Series: I Love Sundays
Sermon 5: Because They Make Healthier Families
Note: This sermon has used thoughts and quotes from the curriculum I Love Sundays sermon week 3 from Outreach without notation.
Summary from last week’s message:
We are learning these days how to make Sunday the best day of our week. More importantly, we are learning to live more balanced lives by living at a better pace and rhythm.
Last week we learned that God wired us up for work as well as for rest, challenge, and leisure, and we work best if we practice both in the right order and proportions. The ancient book of Ecclesiastes says that “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” We’re learning that Sunday can be the best day of our week because God designed it as a Sabbath for us to rest, refuel, refresh and refocus.
If you’re joining us for the first time today, welcome! You are in for a great adventure. Last week we looked at how good Sundays can make better Mondays, and today we are going to explore how a good Sunday can help improve your entire family.
Last week we learned from the Old Testament prophet Isaiah that . . .
If you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land. (Isaiah 58:13–14)
Isaiah wrote these words almost three thousand years ago. God’s promise is still true today: if you will call the Sabbath a delight, you will ride in triumph on the heights of the land.
Introduction:
Some of the great challenges of our day are to have great godly families, to connect with others relationally, to raise great kids in the midst of a ninety-mile-an-hour culture. We move so fast and have so many opportunities and obligations, it’s hard to find time to be together as a family, much less enjoy your family, or to even build meaningful relationships with others. And when families are together, they are usually driving to a soccer practice or some type of performance. Or, while driving, every kid in the car has their earphones in and is listening to something other than the conversation in the vehicle.
Would you agree with what I just said? Do you think we are losing connection with each other in our culture today because of these factors? Then should we not make a commitment to connect with others?
Last week we focused on making Sunday the best day of the week. Today I want to help you learn to use Sundays to build better relationships with others, to build better relationships with your families – this includes immediate family and the church family. Some of you live alone or are single and you may think this message will not apply to you but it does. Why, because these 8 principles/promises apply to Loving Sundays and loving others.
I want to give you eight practices and promises that will help create stronger relationships in and outside the church family. These promises are to be made with your families and your marriages. We will focus on relationships within the context of families, church, and marriage. Every principle I give you can apply to helping nieces and nephews, grandsons and granddaughters, god children, students you lead and every other member of the next generation you have influence on.
Scriptures:
2 Peter 3:10-14: 10But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. 11Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives 12as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. 13But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness. 14So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.
In this opening passage of the Bible we discover that we should love Sundays and what Jesus did for us so much that we live holy and godly lives every day. We need to do this because the Lord will come back unexpectedly and he is coming back for a spotless bride who is found blameless.
So what does it mean to live a godly life – how does that apply me today? Well it has to do with your relationships, your family interaction, and even your parenting. Listen to this from Proverbs:
Proverbs 22:6. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (NIV)
The Message words it this way: 6Point your kids in the right direction— when they’re old they won’t be lost.
This Scripture applies to parents, grandparents, adopted parents, spiritual mentors, youth and kid’s leaders, and anyone who has influence on the younger generation. Anyone who is spiritually discipling others is addressed in this passage.
This one little verse contains one of the most important principles ever given in the history of parenting and the leading of little ones. The proverb was composed by Solomon, who was purported to be the wisest man who ever lived. You know how kerosene is called a “fire starter”? This verse is a “child starter.”
Listen to its message again from CEV: “Teach your children right from wrong, and when they are grown they will still do right.”
Reality Check: If we don’t teach our children to follow Christ. The World will teach them not too!
Our responsibility as parents and Christian leaders is to start children off on the way they should go – it’s our job as a Christian parent and leader! And yes - God will hold you accountable for how well you have trained your children in His teachings and truth!
Question: Do the kids, the people you lead grow stronger in their relationship with the Lord every day or do they move further away from Him?
We must commit to pointing our children, spiritual children in the right direction: “If you were to pull out a compass, then take me by the shoulders, point me due north, and say, “Start walking,” where am I more likely to end up: at the North Pole or the South Pole?” It’s far more likely that I’ll end up at the North Pole, isn’t it?
In this verse, Solomon is saying that the first push is the most important push. We might not always end up precisely due north of wherever we started, but chances are good we’ll end up mostly due north, won’t we?
Years ago, Sir Isaac Newton identified what we call the First Law of Thermodynamics. He said, “An object in motion tends to remain in motion, with the same direction and speed.” I think of it as the Law of the First Push, and it comes from Proverbs 22:6.
ANALOGY from Sports world today:
How is it that Peyton and Eli Manning wound up being NFL quarterbacks? Their father, Archie Manning, was an NFL quarterback. What direction do you think he pushed them in?
How is it that George Clooney ended up being an actor? His aunt Rosemary Clooney was an actor. What direction do you think she pushed him in?
The direction you start your children and spiritual children determines the destination where they are likely to arrive. If you can see that, then you understand why practice number one is the most important of the eight practices I’m going to give you today and next week.
T.S. - The first thing Sundays will teach you is how to have healthy relationships within families and this addresses everything from how to be a successful parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, spiritual mentor and Christian leader. I really believe that if we learn to Love Sundays then we will be able to love others as Jesus desires us too and it will change their lives. So I believe we need to make promises to those we have relationships with especially to the upcoming younger generation so as to help them love Sundays.
1. I promise to put God first (Matthew 6:33).
a. You know the phrase “first things first”? God wants to be the first of all firsts in your life—for your sake, and for the sake of those who follow you as well.
i. In Jesus’s famous Sermon on the Mount, He said, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)
b. Parents, grandparents, spiritual leaders and mentors the best gift you can give your children, adopted children, spiritual children and grandchildren is not to love them first but to love God first.
i. Your children are far more likely to follow the direction you set than the directions you give. Put God first, and your children will more than likely do the same.
ii. But if you choose to ditch church they will learn to ditch church. If you choose to place God on the bottom of the priority list they will too!
1. You’ve heard the expression, “The acorn never falls far from the tree”? Your little acorns are going to grow up to look a lot like you.
2. And just like the expression, “Monkey see, monkey do,” your little monkeys will look a lot like you too”.
c. If you’ve ever studied the Ten Commandments, you probably remember that the first commandment is, “I am the LORD your God, . . . you shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:2–3).
i. God wants to be first in your life, because whatever you put first in your life will have the most influence on your life. And He wants to be the one who influences you the most.
d. So what does it mean to put God first?
i. QUOTE: I Love Sundays by Hal Seed, says, “Putting God first means spending time with Him, caring for what He cares about, using your money the way He would use it if it were His. Putting God first means honoring Him on the Sabbath and honoring Him with your words, attitudes, and ethics at work. Putting God first means honoring Him with how you treat your body—what you eat and how you exercise. I know, those are tall orders. And there is grace. You won’t be perfect. But if you are trying to honor God, your children will see that and imitate it. And when you fail, they’ll see that it’s okay for them to be imperfect too.”
ii. ANALOGY: You know how on the airplane, when the flight attendant is giving the safety instructions, she says, “Should the oxygen mask appear above your head, put yours on before you try to help others with theirs”? What she’s really saying is, “You’ve got to make sure you’re breathing right before you have any hope of helping your children.”
1. So your first practice is to put God first in your life for the sake of the little ones you are leading!
e. God’s Promise: If we promise to put God first then God promises the following in Matthew 6:33: "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
i. What things are Jesus talking about? Let’s look at the verses before this one – Matthew 3:25-32 - clothes, food, drink, the necessities of life are promised to us by God, if we place Him first in our life.
T.S. - Once God is first in your life, then your second practice and promise should be to . . .
2. Promise the Lord to let your kids see your relationship with Him – make it public!
a. Deuteronomy 6:6–9: 6These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
i. When Moses was preparing to send the Israelites into the Promised Land, he wanted them to know how to pass on their faith to the next generation and to be reminded daily who gave them the cities, the vineyards, the buildings, the wells, the crops they did not build or plant!
1. The same principle holds true today in our time and culture with our families and the next generation.
2. We need to be reminded of our historical Christian roots and God’s blessings on this nation! When we forget that it will be lost! So it is imperative to pass our faith and revelation of Jesus onto the next generation.
ii. If you go to Israel today, you’ll see a little box on the doorframe of every Jewish house. It’s a Scripture box. The Jews take this passage so seriously that they literally put Scriptures on the doorframes of their houses.
1. If a little one you are parenting or mentoring comes to your home will they know where you stand with the Lord? Will it be obvious who you serve and are committed too? When they watch TV with you? When they listen to music with you? Will they know you have an intimate relationship with Jesus?
a. This passage of Scripture was taken very serious by Israel and it became one of the most important in Israel’s history. It may be why there are still Israelites around today.
i. Remember back when Moses wrote this, there were Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, Jebusites, Amalekites.
ii. Today, the only ones left are the Israelites. How did the Israelite civilization survive when all the others died off? Simple. The Israelites talked about their faith with their children. Parents, leaders, spiritual mentors let their kids in on their relationship with God. Generation after generation passed on what was important. More than 3,500 years later, the Israelites are still talking about their faith with their children.
1. How are you doing with this in your life? Are you passing on your faith to others – or are you leading people further from their faith?
2. Are you teaching, leading and instilling the truth of Jesus into your kids?
iii. I want you to know that this does work!
1. We modeled for our kids holy and godly living – every day - we did this in our family daily! You may ask or be thinking how did you do that Pastor Mike?
a. With what we said and how we acted in private as well as in public.
b. How we talked about the church at home.
c. How we talked about other leaders in the church.
d. We prayed together!
i. We prayed for the girls each night before they went to bed, and at every meal.
ii. We prayed for them with tough days!
iii. We talked about the importance of prayer!
e. We did it with what we watched on TV.
f. We did this with what we listened to on the radio.
g. We talked about what we learned from the Bible from our own devotions and readings.
h. We did Bible questions and answers together.
i. We had Bible verses on the wall, on post its in the house!
j. Kathy did devotions with the girls when they rode to school.
k. We made church and a relationship with Jesus a priority over everything else in life.
l. We got our kids involved in church at a young age!
m. We learned to say “sorry.” To admit our mistakes and to reveal to them that we are not perfect!
b. God’s Promise: If we keep this promise God promises to do the following in Deut. 6:18-19:"Do what is right and good in the Lord's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take the good land that the Lord has promised on oath to your forefathers, thrusting out all our enemies before you, as Lord said."
T.S. – I made my relationship with God public with my kids and it paid off. Have you? We should make a promise to the Lord to do this for the sake of our kids. We also need to promise to conform our beliefs to God’s truth.
3. I Promise to my family and the Lord to conform my beliefs to God’s truths!
a. In other words, I promise my spouse, my friends, my family that I will align my belief system to God’s Word and to His value system. I will not distort His truth to satisfy my nonbiblical beliefs!
i. Proverbs 4:23-27: Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
1. The word of wisdom from this Proverb is that we must guard our hearts from evil!
a. Too many people today like to play with that which is evil and it ends up biting them! We are told to guard our hearts – our souls from evil – it means have nothing to do with it! Stay away from it!
b. We must put up barriers to evil and allow only the good to invade our hearts and souls instead.
2. We need to have the right talk and the right thoughts – because our thoughts are what are placed into words.
3. The bottom line is this - watch what goes into you head, your heart/soul and your life, keep sin out and allow good to infect your life positively.
a. Matthew 15:18-20:18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’ 19For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20These are what make a man ‘unclean…
i. What makes us sinners? Easy Jesus says! When we allow sin to come out of our hearts! But hear is a thought to ponder, “If we never let sin in our heart then it won’t ever come out of it!”
4. Psalm 119:11: I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
a. God’s word tells us that God has hidden His word in our heart and we need to tap that word and let it out in our life and in our communication with our spouses.
b. Gary Smalley tells us “I can hardly overstate how life-changing it was to find that my beliefs, not my circumstances, determined my attitudes and actions. When I took my beliefs seriously and began to examine and change them, it did wonders for me by giving me a way to manage my emotions and form all of my actions. Look at some of the consequences of taking this belief concept into your heart and making it your own” (79).
i. You stop complaining about everything.
ii. You stop judging one another.
iii. You stop trying to change your spouse, others and your family members.
iv. You stop pointing the finger at your spouse, others and take responsibility for yourself.
ii. There is power behind a decision to change your belief system and to align it with God’s value system.
1. What is a belief? According to Smalley, “Your beliefs create your view of reality” (85).
a. This means what you believe about your mate or others, whether it is true or not, impacts the way you deal with them.
i. What you believe about a person is revealed in how you talk to others about them!
b. If you have distorted views of your mate or others then your own view of reality will be distorted too.
i. This is why Jesus instituted the Matthew 18 principle to His followers!
2. So how does a belief affect you actions and your behavior?
a. Smalley says, “Beliefs are so powerful that they not only change your perception of life but also how you act in response to everything that happens to you” (87).
b. If you believe you are always a “victim” then you have that mindset which dictates how you filter everything in your life.
b. The truth is: When you believe in something with all your heart - you make it a priority in your life!
i. Priorities are an issue in the church today and David Wilkerson addresses this issue with the following thought from and old newsletter:
1. “A priority is the importance you place on something. And Christians who neglect prayer have perverted their priorities! Many believers pledge they’ll pray if and when they can find the time. Yet each week, seeking Christ becomes less important to them than washing the car, cleaning the house, visiting friends, eating out, going shopping, watching sports. They simply don’t make time to pray. Yet people were no different in the days of Noah and Lot. Their top priorities were eating and drinking, buying and selling, marrying and caring for their families. They had no time to listen to messages of Gods coming judgment. And so no one was prepared when judgment fell! Evidently, nothing has changed over the centuries. For most Americans, God remains at the bottom of the priority list. And at the top are income, security, pleasure, family. Of course, for many Americans God doesn’t even make the list. But that doesn’t grieve the Lord nearly as much as how little he’s valued by his own children!”
a. To make our marriages and families secure means we align our belief system and value system to God’s and we make that a priority in our marriage and in our family.
c. God’s Promise: If you keep this promise then God promises to do the following in Proverbs 3:1-10: 1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.9 Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops;10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.
T.S. – Promising to conform my beliefs to God’s truth is crucial to loving Sundays and making better families and healthy relationships. But we also need to promise the Lord to learn His lessons from the different trials in life.
4. I promise to the Lord to find God’s lessons in every trial of life!
a. James 1:2-5: 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
i. Have you ever really read this verse and meditated on the thought being communicated?
1. Trials will blow into our life! It’s a guarantee – Why? They come with a purpose or for a reason – one of the reasons they will blow into a couple’s life or families life, or individual’s life is to help them to grow and mature in their faith.
a. Trouble will come it’s Biblical! So you need to be ready and prepared for it!
2. James tells us that in these difficult moments in life we need to pray to God and ask for wisdom in how to handle the problem or the trial!
a. Most people don’t want wisdom from God in their trial. Instead they want a magical prayer to be prayed and then for everything to magically align into place without any work or effort on their part.
b. But we also need to read on into verses 12-16 because the trials that blow into our lives are usually created by our choices, our actions, our attitudes and –yes- even our sins!
i. James 1:12-16: 12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. 13When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. 16Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers.
1. James tells us to learn the lesson from the trial and then make the right choices as God leads you through this storm of life.
a. You have heard the phrase “We are our own worst enemy!”
b. God gets blamed a lot for our wrong and even sinful choices – then we cry out “Why Lord?”
2. If you make the right choice and then choose to forsake the wrong choices your life will go better – it’s really up to you.
3. Gary Smalley tells us, “Every log in your eye grows there from the seed of selfishness.”
a. He bases this thought off of Matthew 7:1-5: 1“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.3“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
i. Why is it we desire to always want to judge our spouses or others?
1. Selfishness – self-centeredness!
ii. By the way when we do this we release trials and storms into our marriages and relationships!
iii. Maybe when I find myself in another whirlwind trial I need to stop and evaluate were my heart is and my attitude is?
1. Did I do this to myself?
iv. We always want them to remove the speck in their life while we pretend that we ourselves have no 2x4 sticking out of our head?
1. Do you understand where I am coming from – we justify our sins usually by judging others!
v. We want to fix them and yet we don’t deal with ourselves and the result is selfishness is released into the relationship which is sin and this causes a whirl wind of trouble in the relationship and even in the family unit.
ii. James tells us that God is not responsible for temptation it’s usually our fault because we have allowed sin into the marriage or relationships!
1. James 4:6: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
2. Song of Solomon 2:15: “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are to bloom.”
c. God’s Promise: If you keep this promise then God promises in James 4:7-10 to do the following: 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double–minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Some closing thoughts on helping your family love Sundays:
Here are some other tips for helping your family love Sundays:
1. Make Sunday family day and a fun day: Take time to breathe together and build time for connection in ways that resonate with your family’s personality. Play, connect, and seek balance between scheduled events and the freedom to relax and choose spontaneous activities.”
2. Talk meaningfully about Sunday, questions like: What was most interesting about the sermon/class lesson at church today?
3. Explore God: Hike together or do something in nature to experience this incredible place God has made for us.
Remember - Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6).
I love Sundays because Sundays are so helpful for families – they help make healthy and whole families!
Conclusion:
Summary of the 8 Promises to secure your marriage in an insecure world:
1. I promise to put God first in my life and in my family’s life!
2. I promise to let me kids see my relationship with God!
3. I Promise to conform my beliefs to God’s truths!
a. In other word’s I will obey God’s Word and live like He directs me to live
4. I promise to find God’s lesson in every trial of life!
a. I decide to learn from the trials of life and to take my responsibility for the trial and then decide to change in the process to make my marriage secure.
T.S. – We all need to promise to keep sin out of our lives. We also need to learn the lessons from the trials of life. Trials come so as to mature us and we need to learn the lessons and then make the changes to our life and then move forward. We also need to learn how to communicate to each other in the context of marriage so that our marriage stays secure.
5. I promise to listen and communicate with love!
a. Gary Smalley shares, “In my interviews of well over 60,000 women all over the world, I’ve learned that no matter what the culture, the economic level, or geographic location, all have one thing in common: the need for conversation. I ask them all the same question: ‘What would improve your marriage?’ I get the same answer time and time again: ‘If my husband would just talk to me more and share his heart, our marriage would improve.’ ‘What do you mean by talk and share his heart?’ I ask. And the answer is always the same: ‘I just wish he would listen and respond and understand when I share my feelings and not try to fix me or the situation.’ ‘You’re saying that if you had better, more meaningful communication with your husband, your marriage would improve?’ No matter what country I am in, the answer is always, ‘Yes!’ All over the world women complain that men do not talk to them enough” (163).
i. Smalley notes that research communicates to us that women talk 3 times more than men do and this attributes to part of the problem with communication in marriage (170).
b. Illustration of baby boy:
i.
c. But with the effort and understanding of both partner’s communication can be increased in a relationship.
i. Ephesians 5:21-31 tells us as husbands and wives the following: 21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ 22Wives, submit to your husband’s as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
d. If we really want to be what this Scripture calls us to be it means we have to make time for each other in marriages, in relationships and communicate to each other in reverence for Christ himself. This principle applies to marriages and other relationships too.
i. John Gottman states: A minimum of twenty minutes a day in true communication with each other decreases a couple’s chances of divorce and greatly increases marital satisfaction. He then adds, ‘Just twenty minutes a day listening and talking with your mate, understanding each other’s heart, and valuing each other’s words. Who doesn’t have at least that much time” (171)?
1. The same applies to close relationships as well!
a. My grandmother did this with her friends!
b. My mom did too!
ii. Gary Smalley shares with men a health reason why we should make time with our wives to talk:
1. Intimate talk increases a man’s chances of staying healthy up to 500 percent.
2. It reduces his chance of heart failure and all of the major illnesses.
3. It increases the effectiveness of his immune system.
4. It increases his wife’s happiness and health.
5. It increases his wife’s sexual responsiveness to him (page 172).
a. So guys I challenge you to talk to your wife 20 minutes a day! You can do it!
e. Do’s and don’ts of communication.
i.
T.S. – Promising to communicate with respect and love for each other is crucial to a secure marriage, or relationship and it needs to be done every day. We also need to decide to serve each other in our marriages and make sure that we do not come to it with a selfish attitude.
6. I promise to serve God and you all the days of my life!
a. If I were to pick an attitude, or a mindset that describes why we have the problems we do in the church today, in the family unit, in society and even in marriage it would be the subject of selfishness. This preoccupation with self today has spun a whirlwind of problems in all kinds of relationships and organizations.
i. Let’s look at just few references to self-centeredness found in the God’s Word.
1. Romans 15:1-3:1We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”
2. 1 Corinthians 10:24: 24Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
3. Philippians 2:4: 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
4. Galatians 6:2-9:2Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load.6Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
ii. The Bible frowns on selfish behavior and it repeatedly tells us to root it out of our lives. This type of lifestyle, mindset, or attitude is not from heaven but originates from the world’s value system. Today self is elevated and servanthood is deflated by our society and by some in the church.
1. This person’s mindset circles around him or herself.
2. This person is always drawing attention to what they want or desire in life.
3. They have no desire to help out others or even have empathy for others.
4. Life is about “Number One 1” which is themselves.
5. The shadow of self is large an illuminating over their life.
6. Their conversation is filled with these words: I, me, mine, and myself.
7. Their focus is: self-love, self-indulgence, self-worship, self-interest; egotism, egoism and the list could go on.
8. Their desire is for comfort, convenience, and their enjoyment in life.
iii. People who are self-centered ask this question frequently, “What’s in it for me?”
1. This focus in life creates a person who is useless to the Kingdom of God.
2. This individual thinks the world owes them something.
3. This person thinks that the church owes them something.
4. This person thinks that Jesus is his personal Santa Claus and He owes them something.
5. This person thinks of church as the place to be served but not as a place where you give.
6. The focus is all on receiving but not on giving.
b. The truth is as couples, as friends we need to move from selfishness to service for one another. It’s a Jesus principle and it should be a promise we make with Him!
i. Galatians 5:13: “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.”
1. Serve at church together as families and as friends.
a. For couples - This is where the Sunday part of child rearing comes into your practices.
i. A few years ago Eric Swanson of Leadership Network published a study about children who grew up in church and wound up loving God when they were adults. Leadership Network’s study found that these children experienced two things in their families of origin. The first was, their family served God somewhere together in church. According to Swanson, children whose parents served at church and found ways for their children to serve with them were much more likely to grow up to love God than children who didn’t.
2. Fortunately, at Christian Hills Church/School, there are several ways adults and children can serve together.
a. Once your child reaches their teens, he or she can serve with younger children in kid’s church. If you’ve got kids of that age, you can sign up to teach in kid’s church as a family. How cool would that be?
b. Kids can serve with parents at our work days or just call me and you can come and do a project as a family at church or school.
c. We need help in our tech department – we are willing to train you as family to help with tech 1 every couple of months, running computer, lights and sound – would not that be cool to do as a family?
3. Decades ago, when most families owned farms, children grew up with significant chores and responsibilities. Today, the church is one of the few places where a child can truly contribute and feel valued. And the results are eternal, as well as great for your family’s sense of health and identity.
c. Philippians 2:1-11: If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
i. Smalley notes from the Apostle Paul six areas which characterize true servant-hood:
1. Purpose: be united with Christ in purpose: with his spirit, love, compassion, and tenderness (vv. 1-2).
2. Motive: get rid of selfish ambition (v, 3). Become ‘Other-focused.’
3. Attitude: Humility (v. 8). God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud (James 4:6).
4. Action: Consider others more important than yourself (vv.3-4). The greatest commandment is to love God and to love others as you love yourself (Matthew 22:37-39).
5. Position: Jesus took the lowest role (v. 7). He was a servant with a small “s.” The word doulos, or bondservant, means slave by choice. A doulos slave was set free and then willingly chose to remain in service to his master.
6. Sacrifice: Jesus was obedient to serve God to the point of dying for all mankind (v. 8). That is the ultimate example of servanthood (page 204).
T.S. - In our culture, one of our most sacredly guarded secrets is how much money we make and how we spend it. Yet Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). So if you are going to start your children out right, it will help them to see your heart and your budget.
7. The next promise to our family in raising healthy children is to show them how to allocate and spend money in a healthy way. The only real way to do that is to . . .
a. Let your kids see your spending and saving habits (Luke 6:40).
i. In Jesus’s second most famous sermon, His Sermon on the Plain, He said,
1. Everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher (Luke 6:40).
a. At about seventeen or eighteen years old, when your kids are fully trained, chances are they’re going to be a lot like you. So teach them your best skills, your best practices. Their best chance for learning how to give, save, spend, and invest is to see how you give, save, spend, and invest.
i. If you are not good at this take our financial peace class!
1. Go to a Dave Ramsey seminar!
ii. Get better – learn the importance of money management!
2. And parents, the truth is, we live in an incredibly affluent society. Sometime you ought to go to www.globalrichlist.com and see where your income ranks in relationship to the wealth of the world. According to Global Rich List, if you earn $32,000 a year or more, you rank in the 1 percent of the wealthiest people in the world. Which means that your children are going to grow up affluent.
a. Teach them the godly principles of financial stewardship!
b. Teach them to be grateful to God for what you have and not get the attitude that others own you!
b. Jesus said, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded” (Luke 12:48).
i. Your children have been given much, so much will be required of them. One of the most important skills you can pass onto your kids is the wise handling of money.
ii. Are you teaching your kids this skill?
c. One of the most important pieces of wise money management is generosity. How much you give not only indicates the size of your heart but it develops the size of your heart!
i. Malachi 3:10 says, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.”
1. This is so important to God that it’s the only time He gives a command with permission to “test me in this.” God promises that when you faithfully bring the full tithe to your local church, He will throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough to store it.
2. I really pray you get this as a Christian – it’s a crucial spiritual growth principle and giving reveals who controls your heart!
d. Every time we turn on any screen, ads pop out shouting, “Buy me. Try me. Taste me. Wear me. Put me in your hair.” The pressure to spend is enormous. So every year or two, walk your kids through your budget and let them see how you figure out your priorities and what you spend it on.
i. Practice number four may be even more important. The fourth practice is . . .Let your children tithe (Malachi 3:10).
1. The simplest form of a healthy budget that I know of is called “The 10-10-80 Plan.” Under the 10-10-80 Plan, you tithe your first 10 percent, save your second 10 percent, and live on the other 80 percent.
a. If you want to teach your children this plan, start them off with an allowance that divides easily by ten. If you give them a $1 dollar allowance, don’t give them a dollar bill—give them coins that include at least two dimes, so they can put the first dime in their “tithe envelope,” the second dime in their “save envelope,” and the rest of their allowance in their “spend envelope.”
b. If you give them a $5 allowance, give them four $1 bills, and change so they can put fifty cents into their tithe envelope and fifty cents into their save envelope. You get the idea.
i. Because of our affluence, generosity is one of the biggest challenges for our society. Studies show that the more money Americans earn, the smaller percentage we give. But the sooner you start giving, the easier it is to give. Children who learn to give before they spend rarely have trouble being generous later in life. Teach your children to tithe, and then make it easy for them to tithe by setting up a 10-10-80 Plan with them, celebrating every time they bring their tithe to church and helping them figure out what they are saving their second 10 percent for.
T.S. – We need to promise to teach our kids godly financial stewardship and also promise to take them on a mission’s trip so as to expose them to what is going on in other cultures.
8. Promise 8 to make to your family and the Lord is to send them or take them on a cross-cultural mission’s trip.
a. The second item on Leadership Network’s study of what helped kids to grow up to love God was going on a mission’s trip.
i. Share about our Mexico trip – New Life’s Mexico trip as families.
ii. The CHC youth trip this last summer!
b. An amazing thing happens to American kids on mission’s trips.
i. They discover how great their lives are here at home!
ii. Most kids who spend time in Mexico or Haiti or other less-affluent countries come home and thank their parents for all that they have.
iii. While they’re on the trip, they realize they can make a difference in other people’s lives, giving them a new perspective about making their life count, no matter where God leads them in their adult career.
Some closing thoughts on helping your family love Sundays:
Here are some other tips for helping your family love Sundays: ___________________
Conclusion:
Summary of the 8 Promises to secure your marriage in an insecure world:
1. I promise to put God first in my life and in my family’s life!
2. I promise to let me kids see my relationship with God!
3. I Promise to conform my beliefs to God’s truths!
a. In other word’s I will obey God’s Word and live like He directs me to live
4. I promise to find God’s lesson in every trial of life!
a. I decide to learn from the trials of life and to take my responsibility for the trial and then decide to change in the process to make my marriage secure.
5. I promise to listen and communicate with love!
a. I commit to learning to communicate and act like the Lord God Almighty does with love and respect. I learn His love language and then speak it to my spouse.
6. I promise to serve you all the days of my life!
a. I pledge to serve like Jesus did so that our marriage will be secure and so that it will be a marriage that lives happily ever after.
7. I promise to teach my children how to allocate and spend money in a healthy godly way.
8. I promise to take my family on a cross-cultural mission’s trip.
