HoHum:
“Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children." Mark Twain
WBTU:
Must go back to the context here. At the end of Ephesians 5 Paul talks about marriage. He does give the role of the husband and the role of the wife in marriage, but there is so much more. In Ephesians 5 Paul is saying that marriage displays the gospel. Notice the five verbs that describe Christ’s love for his bride: Vs. 25- he loved her, he gave himself for her, Vs. 26- to make her holy, cleansing her, Vs. 29- feeds and cares for her. This also shows how we are to love Christ: “as to the Lord” Vs. 22 (an act of worship), “as Christ loved the church” Vs. 25, (reflect Christ in our love), “as Christ does the church” vs. 29. (Love like Christ). Christ loves his church and His church loves Christ. If the starting point in marriage is me, then I’m starting at the wrong place. Marriage is to be a picture of Christ and his bride. The greatness of marriage is that it displays something unspeakably great, Christ and the church.
God created this world to be populated. At creation, God made them male and female for a that reason. Marriage is for making children- that is, procreation, having babies. This is not the main reason for marriage but it is an important and biblical one. Many are making babies today but Christians are to be making babies so they will grow up to be disciples of Jesus Christ. The purpose of marriage goes beyond just having more humans on this planet. Christians are to increase the number of followers of Jesus on the planet.
Even couples who have issues with infertility can still aim to make children followers of Jesus. God’s purpose in making marriage the place to have children is so that these children will grow up to be Christians and make a difference in this world for the gospel and the Kingdom. An obvious way for marriage to fill the earth with worshipers of the true God is to procreate and bring the children up in the Lord. But there are other ways. When the focus of marriage becomes having children something is missing. We need a more eternal focus that just producing babies, offspring. We all need to be involved in the Great Commission, whether married with children, married without children, or unmarried.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Here’s where we are going.
Thesis: 3 things: 1) God’s plan in creation is for men and women to marry and have children. 2) In this fallen world, marriage is not God’s best for everyone, and having children is not God’s calling on all couples. 3) Focus on Ephesians 6:1-4
For instances:
God’s plan in creation is for men and women to marry and have children
“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over (the animals)” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the (the animals, the earth).”” Genesis 1:26-28
After the flood we find this: “Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.” Genesis 9:1, NIV. OT positive about children: “Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Psalms 127:4, 5, NIV.
In the NT no one is more positive about children than Jesus himself. “People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Mark 10:13, 14, NIV. From beginning to end, the Bible puts a high value on having and raising children. Have a large family, what a blessing! That is a magnificent calling. This is one of the purposes of marriage- to bear and raise children for the glory of God.
To have biological children is not God’s will for every married couple
2 weeks ago talked about those who are single for the glory of God. For some God’s best is to stay unmarried. Interesting that Genesis 2:18 says this: “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”” while 1 Corinthians 7:1 says this: “It is good for a man not to marry.” For most marriage is good, for some marriage is unadvisable. We see here that marriage is not for everyone.
Much the same with conceiving children. In the beginning, God said to humankind, “Be fruitful and increase in number.” That’s normal and that’s good. But this is not for every couple. “Each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” 1 Corinthians 7:7, NIV. We all have a mandate to pursue spiritual children through the Great Commission, some do this through their own children, others do this through children apart from procreation. Consider these passages:
““I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no-one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields--and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.” Mark 10:29, 30, NIV. Here Jesus shifts from having children biologically to having hundreds of children through the family of Christ and through spiritual influence. This might include adoption. This might include foster care. Might include making the home a place for small groups to meet. Might include hospitality in the neighborhood where this home is every kid’s favorite place. Might include caring for nieces and nephews or a Sunday school class. The point is: Marriage can include natural children, but marriage is for making any children (or persons) followers of Jesus.
“Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.” 1 Corinthians 4:15, NIV. Paul did not have any natural children but several born again children. No one is born a Christian.
“Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too.” Romans 16:13, NIV. Here we have motherhood extending out beyond the biological child to another child. Christians mothering and fathering by procreation is natural and good and even glorious when Christ is in it. But this is not the ultimate. Aiming to bring spiritual children into being is the ultimate.
Making marriage a place for making disciples (Ephesians 6:1-4)
Both father and mother are called to this together. Notice “parents,” “Father and mother”.
Mother and father must be united in this effort. Children need to understand authority and first authority they come up against is parental authority. Fail in this task then children fail to respect other authorities like God. God’s design is a united front. This child is to grow up in the training and instruction of the Lord- grounded and shaped by the Lord, aiming to honor God. Important to work through differences of what to teach, and how and when to discipline, and then stand united before the children. Letting the children divide and manipulate is counter productive. God is one and we need to be one.
Most important task of a mother and father is to show them God. Children know their parents before they know God. Children are absorbing from dad his strength and leadership and protection and justice and love; and they are absorbing from mother her care and nurture and warmth and justice and love. And all this is happening before the child knows anything about God. Will the child be able to recognize God for who he really is because mom and dad have together shown the child what God is like. The chief task of parenting is to know God for who He is and then to live in such a way with our children that we help them see and know God. Of course, the Bible and church are central to all of this.
Need to remember that even with children, moms and dads are husbands and wives first. God blesses many Christian couples with children because that is what God wants from them. God wants children watching Christ love the church and watching the church delight in following Christ. God’s design is that the beauty and strength and wisdom of the covenant marriage will be absorbed by the children from the time they are born. Here is the goal: Husband and wives loving like Christ and the church, and the children seeing it, and by God’s grace, loving what they see.
Vs. 4- The father has a leading responsibility in bringing the children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Notice when the focus shifts from the duty of children to the duty of parents, the father is mentioned, not the mother. Why is this? Suggest two reasons:
1. “Provoke children to anger”- Anger is the most common emotion of the sinful heart when coming against authority. Dad embodies authority. The child embodies self will. When the two meet, anger flares. Because “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15)” there will be plenty of anger and resentment naturally. Therefore, the father must put forth his best effort, without compromising his authority, to avoid provoking anger in the children. Need to be there for the child with authority and truth in ways that will minimize anger.
2. Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath- Avoid this because anger is an emotion that devours good emotions. Anger robs the heart of joy, gratitude, hope, tenderness, compassion and kindness. Dads, our task is to overcome our own anger and replace it with tenderhearted joy. Joy that spills over onto our children. When the father is mainly angry, the tender emotions of a child are consumed. In other words, being the kind of father God calls us to be means being the kind of Christian and the kind of husband God calls us to be. “Be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Ephesians 5:18-20, NIV.
