INTRO: Welcome to week three of our current series, “Bless This Home.” We have been taking a section of Jesus’ teaching from Matthew 5, known as the Beatitudes, which is the Latin term for “Blessedness,” and applying some of these statements specifically to our homes.
In case this is your first Sunday with us, let me remind everyone here that the idea of being “blessed” from a biblical perspective means much more than just being happy. It carries the idea of having God’s supernatural power working for you. I blessed family is one who has God’s supernatural power working for them, propelling them farther than they could ever go on their own.
During the first week we looked at “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,” and learned that our first step toward having God’s blessing upon our families is to change our spiritual appetite and begin pursuing, not the right things, but the right one—Jesus. Last week we looked at “Blessed are the pure in heart” and were challenged to protect the purity of our homes by living pure lives ourselves. We saw last week that one reason The Holy Spirit has been given to us is so that we can be empowered to live pure lives.
Today, we are going to consider:
Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”
There are two words in the Bible translated peace. In the NT, it’s the Greek word, Eirene and in the OT, we have the Hebrew word, shalom. Although the NT is written in Greek, Jesus was a Jew and his idea of peace would have been rooted in the Hebrew word shalom. The reason this is important is because the Hebrew idea of peace meant much more than the absence of trouble. It meant to seek the highest good. When the Jewish people would great each other with the word “Shalom,” they were pronouncing a blessing of God’s highest good on each other… God’s best… it included wholeness and health.
Can your family be characterized by the word PEACE? Many of us would have to admit that our household is better described by the word CONFLICT than by the word PEACE.
Conflict in our families is inevitable. For instance, a few weeks back on Easter Sunday, I was standing outside greeting people as they were coming into the building. I saw a young couple, who hadn’t been married a year yet, walking across the parking lot and from a distance it looked like they were wearing matching shirts. Their shirts looked to be navy blue. I yelled across the parking lot, “Hey! Y’all match!” However, as they got closer he was wearing a dark purple shirt and she was wearing a navy blue shirt, and they didn’t really match at all, so I said, “Actually, you clash!” To which the husband chortled back, “Welcome to married life, right?”
I remember one Sunday morning I was again meeting people as they were coming in and this young couple with a 4-yr-old daughter came in. I said, “Good morning,” and before either of the parents could say a thing, the little girl said, “Mommy and Daddy got in a fight on the way to church!”
I’m sure all of us desire PEACE in our homes, but for many if seems like the proverbial carrot on the end of a stick. We just can’t seem to get there. I think that if you’ll stick with me for the next few minutes, we’ll be able to help get you on the road to peace.
We are going to THAT PASSAGE today. The one so many of us don’t like. The one about submitting to one another, and wives submitting to their husbands, and husbands loving their wives. It’s that passage that when a pastor dares go there in this day and time he runs the risk of over half the congregation tuning out… BUT… I saw something here that is amazingly encouraging, practical and not at all cumbersome or limiting.
I’ve talked to you in the past about the importance of understanding any passage of Scripture in the context it was written—that is, the verses that are both before and after it. Instead of picking up in Ephesians 5 where Paul drops the hammer on wives—submit to your husbands, or where he seemingly handcuffs both spouses—submit to one another; let’s back up to Ephesians 5:18 and begin there.
Ephesians 5:18-25, And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,
• We need to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit, and when we are filled with the Holy Spirit, this is what life looks like
19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
• It’s of vital importance that this mutual submission finds its way into the marriage relationship:
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…
Is this instruction still relevant for our day? And if so, why is it so important to having peace in our homes? Allow me to answer that, and I want to couch my answer in three simple words so you’ll be able to remember this and carry it out when you get home today.
Our homes will be blessed with peace—God’s highest, best—as we get a grip on these three areas:
WISDOM… RESPONSIBILITY… FORGIVENESS
1. WISDOM: My spouse isn’t WRONG; he/she is simply DIFFERENT.
In case you haven’t noticed, Men and Women are DIFFERENT! Wisdom is coming to grips with this, because it’s these difference that oftentimes become the lightning rods that rob our peace. Let me give you some examples of what I’m talking about:
WORDS: According to a 2013 report, the average woman speaks around 20,000 words per day while the average man only uses 7,000. This is one reason why evenings during the week can become so dicey. When a couple come home from work, and ask each other, “Who was your day,” the husband usually gives a one-word answer, “Fine.” The wife, on the other hand launches into a blow-by-blow account of her entire day, including the snacks in the break room, who said what to whom around the coffee pot, and what the other ladies at work were wearing that day. Later, at dinner, when he says, “Pass the butter,” she uses this opening to venture into a whole new area of conversation; maybe about the neighbors, what’s happening at church, the most recent “Say Yes to the Dress” episode… because she has words in reserve and she’s not afraid to use them!
Have you ever noticed that many of your most heated arguments have taken place at night? This helps explain why. While she has 6,000 words left in the tank, he is on verbal fumes! All he has left are of the one-syllable, four-letter variety. Ladies, this means that if you’ve got something major to talk about, bring it up in the morning when he has a fresh reserve of words!
SLEEP: When a man is in the deepest part of sleep, 70% of his brain shuts down. For a woman, though, 90% of her brain stays active. He’s 70% dead, she’s still humming right along, even though she’s asleep. Am I the only husband here who can remember conversations like this one: you wake up in the morning and she’s already mad… “What’s the matter?” “This baby belongs to both of us! Has it ever occurred to you to get up with her when she wakes up in the night?” “Oh, I didn’t hear her.”—she thinks you’re lying, but you’re not… in your deepest sleep you are 70% dead and some of us are 100% deaf. So she retorts, “Well, I guess if the house caught on fire you’d just burn up with it!”
VISION: Women have 180 degree peripheral vision. Men, on the other hand, have better long-range vision. Four times more men are broadsided in accidents each year than women. The reason: he never saw it coming. Because of this, it isn’t uncommon for a couple to have the following conversation while traveling. Wife, “Watch out!!! Look out!!!” Husband, “What’s wrong with you, woman! Do you not think I know how to drive?” She’s not nagging you, she just sees what you don’t see.
Men can see farther, better and have better night vision; but, they have a tendency not to see what’s right in front of them. “Honey, where are my socks?” “Right there in the drawer.” “I didn’t see them.” “Look again.” “Oh, yeah.” I came across a study from England in which 50 couples participated. Part of the study included each couple eating a meal in a neutral apartment they had never been in before. At a certain point during dinner, the wife was to ask her husband to go to the refrigerator and get the butter. In each case, the butter was placed right in the front on the second shelf. 48 of 50 men could not find it.
Have you ever noticed that when your wife goes to the refrigerator she simply opens it, stands there for a second, and pulls out what she was looking for? It’s because she has 180 degree vision. Men, however, bless our hearts, are all over the place, head turning, eyes going back and forth as we scan item-by-item to find what we are looking for.
BRAIN: A man’s brain consists of boxes and he can only be in one box at a time. A woman’s brain, though, is more like a pile of spaghetti noodles with every noodle intertwined with the other ones. He can deal with one thing at a time. She multi-tasks. According to brain scans, when a man is reading, he is virtually deaf.
Have you ever had this happen? You’re traveling somewhere, he’s looking for the exit, she starts a conversation, a few minutes later he blurts out, “Look what you did! You made me miss my exit!” What happened? He cannot talk and search at the same time.
How about this? The two of you are at home in the evening, watching TV, and her cell phone rings. She will answer the phone and begin a conversation. When she finishes talking, she will know exactly what’s going on in the TV show because somehow she’s able to listen to her friend with one ear and the TV with the other. But men, when his phone rings, if he has the remote (which he probably does—it’s a man thing) the first thing he’ll do is hit pause or mute. Then, he’ll answer the phone. If she answers her phone and he has the remote, things get interesting because he cannot watch his show with her talking on the phone, so the TV volume gets louder, and louder, and louder… and his temperature goes higher, and higher, and higher.
Then there’s the TOOTHBRUSH TEST: A woman can brush her teeth, pack the kids’ lunches, and give them all instructions without drooling one drop of toothpaste. 95% of men brush their teeth standing right in front of the bathroom sink, staring at the mirror.
COMMUNICATION: Men hear DIRECT STATEMENTS. Women tend to HINT. Maybe you’ve experienced this too. You’re heading down the road, and your wife asks, “Would you like to stop at Starbucks?” “No, I had plenty of coffee before we left.” Thirty minutes later it dawns on you that she hasn’t spoken since. You glance over and there she sits with an icy glare and her lips are gone! It’s bad when your wife’s lips are gone. You ask, “What’s the matter?” “NOTHING!!! You’re just being yourself!” “What did I do?” “I told you 30 minutes ago I wanted to go to Starbucks!” “No, you didn’t, you asked me if I wanted to go, and I didn’t!”
Think about this: during each of these scenarios, peace has vanished. BUT… did it begin with somebody sinning? NO! It’s just men being men and women being women, and both REACTING rather than RESPONDING, because they don’t know how they are different!
The temptation during these times is to react: “Why are you so hard-headed?” “What’s wrong with you?” “He’s so mean and inconsiderate!” But that’s not it at all. She’s just being what she is hard-wired to be, and he’s just being what he’s hard-wired to be.
The first thing we need to obtain is some wisdom: understand the differences so we can respond to each other instead of reacting against each other.
2. RESPONSIBILITY: I’m going to RESPOND to who my spouse is, rather than REACT against what they are not.
ILLUSTRATION: Medicine—“He is RESPONDING to the treatment” = good news … “He is REACTING to the treatment” = bad news
WIFE: What your husband wants more than anything else: RESPECT. In fact, the word submit in Ephesians 5:22, you can pull it out and insert the word RESPECT and you’ll have the same basic idea.
By the way ladies, men are rather simple creatures. Feed him, praise him, and pet him, and you’ll have a friend for life. This is why men like dogs—we relate to each other.
HUSBAND: What our wife wants more than anything else: SECURITY. That’s why Paul says to love her as Christ loved the church. Understanding that she’s not weird, she’s just different helps us understand she’s not out to undermine you… and helps you give her the security she deeply desires.
3. FORGIVENESS: I am going to apologize when I am wrong and forgive when I am wronged.
EVERYBODY BLOWS IT: None of us are going to get this right, every time. When you blow it, instead of making excuses; or worse, blaming the other person, own up to your blunder and apologize. When your spouse wrongs you, and they will, forgive—let it go—and don’t wait for them to ask. Life is too short, and too important, to waste it on hurt feelings.
Conclusion:
Proverbs 9:10, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.
