, but on the inside as well.
1 Peter 3:3-4 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (ESV)
What does it mean to “be subject?” It means to have the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
The exhortation – Be subject. The explanation – Be beautiful. And the example is Sarah.
1 Peter 3:5-6 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (ESV)
Put yourself in Sarah’s shoes. You’re living in a comfortable home. You’ve got family and friends all around. You’re happy, settled and secure. Then one day, your husband comes home from work and says, “Honey, pack up your bags. We’re moving!”
“Where?” you ask.
“I don’t know,” your husband answers. “God (whoever He is) just told me to move to a place He would show me. By the way, you better pack the tents, because I don’t think there will be any houses in the place where we are going.”
I’m don’t think Sarah was too thrilled at the prospect of going to “who knows where” to live in tents the rest of her life. But she voluntarily obeyed her husband. He had received God’s direction and God’s promise of blessing. So together they moved with all their possessions to a land they had never seen before. Even when her husband stopped trusting God and moved to Egypt for a time, she didn’t oppose him. She went with him (Genesis 12). They were in this thing together. They were a team.
Sarah was a beautiful woman, and ladies, you too can be beautiful – all of you. Like Sarah, you can adorn yourself with that gentle and quiet spirit. You can willingly follow your husband’s lead and see yourself on his team.
A man went to the doctor after weeks of symptoms. The doctor examined him carefully, then called the patient’s wife into his office.
“Your husband is suffering from a rare form of anemia. Without treatment, he’ll be dead in a few weeks. The good news is it can be treated with proper nutrition.”
“You will need to get up early every morning and fix your husband a hot breakfast – pancakes, bacon and eggs, the works. He’ll need a home-cooked lunch every day, and then an old-fashioned meat-and-potato dinner every evening. It would be especially helpful if you could bake frequently. Cakes, pies, homemade bread – these are the things that will allow your husband to live.
“One more thing. His immune system is weak, so it is important that your home be kept spotless at all times. Do you have any questions?” The wife had none.
“Do you want to break the news, or shall I?” asked the doctor.
“I will,” the wife replied.
She walked into the exam room. The husband, sensing the seriousness of his illness, asked her, “It’s bad, isn’t it?”
She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. “What’s going to happen to me?” he asked.
With a sob, the wife blurted out, “The doctor says you’re gonna die!” (Leadership, Vol. 19, No. 3)
That woman was not on her husband’s team, but the truly beautiful woman is. Now, that doesn’t mean she gets up early every morning and cooks her husband a hot breakfast. She is not his slave, but she does work FOR him, not AGAINST him.
I like the way New York Times columnist David Brooks put it in an article published just this last February right before Valentine’s Day (2-13-2016). He talked about looking at marriage through three lenses: the psychological lens, the romantic lens, and the moral lens.
When it comes to the moral lens, he said, “In this lens a marriage exists to serve some higher purpose.” It “introduces you to yourself.” Then you realize that “you're not as noble and easy to live with as you thought when you were alone.” Brooks writes:
“In a good marriage you identify your own selfishness and see it as the fundamental problem. You treat it more seriously than your spouse's selfishness. The everyday tasks of marriage are opportunities to cultivate a more selfless love. Everyday there's a chance to inspire and encourage your partner to become his or her best self. In this lens, marriage isn't about two individuals trying to satisfy their own needs; it's a partnership of mutual self-giving for the purpose of moral growth and to make their corner of the world a little better. (Adapted from David Brooks, "Three Views of Marriage," The New York Times, 2-13-16; www.Preaching Today.com)
I like that! Marriage is not about two individuals trying to satisfy their own needs. It’s a partnership of mutual self-giving… to make their corner of the world a little better. It’s the husband honoring His wife, sacrificing himself for her, just like the Bible says, and the wife voluntarily following his lead.
Do you want to be a truly beautiful woman? Then, #1, Embrace your barrenness and let God use it for His glory. #2, Enhance your beauty with a gentle and quiet spirit. And #3…
BELIEVE IN THE PROMISES OF GOD.
Put your trust in God’s Word. Depend upon the Lord. That’s what Sarah did. Turn back just a few pages in your Bibles to Hebrews 11, Hebrews 11, where we have the second New Testament reference to Sarah.
Hebrews 11:11 By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised. (ESV)
She trusted in the promises of God, and God gave her a son in her old age. Her faith was the key! It’s the only way she could go with her husband to an unknown land. It’s the only way she could follow the lead of a man that wasn’t always perfect. It’s the only way she could adorn herself with a gentle and quiet spirit. She believed God. It was the key to everything else in her life, and it is the key for you as well.
If you’re going to be a truly beautiful woman, then you must depend on the Lord. You must trust in His Word.
Michael Horton, in his book The Gospel-Driven Life, talks about the time when he and his wife anxiously awaited the premature delivery of their triplets. He says, “I will never forget the moment that the doctor looked at me and announced, ‘They're all alive!’
You see, it was not a foregone conclusion (at least for one of them); and until that report, Michael Horton and his wife were in suspense. All of the wishful thinking—even from certified medical professionals—could not alleviate that suspense, turning possibility into actuality. Michael says, “I could believe all I wanted in a successful delivery, but I had no promise to rely on, either from God or the doctors, and the intensity of my believing it had nothing to do with the state of affairs. My confidence developed entirely on the words that the doctor uttered. [In the same way], the gospel is news because it reports a completed event. Faith does not make something true, but embraces the truth. (Michael Horton, The Gospel-Driven Life: Being Good News People in a Bad News World, Baker Books, 2009, pp. 123-124; www.PreachingToday.com)
My dear friends, when we talk about faith in God, we are not talking about wishful thinking, trying to make something true that isn’t. We are talking about embracing the truth of God’s Word.
The good news that Christ died for your sins and rose again is a completed event, and God has announced it in His Word. All that’s left for you to do is embrace that truth. Accept it as reality, and depend on it. Trust what God has said just like Sarah did.
Then you will be able to embrace your barrenness for the glory of God. Then you will be able to enhance your beauty with a gentle and quiet spirit. Then you will be the beautiful woman God has called you to be.
