Intro: This week we continue the second part of Pattern for Powerful Personal Relationships. We continue to see the pattern that reveals the resurrection life in us. This is the explanation of John 13:35 “by this they will know that you are my disciples.” If we love the Lord Jesus then this is our goal our vision. We are found faithful when empowered by the Holy Spirit we live holy lives.
Remember Paul has given us a pattern that will be part of our lives and relationships if we have the resurrection life of Jesus in us. Do you want to know how to be stress free and have full lives? Abide in Jesus by dealing with others this way. Paul has told us about honest words and feelings not honest work and helpful words.
I. Honest work
The early church peached to the gospel to the lowest and least of society. Liars, cheats, prostitutes, thieves.
A) Don’t Steal -- The word used in the Greek is klepto which has been carried into the English language for someone who cannot control their impulses of stealing. Stealing reveals a lack of trust in Jesus. A lack of trust in Jesus will make you a taker.
B) Do hard work
The word labor carries the idea of working to the point of exhaustion. Adam and Eve were to work the garden, we are created in Christ Jesus unto good works. The word carries the idea of exertion. We can change the stealing heart by establishing a biblical priority of honest hard work.
C) Do be generous
Stealing comes from a spirit of greed and selfishness. If you have confessed Jesus as Lord ask Him to reveal opportunities for you to serve and give. Giving will break the chains of greed.
II. Helpful words
We are told in James 3:8 that no man can tame the tongue. However we are told in this letter to the Ephesians that when we believed the Gospel we were sealed by the Holy Spirit. There is one inside us who can give us the power of self-control. We may never achieve perfect control of the terrible beast called the tongue. We can however with the help of the Holy Spirit limit the harmful words that escape our mouths. If we apply this part of the pattern to our lives we would see radical changes in our lives and relationships. This is the application of the commandment of love to our tongues. If we love God we say things that will benefit His kingdom. If we love each other we will say things that benefit our brothers and sisters in Christ. This life comes from experience the cross of Jesus and the grace of God.
A) Amputate rotten words from your vocabulary
This is about much more than simple vulgarity. This is about applying the truth of scripture and the power of love to our words that carry “The power of life and death.” If our words carry that much power then we need to do more than let them fly. Words can be scalpels or swords for healing or hurting. We are told that no rotten or unwholesome words should come out of our mouths so what types of words are they? This list came from Steven Cole is not exhaustive.
1) Name calling, put downs, insult for insult. Peter 3:9 makes it clear that we are not to go insult for insult instead we are to give a blessing.
2) Labeling inaccurately -- We too often lump people into groups that we think are negative.
3) Sarcasm, ridicule, mockery
Sarcasm is defined as “a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain. “Proverbs 26:18, 19 Like a madman who throws flaming darts and deadly arrows, so is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
4) Blaming, exaggerated attacks -- The blame game started with Adam saying, “It’s her fault.” We blame by often exaggerating, “You always, or You Never.”
5) Gripping and complaining
The world gripes and complains. Drive a school bus, work at any service industry, be a pastor or minister. Did you know that Paul instructs us in Philippians 2:14 “to do all things without grumbling or complaining?” All complaints are directed at God who is in complete control of the circumstances that surround us. We are instead encouraged and taught to thank God in and for all things. 1 Thess 5:18
6) Destructive criticism
Words should be directed at helping others heal and grow. Proverbs 12:18 says, “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
7) Angry words, including threats and revenge
Words that seek to control through fear. We should never speak to someone in anger.
8) Arguments where you seek to maintain or win power
Husbands are to be heads of their home. We are not supposed to rule our home but serve and lead. The goal is not to win arguments but to promote Godliness in our homes, church’s, work place etc.
9) Deceitful lies and manipulative speech
We are to be truthful. God will take care of the results if we take care of our responsibility. We represent Jesus by living and speaking truth.
10) Gossip and slander
Gossip most often spreads partial truths mixed with falsehood to make the person look bad. Even if gossip and slander may be true but the person your sharing it with did not need the information. Sometimes it is even passed off as a prayer request. Can you believe so and so did thus and such.
Proverbs 26:20 “Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down.”
11) Profanity – not vulgarity but profanity is using the Lord’s name in vain. This can be speech or action! This is about the abuse of speech! Words are profane based on their intent and cultural content. Bloody fin in Us not in British culture.
12) Filthy talk and coarse joking (Ephesians 5:4)
“behavior that flouts social and moral standards, shamefulness, obscenity” and off color humor. Whatever language we use if it does not benefit or build up we should abandon or amputate it from our vocabulary.
Scripture teaches how to remove rotten useless words.
a) Be Quick to listen – James 1:19 A willingness to understand others shows that we are moving from selfish and self-serving to servant.
2) Be Slow to speak -- He doesn’t tell us not to speak but to be slow to speak. I believe it is implied that we should pray and allow the Holy Spirit to give us words of life to speak or silence.
B) Add grace building words to your vocabulary (importance of bible memorization)
1) New words come from a new heart
Matthew 15:19 “For from the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual immoralities, thefts, false testimonies, blasphemies.”
Paul makes it clear in Galatians 5:22 where the hurtful words come from, “Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar.”
Jesus also said in Matthew 12:34 “Brood of vipers! How can you speak good things when you are evil? For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.
Evil hearts produce evil hurtful words. We must have a new heart before we have healing helpful words.
2) New words come from a new commitment (a commitment to speak life and love)
What are we committing to? We are committing to carry our thoughts to Jesus so that they become words of life and love.
A couple, co-workers, friends have an argument. If it is not resolved and forgiven and both parties walk away angry they will most likely spend the day thinking evil of the other person. How hard they are to live with, how they aren’t very understanding, how they don’t listen or care. 2 Corinthians 10:5 “take every thought captive.” The devil loves to divide with dirty thoughts. The thoughts become words and actions. Will you commit to using life giving words? Words that Paul says edify or build up into the image of Jesus. What are those?
a) Words of appreciation and thanks
1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks always. We should give thanks to God for his grace. We also have to learn to thank others. If you appreciate someone tell them.
b) Words of encouragement and praise
Read 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Constructive criticism has its place. There is a great need for prophets to stand and say “This is what the Lord says.” Paul was a prophet like this. But we need an army of Barnabus’ to encourage the body of Jesus Christ.
c) Words that communicate love
Patient, kind, unselfish, and on. What do these words communicate? They communicate that we need God’s grace and are far from having arrived at perfection. Something like, “You know I’ve done that too.” Let’s work through this together.
d) Words that have grown you from the Bible
Verses you have memorized that God used to speak to you. Bible verses that are precious and remind you of God’s character.
e) Words or teaching, correction, reproof, rebuke and training.
2 Timothy 3:16 God’s word is to be hidden in our heart to help each other. We all need these types of words. The person that loves you the most is the one that shares the hard truths about you in love.
f) Words of prayer
g) Words of Grace
Grace means getting what you don’t deserve. Often people mistreat us or are just plain hateful or mean. What usually comes to our mind is they don’t deserve these good words. Your right! No they don’t and no you don’t. But God gives us salvation and relationship when we deserve hell. Words of grace flow from the heart of God!
III. Humble will
What does it mean to grieve the Holy Spirit? The word in the Greek means to sadden or to cause pain or distress. This words speaks of a pain or grief or distress that can only happen between people that deeply love each other. It sickens and hurts the Spirit of God when we speak or act in unholy and sinful ways. We see in this statement that the Holy Spirit is indeed a person because when we act like children of the world it hurts Him.
What should we do when we grieve the Holy Spirit? Go back to the place you hurt Him by disobedience, resisting, or quenching. Agree with God you did or went wrong, in other words confess to God what he already knows and repent. Go the direction God wanted you to go. Make the decision God wanted you to make. Take the action God wanted you to take.
Conclusion: Have your words and work been transformed by the cross of Jesus Christ? Is the resurrection life of Jesus empowering you to control you tongue? Do you put forth exertion to build up others and be generous?
