If you were to ask people what a Great mother is, they would most likely define such a person as one who would help her kids achieve greatness. There would be a desire to keep her kids safe and help them do what they want to make a name for themselves.
Although this all seems to be a natural instinct for mother, the problem with everything that I've just mentioned, is that it is completely antithetical with the Kingdom of God. It is impossible for the principles of the world to be effective in or adaptable to God’s kingdom. By their very nature they are contrary to His way and destructive of His work. They not only never produce greatness but always produce disharmony, pettiness, and spiritual weakness.
If were desire true greatness in one another and in our children in particular, we need to have a reorientation of our thinking. Mothers in particular, and Christians in general must renew their minds from a biblical perspective. We need to challenge assumed natural instincts and look to God's blueprint for raising godly children.
In Matthew 20 we see the story of a well intentioned but misguided mother. The lessons that Jesus teach us all in this narrative are instructive for all our sanctification. In Verses 20-24 we see the 1) A Naive Request (Matthew 20:20–21) and 2) A New Response (Matthew 20:22-24)
1) A Naive Request (Matthew 20:20–21)
Matthew 20:20-21 [20]Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up to him with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. [21]And he said to her, "What do you want?" She said to him, "Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom." (ESV)
The first worldly principle for greatness might be called political power play and is reflected in the attempt of the mother of the sons of Zebedee to persuade Jesus to give those two sons, James and John, the highest places of honor in His kingdom. James and John belonged to the inner circle of three apostles who were distinguished by Jesus himself (Mark 5:37; Matt. 17:1; 26:37). Perhaps it was for this reason that their mother conceived the idea of having her two sons placed above the rest. So she and they together, on finding an opportunity to speak to Jesus alone, make the attempt to secure this supreme honor. (Lenski, R. C. H. (1961). The Interpretation of St. Matthew’s Gospel (p. 784). Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing House.)
• Throughout history, one of the most common tactics for getting ahead has been using the influence of family and friends to one’s own advantage. These people are manipulated to gain political office, a promotion in business, a lucrative contract, or whatever else is craved. As the saying goes, “It’s who you know that counts.” The key for ascertaining true greatness is determining the measurement that we use in this process. There is greatness in sports, work, hobbies, academics etc. This mother saw honor as a key for greatness. But it's not properly found in honoring her or her sons. It is in honoring another. This mother's day it's not so much as honoring mothers, as honoring the institution, calling and object of honor that godly motherhood strives for.
It seems incredible that James, John, and their mother could ask Jesus such a crass, self-serving favor immediately after His prediction of the persecution and death He would soon face in Jerusalem. There is no indication, either in this text or in Mark’s parallel account (Mk. 10:35), that any of the disciples made a response to what Jesus had just said about His own imminent death. They may simply have discounted His prediction as being merely figurative and symbolic, or they may have been so preoccupied with their own interests and plans that His words went by them. In any case, they did not pursue the subject. They did, however, continue to pursue their own interests.
• It's so easy to get caught up in the many events of our lives and fail to recognize what we are called to do. Motherhood is such a foundational, biblical calling that it warrants special attention. The systematic attack on the family from our educational system, to entertainment portrayals necessitates the biblical focus for a proper Christian direction. The Mother of James and John got it wrong, and its too easy for us to as well.
From the Mark passage it is clear that the mother was speaking at the behest of her two sons. In fact, Mark makes no mention of her at all. The three obviously came with a common purpose and plan they had discussed among themselves beforehand. The mother probably spoke first, and then James and John spoke for themselves.
It is implied in Matthew but explicit in Mark that the first request was intentionally general and indefinite: “Teacher, we want You to do for us whatever we ask of You” (Mark 10:35). Their approach was like a child trying to get a parent to promise something before saying what it is for fear that a specific request for it might be denied.
• As a mother its so easy to get completely caught up in family demands and feel guilty for personal development. If this mother had spent more time in the word and focus on her own sanctification then she would have realized how inappropriate it was for her to ask such a thing. When a mother grows spiritually, it is not a detraction from the many tasks asked of her but a better focus, plan and equipping. It saves wasted effort and misdirection.
The three of them may have been trying to capitalize on their family relationship to Jesus. By comparing the gospel accounts of the women who stood vigil near the cross, it becomes evident that the mother of James and John was named Salome and was a sister of Mary, the Mother of Jesus (see Matt. 27:56; Mark 15:40; John 19:25), making her Jesus’ aunt and James and John His first cousins. In addition to relying on their relationship as Jesus’ cousins, the brothers perhaps also thought to play on Jesus’ affection for his mother by having her sister approach Him for the favor.
• As a mother you don't have to wait until all other tasks are done to peruse you own spirituality. Being a daughter of the king though faith in Christ, you have all the resources of heaven at your disposal. You always have the ear of the king and He delights in hearing from His daughter.
Kneeling/Bowing down was a common act of homage given to ancient monarchs. Near Eastern kings liked to pride themselves in having the resources to grant any favor or request. It was such pride that induced Herod Antipas to swear to the daughter of Herodias, “Whatever you ask of me, I will give it to you; up to half of my kingdom” (Mark 6:23). The mother may have been trying to flatter Jesus by appealing to His sense of power and royalty. By treating Him like a king, she hoped to manipulate Him into making a gesture of generosity. She worshiped Jesus, but her real motive was to get something from him. Too often this happens in our churches and in our lives. We play religious games, expecting God to give us something in return. True worship, however, adores and praises Christ for who he is and for what he has done (Barton, B. B. (1996). Matthew (p. 395). Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.).
• As you look at the prayer life for your kids, do you try to make bargains with God? Do you promise to do things for God if he blesses your kids in return? We can't make our kids make good choices. We can only model godly behavior and teach them God's standards. This mother was doing neither: Her bargaining with God was not godly behavior. Her actions also presented bad theology about God to her kids in saying that God can be bargained with and flattered.
At this point she did not say what she wanted, but asked/made a request. This action appears to mean that, in deference to the position of a great person, she was seeking Jesus’ permission before presenting her petition (Morris, L. (1992). The Gospel according to Matthew (p. 509). Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester, England: W.B. Eerdmans; Inter-Varsity Press.).
• She seems to have her priorities backwards. She is more concerned about asking than what she might be asking for. Jesus wants to hear our requests but we must remember who we are addressing and consider what He wants of us.
The fact that James, John, and their mother asked/made a request of Christ for a blank check strongly suggests that they knew the request was not legitimate. The request was purely self-seeking, for her as well as for them. As their mother, she could ask vicariously in their exalted positions, and her own prestige would be greatly enhanced. In marked contrast to what they would become after Pentecost, James and John were not noted for their shyness or reserve, and Jesus had nicknamed them “Sons of Thunder” (Mark 3:17). Their request of Jesus not only was bold but brash. In effect, they were claiming that, of all the great people of God who had ever lived, they deserved to have the two highest places of honor beside the King of heaven.
• Here as mothers and father's we need to be careful. We naturally want the best for our kids, but what happens when we encourage them to seek favoritism? Instead of godly faithfulness, we actually encourage them to cut corners. We actually set them up for a fall when real pressure occurs. Godly maturity comes through faithfulness and perseverance in hard situations.
Please go forward a few chapters to Matthew 23 (p.828)
Like the scribes and Pharisees who loved “the place of honor at banquets, and the chief seats in the synagogues” (Matt. 23:6), James and John longed for prestige and preeminence and to be exalted over the other apostles. Like the self-seeking Diotrephes (John 9), they loved to be first. But that is not the way to greatness in the kingdom of God. Despite all the teaching Jesus had given, they had still not realized that the kingdom meant lowliness, sacrifice, and rejection in this world. Who would ask for places of honor in such a kingdom? Who could ask for places of honor in it? To ask the question is to show that one has not understood what the kingdom is; it is impossible to seek greatness for oneself in it (Morris, L. (1992). The Gospel according to Matthew (p. 510). Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester, England: W.B. Eerdmans; Inter-Varsity Press.).
Matthew 23:1-12 [23:1]Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, [2]"The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses' seat, [3]so practice and observe whatever they tell you--but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice. [4]They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. [5]They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, [6]and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues [7]and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others. [8]But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers. [9]And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. [10]Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Christ. [11]The greatest among you shall be your servant. [12]Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (ESV)
• This section is both instructive and a warning to parents and children. There is the directive for instruction in the word of God and linking it to lifestyle. We can't fail to follow a legitimate directive just because the person proclaiming it has a personal failing. Yet there is the warning to all about seeking self-greatness in the kingdom of God.
• Jesus’ disciples should not try to gain authority over one another as teachers or masters, since Jesus is ultimately each disciple’s teacher and master (you have one teacher … one instructor), to whom the disciple is accountable. Jesus does not literally forbid use of the titles “teacher,” “doctor,” or “father” for all time in all circumstances, but he prohibits his disciples from using these terms in the way the Pharisees used them, in a spirit that wrongly exalted leaders and reinforced human pride (Crossway Bibles. (2008). The ESV Study Bible (p. 1871). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.)
The mother of these disciples, due to their close family relationship with Jesus and her sons’ close fellowship with him in his “inner circle,” may have felt that she had a right to make the request that her two sons would sit, as verse 21 states: "one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom". Jesus had already promised “thrones” (although the disciples may have misconstrued the meaning) when he said that the twelve disciples would “sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel” (Mt. 19:28). In ancient royal courts, the persons chosen to sit at the right and left hands of the king were the most powerful people in the kingdom. James and John’s mother wanted her sons to sit beside Christ in his glory—these were the most honored places in the kingdom. They all understood that Jesus would have a kingdom; they understood that Jesus would be glorified (James and John had seen the Transfiguration, although they had not told anyone about it, as Jesus had commanded); and they approached him as loyal subjects to their king. However, until after the Resurrection, none of them fully understood that Jesus’ kingdom was not of this world; it was not centered in palaces and thrones, but in the hearts and lives of his followers.
• Parents naturally want to see their children promoted and honored, but this desire is dangerous if it causes them to lose sight of God’s specific will for their children. God may have different work in mind—not as glamorous but just as important. Thus parents’ desires for their children’s advancement must be held in check as they pray that God’s will be done in their children’s lives. (Barton, B. B. (1996). Matthew (p. 395). Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.)
Illustration: 3630 Millet’s Grandmother
Millet, painted a work named “Angelus” which captivated the art-loving world. He had a godly grandmother and just as he was leaving home for Paris to be a student, she said, “I would rather see you dead than unfaithful to God’s commands.” Just as he was coming to be known as one of the greatest painters of his day, her influence could be seen in every picture he put on canvas. She kept reminding him, “Remember, you were a Christian before you became a painter.” (Tan, P. L. (1996). Encyclopedia of 7700 Illustrations: Signs of the Times (p. 844). Garland, TX: Bible Communications, Inc.)
Godly mothers and grandmothers focus their efforts in encouraging godliness. True greatness in any field, will only flow from this. Without it, any eternal impact will disappear.
2) A New Response (Matthew 20:22–24)
Matthew 20:22-24 [22]Jesus answered, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?" They said to him, "We are able." [23]He said to them, "You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father." [24]And when the ten heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers. (ESV)
These verses reflect a second wrong way to spiritual greatness, that of self-serving ambition. The request of James, John, and their mother not only was brash but foolish. Bypassing the mother, Jesus answered the two brothers directly and said, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?” The plural “you” shows that Jesus is speaking directly to James and John, as well as to their mother (Crossway Bibles. (2008). The ESV Study Bible (p. 1863). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.)
The three had no idea of the full implications of their request. They wanted a crown without a cross, a throne without the altar of sacrifice, the glory without the suffering that leads to it (MacDonald, W. (1995). Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments. (A. Farstad, Ed.) (p. 1280). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.)
• We most likely do the same thing in our prayers. Do we pray that God lead our children? What if that leading comes through suffering or in a difficult location? Do we pray that God may draw them to Himself? What if our wayward children, who continue to rebel, need a drastic action from God in order for them to stop what they are doing? It's not wrong to pray for godly objectives, we should realize in our requests however that His ways are often not our ways.
The cup that Jesus was about to drink was the cup of suffering and death, which He had just finished describing to them (vv. 18–19). The “cup” is sometimes used in the OT as a metaphor of blessing (Ps 16:5; 23:5; 116:13), but more often for judgment (Ps 75:8; Jer 25:15–29; Ezek 23:31–34 etc.). In the latter sense it usually denotes the punishment of the wicked, but in Isa 51:17–23; Lam 4:21 it is used of the suffering of God’s people. Here the context demands that it be understood of suffering rather than of punishment (France, R. T. (2007). The Gospel of Matthew (p. 758). Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publication Co.)
Jesus was saying, “Don’t you realize by now that the way to eternal glory is not through worldly success and honor but through suffering? Haven’t you heard what I’ve been teaching about the persecuted being blessed and about taking up your own crosses and following Me?” To drink the cup meant to drink the full measure, leaving nothing. It was a common expression that meant to stay with something to the end, to endure to the limits, whatever the cost. The cup that Jesus was about to drink was immeasurably worse than the physical agony of the cross or the emotional anguish of being forsaken by His friends, painful as those were. The full measure of His cup was taking sin upon Himself, an agony so horrible that He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt” (Matt. 26:39). Only as Christ’s followers are able to drink Jesus’ cup of suffering can they share in Christ’s glory (v. 22; see also 26:39) (Campbell, I. D. (2008). Opening up Matthew (p. 122). Leominster: Day One Publications.).
• This is the point where a mother can test her own godliness: If she is willing to allow God to do whatever it takes for His will be done.
Suffering from physical afflictions such as disease, deformity, and accident or from the emotional distresses of a lost job or the death of a loved one can be used by the Lord to strengthen believers spiritually. He can help them grow even through problems and hardships they bring on themselves because of foolishness or sin. But the affliction that brings eternal glory is that which is brought about and is willingly endured because of faithfulness to the Lord. It is suffering because of the gospel, being “persecuted for the sake of righteousness” (Matt. 5:10). The one who has the greatest glory beside Christ in heaven will be the one who has faithfully endured the greatest suffering for Him on earth.
Either because they completely misunderstood what Jesus meant or because, like Peter promising never to forsake Christ, they self-confidently thought they could endure anything required of them, James and John foolishly declared, “We are able.” Their answer may not have revealed bravado or pride as much as it showed their willingness to follow Jesus whatever the cost, to fight the battle that was before them. As loyal followers, they hoped to receive honor along with Jesus when he would establish his kingdom; however, their desertion of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane revealed how unready they really were for what this “cup” entailed (Matthew 26:56) (Barton, B. B. (1996). Matthew (p. 396). Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.).
• If there is one major error in modern parenting, it is the cult of self-esteem. Parents, educators and coaches encourage kids to believe in them selves. But the source of power is not in ourselves but from God. God tears down the proud, but lifts up the humble. The more we trust in Him and less in our own abilities, the more He is glorified and uses us.
No doubt with great tenderness and compassion, the Lord then assured the brothers, in verse 23 “you will drink my cup.” But it would not be in their own power but in the power of the Holy Spirit that they would suffer greatly for their Master’s sake. James was the first apostle to be martyred (Acts 12:2), and John ended his long life as a condemned exile on the island of Patmos (Rev. 1:9). They did indeed share in the “fellowship of His sufferings” (Phil. 3:10).
Nevertheless, He continued, “to sit at/on My right hand and on My left, this is not Mine to grant/give.” Not only were James and John presumptuous in asking to sit on Jesus’ right and … left, but it was not, in any case, His prerogative to grant such a request. Rather, Jesus said, “It is for those for whom it has been prepared by My Father.” It would not be on the basis of favoritism or ambition that those honors would be bestowed, but on the basis of the Father’s sovereign choice. Here is another example of Jesus’ submission to the Father’s will and purpose. The Father is in control of all things (cf. 1 Cor. 15:27–28) (Utley, R. J. (2000). The First Christian Primer: Matthew (Vol. Volume 9, p. 167). Marshall, TX: Bible Lessons International.).
• Personal ambition is not a factor in the eternal, sovereign plan of God. It is therefore not only sinful but a foolish and useless waste of effort. It is not a waste of effort for a mother to pray for the salvation and deliverance from sin for her children. The hardest thing to come to grips with however is the biblical reality that sovereign election to salvation and redemption from sin is the prerogative of the Father.
Finally, the response of the ten other disciples in verse 24, seems righteous on the surface. But they became indignant at/with the two brothers not because of their own righteousness but their envious resentment. They had in the past expressed the same proud and selfish sentiments, and they would express those sentiments again. On the way from Caesarea Philippi to Capernaum “they had discussed with one another which of them was the greatest” but were ashamed to admit it to Jesus (Mark 9:33–34). Even at the Last Supper “there arose also a dispute among them as to which one of them was regarded to be greatest” (Luke 22:24). They were all guilty of the same self-serving ambition that had just been demonstrated by the two brothers. There was more than pure anger here; there was wounded pride. If the disciples had learned Jesus’ lessons on humility, there would have been no pride to wound. The ten were apparently sorry only that they had not requested the same privilege first. Jesus chose this opportunity to teach further on the true values of the kingdom of heaven, especially since all twelve disciples had exposed their prideful hearts (Weber, S. K. (2000). Matthew (Vol. 1, p. 323). Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.).
But what of Salome, James and John? Please turn to John 19 (p.905)
Salome wanted greatness for James and John. She wanted them to be recognized in the Kingdom of God and in places of prominence. She wanted them to be special in Jesus' eyes and have a unique relationship with Him.
John 19:23-27 [23]When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, [24]so they said to one another, "Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be." This was to fulfill the Scripture which says, "They divided my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots." So the soldiers did these things, [25]but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. [26]When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son!" [27]Then he said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother!" And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. (ESV)
• As some mother would have been proud of the solders in positions of power and acquiring resources, "his mother's sister" (v.25) is most likely Salome, the mother of the sons of Zebedee mentioned in Matthew and Mark. John is specifically mentioned as "the disciple whom he loved". He did achieve greatness: to be loved by Jesus. He was there with his mother in Jesus' time of need. He did achieve greatness, in being commissioned directly by Jesus to take care of His own family.
• As her name means, Salome was at peace in the midst of great turmoil, there at the cross. Being loved by Jesus is the highest achievement in the Kingdom of God, and even though Salome didn't always get it right, she and her sons could have no higher honor.
(Format Note: Some base commentary from MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1985). Matthew (Mt 20:20). Chicago: Moody Press)
