HoHum:
Clint Eastwood- They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
WBTU:
Review and background for Ephesians 5:21-33
God designed marriage
Vs. 31 we have heard a lot lately. Paul quotes from the Genesis account in Ephesians like Jesus did in Matthew 19. Paul uses the creation account elsewhere in the NT as in 1 Timothy 2:8-15 (look at tonight). God’s plan for marriage involves a lifelong monogamous, heterosexual, relationship. In Ephesians we find that God’s plan involves particular roles within marriage as well.
Here we find that marriage is rooted in creation, and in redemption. Paul speaks of the creation account, and Christ’s relationship with his church (redemption), saying that God had this in view. Therefore, if we miss God’s work in creation and redemption, we miss God’s plan for marriage.
The fall damaged marriage.
After the Fall, sin led to the misuse of God’s intention for marriage. Paul provides instructions like these in Ephesians 5 because this is unnatural for us! Women want to be in charge and men want to abandon their responsibilities for their marriages and families
“To the woman he said, “...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”” Genesis 3:16, NIV. This speaks of the ongoing struggle that takes place as a result of sin. When we see harsh and absent husbands or manipulating and controlling wives, we see the Fall in action.
Even in Genesis 3, the future redemption is in view. “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”” Genesis 3:15, NIV.
Even so we affirm the goodness of marriage.
The Bible gives a positive view of marriage. Paul knows that many are married, and he is positive about that, but he tells them how to have God honoring marriages.
Though unmarried himself, Paul honors marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, and in 1 Timothy 4. In 1 Timothy 4:1-5, Paul says that those who are forbidding marriage are devoting themselves to “the teaching of demons.” That is strong language emphasizing the value of marriage.
We must rely on the Spirit for faithful and fulfilling marriages.
Ephesians 5:18 tells us to be filled with the Spirit (not with wine). Every Christian is called to live their lives under the influence of the Spirit. Marriage must be lived considering this. Healthy marriages happen when each spouse dwells in Christ’s word, seeks not to grieve the Spirit, and realize that they need daily the Spirit’s power. When the fruits of the Spirit are displayed, rather than the fruits of the flesh, marriages flourish.
While the fall led to a reversal of the way things were supposed to be, these results were diminished through Jesus Christ and his atoning death. Through Christ we have power to fulfill our roles- not just faithfully, but joyfully. Remember this as we talk about the roles.
In Ephesians 5 Paul is saying that marriage displays the gospel.
In the OT, the example of God’s love for his people was described as a marriage. This uses Christ and the church. In vs. 32 he says this picture is profound, great, deep. This is awesome. In creation, God had Christ and the church in mind.
Christ is the head of this marriage. Paul described his headship in Ephesians 1:22f. Look at what kind of leader he is. Notice the five verbs that describe Christ’s love for his bride: Vs. 25- he loved her, he gave himself for her, Vs. 26- to make her holy, cleansing her, Vs. 29- feeds and cares for her.
This shows us the purpose of marriage, the glory of Christ. Everything in this passage points us to Christ: “as to the Lord” Vs. 22 (an act of worship), “as Christ loved the church” Vs. 25, (reflect Christ in our love), “as Christ does the church” vs. 29. (Love like Christ). Everything comes back to Christ.
There are many books on how to have a healthy marriage. But the ultimate issue in marriage is: Are we surrendered to the Lordship of Christ? Will we submit our life to him in all areas? If the starting point in marriage is me, then I’m starting at the wrong place. Marriage exists for Christ’s glory. Need to get this right. The biggest problem in marriage is sin. The solution is the gospel of Jesus. Marriage is the union of two sinners. Without Jesus Christ the power of sin is so strong that it rules the roost, full of thunder and lightening. Invitation time at end.
Thesis: Talk about the two roles
For instances:
I. Wives, revere Christ through proper submission to and respect for your husband
1. Submission (Ephesians 5:22-24)
Scripture discourages something akin to slavery or a military style, top down chain of command, where obedience is unquestioned. What then does “submission mean”?
Kostenberger says, “While some may view submitting to one’s husbands authority as something negative, a more accurate way of looking at this is to understand that wives are called to follow their husband’s loving leadership.” Did we catch that? Submission is about following the husbands’ loving leadership.
This is also a voluntary submission. Wives freely and responsibly follow the loving leadership of a faithful husband, not a tyrant. When you submit, you are simply saying, “I am letting you lead.” You will flourish when he is leading, not when he is passive.
More clarifications:
Women and men have equal value. This has nothing to do with value but everything to do with roles. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28, NIV.
This does not mean that the husband always gets his way. Wayne Grudem- A well functioning head has ears.
The husband is not Christ. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18, NIV.
2. Respect (Ephesians 5:33)
In the biblical sense, to fear, as one would fear the Lord; to have serious regard for. This regard is indifferent to how worthy your husband may be of your respect. This is unconcerned on how you feel or what you think. Like the command to submit to your husband, this command to revere your husband is from the Lord. Clearly, there are many husbands who are unworthy of respect. In fact, some of them may not be Christians or even if they claim to be Christians, may manifest few signs of a changed life. But that is no excuse for disobedience.
One reason to give him respect is that the husband will give an account to God for leading his family and wife. Respect that assignment. The wife should see the responsibility that he has and respect him, love him, and pray for him. One suggestion, Don’t talk poorly of him with others.
Husbands, reflect Christ by loving your bride
1. Sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:25). Christ gave himself up for us. Christ’s self less love is our model. This is a Golgotha love, when he gave up his back to be scourged, his hands and feet to be nailed, and exposed his side to the spear. It’s a foot washing love. He came to serve, though he is the head. This is authority coupled with unparalleled humility and love. “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10, NIV. This involves sacrificing our schedule, our time, and even godly ambitions to be with her, pray for and with her, and to serve her. Involves making up our minds by the Spirit to be faithful to her, and be unyielding to the temptation of lust. Marriage for a man is a call to die; but then again, so is following Jesus. “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23, NIV.
2. Sanctifying love (Ephesians 5:26-27). A husband is unable to atone for sins, or sanctify anyone, but we help or hinder Christ’s sanctifying work in her life. Practically, I think this means love her in a way to help her grow in Christ. Here’s a question, “Is my wife more like Christ because she’s married to me? Or, is she like Christ in spite of me?”
3. Satisfying love (Ephesians 5:28-30, 33). “as their own bodies”- Just as we long to satisfy our needs, satisfy our wives needs. This is a picture of Christ’s care for his body, the church. In marriage, just as we long for intimacy, joy, security, health, peace, companionship, community, provide that for our bride first. Husbands should provide and protect. Husbands should honor her and be sensitive with her. “feeds and cares”- Physically nourish by loving her and spending time with her. Spiritually nourish by talking, praying, and worshipping together. “Love his wife as he loves himself” Admire her and compliment her. Love even if it means sacrificing our career dreams.
Conclusion and invitation:
From the beginning, marriage is to be a picture of Christ and his bride. Have you said yes to this groom? Do you belong to Jesus? Are you a member of his body? Ephesians 5:30- “for we are members of his body,” untrue unless accepted the offer of salvation. Have you responded to the gospel and been cleansed? Vs. 26- cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, a reference to baptism.
