Message
1 Corinthians 7:1-16
“Relationship Principles.”
We are up to the seventh commandment in our series; “You shall not commit adultery”.
The issue of adultery is one that comes with many emotions.
So today we are not going to start in the Old Testament … we will start in the New Testament and then come back to the commandment.
As we read the text let me say initially it is confusing … and even confronting.
1 Corinthians 7:1-16
Many people don’t like this passage. For them Paul becomes a person who hates women and that who hates marriage.
As we read through this passage you might have be thinking the same thing.
It is one of those passages where you go, “Well what was that all about?”
Let me say straight up … Paul does not hate women, and he doesn’t hate marriage. What What Paul is doing is getting people to understand the value that God has put into relationships so that these relationships can be enjoyed. So let’s have a closer look and see how Paul does that.
Saving Paul from a bad translator.
In 1973 the NT section of the NIV Bible was published. The NIV eventually became the most popular translation and the most commonly read Bible. So for many years people using the NIV have turned to 1 Cor 7:1 and read;
It is good for a man not to marry.
Apart from the practical reality that, if this advice was taken, eventually there would be no people the NIV has produced a bad translation at this point.
A very literal translation of what Paul says in the Greek is:-
good for a man a woman not to touch.
Paul doesn’t have an aversion to marriage.
He has an aversion to men who think it is ok to use women for one-night stands, or sexual conquests. Paul is addressing men who think women are there just to fulfil urges and passions – but who have no intention to make a commitment, or to build a relationship of trust and respect.
That is why Paul immediately goes on to say, “because of immorality – because urges and passion are such a strong desire – get a wife, get a husband.
In this situation Beyoncé has it right “If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.”
In a culture where women were often seen as mere objects for pleasure Paul is making a very counter-culture stand for women.
Be respectful.
Be committed.
It is not good to touch.
Maybe Paul is not the woman-hater many people make him out to be.
Having now started on the question of relationships Paul continues.
Make physical intimacy an essential part of your marriage.
Many people think that God is a prude – that somehow he is against physical intimacy.
But God designed marriage relationships to work that way … he even says of the relationship between a wife and a husband, “It is very good.”
Which is not how many people in the town of Corinth thought it worked.
For many in the culture at the time the physical relationship you had with your wife was for the purpose of having children – we call it procreation. Otherwise you were generally expected to fulfil your physical urges by meeting other women or having a mistress, or meeting with your female slave.
It was crazy really. Because you acted as if your own wife was a virtuous and chaste woman – and only met with her for the purpose of having children. But you would be special friends with another man’s wife, and another man would be special friends with your wife, and everyone pretended that none of this was happening.
And Paul comes along and steps into a place where this is normal says, “Why don’t we go back to the way God wanted it?”. God wants you to have a life of physical intimacy which is
Mutually exclusive
Each man should have his own wife … each woman her own husband.
Mutually respectful
Neither body belongs to the other … do not deprive except by mutual consent.
Apart from anything Paul gives wives the equal right to be equally respected and equally given a say. In Corinth such respect was almost non-existent. Roman wives … Roman women … have no say in these sorts of issues.
But the elevation of women is not Paul’s main point.
The main reason Paul is doing this is to help people understand that God has a powerful plan for marriage. God wants to adultery proof and divorce proof marriage relationships.
One way God does this – it certainly isn’t the only way and by itself will not make a relationship adultery proof – but one way to do this is to mutually work together to have physical intimacy which is regular, passionate, exciting and mutually respectful.
This is how God designed it. Not just because He wants to make your marriage fun.
God designed it this way because your spiritual growth is connected to the level of physical intimacy in your relationship.
You see. If you have a Porsche … a Porsche which you love and drive regularly and which gives you great enjoyment … would you ever be tempted to go out and steal Holden Commodore. Even if it was new Holden you still wouldn’t be tempted would you.
If your physical relationship is the equivalent of a Porsche why would you go looking elsewhere? Even if the brand new Holden Commodores are trying to tempt you – you wouldn’t even notice.
Paul is saying marriage can be like that.
You can be so close that issues of lust do not even come up – and if there is no lust, then there will never be adultery. Jesus made that clear.
So here is an important question for every married couple.
Are you lust-proofing your relationship?
Living in the freedom that God has given.
It is an important question because many of us don’t have this sort of relationship.
And lust happens. And adultery happens. And sexual immorality happens.
So I have given the married people here something to think about … now the single people.
Let’s go back to the text. As we do so we firstly need to save Paul from a poor verse break.
Many Bibles include verse 7 in the first paragraph of 1 Corinthians 7.
So we read it this way:-
6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am.
So it sounds like Paul is saying, marriage is a concession. Those who are married got the short straw. While those who are single and celibate are much better off.
Ironically there are many married people who wished they were single.
And many divorced people who wished they never got married.
What do they say about the grass always being greener?
Paul is not saying the greener place is singleness. I wish you were all single like me.
Rather we need to realise that verse 6 finishes one thought and verse 7 starts a new thought.
6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
The concession is, “if you need to spend a bit of time in focussed prayer without physical intimacy then you can do that … but you don’t have to. Paul wants to make sure that people don’t turn his concession into a command. You may never have a time when you mutually consent to deprive each other for the sake of prayer. So that is the end of that thought.
Then Paul changes focus
7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Paul has chosen to be celibate. He sees many advantages in having that life-style. When it comes to spreading the Gospel, especially in situations of persecution, singleness can be a huge advantage. For him this is a good choice and one he would like to see others make. So, when Paul latter mentions being celibate his focus is on encouraging people to not have marriages for the sake of the Gospel.
But he also knows that this is not for everyone.
All of us have different gifts. The gifts Paul has in mind is to understanding your response to the different circumstances that you are in.
So single and widowed people may, or may not, want to get married (verse 8-9)
Married couples who are both believers should not divorce (verse 10-11)
A believer married to a non-believer should stay in the marriage unless the non-believer wants to leave (verse 12-16)
We all have our own gifts. We all have our own circumstances that we need to manage. And in the middle of all that we all have the continued calling to live for the Gospel.
This is not an issue of celibacy verses marriage.
It is an issue of determining where the Lord wants me to serve and in which relationship God wants me to live.
Which brings us to single people. And when you first read what Paul is saying it sounds so harsh.
Paul seems to put it this way …
“When you have no control … get married instead of burning with passion.”
It does seem to be harsh and judgemental – to us.
But the context.
Each has a gift. For some people singleness is a calling, but that is not a calling for all people. In fact it is not a calling for most people. And having a desire to get married is not wrong.
Paul repeats that same point in 1 Cor 7:28, If you do marry you have not sinned.
So what Paul is saying to single people it is ok to exercise the gift to get married.
But that presents a challenge – what if you are single and you want to be married but you can’t find a suitable partner?
Paul’s words make us realise a real pastoral situation
Being single and being a faithful Christian is difficult.
In the beginning God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” We are designed for relationships. For companionship and intimacy. For connection and sharing our lives. When that doesn’t come as soon as we hoped we can find ourselves wondering about God’s plans. Does He hear our needs? Does He care about our circumstances?
These are questions which make being a single Christian difficult.
There are many single people who long for intimacy. When the wait is longer than expected there are temptations which come along the way.
The temptation to take a short-cut and settle for second best.
The temptation to find intimacy in all the wrong places.
The temptation to compromise on Christian values in order to find a partner.
Being a faithful single Christian is not easy.
As Paul says “Each of us has a gift” … and not so many of us have the gift of celibate singleness.
Yet there are many Christian people who are single who are still single.
Not because they choose to be.
Not because they are too picky.
But because of the reality that there are less and less faithful Christ-honouring single people in Australia. They know it is better to marry – but there is no-one to marry. They know what God’s calling is. But they can’t find the life partner.
Such being the case those of us who are married need to be very careful about the way we judge the actions of those who are single.
We should acknowledge that keeping up ones Christian faith when one wants to have a life-partner is a challenge many married people do not fully understand or appreciate.
That is not for first time singles. But for single-parent singles. And the result of divorce singles. And the result of death singles.
So how do single people find freedom to enjoy God?
You’re not single because God is trying to tempt you.
You’re not single because you are less valued.
You’re not single because you have somehow forfeited God’s love.
You’re not single because you don’t have a right to happiness.
Even though it may not feel like it your “temporary singleness” is as much a gift from God as any other relationship situation. And God very much knows the extra challenges you are facing as you wait for the gift to be fully revealed.
In the meantime He is not expecting you to hang around feeling useless. He has wonderful plans and an amazing future – no matter what the reason for your singleness is.
So here we are … only nine verses in and we haven’t even begun to talk about adultery.
But we can’t keep going so let’s come back to the earlier question. How does all that we have spoken about connect with the command “You shall not commit adultery”?
Well what we have seen is that building relationships is one of the most difficult aspects of our lives. This command is perhaps one of the most difficult because it is the only command that is relying on two people working together – to either make it or break it.
It is an area where temptation is high, where the world in which we live is quite flexible on these matters, and where small mistakes can quickly escalate.
Even in this room.
How many have been divorced.
How many had practised conceiving children, or conceived children before they were married.
How many were living together before they were married?
How many have fallen to sexual temptation – as a married person, as a single person.
Is there any of us who have not in some way or another broken this command?
If ever there was an area that we needed to show exceptional amounts of grace to one another is it not here?
If ever there was a mutual understanding that there has been failure on a mass scale is it not here?
If ever there was the need to be reminded of the forgiving, healing, redeeming, renewing grace of Jesus is this not the place?
I wish it was different – but it is not.
So God help all of us to find the freedom … the freedom we need to enjoy your extensive grace for our extensive failure.
Prayer
