Message
The Hard Sayings of Jesus - Matthew 6:14-15
If You Don’t Forgive Neither Will My Father
About four years ago I jumped off a garage roof carrying a chainsaw that was still running.
Those who were here will remember I was on crutches for a few weeks … and hobbling for a long while after that.
Those who weren’t here and want to know the crazy story can ask me later.
But here is the strange thing.
Even now, years later, I can be doing nothing and the pain in my ankle will come back.
Or, my mind can wonder to that day and that moment, and the hurt that I was feeling will all of the sudden come back in my ankle and be just as real.
It is like the hurt never stops.
Physical pain works like that … doesn’t it.
But so does emotional, verbal and abusive pain.
There are many parents who love their children and treat them well.
But there are many parents who do not.
You hear parents say some terrible things to their children.
That they are useless and will amount to nothing.
That they are never helpful and always in the way.
If only you were like your sister you would have a better life.
This, and so much more.
It has an impact … a very negative impact that can last for years.
There can be times when relationships are broken, often as a result of poor communication.
One person has had a hard day at work - they have had a fall-out with a work colleague. So they come home from the hard day and brood.
Not saying anything, just shutting down.
The other person in that relationship is struggling with self-worth. They just need to talk and be encouraged.
But they face a partner who is shut down and brooding. “What have I done?” “Maybe I am to blame?”
The cycle continues. Break-down occurs. Hurts build up. The pain grows.
That is just two examples among 1000.
To get the most out of this message today I want you to identify your hurt.
Not out loud … just to yourself.
You’re thinking of that event, or moment, or person, or situation which, even after an extended period of time, still creates pain.
Like my ankle.
You could just be doing nothing … and suddenly the hurt comes back.
You could find yourself thinking about it … and the hurt hits as if new.
It doesn’t even need to be an old hurt. Maybe it is recent … or happening right now.
What is your hurt? You fill in the space as to what that is.
… …
Now we are going to read some verses from Scripture.
To make sure we have the context we are going to read Matthew 6:9-15
The context is prayer … specifically Jesus teaching the disciples what to pray.
In that prayer Jesus teaches a petition
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:12
Then just to be sure we really understand what this petition means Jesus clarifies with these words.
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15
Now think about the space where you are hurt.
And take what Jesus is saying here and lay it over that space.
Jesus is saying that:-
The measure of forgiveness you show to others
Is the measure of forgiveness God uses when He is dealing with you.
You can see why we have included this verse in the “Hard Sayings of Jesus” can’t you.
We are the ones who have been hurt. We are the ones who have been sinned against.
Maybe it was a verbal attack … or an emotional attack.
Maybe we have been betrayed … or at the receiving end of a deceitful scheme.
Whatever the case it was unwarranted. Unfair. Unnecessary.
What's is our natural response in such a situation?
Do you kick yourself for not retaliating when you had the chance?
Do you remember the insignificant things the person has done to you, and magnify them?
Do you begin to plan your response for any future attacks by that person?
There is a list of responses.
And it wouldn’t surprise me if, for many of us, the response of “forgive them” is quite a way down the list.
It is hard to forgive when we have been hurt.
Because, honestly, a lot of us have been on the receiving end of some pretty horrific pain, abuse, suffering, disparagement, distress and grief.
Now I realize that the issue of forgiveness raises a whole lot of questions.
If we are continually hurt don’t we have a right to protect ourselves and walk away?
If someone has sinned against us don’t they have obligations as well?
When someone continually causes pain wouldn’t it be better to be tough and not forgive until they showed signs of change?
Does forgiving mean I need to forget?
There are multiple questions … important questions … that need answers.
But before we get these answers we first want to see how this hard saying of Jesus helps us.
For, at first, it might seem that God is being unfair … insisting that He won’t forgive unless we first forgive.
But God is not being unfair … in fact He is giving us a way to move forward when we have been significantly hurt.
To see how it works we need to read another section of Scripture.
This time we are reading a parable … but basically the parable is the story version of our text.
The parable is in Matthew 18:21-35
How many times shall I forgive my brother? The answer starts with a man who has an almost infinite debt … in monetary terms it is a debt of 10,000 talents.
Is that a lot of money? Well a labourer, like a grape-picker, received 1 denarii for a day's work. It took 6000 denarii to make 1 talent … which means this servant has a debt of 60million denarii, or 60million days of work. That is about 165 000 years of non stop work. The payment for this huge debt is impossible.
But this is a parable. So the issue here is not about money – the issue here is the magnitude of our debt of sin.
Let’s think about it this way. Imagine 1 sin = 1 point. No matter how big or little that sin is. Now let’s conservatively say that we commit … what? … 5 sins a day.
Maybe for some of us the daily count should be much higher … but let us be generous.
Now let’s say the sin count starts for when you are 10 (even though many of our kids already have a good count) and we live to 80.
The sin total is 5x365x70
= 127,750 sin points
Obviously you can’t measure sin in terms of points, but looking at it this way helps us to have a sense of reality. And the reality only keeps getting bigger.
In reality we are born in sin … that is how we start this life.
In reality our minds are tuned to sinning … we keep looking in its direction.
In reality we are constantly tempted by it … everyday.
In reality we often surrender to it … everyday.
This is not an exaggeration – this is the reality of sin in our lives. But the saddest fact of all is that this sin is directed against God. Every time we sin it’s as if we are throwing sand into the face of God and saying, “Your ways are not good enough for me. I have chosen to follow an alternative answer”.
How does our heavenly Father respond to this debt of sin?
He sends His Son to pay the debt.
He punishes His Son on our behalf.
He forgives.
We are the ones who incurred the debt.
We are the miserable sinners who gave up perfection for the sake of a piece of fruit.
We were enticed by the prince of darkness.
Yet God takes the necessary steps to keep hold of us and forgive our debt through Christ.
As God forgives he also makes a two-fold promise.
Firstly God promises that He will not remember those things which He has forgiven. He will not continue to bring them before us.
He will not continue to treat us as sinners.
Rather He sees us as we are in Christ; perfect, redeemed, righteous and holy. That is what justification is all about. Just as if I had never sinned, nor been a sinner.
Secondly God promises to accept us as we are.
We are the struggling redeemed … yet God accepts us.
For we are not just sinners, we are sinners who have received the riches of God's grace through the blood of Christ.
God does not see us as people who have an infinite debt of sin. Rather, God sees us as holy, righteous and blameless. Believers who have been forgiven through the blood of Christ.
So, when it comes to the parable, God the Father is the master who forgave that huge debt. The servant has been shown an infinite amount of grace ... but look at what the servant does with that grace.
As soon as he has been released he goes and finds a fellow servant who owes 100 denarii; 100 days wages. And what a spectacle he makes. He is so full of anger that he begins the encounter by grabbing his fellow servant around the neck and choking him. “Pay back what you owe me”.
If you compare the verses 26 and 29 you will notice that the pleas for forgiveness of both men are almost identical. Be patient with me and I will pay you back.
Does this plea refresh the mind of the servant who, moments before used the same words before his master?
Does this servant intend to forgive just as his master had?
Far from it. The one who had so much forgiven is unable to forgive so little.
No wonder those who witnessed this situation are greatly distressed. The text literally says, “They were grieved”. It is a grief which comes when one witnesses injustice.
It would have taken the first servant 165 000yrs to remove his debt.
It would take 3½ months for the second servant to do the same.
The inconsistency in this parable is that one who has been forgiven so much is unable to forgive so little. He didn’t really appreciate the forgiving love of the master. Which means he couldn’t show that same grace to others.
That is why Jesus speaks the way he does.
Jesus is getting us to ask a really important self-reflection question.
If I can’t forgive people who have hurt me
does that mean I have not understood God’s forgiveness to me?
All the other questions around forgiveness become secondary to this bigger question.
If I can’t forgive people who have hurt me
does that mean I have not understood God’s forgiveness to me?
The reality is, if you haven’t understood the forgiveness of God to you - you can’t move forward in life.
It is terrible that abuse happens in this world.
Our church has been involved in helping raise money for Destiny Rescue - what happens to those poor girls and the hands of ruthless Madam’s and unscrupulous men is terrible.
But Destiny Rescue gives the girls a way to move forward because these girls come to know the forgiveness of Jesus to them.
The consequences of growing up in non-supportive homes can be terrible.
Low personal worth.
A lack of purpose.
A sense of never being good enough.
But when Jesus comes into the picture … the esteem issues, the abuse issues, the worth issues … they all change as the forgiveness of Jesus is understood.
When Jesus says this hard saying …
If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Jesus isn’t setting up a new standard for salvation.
For we know that salvation is a free gift.
Rather Jesus is showing us how we can move forward … in strength … in grace … in Jesus … when we have been sinned against.
When I forgive others …
- forgiving those who have hurt me deeply.
- forgiving those who have not asked for it.
- forgiving those who have hurt me repeatedly.
- forgiving those who took me for granted.
- forgiving those who should know better.
- forgiving those who don’t even realise what they have done.
When I forgive others I am doing nothing more than giving them what God gave me.
He has forgiven me when I hurt Him deeply.
He has forgiven me when I did not ask for it.
He has forgiven me when I hurt Him repeatedly.
He has forgiven me when I took Him for granted.
He has forgiven me when I should have known better.
He has forgiven me when I don’t even realise what I had done.
I can be in that place where the sin doesn’t keep on coming up like an old wound and impacting me.
I can be in that place where I can accept what has happened in the past and still move forward in purpose and hope.
I will not be defined by what others do against me.
I will be defined by who I am in Christ.
Is that what you want?
Then hold onto this picture.
There is a man, who is the Son of God, walking along the road. He has been beaten so severely His face is distorted – a man of sorrows from whom people are turning away in disgust.
This man, the King of the universe, has a crown of thorns pressed deeply into His skull. And the blood which is pouring from the punctures mixes with His sweat as He struggles under the burden of a heavy cross.
Now picture yourself going to this man – the man upon whom sin … your sin … has been laid. The man who will know first hand what it means to be crushed under the wrath of God. You go to Him and move the hair from His eyes. He looks at you. With all the compassion, mercy and love He has He says to you, “I am doing this so that you may be forgiven”.
There, there at that moment, is true freedom.
You have understood what this hard saying of Jesus really means.
Thanks Jesus for saying these hard words
And giving us hope.
Prayer
