HoHum:
Talk about the storms this past week. Sayler Park Tornado - April 3, 1974. The only tornado in the April 3-4, 1974 Super Outbreak to occur in 3 states. It touched down near Rising Sun, crossed into Boone County, KY, then over the Ohio River into Sayler Park. In Sayler Park, The first area of town hit was the Morehead Marina, where numerous boats were thrown and destroyed. A large floating restaurant barge at this location was lifted, ripped from its moorings, and flipped by the tornado. Later this was recovered several miles downstream. A nearby house was lifted from its foundation and thrown into the river. At a further inland area of Sayler Park, the tornado maintained F5 intensity as numerous homes were swept away at a hilly area near a lake, with only bare slabs remaining. One pickup truck in this area was carried a half block over the roofs of five homes before being smashed to the ground. The tornado killed 3 and injured over 100 in Hamilton County, OH.
WBTU:
Little difference between nature’s storms and life’s storms. They both can be rough. Many storms that a marriage and a family can go through. Talked about grieving the death of a loved one 2 weeks ago. God had me speak on that. One family member is addicted to something. Couple experiences infertility. Having a disabled child. Dealing with a rebellious child. Health, aging issues, emotional (depression) and financial losses. The worst for a marriage is infidelity.
How can we survive the storms of life? Storms can either make us or break us
“How Good Marriages battle bad things” by Les and Leslie Parrott.
Thesis: 5 tools that every marriage needs to battle bad things
For instances:
Ownership- taking responsibility for the good and the bad
Most people believe the problems in their marriages are because of their spouse. Like gun slingers from the Old West, they draw their dueling fingers and point to each other’s flaws. They say things like: “If it weren’t for your anger, we might have a real marriage. If you didn’t lie about so many things, maybe I could trust you. If you were ever interested in talking, I might be interested in making love.”
Taking responsibility is focused on improvement and correction – doing it better. A good owner is someone who wants to improve whatever they own. They strive to be good stewards of that which God has entrusted to their care and work on whatever they can to make sure that it does what it is designed to do. They maintain what they own- especially something they know God dearly values. We know that God cares greatly about marriages.
When we think of ownership considering marriage this involves appreciating and celebrating the good- doing what we can to help the good to continue. It also involves evaluating that which is damaging the marriage, making it our mission to do our part in finding ways to overcome the problems.
If our attitude and our actions are contributing to the problems, then we need to own up to them, take responsibility for correcting them. “Who are you in charge of?”
Regardless of what our spouse will or will not do to help the marriage to grow to be healthy, we are responsible for doing our part. This is not a 50/50 proposition. “I’m going to give 100% effort regardless of what the other person is doing or not doing.”
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart...” Colossians 3:23, NIV. “It was not the days of ease that made our marriage stronger and happier; it was working through the difficult parts.”-Karen Swallow Prior
Hope- believing that good wins over bad
“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-5, NIV.
Whatever storm we are going through, God, by design, has us exactly where we are at this moment so that we might be able to endure, to then be able to cultivate that hope that will help us write the next chapter in our family’s history so that when your children and grandchildren read our story they will be inspired to say, “I can do this, too.”
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28, NIV.
Empathy- walking in our partner’s shoes
Research has shown that 90% of struggles in marriage would be resolved if we did nothing more than see that problem from our partner’s perspective. Empathy is the heart of love. We have something in our nature that provides the makings for human empathy. When a content newborn baby hears another baby crying, for example, it also begins to wail. It’s not just the loud noise, but the sound of a fellow human in distress that triggers the baby’s crying.
In marriage, we are God’s partner in ministering to the needs of our spouse. What does he/she need? How can I minister to him/ her? “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”” Romans 15:1-3, NIV.
Late in his life, Sir Winston Churchill took a cruise on an Italian ship. A journalist from a Rome newspaper met with the former prime minister to ask him why he chose to travel on an Italian line when the stately Queen’s line under the British flag was available. Churchill gave the question his consideration and then replied: “There are three things I like about Italian ships. First, their cuisine, which is unsurpassed. Second, their service, which is quite superb.” And then Sir Winston added, “And then there is none of this nonsense about women and children first.” Why shouldn’t women and children be first? And why shouldn’t others be first? The gentlemanly thing to do is to allow others to go first. No, the Christian thing is to put others ahead of yourself. We all must learn to put others ahead of ourselves. It’s the way of Christ.
Forgiveness- healing the hurts we don’t deserve
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13, NIV.
A marriage will die without a heavy dose of forgiveness. The failure to give or receive forgiveness probably accounts for nearly every marriage that stops. How can two people survive together without saying, “I’m sorry”? Unfortantely many husbands and wives have a hard time knowing when and how to say these words.
Erich Segal's, Love Story, is no friend to real love. For its famous last line - 'love means never having to say you're sorry' - has poisoned countless romances, marriages and families. This saying is one of the worst guides by which to conduct our relationships. In a real relationship, saying sorry and giving forgiveness is an important part.
Realize that I’ve mentioned forgiveness several times but need to deal with it thoroughly. Spend all of next Sunday talking about forgiveness. Talk more about romance tonight but never fear. Age appropriate and full of sanctified common sense.
Will say that untold marriages have been saved by simply forgiving. Forgiveness promotes repentance and change in the guilty party and healing in the person who has been wronged. Genuine repentance and gut wrenching forgiveness will save a marriage.
Commitment- living the love we promised
There’s something to be said for those who promise to love as Christ loves and follows through with our promises- even when our promises strain under the toughest of pressures.
In Thornton Wilder’s, “The Skin of Our Teeth,” a character named Mrs. Antobus says, “I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise make up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them- it was that promise.” That’s a great example of what a commitment to marriage looks like. It’s a promise made and kept by two imperfect people- with flaws, faults, and character weaknesses.
Too many couples misunderstand the nature of the vows. Many think that the vows are just an expression of their feelings for each other but they are much more. Vows are promises made for the times when the feelings of love are absent. Vows are independent of feelings, and based on a commitment to work on the relationship, to remain faithful, regardless of feelings and difficulties.
The bible says let our Yes be yes and our No be no (Matthew 5:37) – our word is our bond. The bible speaks about our name – our character being more precious than great riches (Proverbs 22:1) – great value is placed on our word. We need to keep our promises especially to our spouse. How well we keep our promises says a lot about us!
Conclusion and invitation:
Talking so much about marriage. Pray that this will be used to save a marriage.
Pray that this will be used to save a soul. Acts 2:38-39
