We are in the midst of a series entitled “Upsetting the Apple Cart.” We have already discovered that murder is wrong but Jesus equated being angry with someone to murder. We have already discovered that adultery is wrong but Jesus equated looking with lust to adultery. Today He really upsets my personal apple cart and some of yours.
Let’s read Matthew 5:31-32 “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.”
There are three points to this scripture that I want to address. First, the law concerning divorce. Secondly, the unfairness to the woman whose only hope is to find another husband. And thirdly, the free card it seems that the man gets as long as he does not marry a divorcee.
Let’s look at the law of which Jesus spoke. It is found in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man. But if the second husband also turns against her, writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away, or if he dies, the first husband may not marry her again, for she has been defiled. That would be detestable to the Lord. You must not bring guilt upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as a special possession.
Here is the provision of the law. A man marries a woman. She displeases him. She is served divorce papers and has to leave. She is in a society where woman are considered more of a possession and less of a partner. She needs a male, be it husband, father, brother, or son, to care for her. Hopefully she will find someone else to lay claim to her. She is free to do that. However if this husband divorces her or dies she cannot return to her first husband. That is the law that Jesus is reminding them about.
But men being men concentrate of the first part of the law. Deuteronomy 24:1 “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house.”
She burnt the toast, grounds for a divorce. She let herself go and she’s not as attractive as she once was, grounds for a divorce. She’s beyond childbearing years, grounds for a divorce. Anything not pleasing to the man, grounds for divorce. Something is wrong with her; she lost a tooth, grounds for divorce. Quite a loophole for the guys.
When Jesus is teaching this men were using divorce as a way of pursuing other love interests. They were not committing adultery so they were able to maintain their righteousness. Therefore their status before God did not change.
The second point Jesus makes is that in divorcing their wives, the women become adulteresses. God declared marriage to be a joining of one flesh. He gave no provision for that flesh being ripped apart. It was not something to be broken on a whim. Divorce put a woman in a situation where she was forced to go out and remarry violating the vow of one flesh. And if she did remarry, that person became an adulterer.
There is the third point. Just don’t marry a divorcee. Be sure, when you dump your wife it will be for a woman who has never married. That might be hard to do if divorce is running rampant. Later Jesus cleared any misunderstanding about a free card for men in Matthew 19:9. “And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.” It’s adultery for men for the same reason it is for women. Because it violates the vow of being one flesh.
So, let’s ask this question. “If divorce is wrong, then why did God make a provision for divorce?” Jesus answered that question in Matthew 19: 7-8. “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked.
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.”
Divorce is not God’s intent. Never was and never will be. It was because of the condition of hard hearts that divorce was permitted. It is hard hearts that leads us to sin. It is hard hearts that quenches the Holy Spirit within us. God finds divorce appalling and unacceptable. God hates divorce. The Bible says as much.
Malachi 2:13-16 “Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows, you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.
Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
Malachi was written about 400 years before Jesus began his ministry. Already divorce had become a corruption to God’s people. Because of this corruption, their relationship with God suffered. He no longer accepted their offerings and worship. A distance existed between them and God, strong enough to be felt. His desire was for the man and woman to be united and loyal to each other for the purpose of raising Godly children. Divorce helps to ensure that goal will not be reached.
Divorce damages children. Children from broken homes are more likely to develop behavioral problems including the use of illegal drugs. They are less likely to complete high school, attend college, or obtain higher status jobs. They are more likely to become sexually active before the age of 17. Girls are more likely to be pregnant before the age of 19.
This condition of coming from a broken home insures that 59% are more likely to end their marriage. If both spouses come from a broken home that stat jumps to 189%, almost a certainty that their marriage will not last.
We live in a society where 33% of first time marriages end in divorce. Those marriages last for an average of 11 years. Among born again Christians 32% of first marriages end in divorce even though God hates divorce.
So when is it okay for a man to divorce his wife? The Bible says if she has been unfaithful. But when we, the church, the Bride of Christ, are unfaithful to him through our sins, how does He treat us? Allow me to read to you a exert from a web site of a marriage counselor.
“A man sat in my office after discovering his wife’s infidelity. He talked about how his family wanted him to divorce her and, in the process, punish her severely for what she had done. After we talked about the danger of heeding advice from family and friends, and the detriment to his own heart and soul if he sought vengeance, I asked him a question.
“Is she a bad woman who did a bad thing or is she a good woman who did a bad thing?”
He enquired as to why I would ask that question. I explained that good people sometimes do bad things, but that if they are at heart still good people, they may be worth rescuing. Good people who regret bad behavior and want to make things right tend to be better people than they were before their indiscretion.
‘So,’ I asked, ‘Is she a good woman worth taking the risk to rescue, or a bad woman that you should get away from and stay away from for the sake of you and your children?’
He decided she was at heart a good woman. He took the chance, and they worked out their problems. They have a strong marriage today.” (Crosswalk.com)
How about women? Is there a cause for them to file for divorce? Paul seems to give one in 1 Corinthians 7:12-15. “Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)”
Again, we see that one purpose of being a family unit is for our children to be godly. But Paul also emphasizes the importance of peace. Though Paul says these are his words, I believe he based them on the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
But what does Jesus say? 1 Corinthians 7: 10-11 “But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.”
So the answer to the question, “When is it okay to divorce?” is “Never.” It is never okay to divorce.
Maybe you feel like the disciples when they responded in Matthew 19:10 “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” I believe they were right.
Remember last week we established that adultery according to God is a capital offense deserving of the death penalty. So Jesus is pointing out the fact that divorce leads to adultery. That people who get divorced and remarry are guilty of a capital offense worthy of death. This is a teaching hard to understand.
But how would this change our viewpoint on marriage if it were enforced? Would we be quick to marry someone if we knew
that separation and divorce would not be an option? Would we be quick to marry if we knew that divorce meant we could never marry again? Perhaps we would consider marriage a much more permanent commitment than we do now. This was the point Jesus was trying to make.
Marriage is not to be entered into lightly. Marriage means forsaken all others for your spouse. Marriage is laying aside all your personal agendas and placing your spouses wants and needs above yours. Marriage is being bonded together so tightly that nothing can separate you.
Marriage is also about changes. We take a vow to love each other for better or for worse. That means the person you marry will not be the same person 10 or 20 years from now. We all change as we age. The secret is to keep falling in love again with that person your spouse has become. We may find ourselves in a divorce period deciding whether we love this new person. Divorce is a conscience refusal to remarry the new person your spouse has become. You can fall out of love with someone but it’s by your own choice. Or you can keep on remarrying that person no matter how many times they change. (Glenn Pease)
I stand before you doubly condemned. I am a divorced man who remarried. According to the word of God, I am an adulterer. I am also guilty of marrying a divorced woman, again making me an adulterer. Also, I am guilty of making my ex-wife and current wife adulteresses. These are facts that cannot be watered down or sugar coated. Some of you sitting here today are also guilty.
But once it’s done, like many other choices we have made in the past, it can’t be undone. All we can do is confess our part in the failures of the past, repent, and determine in our hearts to do everything we can do to walk in obedience with God today. That includes making your present, or future marriage if not married, everything that God intended marriage to be which is a beautiful reflection of the love Christ has for his Bride. Ephesians 5:25-27, 31-32 “He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.”
