Illustration: Living in a small town as many of you know, has its pros and it has its cons. I believe the pros are that you become friends with several people within the community and always see a friendly face. Now this can also weigh in on the cons. knowing everyone, you hear when someone has spoken poorly about you.
Several weeks ago I heard of someone that I considered to be a friend of mine speak very poorly of me to other people in the community. It was truly heart breaking to hear the things that this person said of me to others. To be very honest with each of you, It has really weighed on my mind for some time now.
I believe that every one of us has experienced the pain of betrayal, dishonesty, gossip and hurt from a friend who has failed us. At times we have been that kind of friend to someone else.
So what does God have to say about our response when a friend fails? Since we cannot change the situation or even the person, how can we allow God to change us so that we respond in a way that would please Him?
In our text for this morning, we read of the ultimate betrayal. Jesus is spending the evening with his disciples and He makes a painful statement, “Truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me.” The response of the disciples, is overwhelming, “Surely you don’t mean me,” is on the lips of each one of his friends and Peter’s denial of this statement is heard the loudest. “Even if I have to die with You, I will never disown you!” The rest is history isn’t it? Peter not only denied him once, but three times and everyone else ran for their lives when the morning arrived and they came to arrest Jesus.
Jesus’ friends failed him, even as you and I have had friends fail us, so what should be our response when we are faced with the hurt of a friend that has betrayed?
A. First, we need to realize that anyone is capable of failing another, so don’t judge too harshly.
1. No one is perfect, so don’t impose on others what you don’t want imposed upon yourself
2. Peter was so sure, so confident that he would never betray Jesus. And in that moment, in the environment that he was in, he was probably correct, but the moment changed and the environment with it.
3. Peter blew it – no question about it. When Jesus needed him, he was not there. He even cussed and swore and told someone he never knew this Jesus fellow. But that same man, only years later would die a martyr’s death, hanging upside down on a cross, for the friend he once denied.
4. If you and I impose such strict standards for others, then we too shall be held accountable to those standards as well.
5. We must not hold a friend to a higher standard than we hold ourselves.
B. It is important that we leave the judging to God. We are not another person’s judge. We are not even their jury.
1. Why a friend does what he or she does is knowledge we don’t have. No more than why you and I do what we do, is knowledge our friends don’t have.
2. We sometimes criticize others unfairly. We don’t know all their circumstances and motives. Only God, who is aware of all the facts, is able to judge people.
Illustration: John Wesley told of a man he had little respect for because he considered him to be tight with his money and not willing to give freely for the cause of Christ. One day when this person contributed only a small amount Wesley openly criticized him. After the incident, the man went to Wesley privately and told him he had only eaten parsnips and water for several weeks. He explained that before his conversion, he had many debts. Now, by skimping on everything and buying nothing for himself he was paying off his creditors one by one.
The man told Wesley, “Christ has made me an honest man and so with all these debts to pay, I can give only a few offerings above my tithe. I want to settle up with my neighbors and show them what the grace of God can do in the heart of a man who was once dishonest.” Wesley then apologized to the man and asked his forgiveness.
C. Remember, failure, both yours and someone else’s is why Jesus came.
1. Pride always comes before a fall, so never say never. We live in an imperfect world and we are a part of its imperfection.
2. But Jesus came to save us, to offer us the perfect love of God in an imperfect world. If He came for you and all of your sins and failures, then he came for others with all of their baggage as well.
I. But when a friend fails, we can despise the action, but don’t give up on the person.
A. Hate the injustice, loathe the unfairness of it all, but don’t harbor it or hold on to it. Don’t imprison the person with it for the rest of his or her life.
1. In Proverbs 8:13 we read, “To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.”
2. We hate what God hates- the sin, the evil, the injustice - but God loves the person. We must learn to separate the person from the action.
I John 2:11. “But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.”
B. It is ok to stand your ground, but it is heavenly real estate the counts.
1. Remember where you came from, what you have done, who you have hurt and wounded, then standing your ground will not be more important than getting to heaven.
2. Sometimes we do have to confront a friend who has wronged us, disappointed us, and failed us. That is ok and needed, but if getting our point across is more important than his or her salvation, then we are wrong.
3. Principles are important, but people are more important.
II. Remember bitterness imprisons but forgiveness sets you free.
A. Ours is not a claim to right, but to righteousness.
I Peter 3: 10-12 “For, Whoever would love life and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
1. Isn’t it more important to do what is right, rather than just claim our rights? After all, each person thinks in his or her own heart that he or she is right.
Illustration: The Israeli and Palestinian conflict is a great example of rights. Each side is claiming their rights. Israel has a right to protect itself from suicide bombers and I agree, but do the Palestinians not have the right to determine their own destiny as well. Each side is convinced of their own right and in the meantime more and more innoscent people die, because someone is more concerned about claiming their rights than doing what is right.
B. Forgiveness disarms the devil.
1. In Ephesians 4; 26 and 27 we read, “Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
2. When we are unwilling to forgive, to let go of the failure of another, then we are controlled by that person. His or her every move and word is filtered through our hurt and Satan uses that hurt to incase us in a cell of bitterness and unforgivness.
Illustration: In the 14th century, Robert Bruce of Scotland was leading his men in a battle to gain independence from England. Near the end of the conflict, the English wanted to capture Bruce to keep him form the Scottish crown. So they put some bloodhounds on his trail. When the bloodhounds got close, Bruce could hear their barking, His attendant said, “We are done for. They are on your trail, and they will reveal your hiding place.” Bruce replied, “It is all right.” Then he headed for a stream that flowed through the forest. He plunged in and waded upstream a short distance. When he came out on the other bank, he was in the depths of the forest. Within minutes, the hounds, tracing their master’s steps, came to the bank. They went no farther. The English soldiers urged them on, but the trail was broken. The stream had carried the scent away. A short time later, the crown of Scotland rested on the head of Robert Bruce.
3. The memory of our sins and the sins and failures of others can be like those barking dogs, but a stream flows, red with the blood of God’s own son. By grace through faith we are safe. The precious blood of Jesus breaks the trail. The purpose of the Cross- is to repair the irreparable.
C. Forgiveness sometimes means parting is necessary, but punishment is not.
1. It was Jesus Himself who told his disciples to shake the dust off of their feet and move on if anyone would not receive their message. But when they moved on they were to share the Good News, not bad mouth the place they just left that would not receive them.
2. There are times when the hurt is so intense and the distrust runs so deep that a friendship can not be restored. Not in that atmosphere anyway. Then I think that God permits us to part from one another, but not punish one another by what we say about the person.
3. There are times when a friendship can not be restored and a parting is necessary, but never is that former friend to be used as a punching bag nor even considered an enemy.
Conclusion: Each one of us has had our difficulties with someone. It may have been a family member, a close friend, a coworker, etc. And now for whatever reasons, it is just not the same.
I believe God would ask each of us to seek Him in prayer and ask forgiveness for the wrongs we have inflicted on others – for the times we have been that friend that failed.
And then our challenge is to go and forgive others as we ourselves desire to be forgiven.
