HoHum:
A young minister was preparing for his first wedding ceremony that he had ever performed. The young minister was a nervous wreck and asked an older minister what to do if he messed up. The older minister said that if you forget what to say you can always quote scripture to fill in. So, as the young minister performed the wedding ceremony he said “I now pronounce you husband and wife” and then his mind went blank. So he remembered what the older minister said and he started to quote scripture saying “Lord forgive them for they know not what they do”.
WBTU:
In our series on the family, we have talked about:
Beginning of family Genesis 1-3. Marriage and the family is God’s idea, built into creation.
Jesus’ view on marriage. Jesus goes back to Genesis 2, pointing people back to the original design of marriage and the family when things were good and sin was non existent.
Last week we talked about Ephesians 5 and again the NT points us back to the original intent of marriage and the family from Genesis 2. We talked about the role of the husband and the role of the wife in marriage and in the family.
Today, instead of focusing on one passage of Scripture, we are going to discuss the 3 most commonly held views on the nature of marriage in our day.
Thesis: Focus on the best and most biblical view and then give 5 implications for marriage
For instances:
3 views, ending with the most biblical view
1. Marriage as a sacrament- This view has come about through tradition and awkward interpretations of the Bible. In this view marriage is one of the means for obtaining grace through Jesus Christ. While Jesus Christ and his relationship with the church is the main focus of Ephesians 5 where human marriage is mentioned, this does not mean that grace is given through the human marriage relationship. Grace is given only through Jesus Christ and never through human marriages. Jesus Christ is the one who cleanses through the washing with water through the word (Ephesians 5:26), something that a spouse cannot do. God designed marriage as the means of creating new physical life and as a source of contentment for two persons, not as a system for attaining spiritual life. Eternal life is given only through the gospel of Jesus Christ and never through human marriages. Serious error of this view is that if the marriage ends in divorce, then that means of grace is no longer available. Those who advocate this view also discourage divorced persons from partaking communion which they believe is another sacrament. Without taking communion in the Mass, eternal life is denied and fires of hell are awaiting. This makes divorce unpardonable sin. While I appreciate many of the moral stands this group takes, this is detestable and against the gospel of Jesus Christ.
2. Marriage as a contract
While the last view is mostly issue in the past, this view is popular today in our increasingly secular society. Scripture has little to do with this view.
Those who advocate this approach view marriage as a bilateral contract that is voluntarily formed, maintained, and dissolved by two individuals. Gary Chapman lists several characteristics of contracts that apply here:
They are typically made for a limited amount of time
They most often deal with specific actions
They are conditional upon the performance of contractual obligations by the other partner
They are entered into for one’s own benefit
Parts of contract are unspoken or assumed
This is a lessened view of what marriage is. Yes, an aspect of marriage is an agreement made between a man and a woman, but this is inadequate to explain what marriage is. This model gives no security or stability to marriage and provides an easy out if things get tough. Make a contract in the business world and if other party is breaking or negligent on what the contract outlines, then contract is invalid. If growing tired of the marriage, find something in the contract they are breaking, then get out of the contract. Look at marriage vows (contract) and find an area they are breaking or negligent and get out.
Also this contract model is based on the ability of people not to sin. If one spouse commits a grievous enough sin to break the contract, the other partner is free to dissolve the union. Considering humanity’s sinfulness, this renders marriage an unstable foundation. Who has lived up to their marriage vows! If we bring Scripture into this we find that marriage is to be a permanent and sacred institution with more security and stability than a contract.
3. Marriage as a covenant
This view defines marriage as a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God, normally consummated by sexual intercourse.
In this view marriage is more than a bilateral contract between two individuals, but a sacred bond between a husband and wife and between that couple and God.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24, NIV. I like what John Stott said about this passage and covenant marriage: “Marriage is an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, designed and sealed by God, preceded by a public leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, issuing in a permanent mutually supportive partnership, and normally crowned by the gift of children.”
Not going to look at all the meanings of the word “covenant” in the Bible but we can say that this term has the idea of a solemn commitment, guaranteeing promises or obligations undertaken by one or both covenanting parties. Lest we go back to contract concept, it also carries with it the idea of an agreement that a faithful person would not break even if the partner to whom that person is in covenant breaks the stipulations of the covenant. This idea of covenant goes back to God’s covenant with Israel. Even though Israel often broke the requirements of the covenant, God did not declare his part of the covenant invalid but continued to be faithful to his part even though the Israelites were unfaithful in their part.
Two Scriptures use covenant concerning marriage:
1. “It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.” Proverbs 2:16, 17, NIV.
2. “You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” Malachi 2:14, NIV.
Might argue that the word covenant is not in NT about marriage. While this is true, the concept is present in NT especially when we see Ephesians 5:21-33 with the analogy of Christ and his church. Christ is faithful to his part of the covenant even though the church many times is not. Christ never declares his relationship with the church invalid because she is ugly through her constant sinning. No, he continually cleanses her and provides for her.
5 implications for marriage
Since marriage is a covenant defined as a sacred bond instituted by and publicly entered into before God, then every Christian married couple should commit themselves to 5 things:
1. The permanence of marriage. Marriage is intended to be permanent, since marriage is established by God. Marriage is a serious commitment that should be entered into with the utmost sincerity. It involves a solemn promise or pledge, not just to one’s marriage partner, but to God. Divorce is not permitted except in certain cases (look at later).
2. The sacredness of marriage. Marriage is not merely a human agreement between two consenting individuals; marriage is a relationship before and under God.
3. The intimacy of marriage. Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships, united a man and a women in a “one flesh” bond. While “one flesh” suggests sexual intercourse, at its heart the concept leads to the establishment of a new kinship relationship between two previously unrelated individuals by the most intimate of human bonds.
4. The mutuality of marriage. Marriage is a relationship of voluntary self giving of one human being to another. The marriage partners are to be primarily concerned about the well being of the other person and to be committed to each other in steadfast love and devotion. This involves the need for forgiveness and restoration of the relationship in the case of sin. Remember the opening illustration. Forgiveness in marriage is important.
5. The exclusiveness of marriage. This means that no other human relationship must interfere with the marriage commitment between husband and wife. For this reason Jesus Christ treated sexual immorality of a married person with the utmost sternness.
Conclusion and invitation:
Marriage is part of our discipleship. When things get tough do we quit on our spouse? When things get tough do we quit on the Lord? A mother gave this story- My 7-year-old daughter wanted to take violin lessons, so I took her to a music store to rent an instrument. Hoping she would understand the importance of practicing, I explained that violin lessons were expensive so she would have to work hard. "There may be times when you feel like giving up," I said, "but I want you to hang in there and keep on trying." She nodded and then in her most serious voice said, "It will be just like marriage, right Mommy?"
