HoHum:
At the end of the age when all the saved were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives." God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter." The women left and the men formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it. God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed me. Learn from him." Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
WBTU:
Talked about the family a lot this year and we did discuss the role of the man in the home. Today is Father’s Day so talking about the role of the father in the home. We find in Ephesians and Colossians that instead of talking to the parents about raising children, the fathers are singled out for special instructions. Why is this? Often the father is the one who neglects this responsibility. Many a man has transferred most of the child raising responsibilities to this wife. In some instances, the husband has literally done this by telling the wife that “the kids” are her responsibility. In many cases, this is unannounced but happens by default. A father becomes so involved in his activities and concerns that he does not “have time” to help with the children. The wife seems to have a gift in this area and she is better with the children anyway so let her go ahead and raise them. This has been a problem since the fall.
The wife, mother, has a big role in raising the children but the man is the head of the household so he has a greater responsibility and accountability for his family.
See why men are told this but how is this to be done? Said last time that fathers need to be singing more and be joyful as seen in Ephesians 5:19 and Colossians 3:16. That is good advice but need more if we are to fulfill the commands of Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21.
Thesis: How can we raise our children in the training and instruction of the Lord without exasperating or embittering them? No fixed rules but general guidelines
For instances:
We must make clear our expectations, rules and regulations.
God makes His expectations for us clear in His Word. We are not in the dark concerning His desires for us. In a similar fashion, we should deal the same way with our children. Children are not mind readers. Limits and expectations must be clearly known and enforced. Rules and regulations provide security and structure. Their absence encourages insecurity, frustration, hostility, and resentment.
Children need discipline. Discipline refers to enforced learning, or learning with structure, or learning with some teeth in it. Must know the rules and abide by them.
Generally speaking men are better suited to enforce discipline in the home. “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15. Many misunderstand, the rod is a merciful form of discipline, because it is quickly administered and parent and child can move on. Best for young children.
“The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” Proverbs 29:15, NIV. If we love our children and their mother we will discipline our children. “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 13:24, NIV.
We must be wise in the way that we discipline them
“Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” 1 Timothy 5:1, 2, NIV. This describes the courteous way we should deal even with children. Yet how frequently do we talk to children in a tone of voice or in a way we would never talk to adults?
Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. Untrue- “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21, NIV.
We must be wary of expecting more of them than they are capable
Sometimes we overestimate and other times we underestimate. Know our children well enough to help them to excel at their age and maturity level. “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” Romans 12:3
We must practice what we preach. Avoid double standards
Children are quick to spot insincerity and hypocrisy. “Do as I say and not as I do” is irresponsible and children see right through it. “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice.” Philippians 4:9, NIV.
We must fill the minds of children with what is true success.
Our society makes idols out of power, strength, beauty, wealth, intelligence, and athletic ability. These are things that people value. In our society a successful person is someone who possesses at least one of these things. An outstanding person is someone who has several of these things. An unsuccessful person is someone who has none of these things.
According to the bible, this way of measuring worth and success is wrong. God is unimpressed with these things. We must instill in our children’s minds the fact that we will not value them on external or superficial qualities. The child who lacks in intelligence, or beauty, or athletics must know what we love them and value them just as much as we do the child who possesses qualities that the world admires.
“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”” 1 Samuel 16:7, NIV.
What is success for the Christian? To know the will of God and do it. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2, NIV.
We must have good times with our children.
Some fathers excel at being disciplinarians. Our children need to see a man who is stern but also loves to have a good time.
Often memories of the fun that children have with a father will help them to realize that he is not an ogre or a sour puss who enjoys being nasty and mean. “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:13, NIV.
We must communicate love and appreciation to our children.
““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”” John 13:34, 35, NIV.
We must allow them to fail, to make mistakes, to have faults without jumping all over them and giving them the impression that they must be perfect
Home should be a safe place; a place where a child will be helped, a place where people will not mock or make fun of their faults and weaknesses, a place where people may disagree with the child but still welcome and respect his/her opinions, a place where people will encourage the child and bind up their wounds, a place where people definitely care.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
We must admit our mistakes to our children, ask forgiveness when we have failed them, and seek to make things right with them.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16, NIV.
We must make it easy to approach us with their problems and difficulties
Learn to be good listeners when our children want to talk. Be available to them.
Avoid being a mind reader or an interrupter or a critic. Make ourselves be interested in what interests our children. They can tell when we are listening or just pretending.
“And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” 2 Timothy 2:24, NIV. One paraphrase says that he must be a gentle listener. Good advice to parents as well.
We must teach them about God and the Bible
Ultimate responsibility for bringing up our children to know the Scriptures rests not with the church or some school but with us as parents, and especially with those of us who are fathers.
The Scriptures make us wise unto salvation through Jesus Christ (2 Timothy 3:15). “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” Romans 10:17, NIV.
Through the Scriptures people are taught, reproved, corrected, trained in righteousness, made mature, and thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
We need to use every available resource at our disposal to see that our children are in the Word. Education is good but how much learning are our children getting in the Bible and the ways of God and in the church?
