LIFELINES
“One is the Loneliest Number”
Psalm 142:1-4
One of the primary figures in the OT is David. All of us know who David was. According to the Bible this is a man who basically had it all. The Bible tells us that David was
• Handsome. Even Goliath said so and he despised David.
• Strong. When a lion turned on him he seized the lion by its hair and killed it. When a bear carried off one of the lambs from his flock, David chased the bear down, punched the bear and took the sheep back.
• We also know that he was a hero. When Goliath threatened Israel, for 40 days Goliath would come out every morning and every evening; just to intimidate the people and it was working! But you remember the story. David stepped up and with one rock he killed Goliath.
Handsome, strong, a hero…everyone loved him…and he was chosen to be King. What more could you want? But we also find another word that described him. Lonely. How could someone who seemingly had it all ever feel lonely? Listen to some of his words. Psalm 142: 1-4. In Psalm 22 he writes and says, “my God why have you forsaken me…why are you so far from me?” There is perhaps no feeling we face in life that is more difficult than when we are completely alone.
Maybe you have felt this emotion before, perhaps you feel it today. A recent Gallup poll said that 4 out of every 10 people in America admit to frequent feelings of intense loneliness. One ad in a local newspaper in Kansas read this way: Call me. I will listen to you talk for 30 minutes without making any comments for just 5.00. Sounds like a joke. But they were serious. Did anybody call? Get this. It wasn’t long before this individual was receiving 10-20 calls a day.
Loneliness is a common emotion that at one time or another, all of us experience. And there is a good reason why we feel this emotion. It’s not because we’re weak…it’s not because we have a character flaw. The reason is simple…..God created us for community. Genesis 1:26 Then God said “Le us make man in our image, in our likeness.” So who is “us” and “our?” We understand this to be the trinity. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. All3 were involved---all came together and created man. That’s how important we are to Him. His plan for us was so big and so important that it required the fullness of God to complete.
We see then that God created the world, the sun, moon, stars---animals and of course man and once He did He looked at all of it and said this is good. But then the Bible tells us that He noticed one thing that was not good. Again in Genesis the Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.
Every one of us has a built-in need for a deep satisfying relationship with another person. This can be in one of two relationships….(1) a marriage or (2) a friendship. The best situation would be to marry a friend.
I believe that one of the biggest mistakes we have made is in forgetting what God says in this verse…it is not good for man to be alone. God created us for community and too many people lives their lives trying to deny that fact. And the result is that we have a nation of strangers who are very unhappy and live in isolation. This is the conclusion of a major study done by Harvard University. The study interviewed almost 30,000 adults in over 40 different communities in the United States. Listen. The study indicated that the “degree to which we socialize with one another, trust one another and join with one another in community life predicts a city’s quality of life far better than levels of education or income.” So it is not about how smart we are or how wealthy we are that will give us quality of life; it is about how we interact with other people.
There are at least 4 things this study pointed to that have nearly destroyed our ability to have relationships resulting in loneliness. Here they are: (4) the rise of two earner families. Husbands and wives often work two different shifts. One works 7-3 and the other works 3-11. Then they sleep and start over. (3) Longer work hours. Most people I know work more than 8 hours a day. (2) Television. The average person watches 4-5 hours of television a day. (1) Computers and cell phones. Electronic devices we cannot seem to live without. And they become our only way of communication with other people. No wonder we are lonely.
Now here is some good news. Since God has made us with this deep need inside of us for community and friendship then he must have a plan for us to find it. So we are going to look now at some things we must look for in making true friends.
(1) Look for a common bond/affinity. A bond is like a magnet. There is something about that person whether you can explain it or not. 1st Samuel 18:1. This is two men who loved each other…as brothers. This word affinity means that you have something in common. You have met people like this. They are easy to be with. You just hit it off as soon as you meet. That’s affinity. This is an example of it from the OT. One of the finest friendships recorded in the Bible…between Jonathan and David. Before you can ever move to a level of deep friendship there must be something you share in common.
1 Samuel 23:16 says Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith. Write this down.
Friendship begins with two people who hold similar beliefs or values.
Why? Because if they don’t they will argue too much. This happens in too many marriages. People don’t get to know one another well enough and then they jump into marriage. So you start with affinity. Something in common. Does this mean you will never disagree and you will always see eye to eye. No but there must be large areas where you share the same beliefs. This is why the church is one of the best places to build friendships. As your pastor if anyone comes through that front door feeling alone let me assure you that is not the way we want you to leave here. In Psalm 68 it says God is a Father to the fatherless…He is a defender of widows and He sets the lonely in families. And that is what I want everyone to sense when they come through these doors. This is a family.
(2) Look for Complete Acceptance. Proverbs 17:17. “A true friend is always loyal and a brother is born to help in time of need.” Now I know this is a lot to ask for but isn’t that what we all want in a friend? True friends stay with you…no matter what. All of us have had friends who when things became difficult—we look around and they’re gone. Those are what I call conditional friends. As long as the conditions are right they stick with you. But what I want from someone is unconditional friendship.
I took a few minutes this week and I looked at a 20 year span of my adult life….I have lived in 7 different cities…6 different states. During those years I could write down the names of 5-6 people who I considered to be a really close friend. I am blessed with a lot of friends but I am talking now about really close friends. Then I thought what, if anything did all of these people share in common? Well, all 6 knew the Lord. Of the 6 they were all very kind and considerate. Without exception all of them accepted me as I was but hey also challenged me to be better. That’s important because I’m not just looking for someone to hang out with. Write it down.
Friendship continues when two people practice unconditional love and acceptance.
(3) Look for Consistency. Look for people who are Real/Genuine. Those who are constantly concerned about making a good impression, keeping up appearances….don’t really make good friends! All of us need someone with whom we can be honest and completely transparent. It’s very important that there is not a spirit of competition between the two of you. Because when two people compete they can’t encourage the other one to get better. To grow. Because when people compete they are too busy knocking each other down instead of building them up.
Friendship grows when two people challenge one another to be better.
A real friend will accept you as you are but they will encourage you to be better. Solomon said “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” He said, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work.”
Stu Weber tells the story of a time when he was in the military at Ft Benning. An old, rough sergeant shouted at hem constantly and kept saying the same thing over and over…You are never to go into battle alone!” You are never to into battle alone! It was time for their first assignment. They had been working out and getting in shape for long hours… so they felt like they were prepared for whatever he could throw at them. Most of them figured they were about to have to run ten miles in full battle gear or perhaps rappel down from a cliff….something really difficult. So his first order caught them all off guard. He simply said I want you to all find a buddy. He said this is step one. You need to find a good buddy and stick together. You will never leave each other. You will encourage each other every day, you will live with one another, help one another, you will get to know one another and if necessary you will even carry one another but there is one thing you will never do…you will NEVER, EVER be alone. Then he looked at all of them and said, “t’s impossible to face life’s most difficult assignments without a friend. Together is always better…two is always better than one.” He was right.
Jesus said it this way…..”Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know His master’s business. Instead I have called you friends for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Today I invite you to make Jesus your best friend.
